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RARavary

I'm not sure i'll have this all in order but i'll start from what I just said, which was when my grandpa died. The fact it was such a unexpected thing came off to me as suspicious along with the kind of man my grandpa was so it wasn't until a week or so after that my mom confirmed that he committed suicide. After that things just seemed to continue on a a bumpy path to fuckville. I was still dating Jill when i got antsy to have sex, talked to her about it and she surprisingly said i could fuck another girl as long as i didn't have feelings for them. Got boned, ruined a friendship, started on the path of ruining a relationship, which ended later of christmas (best present yay!). Well, finished high school, started college everything went fine until the day i wake up for midterms to find out my brother is in jail. Turns out in a drunken stupor he and some friends were throwing "for rent" signs around. Brother threw one in a tree, waited for it to come down, was left behind by friends, got rocks thrown at him by the owners of the signs, before getting tackled. Main part of the story he told. Now the next part i never fully understood as my brothers a big guy standing around 6'6 and close to 200lbs. But i guess he could fight these guys out, got out his small knife he used for his packaging class and stabbed them. Next part of the story is he caught up to his friends with blood on him, cops were called, boys were taking to hospital, brother taken to jail. Just recently he managed a deal claiming guilty to a two year charge of assault in which may get jail time, may get community service idk. Continuing on, mom has been down about it, she's been having to scrounge money to pay for court and all that jazz but wont admit it. I just saw my dad for probably the last time i will for the next year or so. I've been a bit down about that, but it's for the best i guess. He has to keep living and for that he needs a job. Another thing that has made mad a bit is the fact i'm only know learning truths about my family. And the only person willing to tell me is my dad, usually when he's a bit drunk. Now my dad doesn't lie, he's a bit of an ass, but he's truthful. The fact i learned my grandma bitched at my aunt for calling the cops on my uncle when HE was BEATING HER AND my cousins. I was appalled. The lengths my mom went in divorce with my dad as far as to try and take the home he owned since he was my age AND convinced my aunt that my dad RAPED me and my siblings, i just didn't understand. She had constently accused him of cheating just because he had a large history with girls before, and, heres the clincher now, MY OWN MOTHER WAS HAVING AFFAIRS! I know FUCKING FANTASTIC NEWS!! Her boss at a Christian Book store, her boss that she and she alone would go one "business trips" with out of town. Now despite this, i'm the only one of us kids who knows these things, because my brother is stubborn as we all are and being the oldet naturally butts heads with my old man, but some of the things he did were retarded, all because he got everything he asked for from mom. My sister wont talk to dad since he can be a snarky asshole and she doesn't like his attitude (guess which sibling has the exact SAMW attitude?? it's not this kid, and it's the only one of us three without a penis!) So the only one who really even seems to care that dad will be gone is me. Doesn't help him since he's a rough alcoholic and has major depression. Also doesn't help mental disorders runs in are family like a fucking fire during august in the california grasslands. Wouldn't be surprised if i have some headcase. However the fact is, i have all these little things eating at me bit by bit by bit and i can't fucking take it! I can barely even look anyone in my family in the eye anymore because i know the things they have done yet they smile and wave at me thinking i have no clue and they illusion they have is holding up perfectly! Doesn't change the fact that half my family are drug addicts, 90% are alcoholics, 20% are crazy with some disorder, and i'm in the fucking middle of it. I have literally been fighting the urge to just pick up smoking or drinking as a stress reliever, or to just beat the living shit out of someone. I jsut want SOMETHING that isn't my FAMILY!

9/9/2011 #181
Brave Soul RMS

Okay, well... To start: Holy shit. That's really all I can say on the subject. Holy fucking shit. Ricki, you need to get away from your family...

9/9/2011 #182
RARavary

I need to get out of this state Rayan. Most of my family lives her but the fact is no matter where i go there will be alcohol there will be drugs and there will be violence and crazies. I jsut need to get away from everything for like... a year or some shit. Just leave civilization. Just be left alone...

9/9/2011 #183
Brave Soul RMS

Not that I'm doubting your ability to survive but leaving all of civilization isn't the smartest move, man. There's gonna be booze, drugs, and violence everywhere, yeah, but some places are more tame than others. The fact remains, though, that you need to get the fuck out of Michigan and away from your family have time to yourself to just think and get shit straight.

