Literate Union
Sometimes our posts just like to pull a Houdini.
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Aeikon Devleon

Why didn't anyone know Helen Keller fell off the cliff? She was wearing mittens.

2/25/2011 #61

One atom says to the other atom, "Holy crap, I just lost an electron!"

And the other one says, "Are you sure?!"

"Yes, I'm postive!"

2/25/2011 #62
Aeikon Devleon

Two gingerbread men are in a oven.

One says to the other, "Man, it's hot in here."

The other then says, "Holy shit, a talking gingerbread man!"

2/25/2011 #63

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was DEAD.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was stapled to the first monkey...

But why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?

Peer pressure.

2/25/2011 #64

I wish to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not panicking, like his passengers.

2/25/2011 #65

Did you hear about the guy who got the entire left half of his body cut off?

Yeah, but he's all right now.

2/25/2011 #66

Two fish are in a tank. One fish says to the other fish, "Do you know how to drive this thing...?"

2/25/2011 #67

How come a nose can never be twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

2/25/2011 #68

Did you know that Micheal Jordan can jump higher than your house? Yeah, my house can't jump at all...

2/25/2011 . Edited 2/25/2011 #69
Aeikon Devleon

What did the carpet say to the floor? "It's alright, I've got you covered."

2/25/2011 #70

Today I changed a lightbulb, then I crossed the road and walked into a bar and then I realized that my entire life was a joke.

2/25/2011 #71
Aeikon Devleon

What did the picture say? "I've been framed!"

2/25/2011 #72

A rubber band pistol was confiscated in Algebra class. It was a weapon of math disruption.

2/25/2011 #73
Aeikon Devleon

What did the Atlantic ocean say to the Pacific ocean? Nothing, just waved.

2/25/2011 #74

Why did Mary Poppins have to buy tissues in bulk? Because of the super-new-infectious-strain-of-chronic-runny-noses~

2/25/2011 #75

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger. And then it hit me...

2/25/2011 #76

How do you get two whales in a mini cooper? The same was you get to Whales in any car, you get on the M4 and you go across the bridge.

2/25/2011 #77

If quizzes make you quizzical, then what do tests make you?

Heh. XD

2/25/2011 #78

What did the envelope say to the stamp? Stick with me, man, we'll go places.

2/25/2011 #79

"Doctor, doctor, I swallowed my pen! What do I do?"

"Use a pencil...?"

2/25/2011 #80
Aeikon Devleon

Not only was the Titanic carrying passengers, it was also carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise for Mexico. Mexico was having a major shortage of mayonnaise and really needed this shipment.

When the ship sunk, the distressed Mexican community remembered the day as Cinco De Mayo.

2/25/2011 . Edited 2/25/2011 #81
Aeikon Devleon

One day the teacher asked Billy to talk about something that has change his life. So, Billy walked up and place a dot on the board. The following conversation occurred.

"Billy, what is that?"

"A period."

"...And how did that change your life?"

"Well, one day, my sister missed one; my mother passed out; and my neighbor hung himself."

2/25/2011 #82
Aeikon Devleon

If progress means move forward, then what does Congress mean?

2/25/2011 #83
Aeikon Devleon

Why does Micheal Jackson like twenty-six year-olds? Because, they are twenty six-year-olds.

2/25/2011 #84

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.

2/25/2011 #85

You hear the one about the broken pencil?

Nevermind, there's no point.

2/25/2011 #86

Time flies like an arrow, and fruit flies like a banana.

2/25/2011 #87

A duck walks into a bar wearing one shoe. The bartender says, "He lost a shoe!"

And the duck says, "No, I found one!" :D

2/25/2011 #88
Terribly Sharp

A man walks into a bar and says, "ow!"

2/27/2011 #89
Tallz Is De Langste Ster

One atom says to the other atom, "Holy crap, I just lost an electron!"

And the other one says, "Are you sure?!"

"Yes, I'm postive!"

... If the atom lost an electron, surely that would give it a negative charge - not positive. :P

This is one for all you feminists out there...

(Fe)male is male with iron added, for greater strength, ductility, and magnetism.

3/30/2011 . Edited 3/30/2011 #90
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