There are 40 bad ends for 2 good endings, 1 normal ending and three true endings. That's Nasuverse for you.5/9/2011 #481
First time poster, but the idea just made me grin too much to keep it to myself. Then came the backlash from Shirou not revealing the existence of magic, and then I outright lol'd.
- A Perfectly Logical Explanation
The words paralyzed me where I sat, my mind suddenly worrying numb from a combination of alcohol and shock.
"Shirou-san?" Miya asked, a questioning look forming on her face as she took in my stunned demeanor. "Is something wrong?"
"So there was a tournament in Fuyuki city!" Matsu slurred out triumphantly, attempting to point at Shirou in victory but missing.
I suddenly felt very weary, and could not stop the sigh from escaping me.
"Yes, there was." I admitted, as if it was the hardest thing in the world for me to do. In a way, it was. I had spent months carefully cultivating a gentle, harmless image of myself. The truth was wholly irreconcilable with this image: I had fought, and won, a war against impossibly powerful creatures and horrifically evil people. That while I was smiling and happily cooking their meals, there was also a part of me that was always plotting, always scheming, always looking for the best way to kill someone so as to minimize the damage they could inflict upon others. These poor creatures. They wanted a story of their Ashikabi's misspent youth, and what I was about to give them was the unadulterated truth with all the blood and thorns still on it.
I told them everything. The real cause of the fire that had 'orphaned' me. My adoptive father's true identity and my first steps into the world of magic. The fifth Holy Grail War, and many of its horrors. And then, at the end, of my own forbidden magic and what the situation it put us into.
I left nothing out. I couldn't. They had to know these things if they were to be safe.
It took a surprisingly short amount of time to do so, too. It seemed as if I was done just as I was getting started.
But what surprised me more than that was response to my tale.
"You know," Matsu said reproachfully, her slur having vanished sometime when I'd been telling the story. "if you didn't want to tell us you could have just said so. You don't have to lie like that."
A wave of nods went through the room, with the exceptions being Miya, Kuu-chan and Akitsu who either knew better or were too young to not believe in the sort of things I'd talked about. Though Kuu-chan had gotten the edited version, effortlessly coordinating the lavender-haired landlady to shield the young girl's ears from the worst of it.
For a moment I could only stare dumbly at the brain-sekirei, my mind going blank as it tried to process just what had happened.
"What?" I finally managed to get out, my voice weak with disbelief. "But I didn't lie!"
"Come on, Shirou." Homura admonished, 'tsk'ing lightly under his breath. "Everyone knows magic isn't real."
"B, but you control fire!" I protested, uncertainty riding my voice. I wasn't sure if I should be indignant that I was being accused of lying or that the truth was simply too outlandish for anyone to believe it.
"Yes, but I'm an alien." Homura pointed out as if that explained everything. "You're just a human."
Another round of nods.
"But I can smell sekirei and their powers!" I tried, a note of desperation in my voice. I wasn't quite sure why I wanted this conversation to keep going, but I suppose there was a morbid curiosity inside of me thatcouldn't resist finding out how far I needed to push before someone started believing me.
"I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for that." Matsu answered, frowning at me. "Just because I can't explain it doesn't make it magic."
"I can fight with sekirei on equal grounds!" I persisted, gesturing wildly at Miya. "You've all seen me do it!"
"You're simply very skilled, husband." Tsukiumi refuted, frowning slightly. "This is very unbecoming, Shirou. You should just tell us the truth."
"Ahh!" Yukari suddenly shouted excitedly, pointing wildly at me. "I've figured it out! I know what onii-chan's secret is!"
"I just told you my secrets!" I cried out in dismay.
"He's really a cyborg!" My sister eagerly explained, her eyes wide with "He was sent back to Shin-Tokyo by his corporate overlords in order to find out more about the Sekirei plan, but then he found out about his long-lost family and decided that he had to find out for himself what having a family was like!"
"That doesn't make any sense at all!" I protest, but apparently I was alone in that opinion.
"That would certainly explain why he's so fast and strong..." Homura mused idly, rubbing his chest as he did.
"And also why he has no faith in love!" Musubi chirped in agreement. "Robots have no hearts!"
"I'm not a robot!"
"Don't worry, onii-chan!" Yukari assured my happily. "You're darling sister will rescue you from their evil clutches!"
"I'm already out-" I stop myself before I could fully respond, realizing what I had been about to say would only confirm the ridiculous claim. "I've never been a part of an evil corporation!"
