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dracohalo117

During a mission to a wasteland country to recover some unknown artifact, Team 7 found an ancient underground structure that looked to have been made out of some sort of organic residue and the bodies of all manner of animals. Just as they were about to leave, they were attacked by savage fanged monsters. As they fled the underground structure, they saw they were going to be overrun by the monsters...Kakashi made the decision to distract them...by throwing a kunai straight through Naruto's ankle. As Naruto fell to the ground in pain, Kakashi, Sakura, and Sasuke left him behind...the last thing they heard as Naruto was dragged away were his screams of agony.

Naruto for days on end was tied to a pedestal-like outcropping, the monsters taking their turns savagely clawing at his flesh, biting him viciously...until suddenly, the monsters fled, and a shadowy figure came from above, their form vaguely humanoid, but all of their limbs much longer and thinner, and displaying wing-like qualities about their arms. His eyes glazing over in awe at this...angel of mercy. The entity hovered above him, its form blocking his view of everything else as it raised a single arm above his head, and with a single small slice, black droplets fall into his mouth.

In mere moments, his body was overtaken by a sense of power he had never once felt before in his life, his body felt stronger, his senses sharper, everything became so much clearer for him. He slowly opened his eyes as they shifted from cerulean blue...to a magnificent luminescent yellow, his top canines lengthened and grew sharp...

Naruto Uzumaki had been reborn...as the first...Human Vampire...

Descriptors: Okay, now to those of you who have seen the movie Priest, you will understand what I am talking about with this, but to those who don't, I am placing this brief description here on the vampires from the movie. If you don't like spoilers do not read the next part.

The vampires are set up into three castes...at least that I have seen. Drones, Hive Guardians, and the Queen. All the TRUE vampires are eyeless and look more animal-like rather than humanoid. The vampires in a sort of Hive structure, with their hives being made out of a material they themselves secrete, and out of the bodies of animals both human and non-human alike, the hives are immense in size. The vampires have the ability to create familiars, humans who have been tainted by a vampiric virus which basically enslaves them to the vampires, as far as I can tell, all vampires are capable of this. They create familiars by biting their victim. The easiest way to tell a familiar is by their eyes, their iris has become light blue cyan in color, and their sclera (the white part of the eye) has become black. Their skin has also become far paler. However, the queen possesses an ability no other vampire has...to create new vampire breeds. By simply having an entity drink her blood, she can turn any entity into a new species of vampire. Apparently, the new vampire breeds are not affected by the vampires weakness to sunlight.

Must happen in the story...

1. Naruto must become the defacto leader of the vampires when the queen is not commanding them.

2. Naruto must now become cruel, sadistic, and dark...watch Priest and look at the Human Vampires personality to get what I mean.

3. NO TWILIGHT CRAP...no powers from Twilight, Naruto's vampiric powers are as follows...immense physical strength far exceeding any human, greater senses and reflexes than any human, ability to turn humans and other things into his familiars who obey his every command, and the ability of some level of hypnosis through staring into peoples eyes...

4. Pairings...no Yaoi for Naruto, NONE, you can make SasuKakashi pairings, LeeGaara pairings, or even AsumaHiruzen pairings, but no Naruto being paired or even having remote romantic feelings for any male whatsoever...oh, also, no showing any lemons between two guys AT ALL!!! Naruto is allowed to be paired with multiple females, though through my own personal reccommendation don't pair him with any more than five or six girls...oh, also, every girl he is paired with must become a familiar, no more human vampires...well, unless he has kids, those are OBVIOUSLY going to become human vampires.

5. No Ninjutsu or Genjutsu used by Naruto, nothing but his own inherited vampiric abilities

6. Explain the following...1. Wht has happened to Minato and Kushina (yes I know, in Canon both of them are dead, but to those of you who know me and my forum challenges well enough, you will understand I HATE CANON!!!)...2. Explain why Kyuubi did not help Naruto while he was being savagely attacked by the vampires...and preferably something that is not corny such as 'The vampires are Kyuubi's creations and he refuses to help destroy them' or some shit like that...

other than the above...feel free to make suggestions

9/4/2011 #1
Aryk von Straln

Intriguing I suppose...wish I'd payed more attention to the movie when my buddies watched it last week. Still I'll keep this challenge in mind along with a couple of your other ones (I have a document where I copy and save any interesting challenges that catch my eye) when I decide to branch out from the one I'm taking right now.

I know you like to leave a lot of the story structure to the writer but what is your idea of how Team 7 would handle just leaving him behind to die like that? I mean obviously Kakashi doesn't bother with his whole spiel about "those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash" or he's just an enormous hypocrite but what about Sakura and Sasuke, or any of the other Rookies/Jounin? I personally can't stand character bashing anymore, it's too widespread and poorly abused most times so would they try to rationalize it? Be horrified at what Kakashi did? Congratulate him for his quick thinking?

