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Wendy Brune

This thread stems from the original over at the Reviews Lounge and from Kara who suggested its revival.

To word it similarly to BadMum at the RL, have you ever gotten a reivew that left you thinking "What the heck?"

Maybe it was a flame that you don't feel was warranted; maybe you got a review that said "update soon!" for a piece that's clearly labeled as a one-shot. Maybe it's a review that asked for more details about character A who wasn't even the story.

Whatever your crazy review was, share here so we can all get a laugh out of it!

2/19/2010 . Edited 11/27/2013 #1
Wendy Brune

Ok, I posted this at the old thread, but it still resonates with me. This is what I posted at the old thread:

I got my weirdest one not too long ago. It wasn't actually for an HP peice, but for a Peter Pan story. (Romance, PeterxWendy)

First, the reviewer never referred to Peter and Wendy as Peter and Wendy. She always said HE/HIM or SHE/HER. Always in capitals. It sounded really funny in my head, with all the emphasis.

Here's where it got annoying. The first chapter is a little sad, but it is only the first chapter. The story is clearly marked as a Peter and Wendy romance story. The reviewer left me a review complimenting my writing, but wondering if Peter and Wendy ended up together. She also sent me a PM DEMANDING that I tell her the ending. She threatened that if I didn't, she would stop reviewing/reading and wouldn't tell other people.

It bothered me a little, because the whole point of the story is to keep the reader guessing. I sent her a message back reassuring her that there was a happy ending but reminding her that in all great novels, one isn't suppose to be able to guess the ending. I also informed her that the element of suspense was crucial in my story, and politely asked her not to tell other readers that there would be a happy ending.

The Peter Pan fandom is one that is big enough that there are lots of good stories, but small enough that some writers are "well known" within the category. She sent me a message back and name dropped some well known Peter Pan authors, informing me that they all told her their endings when she was curious and often gave her spoilers (she called them "cookies,"). It was very condescending, but I never responded, letting the correspondence fall through.

Totally irritating

This really bothered me when I first got that the review. I just don't understand people who want to know the ending of your story-- what's the point of reading it if you know what's going to happen beforehand!?

People at the old thread suggested giving her a fake ending. Wouldn't it have been funny for me to give her the ending of a well-known story, just to see if she catches on?

2/19/2010 #2
xabandonedaccountx

I haven't actually had any nasty reviews, I've had consrtuctive critism and typos pointed out to me which I have taken in stride because that's what a good writer does.

Most of my stories are one-shots and a lot of the reviews for them are asking for updates. I don't always state in the summary that it's a oneshot but if you look underneath where it tells you the fandom and the publish date, etc, you can see that it says 'completed'. My point: If you intelligent enough to read the story, you're intelligent enough to read the info underneath the summary.

2/19/2010 #3
EHWIES

I think I posted this in the old thread, but it's worth another look.

Strangest review ever:

8765uiyt

Um. What?

2/19/2010 #4
Wendy Brune

I remember that one.

Though I saw a funny (to me) review on Darkly.

fazed?phased. genially? genuine? genuinely? Is that what you mean? Or something. It's okay. nothing overly thrilling or anything.

I just find it funny that she was trying to point out your mistakes but was actually making more in the process.

2/19/2010 #5
EHWIES

Yeahhh, that was, like, my second review ever or something like that. The best part was that "fazed" and "genially" were correct and she didn't know that they were words--and if you look at her profile, she calls herself a good fanfic critic. XDD

2/19/2010 #6
Wendy Brune

Haha I know! I even doubled checked, because I knew there was no way you'd mess that up, haha!

How did you respond to it?

2/19/2010 #7
EHWIES

I sent her a review reply defining "faze" and "genial". XDD Didn't hear back from her.

2/19/2010 #8
Wendy Brune

Haha, you are my hero!

Here's another one that always got me. It was on my story "Crushed."

I liked this a lot. I thought it was very well thought out. Elle MacChester turned out to be cool.

The first part is nice, but I don't understand how Elle is "cool;" I mean, she turns out to be weak like the rest of us and dies, haha. Not a big deal, but it still made me wonder.

2/19/2010 #9
Schermionie

From what I can remember, the weirdest review I ever got was for an old story of mine.

draco has pimples. and im guessing you do too.

o_0 (Really, that's all I can say.)

Has anyone else here got a smilie for a review before? I'm assuming that ':)' means 'I liked it', but I'm not entirely sure on that. I also get the 'update soon' thing a lot, or used to. If the notation says 'Complete' then it's complete!