I suppose that in a technical sense the Mage's Association didn't count as a corporation, and only narrowly avoided being outright evil with a caveat of 'lesser' tacked on to it. But that wasn't the point!
I sighed once more cradling my head in my hands as Izumo Inn once more degenerated into ridiculous gossip.
* * *
Kuu-chan eventually sidled up to me inconspicuously while the rest of my flock bickered and argued over which degree of robotics had been inflicted on my body (I carefully ignored the perverted old-man laugh Matsu was giving off as she muttered something about 'special enhancements') dragging a subdued Akitsu into the discussion seemings how she had just recently had ample opportunity to find any hidden electrodes that might be hidden on me. Her empathic denial seemed to do nothing to dispel the suspicions, though
"Onii-chan has magic swords?" The green-girl said to me, though there was a note of questioning to her statement that made me smile despite myself
"Yes, Kuu-chan." I answered. "I have magic swords."
"How many?" She asked, getting excited at the prospect that not only did her onii-chan have swords, but that he was also magical.
"All of them." I state simply, unable to stop myself from a spontaneous attack of meme. "I have all of the swords."
"Fuwaaah." Kusano gasped, obviously impressed by my boast, before promptly tackling-hugging me. "Onii-chan is so cool!"
* * *
Somewhere in a corner, Haruka and Kuno shared a wary glance.
"Weren't we supposed to appear in this omake?" They both asked.
Beside them, totally forgotten by everyone, Seo and the lightening twins shrugged. "Get used to the background, kids."5/9/2011 #482
Hmm a good ending, huh?
He remembered himself screaming before he lost conciousness, now that he woke up, two months later and remembered what happened he wanted to scream again. Oh Root only knew how much he wanted to scream
"Matsu... please run this one past me again. What happened again ??"
The hacker girl grinned sheepishly, was no longer wearing her white one piece dress, she discarder it in favour of a black uniform, the first Disciplinary Squad's uniform Shirou knew
"Well as you know Shirou-tan the Jinki could lead to the death of all the Sekirei descendants"
"Yes that's why I decided to destroy them. What I want to know is what the hell is THIS!?"
He screamed, panic, he was sitting on sort of elevated throne, the window, if it was a window, in front of him showing the image of Earth. From orbit. Around him consoles, displaying data of different sorts.
"Well Jinki had another use aside from causing world wide genocide Shirou-tan"
Once again that sheepish grin
"You see, every Sekirei descendant is capable of gaining the power of a Sekirei thanks to Jinki.
"Yes you mentioned that too, but they were destroyed, I remember clearly how they disappeared when Saber used Excalibur"
The hacker girl scratched her cheek and smiled a bit nervously
"Yes, about that. We haven't been able to deduce what exactly happened but I think the energy influx caused shortcircuing in the Jinki and they... well they did what they were supposed to do before blowing up"
Dread filled Shirou's heart as he once again looked through the window
At that very moment Musubi entered the bridge and clasped her hands under her chin with a happy smile
"Ah Shirou-san you are awake... ah sorry, not Shirou-san, Your Imperial Majesty"
Musubi tried to give a little curtsy which resulted in a panty show which Shirou didn't really notice
"What did you call me?"
"Your Imperial Majesty, isn't that what you are now Shirou-san"
Asked the slightly confused shrine maiden. Shirou just turned wordlessly to Matsu who was fidgeting nervously
"You see Shirou-tan, it appears that the overall goal of the Sekirei Plan was to use the 8 ships filled with colonists Sekirei. Produce a large number of descendants which would not have the Sekirei powers and would appear as normal humans. Those would continue to have children, grandchildren and so on and when the human to Sekirei descendant ratio was right the Jinki would be used and a Sekirei colony established on the planet."
Shirou was just staring at the hacker girl
"In short Shirou-tan, when Saber-tan destroyed the Jinki they released their power and turned... what was the number, AH Yes, 76% of the Human race into Sekirei. It caused some chaos but don't worry we have it firmly under control. When the Jinki were destroyed and the ship's computers accepted you as the leader of the Descendants, I don't really know how that happened, the remaining 7 ships reactivated and placed themselves in geostationary orbits in order to provide necessary firesupport for the emerging Sekirei population. Oh and one more thing, those Clock Tower bastards who were after you?? You don't have to worry about them any more. We hit their HQ in London, don't worry we used minimal force not to hurt the civilians, and subjugated them. We are currently engaging the forces of the Church but they are firmly in retreat so don't need to worry. And we'll move against any other Mage Assosiaction groups if they make a threatening move"
Matsu beamed at the dumbstruck Shirou
"So, you are the Leader of this Sekirei colony Shirou-tan. I always knew you'd become someone great"
And yet again his throat released ear-splitting scream.