Moving on a bit...just for quick clarification Naruto would essentially be taking the role that Karl Urban (the one with the sweet hat) had in the movie correct? I don't know why (again, wish I had watched more than the first 10 minutes of it) he was chosen but in Naruto's case it might actually be a simple thing. You mentioned reasons for Kyubi not helping Naruto...well you say that vampires create their 'familiars' by biting victims and you also have it written out "...savagely clawing at his flesh, biting him viciously..." well people like to exaggerate his healing ability some (sure he heals slightly faster in the anime/manga but most of what we see in fan fiction is Wolverine style regeneration) so it's time and effort could be spent healing his wounds and burning out the 'virus' that would have turned him into a thrall. This tenacity and power I would say catches this Queen vampire's (is it just me or does it sound like they have a Xenomorph hive setup here?) "eye" so to speak and creates a new breed from this obviously superior human.

#5 mentions no Ninjutsu or Genjutsu, just his new vampire abilities so does that mean his "ascension" takes away his chakra or the ability to use it? What does that mean for the Kyubi? Would it be able to still heal him and give him power boosts? If he can still use chakra can he use other shinobi tricks (tree/water walking) or more esoteric (my obscure word for the day) arts like fuinjutsu. I mean the vampire abilities are cool and useful but rather limited when thrown against someone like Jiraiya for instance.

One last thing, why should Naruto be the only Human Vampire? There are others that could be useful without being thralls/familiars (though I'm speaking under the assumption that there is some kind of downside, lack of creativity or motivation in the human familiars...again lacking a solid knowledge of the movie) and why not allow at least one of the pairings the chance to become a vampire? Female familiars/thralls are all well and good but I don't think Naruto, dark or not, would be satisfied by that arrangement on a permanent basis, where's the challenge for him for him so to speak?

9/6/2011 #2
dracohalo117

cool

well, that is up to the author, in my own opinion, I like seeing Team 7 suffer and squirm, but as long as Naruto never forgives them for leaving him behind...what the author does though...hmmm...they can be horrified all they want, but Naruto must still NEVER forgive them.

Yes, he would basically be taking that role. And when I meant bite, I meant that a vampire bites with the intention of making them their familiar. and I like what you came up with...no, it isn't you, but then again a lot of Hive species have a queen.

I would think it just makes him incapable of utilizing chakra in that manner, I am sure he can still use chakra, but Ninjutsu and Genjutsu is out of his reach, tree walking and water walking are fine, as well as genjutsu dispelling. And as for Jiraiya...dude, a normal vampire is a match for a seasoned Chunin, and a human vampire is likely an equal to Orochimaru, but Naruto is a whole other case entirely, he will likely be even stronger than that.

Because the only way to create another human vampire is to have the human ingest the queens blood, and the queen has to choose those whom she deems worthy...as for a female vampire...well...I suppose I could alter the challenge so he has the opportunity to turn worthy human females into vampires...but then again, I am sure the queen wants to ensure that the vampires remain the dominant race and that they are not superceded by an upstart branch of their species...just saying...

9/6/2011 #3
Aryk von Straln

Yeah Naruto forgiving them is the furthest thing from my mind when I considered their initial reactions and later ones when he comes back. Might be interesting to make his former teammates (minus Kakashi) the "heroes" so to speak, they knew him best before and decide to keep a closer eye on him when he returns so different and begin to get suspicious of his actions and wary of others that begin acting differently after they spend time with him (his familiars). Hehe I'm almost rubbing my hands together deviously just thinking about it.

Thanks for clarifying about the method of making familiars, I could still work that into the idea. Surprised by his resiliency they try to turn him into a familiar and when that fails the Queen steps in. I'm sorry to be fishing for details about the movie from you, but just how intelligent are the vampires exactly? Can/Do they speak aloud or communicate through some form of telepathy via a hive mind? The Queen is obviously intelligent but again, how much so?

Glad to know he wouldn't likely lose access to his chakra entirely, makes it easier for him to fit in for my idea but you didn't answer my question about fuinjutsu (sealing). As near as I can tell all that requires is some skill, practice and an application of chakra to get results and I've got something of a fixation on creative uses for it (it will feature prominently in many of my future stories in some form or another) and I'd like to know before hand whether Naruto can use it himself or will have to find a skilled practitioner to do it for him.

On the subject of further human vampires...well I hadn't actually intended for a large number of people to be turned, maybe a handful at most but probably not more than two, Naruto's primary paring and a worthy subordinate (neither of which I've decided on yet) That bit about the vampires remaining the dominant race though...if Naruto has 'defacto control' of the rest of the vampires if the Queen doesn't expressly forbid it or order otherwise how would he, and any others made, be considered an 'upstart branch'? Granted Naruto is going to be a cut above 'regular' human vampires but even they have tremendous advantages over the standard vampires by your own admission (not affected by sunlight, stronger) or at least the drones I guess, I don't know about these Hive Guardians you mentioned.