2/20/2010 #10
ladia2287

Here is one review that had me scratching my head and actually wondering if the person who left it had read the story. It was anonymous, annoyingly enough.

This is really good! Will you write a story about Snape/Lavinia's baby??

First of all, the story it was left for was already a sequel to another story, and I don't do millions of sequels. And second of all, the story ends with Snape finding out that the mother and the baby died in childbirth! Just the thought of writing about a dead baby is enough to confuse me.

Er, somebody, anybody, please help. My head is hurting from all the scratching I've been doing over this.

2/22/2010 #11
Mistical Ninja

Er... I dunno if they read it or not, but that is...definitely weird. Maybe they meant "write a story where the baby didn't die"? Possibly?

Who knows... some of these people on here are just... weird. Brain-dead. Non-thinking. All the above, and then some. Lol.

2/22/2010 #12
StoryGirl02
"man she is very picky. although i also have these expectation i lower them so that i'll never be disappointed.""SHE'S TOO PICKY! LOWER HER STANDARDS! NO ONE FITS THEM!"Er, that's kind of the whole point of the story? What they're supposed to fall in love straight away? No thanks, move along! :)
2/22/2010 #13
Jemennuie

There was one time where I wrote a cliffhanger at the end of one chapter, and then wrapped up that mini-plot line by the end of the next chapter. Someone reviewed the latter chapter saying "Ah...cliffhanger." So either they weren't reading carefully, they reviewed the wrong chapter, or I hadn't made the ending as clear as I thought I had, haha.

2/26/2010 #14
StoryGirl02

it's obviously cedric, he fits :D

um Cedric's dead?

3/8/2010 #15
manyissues101

Not sure if anyone's famillar with the Kingdom Hearts fandom, but if you aren't, you should be. Regardless, it won't help to dechiper this review much.

(Notes: Aladdin appears in the game, as do the PotC characters. Kairi is also a character, though she's the only one listed in this whole review that actually appears in the story, and she does do so with no pants. I have no idea who Padme and Palpatine are. I don't think I've ever mentioned anything Star Wars related to anyone, and I do not agree with this racism. And, yes, this is just the review, copy and pasted. I added nothing here. I'd never had a review from this person before, nor have I had one since.)

OMG that was good. This seems like a work of Tyler Perry, only that these people are too white to be his characters. That's the problem, Kingdom Hearts has too many WHITE PEOPLE! Where's the blacks, the beaners, the asians, WHERE ARE THEY! At least they have Middle-Eastern people in Aladdin. Except that there's no 7 Elevens. NO! NO 7 Elevens! They aren't really Middle East or Hindu if there isn't any 7 Elevens. (Sobs) Okay. I'm done. This is really a good story and I have no idea how this compliment lead to a Carlos Mencia/me rant. Okay, the point is (sword gets thrown at me) Darn it Turner! (Throws a bottle) OW! Oops gotta go! Will's about to...Never mind Darth Vader's chasing him AH! NO! GET AWAY! Ok I'll read more Star Wars, just don't kill me! I find Kairi's lack of pants disturbing. I find it pretty hot, like you found Padme. WHAT! Nothing. Don't ever talk about my personal dating life like that again. It ruins the evil villain reputation. Okay, by the way is that a Jedi running out that door. WHERE! Destroy all Jedi! Whoo. Ok I'm gonna go and beat the crap out of that old fart Palpatine. Oh and steal a pants less Kairi. By the way search up Survival Kingdom Hearts I: A Dark Time R and R Peace 3/21/2010 #16
Wendy Brune

Oh dear. I really like how the person complains about there being "too many white people" in the game, then proceeds to use stereotypes/politically incorrect names. *sigh...*

3/21/2010 #17
ladia2287

It almost seems as though they are writing about their thoughts of the game itself, and not actually reviewing the story. My recommendation? If it is anonymous, delete it. If not, well, probably best to ignore it...

3/21/2010 #18
Ariana Ethaitrius

I got this review for my Lord of the Rings fanfiction "Alya".

"

Not only is your character the sole survivor of a horrific orc attack, and not only do the orcs decide, for no apparent reason, to keep her alive (questioning is not a valid reason. If you want information, do you kidnap a young girl?). Ah, silly Ghost, of course there's a reason. She has to live in order to be the love of Legolas's life. Perhaps you are familiar with the term 'Mary Sue?' Yours, Ghost" I don't get it. I sent a reply saying its a free country and we can write about mary sues cause that's the point of ffn... to better ones self at writing. 3/24/2010 #19
ladia2287

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'd honestly say that half the people who send Mary-Sue flames don't even know what a Mary-Sue is. They see a couple of cliches in the character development and instantly cry foul. There are litmus tests on the internet that you can use to determine if the character is a Sue, and they usually aren't hard to find.

