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Sextuple Covalent Mo2 Bond

A thread for you to improve your reviewing style. Have a review you would like Order forum-goers to look over? Link here. We'll critique your review~

Post away, friends~

1/20/2011 #1
Aspiring Mythmaker

Story: Shining Hope: Heaven and Hell

Author: ForceWalker

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog

Review Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5657349/

One of my more recent reviews, before I went on break. It was well received by the author, but I'm concerned it might be a bit...bloated.

Anyway, please take a look. I'm eager to see how if I can improve.

1/20/2011 #2
Ataokoloinona

Your review was very well rounded from what I saw, and you were polite about what you pointed out and what you disagreed with.

I think it would have been a bit more helpful though if you could have been more specific. You did a good job of outlining general issues, with characterization, grammar, etc., but you didn't give very many specific examples, or specific ways to fix an issue.

For instance you were talking about a "couple" in the story that had no "foundation". You could have made a few examples on how to rectify this issue like "There was a real opportunity when the group was at such and such a place for an interaction of such and such a kind, that would have given us a reason to believe they really liked each other as more than friends". Or you commented that their use of commas was hit and miss. What did you mean by that? Did they not add commas while they listed things? Did they place the comma on the wrong side of the quotation marks? Do you have any tips to help them remember these rules? That sort of thing.

Other than that I think your review was well read and you don't have much to worry about.

1/20/2011 #3
Sextuple Covalent Mo2 Bond

Response to: http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5657349/

I really, really liked this review. Everything was well put together, and well formatted.

The only thing I can recommend is to include examples (specifically when it comes to something touchy like comma placement), and perhaps further explaining to the author how to do the things you ask. What details specifically need to be removed, perhaps? Do the homework on one character, and the author should catch on~

1/20/2011 #4
EvAdIvA101

http://www.fanfiction.net/r/6750882/

I'd like some help with this. I don't exactly know what I'm doing wrong, but my review seems lacking to me. Can anyone help critique my review and give me some ideas?

2/16/2011 #5
EvAdIvA101

This is a link to a non-rule breaking story. Please critique, I don't know if it's good or not.

http://www.fanfiction.net/r/6416474/

2/16/2011 #6
Lessthanthree-Carissa

Hello, this story isn't that bad, but there are some things I'd like to critique.

This is a fairly decent intro to a review.

For one, there are some grammar and spelling errors throughout the story. Maybe you could geta a betareader to proof-read for you or use spell check. If you don't have spell check on your computer, Document Uploader does so you could just use that to get rid of your spelling mistakes.

This is a valid point, but you need to point out examples of spelling/grammar errors so the person can improve and give suggestions on how to fix it.

The characters are OOC, but that's fine. The only thing I don't get is why you have Camille and Merideth in the story, because in the books we were provided no real information about them they were just metioned.So I can see that you may have some difficulties with characterizing them because you really have no idea what they are like.

Eh, I say, try and get them to say that the characters are OOC in the summary because some people are Nazis when it comes to keeping characters in character. I can't really comment on characterization because I don't know Vampire Academy, so I can't really help you there.

The plotline is interesting but kind of over-used in the Vampire Academy fandom. You could have some big plot twist to keep your readers hooked, if you need ideas feel free to PM me, I'd be happy to help.

I guess you can say feel free to PM you, but I would have just ended the sentence at hooked. The writer may take this the wrong way and think you know their story better than they do and react negatively to you.

Over all this story is good but fairly average so far.

Explain a little more on how the story is average in your opinion.

The biggest problem here is the grammar/spelling mistakes, but that can easily be fixed. If you need a beta you can PM me and I can lead you to a good friend of mine who might be willing to beta this.

I wouldn't add the beta comment unless you can beta for them. I comment and say I can help them find a beta if they so wish and I have occasionally helped people find a beta for their fandom or given suggestions. Don't offer up a friend, because they may not have time or want to beta for said person.

It was a mediocre review. I feel like you could have said more and cited more examples. Also, I feel you could have spaced things out a bit more. I haven't really critiqued reviews before, so I may have missed something. Hope this helps. :)

2/16/2011 #7
EvAdIvA101

Thanks, this critique helps me a lot. I'll improve my reviews in the future and maybe post a link tomorrow or something of a better review. :)

2/16/2011 #8
Ever Heard of a Dictionary

Hello, this story isn't that bad, but there are some things I'd like to critique. For one, there are some grammar and spelling errors throughout the story. Maybe you could geta a betareader to proof-read for you or use spell check. If you don't have spell check on your computer, Document Uploader does so you could just use that to get rid of your spelling mistakes. The characters are OOC, but that's fine. The only thing I don't get is why you have Camille and Merideth in the story, because in the books we were provided no real information about them they were just metioned. So I can see that you may have some difficulties with characterizing them because you really have no idea what they are like. The plotline is interesting but kind of over-used in the Vampire Academy fandom. You could have some big plot twist to keep your readers hooked, if you need ideas feel free to PM me, I'd be happy to help. Over all this story is good but fairly average so far. The biggest problem here is the grammar/spelling mistakes, but that can easily be fixed. If you need a beta you can PM me and I can lead you to a good friend of mine who might be willing to beta this.

First off, the start of the review. Write it as if you're writing a letter; after the greeting, press enter. Don't mush it all together into one paragraph; when you start critiquing or commenting on a different aspect of the story, use a new paragraph.

Second, the vocabulary in this review is mediocre; while at times simple would be best to aid an author, you might want to expand your vocabulary.

Some of the words you use, suck as 'kind of' makes the review sound a bit un-serious; steer away from those words~

You have a lot of punctuation missing.

Had this review been a story, my initial reaction would've been to tell you to re-write it. You do look below the surface, but just a few levels. There's an entirely different level of in-depth. In-depth analysis of a review also focuses on the development of the characters, the plot-line, the dialogue, the beginning of the story, and the summary.

First read into this review did not look like it took much time for you to write it, not to mention you have numerous mistakes yourself.

Give examples; you've said there are grammar and spelling yet you gave no example of any. What Issa said~

2/19/2011 . Edited 2/19/2011 #9
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