Aaaah...sometimes I hate my overactive imagination. I may have to start writing this sooner than I expected, I've already got the bare bones of the plot thought out lol. I just need a good title...

9/6/2011 #4
dracohalo117

Cool...though...wait, return??? You mean him going back to Konoha???

Uhm...sorry I guess I did not clarify the familiar thing enough...I mean the bite that turns them into a familiar must INTENTIONALLY make them a familiar, just randomly biting them will not turn them...though if you want to incorporate that into the story then by all means. As for the vampires...uhm...only the human vampires and the familiars have a coherent human language, the regular vampires speak through roars, hisses, and clicks, though there is a pattern through it...as for the queen, I don't know honestly, the queen never had any dialogue, just a visual presence...though I assume if she can control the vampire race, she must be very intelligent, as for the vampire intelligence, probably around average human intelligence.

Uhm...hmmm...well, Naruto's fuinjutsu considering he uses it would definitely be different from regular human fuinjutsu...

Okay good...hmmm, the familiars are all subordinates, so I do not know why the queen would bother to turn somebody into a human vampire if they are a worthy suborindate. He has defacto control because he is the most powerful besides the queen, and the queen probably would not want a branch of vampires she created to ever gain the idea of overthrowing her...since a human vampire is clearly superior to the normal ones...of course the queens ability has not been seen so I cannot say for certain. The Hive Guardians are just bigass lumbering drones, their speed is less, and their strength is at least three times greater...put it like this, the drones are the faster, the hive guardians are the stronger...

Never curse an overactive imagination...hmmm...as for a title...I will see what I can come up with...

9/6/2011 #5
Aryk von Straln

Yes, return to Konoha. It sounds like the vampires aren't nearly as widespread as they were in either the movie or graphic novel (I've been doing a little research) and I suppose the presence of chakra wielding humans (samurai, ninja, ect.) would even the field some so Naruto's out to change the game so to speak, and where better to start spreading the influence than in the place and with people who knew him and might still trust him (foolishly so in this case)

Oh and I did get the explanation about the familiars the second time, unless it's only the HUMAN vampires that can create familiars, I just meant that after he survives being savaged for however long they try to turn HIM into a familiar and fail (due to the Kyubi burning out the virus) and thus instead turn him. Okay, since they're obviously intelligent even if they can't actually speak and the queen controls them...gives me a little wriggle-room to work with.

Sweet, so fuinjutsu is still open...now to find a creative way of using it...

When I spoke of a "useful subordinate" I was thinking more along the lines of someone else who could make familiars out of people that Naruto might not be able to get to either by himself or with the regular vampires. As for overthrowing the queen...yeah I can see that concern if the human vampires got out of hand, but I don't see that problem stemming from Naruto. Even Dark!Naruto's tend to hold a strong sense of loyalty to those who 'save' them from their previous existence...so any upstart human vampires would have to go through Naruto to get to the Queen...may Damon laugh at their folly.

Oh, something that occurred to me just now...if he has children by his familiars wouldn't they technically be a sub-species, half-human and all that jazz? Would be an interesting idea...have some of the strengths of their vampire parent but look human enough to pass scrutiny (lacking the golden eyes or pronounced fangs as a dead giveaway) That isn't likely to play a part in the story whenever I get around to writing it but it's something to think about...maybe a plot point...hmmm

As for the title...well I came up with one a little while ago: The Black Blood Flows...maybe not my most creative idea in a while but it works for me though don't keep suggestions to yourself, it might be better or it might just inspire me to come up with something better.

9/6/2011 #6
dracohalo117

Ah, so he is infiltrating just so he can spread his plague...I like it...hmmm...any ideas for what shall happen to Team 7???

No, both common and human vampires can create familiars...as far as I can tell there isn't a difference between the familiars however. Okay then, glad you understand...

Hmmm...perhaps you can have it that he uses his own blood for the fuinjutsu, making them far more potent than they originally were???

Ah, I see...still, the only way to create new breeds of vampires is if the queen has them ingest her blood, just so you know...hmmm...however, perhaps a nice little cocktail, a mixture of the queens blood and Naruto's blood, so that the resulting subordinate vampire displays undying loyalty to both the queen and Naruto...of course then again there is the possibility that the resulting creature will be even more powerful than Naruto, so that could be out...and yes, I see your point, so perhaps a human sect of the vampires would not be as much of a threat to the queen as I initially thought.

Well...I think the familiars genetically change actually...in the movie, one of the warriors said that once something becomes a familiar they are nobodies blood, meaning that the whole 'blood is thicker than water' statement, no longer applies. So they technically are no longer human...