I'm not saying I've gone through the exact same situation where there was a person or group of people bringing me down because I haven't. But I've gone through similar situations. Most recently, Ashley and Tima and I can tell you I'm a hell of a lot calmer and clear-headed now that they're out of my life. You need that, man. Maybe one summer, just leave Michigan and go somewhere warm like you talked about or, hell, come out to my town and crash at my place.

9/9/2011 #184
RARavary

with quidditch if we raise enough money for world cup it's in new york, i'd hitch a ride to long island for a trip. but i do want to go to texas with you and fred, whether we hang with lorena is up to here. i just don't want my family... at all at this point. i only talk to my dad ever and guess who's gone for a year up to fucking alberta!?

9/9/2011 #185
Brave Soul RMS

Fuck yeah, with Quidditch. A friend of mine is in a league at her college so that won't be a problem. But for now, ignore your family as much as possible and get school out of the way. Then when summer comes, get the hell out of dodge.

9/9/2011 #186
RARavary

i have been trying to an extreme rayan, but sometimes life don't work how you want it. right now i just want no family and something normal... for the moment that's sleep, which i'm gonna do. I'll catch you later dude...

9/9/2011 #187
Mysteryless

I HATE it when my sister yells.

I'm either gonna go half deaf from her voice or the loud music I have on to drown her out. DX

9/12/2011 #188
Shadow Minamino

Tonight, there was a car accident. The people involved: Myself, my mother, my best friend Jimi, and his girlfriend Tessa. It was right after work, my mother is a parkinson's patient. She wasn't feeling well, so she let Jimi drive. Keep in mind he doesn't have a license, while me, her own son, has had one for two years and can drive just fine. A bit of resentment there. But yeah, Jimi drives just fine, until the turn to our house. He TRIES to beat the yellow light. Almost suceeds, but he goes to fast and slams into the curb. Seeing how he'd get possible jailtime, My mother takes the heat for him. Now, she may be getting her license suspended forever for something she didn't even do. But I don't want to land my best friend in jail either. I'm at a crossroads on that. But they do say that blood is thicker than water, but after 11 years, Jimi's like blood too.

But let me say something. It took all of my willpower to not deck my best friend of eleven year in the face with all of my strength and knock him out cold. All of my forgiveness to not cut him off then and there. And it took a hella a lot for me to forgive him for it. I'm just really angry right now and needed to rant is all.

Edit: More info coming in. The car's completely totaled. Undrivable. And Jimi really fucked up. Wanna know how? My mother, who hasn't hated a single one of my friends, no matter who they are or what they did, just told me that she hates Jimi. I sincerely doubt I'll be able to see him for a while.... I need a fucking drink right now.

9/17/2011 . Edited 9/17/2011 #189
SOS Radio

Sorry, dude, but I'd put my family first. Like blood and blood are two different things. First, someone with a license should have been driving anyway, but that's beside the story. Is anyone injured?

9/17/2011 #190
Brave Soul RMS

I have to side with Sebastian. Even if Jimi's your best friend, he royally fucked up and, not to be rude, but it was your mom's bad for letting him drive in the first place. You should have been behind the wheel!

9/17/2011 #191
Shadow Minamino

Oh, no one's hurt at all. Everyone's just a bit mentally shaken. And yeah, I know it was my mum's fault. Jimi's too.

And I said I should have been behind the wheel in the first place. Many times in fact. But no one ever listens to Shadow. I blame the damn medicine she has to take. Dopamine addles the brain. But she has to take it as perscribed. T.T

My god, thinking about it, my mother is practically dependent on that drug due to the bloody doctors beating it into her head that she needed it. And to think all these years I didn't even realize it till now, I was just being a selfish prick the whole time, asking her to take me places and such. I feel so bad about it all now.

9/17/2011 . Edited 9/17/2011 #192
Brave Soul RMS

Frederico, don't you start beating yourself up for being human. You needed to get somewhere and you had no other way but to cop a ride from your parents. And they're your parents; they'd give you the ride either way. If you feel the need to make it up to your mom, do it by all means but don't you dig a hole in the Emo Corner and sit yourself inside it.

9/17/2011 #193
Shadow Minamino

Eh. It's just the first instinct, to start beating myself up instead of piling my troubles onto others. Everyone in life has always expected me to be the guy with all the optimism, never looks at the bad, only the good. Kinda like a stepford smiler, if I had to put it in trope terms.

9/17/2011 #194
Mysteryless

Having a bit of a breakdown. At least, it feels like it. Ever since Gym class, where I got tested for running laps and got a bad mark, I've been in a weird mood. The tiniest things made me upset, I felt like I was going to cry at any moment and I even did after I got home.