Good End ??5/9/2011 #483
I know why he is screaming.
Gaia is his new boss, and his sempai is Arcueid.
I would scream too.5/9/2011 #484
Hey, I was going to write a good end, but everyone kept calling it grim dark.
Just because my Minaka was stronger then whodidthewhatnows5/9/2011 #485
Your Minaka managed to reach Akasha. It can't get stronger than that.5/9/2011 . Edited 5/9/2011 #486
Not only that but now he's basically Gilgamesh, or rather the first king of Sekirei, with his original harem and original spaceship and whatnots.5/9/2011 #487
Damn, Shirou is going to have a fit.5/9/2011 #488
I think it would be a humorous omake for someone to write a scene where Shirou, Rin, and Saber sit down to watch Monty Python and The Holy Grail while Shirou makes smartass comments to Saber like "did you really get beaten by a bunny rabbit?" Saber could find the whole movie offensive and keep complaining about how nothing like that ever happened. Rin could also add in her own bit of teasing towards Saber just to spur on her indignation. It would be the best movie night EVER.5/9/2011 #489
It would be funnier if some of those things where actually true. Such as the Knights who say Ni.5/9/2011 #490
It's been on my mind for some time but. How would Saber react if someone sat her at a history lesson of England and Great Britain ? Her main motivation was to get the Grail so someone else could become the King. But even without that England turned out very well, being a Colonial Power at some point and stuff. How would she react if someone tried to beat her stupid ideals out of her with the use of history ?? It would be fun to watch such a scene.5/9/2011 #491
It think she would be very upset when she discovered at some point an actual 'Queen' took power and turned England into a world wide power.5/9/2011 #492
Ah yes the Queen Elizabeth and she pounded the Spanish Armada into the ground... well sea actually but who cares, heh I'd really love to see Saber's reaction to England's history.5/9/2011 . Edited 5/9/2011 #493
"Really Saber," Rin tried to placate the offended blonde next to her. "It's a joke. Your not meant to take it seriously." The tiny magus stiffled the eighty sigh in ten minutes, and desperately tried to remind herself that this was supposed to be fun.
"That's easy for you to say," the offended former king told her primly, folding her arms under her slim breasts and turning her head up with offended dignity. "I do not see anything funny at all in this." It took Rin a moment to remind herself that however cute her offended dignity made her, it would solve nothing if Rin were to drag her back to the bedroom and have her wicked way with her partner. Sure, it might make Saber forget about it for a bit, but afterwards the king would retreat back into a shall of dignified pouting, and when faced with a similarly cute expression Rin would then be forced to seduce her again. It was a cycle that could go on for weeks, and then Rin would get nothing done until it was over!
"Surely you must have had Jesters back then," Rin tried to reason with Saber, hoping that if she just put it in context the blonde would calm down.
"Of course we did," Saber nodded. "But no jester would be so crude as to mock their king like this! As if Mopsy ever had coconuts."
"Well, of course not..." Rin began, and then paused. "Wait. You really had a squire named Mopsy?"
"Of course," Saber nodded fondly. "A more loyal friend I have yet to find. But the idea of coconuts? Preposterous. Everyone knows that migratory or not no swallow would be able to bear that much weight."
"Of...Of course," Rin nodded, trying not to giggle. Saber misinterpreted the solemnity of Rin's proclamation as support, and continued eagerly.
"And really. Churches floating? No one is so uneducated as to believe such a thing! Small rocks were the absolute limit of buoyancy." Saber nodded imperiously at her proclamation, and Rin once more fought the battle to control her mirth.
"Naturally," the magus agreed, nodding solemnly. "Due to their small size."
"Yes. And even if a jester would dare to mock their liege, no one would be so foolish as to risk the wrath of the knights of the unholy word," Saber shuddered, and Rin puzzled for a moment before realizing what the king was referring to.
"You mean N-" the magus began, only to be cut off instantly by her companion.
"Do not say it!" the blonde hissed, looking around fearfully as she did so. Rin felt herself losing her struggle with her giggles, but pressed onwards.