Hmmm, not a bad title, and it fits, since from what I could tell, vampire blood is black in color.

9/6/2011 #7
Aryk von Straln

Team 7? Well I'm fairly sold on the idea of Sasuke and Sakura being heavily sympathetic towards him at first, this isn't quite canon for a few key reasons that I'll get into in a little bit, before they catch onto his plans and become his primary adversaries or the 'heroes' of the story so to speak. As for Kakashi...well his fate will likely be the same as the one he attempted to leave Naruto to, just without the benefits.

As for that 'key reason' I mentioned above, I wondered: "Who would be the most pissed at Kakashi for crippling Naruto and leaving him to die?" After going through the usual suspects like Iruka, Hinata or Tsunade, I settled upon one person who would not only be royally pissed but serve to give me a non-canon Naruto (I whole-heartedly agree with you, canon should die in the same fiery black pillar of death that Naruto and Sasuke are likely to end in) and unless I'm much mistaken you might like it: his mother Kushina. I figure this way I have a more skilled and likable Naruto to work with and it opens up so many possible deviations from canon I can exploit. I won't go into more detail here, it'd ruin the suspense lol.

Back to the topic of familiars...yeah I think my real hang-up concerning them was that I was thinking of them in terms of simply mind-controlled individuals instead of virus altered humans. Anyways, the point about any children conceived between Naruto and a familiar, they still wouldn't be complete vampires I'd think, probably more like a sub-species or variation like the differences between regular drones and the Hive Guardians except slightly weaker in return for having other abilities (like actually being able to use jutsu) and being able to blend in with humans without needing to disguise obvious vampiric traits. This point is actually rather moot since I don't think enough time will pass for any children to play an important role unless I go for some massive time skips. Another thing occurs to me, will the alterations made to familiars prevent them from using jutsu as well? I'd think they'd need those abilities to hide the physical changes at the very least and possibly to fool anyone running tests on them. If not then it looks like I've found a perfect application for Naruto's blood based fuinjutsu (that is an awesome idea by the way, the 'tainted' aspect his blood and chakra making it harder, or nearly impossible, to remove or destroy his seals)

You bring up an interesting point with the 'blood cocktail' method of creating new vampires. What was it about Naruto though that made him so much more powerful than a regular human vampire would be? I was under the impression that it was likely due to the Kyubi's influence but does that influence spread to his genetics as well? If such a method would empower any other human vampires then if they turned an exceptional human they might turn out more powerful than Naruto...then your fear of a threat to the vampire Queen might actually be reasonable one...hmmm...possible plot device? Kukukukuku...ahem! Filing that thought away for further consideration.

As for the title...well it's the best I could come up with on short notice and references to blood in a story revolving around any kind of vampire is always in good taste. It's like moon references in a werewolf story lol. It fits the premise of the story if you think about it, as you said they appear to have black blood and one cut, a small flow of blood and Naruto is reborn as something much greater. It's all about...symbology lol.

9/6/2011 . Edited 9/7/2011 #8
dracohalo117

Okay then...so Sasuke and Sakura will be sympathetic towards him at first then become his primary adversaries, granted their power will never even come close to the power Naruto now holds within his grasp. And Kakashi...so you plan to have Naruto leave him to be feasted upon by his vampiric horde???

OOh, I like it VERY much...and yes...BURN CANON BURN!!!!!! And if you do include Kushina...please...PLEASE don't use the damn 'she used to be a Jinchuriki' thing...how does that even make sense?! DAMN IT!!!

Hmmm, as far as I know, I don't think familiars lose the ability to utilize chakra in ninjutsu and genjutsu, though from what I can tell, most familiars lose a small part of their intelligence, and since the process that creates familiars removes all blood relation to the family, it is also possible that bloodlines also become useless, though, I have only ever seen familiars created by common vampires, I am not sure about human vampires though, human vampire created familiars might retain more of their intelligence...hmmm...

Hmmm, I think it was a mixture of being born from two incredibly powerful shinobi and having the kyuubi sealed within him, which likely caused his body to also become stronger than before. Hmm, it might spread to his genetics.

I see what you mean...

9/7/2011 #9
Aryk von Straln

Yeah that's true but they're just the beginning, resistance has to come from somewhere doesn't it? As for Kakashi, hell yes except excruciatingly slower since he doesn't have any from of regeneration and wouldn't last as long as Naruto did otherwise. As for your pleas concerning Kushina...sure I don't see why I can't do that. It wouldn't matter if she was a jinchuriki or not in this story so it's another piece of canon I can easily toss out.