This is my life. So why does everyone think they can control it? Today I talked to my brother about how I didn't wanted to go to a high school with my current program because I wasn't enjoying it. He got mad at me for it. He said I had no fucking choice. He's my only guardian who gave me a choice about anything and now he's upset because I was being honest about how I felt. It's like my feelings don't ever matter; only the expectations people have of me. You give and you get absolutely nothing in return. The moment you stand up for yourself, people get mad at you. They patronize you, crush your dreams and step all over you, and you can't do shit about it, only suck it up and maybe shed a few tears when you're alone.

I'm sick and tired of it.

I feel so...lonely. I guess. I have the two bestest friends ever, but I can't always shove my problems onto them and they can do nothing about it either. I have no adults to talk to...at least not any I'm comfortable with. Sure, I could always talk to the adults at school, but what can THEY do about it? Talk to my parents? Yeah, well, if my parents don't listen when their kids try to get shit into their thick skulls, what can people who are strangers to them possibly do about it?

I hate this. I'm stuck in this position. My only escape is fiction and even fiction keeps letting me down.

I wish I was eighteen so I could make my own decisions...but I don't think I'll be ready to step out into the world alone. I hate having to rely on my parents so much. It's pathetic...I wish I was still a little kid instead. Before middle school, life was simple. I was as carefree as could be.

Now? Not so much.

9/22/2011 #195
Mysteryless

I want to give up, I really do.

I should just accept the fact that this is what I'm meant to do. What I was born for. To be the one who has to carry everyone's dreams they never got the chance to accomplish. To have my feelings dismissed, because doing what they say is "for my own good".

They killed my self-esteem by shooting down the one hope I was clinging to. Can I forgive them for that? Probably not.

Isn't family supposed to be supportive? Mine isn't. Oh sure, they say they care. They say that by doing this and by doing that, I can be "successful"...But will doing things their way make me happy? Or will I be miserable for the rest of my life just because God decided to give me a selfish family?

Don't get me wrong. They're still family and I love them...but what they're doing is not okay.

I'm not okay and I'm sick and tired of acting like I am.

And my sister had the nerve to insult my friends, saying that they're a bad influence on me. What the fuck? They're a bad influence on me because they behave like my family is suppose to? They're a bad influence because they're supportive?

I just really don't know what to do anymore. I'm too upset to do anything really, except cry and feel sorry for myself. But that's the only thing left to do, right? I'm only in grade eight. Still 4-5 years before I turn 18. My family has already proven that they don't care about my feelings so there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe I'll learn to accept this in a few years.

But for now...I don't think I can.

9/22/2011 #196
Shadow Minamino

Kina. We've all been there at least at one point, the point of having a breakdown because some bunch of idiots tried to steer our lives in the direction THEY wanted us to go. No doubt about it, it's not going to get better in that regard, hell it might even get worse in high school. Advice with feelings and emotions isn't really my specialty, but I will say this: Do not give up. You give up, then everyone else wins. You may not feel comfortable shoving problems onto other people, but there comes a time when everyone has to do it, and if they're really your good friends, they'd be perfectly cool with listening to them. Sometimes, all people really need is an ear to listen to. For that you've got us and your friends.

I'm sure all of us have hit the point you have at some point in our lives, but if you've hit the bottom, all you can do is go up. Life's gonna try ta make you it's bitch for the next four or five years, just resist it as much as you can and eventually you'll be the one in control. No one can control your life but you, no matter how much it seems like they're trying. Your family does probably think what they're doing is best for you, but chances are? They may be right, may be wrong. No one can predict the future. But if you're not enjoying it, then it's obviously not gonna help much. Uhh.... I think I got off on a tangent here, but basically what I'm trying to say is this: Life may seem like it's bad now, hell, it may get worse, teenage years suck. Horribly. But just don't give up, because once you've hit the lowest point, you can't go anywhere but climb higher. And if you need someone ta listen to you? If no one else, you've always got us.

9/22/2011 #197
RARavary

I'm gonna make a comment on this too and some things i say may be harsh or insulting so excuse me for those words.