I really wouldn't bother replying if someone sends you a message like that. To be honest, I'd rather read a story with a plot that contains a Mary-Sue, than a piece of crap with a supposedly 'developed' character.

3/24/2010 #20
The Inklings Podcast

Thanks and I agree; I just thought "No character is perfect just like no human beign is"

3/25/2010 #21
Wendy Brune

That's wonderfully true: all characters must have flaws. However, I don't know that this counts as a flame, per se. I think the author is trying to let you see the flaws of the story. He probably could have done it nicer, but I wouldn't say this is a flame. I've seen much worse.

3/25/2010 #22
Ariana Ethaitrius

I didn't know if I should classify it as a "flame" or not.

"To be perfect you should be not perfect." (me)

3/25/2010 #23
Mistical Ninja

This one goes to ManyIssues:

I GET IT! I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE REVIEW!!! XDDD

The first half is him making a joke styling from Carlos Mencia, a Hispanic stand-up Comedian that often makes a TON of racial jokes, especially about his own race/culture. The second half, after he starts talking about Turner, is him and a friend going back and forth during the review, arguing. I think Turner was playing one of the StarWars Video games, not sure which one though, and the guy writing the review was watching his friend play and commenting about it in his review (Why I have no idea, though it is kind of funny once you actually understand the circumstances)

As to the bit about Padme, he was saying (Probably to Turner) that he found Kairi's lack of pants hot, the way that Turner found Padme Hot.

Then Turner turns it around on him and goes, "Don't ever talk about my personal dating life like that again. It ruins the evil villain reputation." as in saying, don't ever mention the fact that I found Padme hot again, it'll ruin my dark vibe.

As to the last bit (it's where I got the idea he was playing a video game) he's talking about PLAYING a video game. and then he makes the joke about , " Oh, and steal a pants-less Kairi." Probably talkin bout seein if he can't find a poster or something or just a drawing of her like that.

:P

Anyways, that's what I could understand from the Review. That help explain it?

3/25/2010 #24
Wendy Brune

Even when it's explained, it's still a "WTF" review, just because a review isn't a place to BE crazy. A review is supposed to compliment and critique the writer. There's not much you can take from that review, though, can you? Forums are a place to be silly; reviews are a place to be a bit more...professional? I'm not sure what word I want to use, but still.

3/25/2010 #25
Mistical Ninja

Oh, I completely agree, I'm just saying. I was able to make sense of the review. Not that it's any less an "WTF?!" Review, just that you had to know what the guy was talking about to understand it. Though he WAS complementing the story and idea's (I.E the part about Padme, and the Sudden adoration of a Pants-less Kairi.)

As to the racial joke... yeah... Carlos makes jokes like that a lot.... and while it is funny, you're right, the reviews are not the place to be silly and random like that.

3/25/2010 #26
Wendy Brune

Hehe, funny for us to read later, though, on forums! =D

3/25/2010 #27
manyissues101

Oh....I get it now! And a friend told me who Padme and Palpatine are, so I get that too. Okay. I thought Turner was referencing the PotC character, cause that's in the game, but I guess not.

Yeah, still doesn't make much sense though...but I'm glad that little mystery has been solved. I've been wondering about it for years now.

Thanks! ^^

3/25/2010 #28
Mistical Ninja
wait... Turner...turner... As in Will Turner...? PotC.... Pirat- aw crap! I think you might be right!! And if that's the case then.... Omg.... The dumb@ss was RPING Will and Darth Vader in his post... That's what he meant about the whole bit about Finding Padme Hot. Because Padme was Anakin Skywalker's wife before he was mutilated into Darth Vader. Then that means... He was also putting himself in the middle of it, (the comments about stealing a Pants-less Kairi, the talking about a "jedi running out the door (he was talking to Vader there.) and.... Omg, his whole review is just so....so... Wrong. And he even PIMPED his Own story at the end of his review. -.-;; now I wanna kick him. Like, baddly. I imagine he was a twelve year old boy though so, bah. That just sucks all over.
3/25/2010 #29
manyissues101

Yeah, that's what I thought at first...this guy kind of scares me lol.

3/25/2010 #30
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