Just so you know that bit about the familiar creation process "...removes all blood relation to the family..." might draw those people with an Uzumakicest fetish...well if they use my ideas as a guideline lol. Anyways, onto more serious business concerning bloodlines, I'm rather leery about that whole concept actually. The point of familiars, at least in this case, is to have spies in a sense and a spy who can't fit in isn't a very good one. Furthermore if it becomes that obvious people are going to get suspicious of Naruto far to quickly (I mean, he comes back changed after being declared KIA for however long and then suddenly people are being altered to the point that their bloodlines are burned out? They might think he's carrying something contagious at the very least) Besides, the process from what little I can gather simply 'rewires' them to be loyal to vampires (will they obey any vampire or just the one that made them?) it shouldn't rewrite their genetic structure so drastically to remove something as deeply entrenched as a bloodline. Only way I can see that happening is if they became vampires like Naruto. I'll hash out the issue of familiar intelligence later, it's not a big thing one way or the other.

9/7/2011 #10
dracohalo117

Cool...oh I am SO going to enjoy this...okay, cool thing with Kushina.

Well, the regular vampires familiar process removes all blod relation to the family it seems, but perhaps Naruto's familiar creation process is different, thus allowing them to still utilize their bloodlines and other special abilities. And they just obey the vampires that made them, though they show a level of reverence for vampires as a whole.

9/7/2011 #11
Aryk von Straln

I certainly hope you do, I've already got close to a thousand words typed up for the prologue and I'm going strong still. I make no promises on a posting date however, I was already splitting my attention between my posted fic and a second one so it may take a little time and I've still got to watch the movie before I post a second chapter (shouldn't be a big deal, either bug my friend into renting it again or find one that'll pirate for me lol)

I've decided that for my purposes bloodlines shall remain unaffected by familiar status, whether or not it's because Naruto's familiars are just different or that it just doesn't alter them that much I'll decide later since it's still too early for them to play a major role.

Anyways, back to work! Hope to have a chapter posted soon.

9/7/2011 #12
dracohalo117

Good, goood...(grins evilly)...and hey, I can wait man...

Okay, cool..

let me know when it is up

9/7/2011 #13
PennDragon Inc

I like this challenge, it gives me a fuzzy and warm felling it the cold dark place you would call a heart.

Well...I think the familiars genetically change actually...in the movie, one of the warriors said that once something becomes a familiar they are nobodies blood, meaning that the whole 'blood is thicker than water' statement, no longer applies. So they technically are no longer human...

Why would they technically no longer be human ?? ... what if it is meant in a symbolic way. Once something becomes a familiar they are nobodies blood, meaning that relations, and alliances are now null and void. The Familiars old alliances to family, friends, clan, village and loved ones are gone and their primary and only alliance is to their new master(s).

Though from what I can tell, most familiars lose a small part of their intelligence, I was wondering who or how you could tell that. The only one we ever saw got turned into a familiar was that charlatan who were selling crap in the village. The others we have no comparisons to, they could all have been idiots and had the IQ of 'a glass of water', and would be called rocked scientists after becoming a familiar. But there is no way of knowing.

9/8/2011 #14
Aryk von Straln

You make a very good point, it could be purely symbolic and to tell the truth I like the way you think though the argument about them still being completely human or not is still up in the air in my mind. It's obvious that the process changes them in some way that's never (to my knowledge as of yet) fully explained so who's to say?

As for the intelligence issue, I'm beginning to think that it's less a matter of increases or decreases and simply a matter of free will. It's a common theme in almost anything where someone is forced to serve another through a means of mind control or brainwashing or what-have-you that they lose a measure of their creative thinking ability and thus a portion of whatever skill they may have possessed in the past. They'll follow orders pretty much to the letter but they'll go for the simplest and most obvious paths that may seem stupid to others rather than be clever and careful about things unless specifically ordered to do so.

9/8/2011 #15
dracohalo117

Cool...

True...though, perhaps Naruto's familiars are not as heavily affected in their creative thinking process, and it simply makes them more obedient rather than less creative like what happens to the familiars of common vampires.

9/8/2011 #16
PennDragon Inc

All good points ...

Another thing to take into account, that the 'Vampire' augments the Familiars intelligence. Therefor the Familiars of the vampires, (which are drones and with a limited intelligence themselves) would give a negative augmentation, whereas 'Vampire Naruto' would give a positive augmentation (ofcuse depending on how intelligent you make Naruto).

#5mentions no Ninjutsu or Genjutsu, just his new vampire abilities so does that mean his "ascension" takes away his chakra or the ability to use it?... why would it do that? Personally i say. Let him keep the ability to use Ninjutsu or Genjutsu (Naruto sucks at Genjutsu, anyway). He has ascented, and those abilities belong to lesser beings, and therefor hardly worthy for a being of his grandur. that allowed him to use the kawarimi, shushin, and Narutos signature jutsu Kage bushin. (allowes him to quicker aclimate to his new status.)