Kina, your at the point in life where you learn, nobody really gives a fuck who you are, what you are, or what you want to be. Relationships will be strained, some broken, and some built anew, but you learn that the only person you can always, 100% rely on is yourself. If you can't even believe in yourself, then no one will. You already are having to deal with a lot, and none of us here have had the same things happen to us as to you, only similar, but just like you don't want to constantly rely on your two friends, we may not always be here for you, and sometimes only you can deal with your own problems. I'm not trying to say we'll shun you or something but we all deal with our own shit, and your gonna have to do that to. None of us can really make your decisions, only YOU can make YOUR decisions. What your family wants you to do, is exactly that, what they want you to do. It's your choice and no matter what they say, that's a fact. Family is important, that's a life lesson we all know, but family isn't always right, and they don't know what's best for you. They only know what they think is best for you. From your current experience and what i can assume will follow you in life, you only really have two paths: You become but a puppet controlled by your family while they live happily ever after, or you cut the strings and lead your own life, even though those strings could be the ties to your family...

In short, your on your own in life kid, and you gotta make your decisions for how to live.

9/22/2011 #198
Brave Soul RMS

Kina, listen. I'm not going to sugarcoat anything; being a teenager means feeling like this sometimes and I know because I've had the exact same emotions running through me as you do now. This is all the advice I can give:

In the grand scheme of things, you take solace in that nobody but yourself can make decisions for you. Nor should you let anybody else but you control the path you want your life to take. Things might seem bleak now and they might even get worse but trust me when I say it's not all bad. You're gonna learn and grow and mature and if you want to do something your family doesn't like, flip them the metaphorical bird and say "It's my life, not yours". And most importantly, don't ever let 'em see you sweat because once you do, they'll be all over you like hyenas on a carcass. Beat them off with a stick if you have to.

9/22/2011 #199
Mysteryless

Damn right I don't want to talk to you, big bro. You really pissed me off and hurt my feelings last week, so I'm just returning the favour. :3

9/27/2011 #200
Mysteryless
It's a sad thing when even your escape AKA fiction keeps letting you down...
10/7/2011 #201
Lolli-S

What exactly do you mean?

10/7/2011 #202
Mysteryless

Hmm...Seems like my own mother manipulates my feelings.

10/8/2011 #203
Robby76

Thank you Lolli for being our therapist if needed! Whenever there comes a situation that I needed your help I will feel free to contact you. However, thank you for your care and your empathy for your readers. Hopefully you will keep your faith and never let us go!

10/10/2011 #204
Mysteryless

You know what, my sister is a fucking whiny bitch. And when I, the person who hates the word 'whiny', call someone that, you KNOW that I'm not joking.

Every other fucking day, she's crying about the latest thing her husband did or said. At first, I thought it was his fault and I wasn't exactly fond of him because of it. However, now that I know a little more about the situation, I realize that it's not his fault. He's being human. He needs his privacy, he has his off days, etc.

It's my sister who's the problem.

The whole relationship is fucked up because of her. It's not HIS fault at all. She's a control freak who can't accept the fact that his life does NOT revolve around her. She controls and monitors his Facebook, and she gets upset whenever he hangs up on Skype to talk to someone else. It's gotten to the point where even my mother called her out on her absolutely shitty behavior, but she just DOES NOT get it. Just now, she was bitching to her friend about the fact that he changed his FB password.

Hell, she doesn't even let me talk to him without her around. She doesn't even let him have any female friends.

I'm just...shocked at how stupid people can be.

10/11/2011 #205
Lolli-S

How old is your sister if I may ask?

10/11/2011 #206
Mysteryless

Twenty freakin' four.

10/11/2011 #207
Lolli-S

Well she's acting incredibly immature if you ask me and that's being nice.

If my sister read this, she would lay into her.

10/11/2011 #208
Mysteryless

I completely agree. I'm eleven years younger than her and even I'm pissed off at how incredibly stupid the whole situation is.

If she can't trust him, she shouldn't have gotten married! It's not like he cheated on her like my former sister-in-law did, but I think that may be the reason why she can't trust him. She can't fucking get over the fact that my sister-in-law cheated on our brother and she's paranoid that her husband will do the same. It doesn't justify it in the least, though.

God knows, if my future spouse is anything like that, I would divorce him immediately at best and beat the shit out of him at worst.

I'm wondering if she'd be such a control freak if it weren't for all this arranged marriage crap, though. My brother's marriage was arranged and that failed. Hers was arranged and she's afraid it'll fail, too.

10/11/2011 #209
Brave Soul RMS

And, that, Kina, is what we of the male species refer to as "a psycho bitch". Your sister has some control issues, dude.

10/11/2011 #210
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