"And the bunny?"
"It had big claws," Saber shuddered. "And teeth! And the way it bounced about, finding the throats of my friends and knights...." Saber looked at Rin to seek support for the traumatizing experience and paused as she saw the magus' shaking frame. "And now you're laughing at me," she muttered, the pout reappearing on her face as she realized that her companion wasn't treating the topics with the appropriate solemnity.
"There there, Saber," Rin finally managed to choke out, deciding that resistance was pointless and starting to crawl over her friend and lover. "Don't worry. Rin will make you forget all about the nasty bunny."
"Eeep!" Saber squeaked, looking very much like a rabbit herself once confronted with something which was no doubt about to eat her.5/9/2011 #494
Is it weird that I'm laughing and getting turned on at the same time?5/9/2011 #495
@GB That Omake was two thumbs way, way, up. Pure hilarity.5/9/2011 #496
Oh.My.God...that was priceless. Seriously, my sides are hurting from laughing so much. Pure gold man. Just...awesome.5/9/2011 #497
A Masterpiece of an OMAKE !!! Encore !!!
Damn them AoTG bunnies!5/9/2011 #499
"You're saying that I could have lived without pretending to be a man?" Asked Saber skeptical.
"Probably." said Rin "The queen of england is a legend of her own." She was just actualizing her friend in the recent history facts about England, when she mentioned Queen Elizabeth.
"It would have saved me a lot of aggravation..." The tiny blonde mumble under her breath.
"Me too." Agreed Shirou. Two faces turn to him curiously.
"Well, for example you wouldn't go around telling people that I'm a 'King's' lover. Thought, it wouldn't help in the 'you're my sheath' line..." He almost whisper the last line, lost in his thoughts.
"On a second thought, Merlin was right. Some things we suffer in life, does change our afterlife for better."'After all, I wouldn't change the teasing for nothing in the world.'
just a quick little figment of my imagination.5/9/2011 #500
[snickers] Saber is Definitely spending too much time with Rin, she is picking up her bad habits.5/9/2011 #501
Spend some time with someone and it WILL have an effect on yourself there is that saying on my homeland that roughly translates as: "I can tell who you are from who you hang with."
I wanted to expand the idea, but I am at work.5/9/2011 . Edited 5/9/2011 #502
That. Was. Awesome.
Congratulations. I have to clean my lunch off my monitor.5/9/2011 #503
And It's omake like GB's and Mu-sensei's that make me not dread Rin and Saber's eventual appearance.5/9/2011 #504
So far yours is my favorite OMAKE in this thread. 10/105/9/2011 #505
@gabriel blessing Hah! That was awesome!
@GiftofLove aww, you say the nicest things!5/9/2011 #506
|Wraith of Shadow
@ GB: Good stuff. :D All it's missing is Saber saying "But Rin, that was no ordinary rabbit!"
@ HubiKoshi: While Shirou becoming the Emperor of the new Sekirei civilization is amusing, I sincerely doubt that the descendants number 76% of the total human population. A third of Japan, alright. 5% of all people in Asia, stretching it. 3/4 of the whole human race? Only for the sake of comedy. Other than that, quite amusing. :)5/9/2011 #507
About the bit on how Saber would react to England's history, she would react extremely poorly. The English are not the Britons. Her people were conquered by the Saxons, and later by the Normans, who then moved on to create a successful empire that lasted for centuries. She'd see it as her mortal enemies prospering over the bodies of her people. Make no mistake, she would have no love for London. Not in the slightest.5/9/2011 #508
Good point. She will probably KILL the queen. Escaped my head at the time, tech computer work is HELL when you deal with people who don't know how to change a font. You can't focus on the really important things like fanfictions and omakes. Heh.
GB is way ahead of me, on another league entirely, I only have two oneshots, of which one is little popularity, the other might as well be invisible. I'm learning to walk, GB runs marathons, putting us together might insult him. But at least I will give you hope. :)5/9/2011 . Edited 5/9/2011 #509
It'd probably be even worse than that. Throughout the history of British monarchs, most of the royal houses consider themselves heirs to King Arthur, in spirit if not in blood. To Saber, that would be the equivalent of establishing a tyranny over her people, in her own name.
Speaking of tyrannies, now that I think of it, I'm tempted to do a historical fic with Saber and Oliver Cromwell...yee gads...5/9/2011 #510
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