Since the 'Vampires' are drones and with a limited intelligence, the whole chakra concept would not work for them (Chakra = Body + Mind energies). Making them like Rock Lee, able to use only body energy to enhance them physical, their speed, their reflexes and their senses. The queen would probably be able to use Chakra, or not.

This could help with the plot too. Put them on an island a week or two sailing from all known points. That place never heard of chakra. The priests and Vampire only know or use Body energies to augment themselves. So no three or water walking for them. and therefore the vampire plague have been isolated and why Team 7 or the elemental nations have never had problems before with vampires.

The body energies they use might be negative charge whereas the body energies in chakra is positive charged. That means that the Kyuubi's chackra cloak would be disrupted by the vampires, by negating the positive body energy in the chakra leaving only the mental / minf energies. And the chakra cloak fails. Since the vampires are a natural evolotion, Jubii or the bijues might have wiped them out in the Elemental nations and the vampires only refuge is on this 'Desert/isolated island'. So in theori, a horde of vampires could negate a bijues chackra and permanently kill it. Unless it is protected by a human body. And also another reason why Kyuubi did not help Naruto. ... (Just a thought)

9/8/2011 . Edited 9/8/2011 #17
Aryk von Straln

THAT...actually that makes even more sense then what I was thinking originally. It would be fitting, a vampire drone's familiar essentially reduced to a drone themselves. As for my Naruto...well he's going to be a bit smarter than normal with a proper home life and parental figure to guide him, he's always had the potential to be brilliant (both in mind and skill wise) he just never strove for it (early on) or was held back in some way (speculation perhaps but plausible)

I'm actually going to stick with him not being able to use nin/genjutsu, when I first envisioned it I used the example of Rock Lee that you used in the third paragraph, the change altered his chakra network so much, by either rearranging the pathways or reducing the number of tenketsu, that he can't mold the chakra necessary for jutsu anymore but optimizing his ability to use it to enhance his physical attributes. This might even leave an opening if you want to be creative for pure elemental chakra manipulation (add some fire to that punch or a shocking bite attack) since those don't necessarily require you to mold chakra into complex forms, just channel and release it.

Priests won't actually be featuring in my story, as I mentioned in a previous post the presence of chakra using humans would have been more than enough to match the vampires in my mind (the Priests were enough to turn the tide and they couldn't use the elements to fight, just their own physical prowess) and add in the destructive might of the biju...let's just say that vampires were never really given the chance to spread and were forced into hiding to survive. With the biju now largely locked away in humans and methods of keeping them sealed that way common and the introduction of Naruto and human vampires in general...well the game has changed (cue creepy music and evil grin)

I certainly do like the idea you had at the end about them being able to disrupt the energies of the biju but wouldn't that extend to more than just the chakra cloak? Wouldn't they be able to disrupt any healing factor that Naruto may have? Cause without that he wouldn't survive very long in the situation draco paints for him. You should give this challenge a try as well, your ideas are solid and fairly well thought out with very little 'polishing' needed to create a great story.

9/8/2011 #18
PennDragon Inc

Thank you ... I am actually thinking about writing it.

Unfortunately ... my plot-bunny would probably scrap half the challenge.

(I have tried to write one of Draco's challenges got around 10.000 words written. But i suck at writing, i know what i want, but i just can't get it down on paper the way i want it)

About the healing factor. no It would not be disrupted ... Naruto cloaks himself in Kyuubi's chakra (Chakra Cloak) is an externally aplication of chakra. While the healing happens because the Kyuubi's chakra is used internally.

And about the Priests. I was trying to point out that you could explain the way the Vampires and the Priests powers / abilities worked like Lee's with only an aplication of body energy

9/8/2011 #19
Aryk von Straln

I'm not sure but I doubt draco would mind terribly as long as you stuck to the some of the necessities that drive the story (dark and cruel Naruto, vampiric traits and powers and, the most important of them all, no yaoi of course) I honestly don't think that letting Naruto use jutsu would make that big of a difference. If you had anything else that you think might 'scrap' the challenge you should ask at least, some variation is always welcome.

In regards to your skill at writing...well I guess I could spout the cliche of practice makes perfect but it is the truth. This will mark my sixth story I'll have published over all and fifth here. My first three (two here and the other on fictionpress) were, to put it bluntly, pure shit. Solid ideas but very poor execution. My fourth story was much better written but didn't get any attention and was removed like the others. My fifth is a recent creation and is my best yet (Fate and Fantasy, a Final Fantasy/Naruto crossover challenge I undertook earlier in the year) and I hope that this one will continue my improvement.

Perhaps you should find a beta reader? I know draco has himself listed as one and I've done some pseudo-beta reading for a friend of mine that posted a story a while back (he only wanted me to correct grammatical errors and leave the rest alone) but never really got around to offering my services to others. There are some good people out there that I'm sure would be willing to give you a hand.

Oh and sorry about taking you so literally about the Priests...I've seen so many crossover stories that try to shove everything they can about two fandoms together that it stops making sense and starts becoming more of a joke than anything else that I jumped to some conclusions. As for my concerns about his healing factor being disrupted...yeah that sounds plausible though here is a thought: might chakra enhanced bites disrupt it? Injecting their chakra into the wound or just leaving behind chakra infused saliva or something might cause problems.

9/8/2011 #20
PennDragon Inc

As we have seen Kyuubi healed Naruto after he got a chidori through the chest. I would not even call that healing, more Regeneration. But it can heal incredible amount of damage.

Might chakra enhanced bites disrupt it? Injecting their chakra into the wound or just leaving behind chakra infused saliva or something might cause problems? ... i would not say disrupt as much as slow it down. What they Inject, wether chakra or chakra infused saliva, needs to be negated by Kyuubi's chakra. Kyuubi needs to use twise the amount as the vampires because it consiste of both body and mind/mental energies. Everything over that would go to healing Naruto. So the more vampire bites would require more chakra to heal. (Which ties into what you already wrote.) You mentioned reasons for Kyubi not helping Naruto...well you say that vampires create their 'familiars' by biting victims and you also have it written out "...savagely clawing at his flesh, biting him viciously..." well people like to exaggerate his healing ability some (sure he heals slightly faster in the anime/manga but most of what we see in fan fiction is Wolverine style regeneration) so it's time and effort could be spent healing his wounds and burning out the 'virus' that would have turned him into a thrall. This tenacity and power I would say catches this Queen vampire's (is it just me or does it sound like they have a Xenomorph hive setup here?) "eye" so to speak and creates a new breed from this obviously superior human. ... ( Sorry i know it is bad form to quote you to yourself )

Now my question to you would be ... since the body enery part of Chakra is being used to negate the vampires ... what happens to the mental energies? Does it make him a genius? Does it awaken dorment parts of his brain? Does it keep his mind fresh and sharp during his ordeal? (I believe in the movie Carl Urban says it took days (I might we wrong)) Does it help him to realise certain truths (A paradigm shift)

9/8/2011 #21
Aryk von Straln

Hmmm, a good point and don't worry about quoting my own words back at me, I was kinda contradicting myself somewhat or at least forgetting some of my earlier facts.

The mental energies...well that I would say is up to whoever is doing the writing. Keeping his mind "fresh and sharp" sounds tempting considering how much pain he's going to be in until he's finally turned, that might be enough to drive him towards a 'paradigm shift' as you put it. I already intend for a smarter Naruto than canon so an increase in intelligence, or at least a significant increase, isn't likely something I'd consider and being as this will be AU (at least mine is) there aren't very many truths that he would have to realize other than the fact that Kakashi betrayed him and left him to die and that nobody can or will save him which wouldn't really require any sudden bursts of insight.

When you mention unlocking dormant parts of his brain, what do you mean exactly? More to the point what exactly would it unlock?

9/8/2011 . Edited 9/8/2011 #22
PennDragon Inc

When you mention unlocking dormant parts of his brain, what do you mean exactly? More to the point what exactly would it unlock?

Hehehe ... now thats not a nice question. I wrote it because is sounded cool. But seriously, we only use around 10% of our brain. What is in the last 90% i have no idea. Maybe. Photographic memory, perfect recal, multi tasking (For men Only), mono tasking (for women Only =0p).

Ideas for what it could unlock:

The Shariganhas two abilities, copy jutsu, and analysing their opponents and predicting their movement (what if Naruto unlocked the part of the brain which could accumulate information, and make prediction, what would be the next move the opponent would make, (Qualified guess)). At the valley of the end, Naruto was kicking Uchiha-butt until Sasuke got the third tomoke, and could keep up with Naruto.

How do the Aburami speak with insects?

How do the Inuzuka speak with their (Nin-ken) Dogs?

I know that they are bloodlines. But what does the bloodline do. The Sharigan and the Byakugan is in the eyes. But what does the Aburami and Inuzuka bloodline do? activate certain parts of the brain? The options are unlimited.

9/8/2011 #23
Aryk von Straln

Hahaha! Yeah I suppose it does at that. I wasn't trying to be mean though, I thought you had something in mind when you wrote that is all. Even if you didn't see what happens? Brainstorming away!

You know I never realized just how many of the bloodlines in Konoha unlock or depend on rare mental abilities. The Aburame and the Inuzuka have strong empathic abilities to communicate and coordinate with their partners, the Hyuga have an expanded sense of awareness and ability to process information to accommodate the nearly 360 degree of vision of the Byakugan, the Uchiha get either photographic memory or perfect recall (for the hand seals) and the ability to see the flow of chakra so that they can copy jutsu from the Sharingan and eventually, as you said, the ability to predict an opponents moves which would require a sharp mind as well. I'm not so certain about the Yamanaka, I think they are just unique techniques and not an actual bloodline, but even their claim to fame is centered heavily around the mind.

As you said, the options are unlimited...and I think I've got a couple of ideas that would work without breaking too far from the guidelines.

9/8/2011 . Edited 9/8/2011 #24
dracohalo117

That makes sense as far as the drones and their familiars...

No, Naruto and other human vampires are capable of USING chakra, just not capable of forming into the complex shape manipulations that form jutsu, elemental and chakra manipulation are two different stories however, he could still tree and water walk, and use them in elemental strikes, but as far as things such as Rasengan and such...uhm...that is up for severe debate, control like that...unlikely, though perhaps Naruto could learn to create burst of chakra that disrupt ninjutsu or something...

Come to think of it...WHY have the vampires not been targeting anyone at all??? what are the reasons for there being no vampires in the history of the elemental nations,???

...unlikely...

9/8/2011 #25
dracohalo117

Cool, let me know if you actually write it...

...

wow, ten thousand words, damn.

9/8/2011 #26
dracohalo117

Yeah, I would not mind terribly, just stick to the necessities that drive this story, and it should not be a problem...unless you start to add rediculously too many crossovers, then it would start to lose its magic.

I can speak from experience, practice makes perfect...shitlook at my earlier stories like New God of War and Dojutsu...they suck so much ass it is not even funny...

Beta works good...hmmm...I guess I would not mind beta reading when I am available to do so...

Yeah, I hate it when people do that

9/8/2011 #27
dracohalo117

As for the Inuzuka and Aburame...I am pretty sure that the Aburame insects are specially bred in some manner, same with the ninken, who might have a specific language which the Inuzuka can understand...and several Inuzuka dogs have been seen talking.

9/8/2011 #28
Aryk von Straln

I'm going to adhere to the guidelines of no nin/genjutsu, it'll make things more interesting for me so no Rasengan either, sure it's simpler but as you said it requires control that Naruto might not have (not in my case). The elemental manipulation was just something that popped into my head out of nowhere when I thought of something that Naruto would have little or no knowledge of before his ascension and would add an interesting new aspect to the whole concept, after all Priests were regular humans, supremely trained and gifted but regular none-the-less.

And speaking of Priests, you wonder why vampires aren't a problem for the Elemental Nations? Considering that the introduction of Priests, as I said above supremely trained and gifted but relatively small (to my knowledge) fighting force, was enough to turn the tide in the genocidal war that humanity had been waging against vampires since the Middle Ages at the very least and force them into those 'preserves' or whatever they were...how well do you think they would have stood against an army of people that were trained with the same vigor and wielding techniques that would leave Priests gaping in awe? Samurai use chakra to an extent that they can cut down even seasoned ninja, ninja or whatever they may have been in the past are essentially Priests v.2.0 thanks to the destructive nature of ninjutsu and even monks could bring some serious firepower to bear if the situation called for it (see Asuma's monk friend and former member of the Twelve Guardian Ninja Chiriku) Add to that the destructive potential of the Jubi and later the nine biju (who actually could have been created to more effectively deal with the vampire threat) and there you go. With the threat of their entire race being wiped out and the biju still roaming free they would likely have done their best to disappear from the face of the Earth in a bid to survive. At the very least that's going to be my explanation for it. Vampires are going to be little more than legends and scary bedtime stories in the current Elemental Nations...though that shall soon change (cue evil grin and dramatic music)

Oh and about the Aburame and Inuzuka, yeah the kikaichu (destruction bugs) are specially bred but the Aburame also have the ability to communicate with regular bugs as well (I cite the pre-Shippuden filler episodes as 'proof', for I do not discount any source of information about a fandom unless it's fan made) The same thing does apply for the Inuzuka and their ninken (specially bred and all that) but Kuromaru however is the only ninken (other than Kakashi's summon Pakkun) that is shown to be able to speak. I guess my idea about some kind of empathic bond between the Inuzuka and their ninken though isn't likely considering Naruto tricked Kiba into attacking Akamaru during their preliminary match so your idea is more plausible.

9/8/2011 #29
dracohalo117

Yep...also, you could make it that he develops a way to send out bursts of chakra to disrupt ninjutsu...after all, ninjutsu probably has chakra circulating through it, disrupt the chakra, and boom, the ninjutsu or genjutsu, or even taijutsu style could be useless.

Yep...hmmm...and in a way, since they now shall have a much stronger food supply, draining the blood from the new humans willlikely make them even stronger than they were before...thus turning the tide to the vampires side even more than it did with Naruto in command of their forces.

okay...

9/8/2011 #30
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