The Mechanics of In Flight
One of my reviewers mentioned the idea of starting a forum for those who want to debate various points of my story without clogging up the review section too much. I decided to go ahead and give it a try.
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Servius Regis

@shadow

I don't get what's happening with that manga. So much has been left unanswered and unresolved yet they said its the series end. What's going on?

5/3/2012 #1,201
mega1987

@Claymore topic:

I don't know either Servius....

But if they end it prematurely... I think we got fan rages here...

@maxi:

When the next chapter will be out?

5/3/2012 #1,202
kinglugia

@shadowzero

Methinks the title should be The Magician Threesome.

5/3/2012 #1,203
shadowzerover5

@Claymore

Rumor has it that the author is going take a break for a while and continue the story in a new series. I am not fully informed either but yeah as one of its fan I am rather disppointed. It only resolved a few issues so far bu there is still the war with the Dragonkind, Clare's revenge, the aftermath of the fall of the Organization. The manga had a lot more potential it can continue on and had a decent fanbase so I don't think it got axed.

Then again so did MxO but that got axed too but that author kinda has a reputation for series (Kagami no Kuni no Harisugawa, Pretty Face) getting the boot despite being so much better than say Naruto post time skip

@SL

Back away from the gutter!

5/3/2012 . Edited 5/3/2012 #1,204
Mu-Sensei

@Animesage: Whaaaat?! No continuation?

@Shadow: Interesting, but you kinda missed the memo: Yukiko was an OC from the first snippet when I wasn't 100% certain I would involve Hatsukoi Limited. When I finally decided I went for Kei, and I'm considering to change for Misaki (since another Tsundere would be boring).

Its still on my, increasingly growing, to-write list. [cries in despair]

5/3/2012 #1,205
Cirex Review
@SR: So, Aleksi is Jacob... what'd I ever do to you? I kid, I kid. But wouldn't Zaeed be more appropriate? But hey, it's your story, I trust you know what you're doing.
5/3/2012 #1,206
shadowzerover5

@mu

lolz yeah I guess I did miss the memo XP but given that snippet that this was based on was sooooo long ago and no follow ups I kinda had to go with the flow XD. Sides I based this Yukiko off Yukiko of P4 soooo XD

5/3/2012 #1,207
Lycodrake

@shadowzerover5: Claymore is definitely one that I adore, so I'll be keeping track of where you go with that.

Though...I'm not sure about "giving hints/tips on the Blue". From what I've learned with Mahoyo translations...it can't exactly be taught.

5/3/2012 #1,208
shadowzerover5

@lyco

What Aoshi taught Ulf is not the Blue but some principles behind the Blue though Ulf didn't make much sense of it since it dwells on True Magic

5/3/2012 #1,209
Mu-Sensei

@Shadow: Humm... that idea has some promise in itself... Maybe we could add both together? Yukiko in Hatsukoi Limited?! Persona 4 x Hatsukoi x Emiya Clan. Ok. It officialy frightens me.

@Lyco: Sometimes a few out-of-context ideas can do wonders in a subject. Or you just take a practical use solution from another source and apply to yours. Imagine a 'Pseudoi' directed outwards in all directions from a target. Blue-ed enough?

@AS: Emiya TV, but that was SR, and I was HALF ASLEEP. Sorry, been out for a few days. Too late reply. ^^;;;

5/3/2012 . Edited 5/3/2012 #1,210
Animesage

@Mu-Sensei

No continuation of what? *blink*

5/3/2012 #1,211
Silver Sun 17

@CR

Aleksi is to much of a professional to be Zaeed.

5/3/2012 #1,212
Animesage

Touma might fit in as Thane's role as well, or at least the Ghost side would.

Though Mana could be there too.

5/3/2012 #1,213
Servius Regis

@CR

Went with Jacob because I felt that Aleksi was closer to hired knight than hired killer. Jacob is more honorable and straight laced soldier than Zaeed.

Also, is Innocence Lost coming around ok? I'm holding my breath for the clash of the horror novel titans.

@Mu and Maxi

Continuation is oncoming.

5/3/2012 #1,214
maximorph1

@Mega

the chapter is coming along sloooooooowly

I have about eight or nine pages written, but less than halfway through what I need to get out.

sorry, but then again its not like I get paid to write this

5/3/2012 #1,215
mega1987

@Maxi:

I'm just curious about it's release date...

and there's no need to rush... no one gonna punt you to LEO...

Unless there's a die-hard fan of yours stalking around here.... And it's not me.

5/3/2012 #1,216
Cirex Review
@SR: Innocence Lost is coming out, slowly but surely. Procrastination is the enemy here. And, what do you mean by "Hired Knight"? I believe that's the first time I've heard Aleksi be described like that.
5/3/2012 #1,217
shadowzerover5

@Mu

That premise...it officially boogles the mind o.o

5/4/2012 #1,218
Mu-Sensei

Oh, come on! Emotionally repressed teenagers in a love dodechaedron? What could possibly go wrong!?

5/4/2012 #1,219
Servius Regis

@CR

Well, he's a mercenary that's extremely honorable and straightforward.

He isn't someone who fights for the joy of combat, and not someone who fights in whatever dirty way he can think up.

5/4/2012 #1,220
neogoki
Emiya Effect, Can't wait to see the rest of the Squad! Jack & Grunt, violent fun with big character depth Samara, never a knight Templar so savvy! Kasumi! After takling with her, check your wallet, pockets and bank-accounts. Mordin, oh just Mordin, pure fun delivered at sonic-speed. Please one More!
5/4/2012 #1,221
Servius Regis

Just came from the movie theater. It's official. The Avengers is awesome.

Mind=Blown

5/4/2012 #1,222
Cirex Review

@SR: Your announcement reminds me of this:

http://www.the-gutters.com/comic/284-jeff-zornow

5/4/2012 #1,223
Servius Regis

Emiya TV: Emiya Effect Part 2

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, dark, deserted town, security mechs going on rampage, weird signals coming from inside. Anyone else not want to know?" asked Kiri.

"Shut up" said Aleksi as they closed in on the final door. "We have a job to do."

"Agreed" seconded Arika, "Just get this done."

Kiri sighed and broke down the door. They all rushed in, brandishing their weapons and expecting a firefight. What they found was…

"WHOOOO! HEADSHOT DELUXE!!!" cheered Evangeline from the mech control panel as she plugged a hole in another bird.

There was a rather thick atmosphere following that. "Um…what?" deadpanned Aleksi.

A sigh came from behind them and they turned to see Chisame walk in. "This is what I was afraid of. She takes a vacation for a while and gets hooked on to video games." She shook her head as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Come on Eva, time to go home."

"Hold on I'm about to get a high score" handwaved the loli vampire.

Arika's eye twitched. "You mean all those mechs we had to fight through were her thinking that she was playing a video game!?" she yelled.

Eva suddenly paused. "Wait, you mean this isn't a video game?"

"No"

"So my high score won't be saved?"

"…No"

The vampire fell to the floor and started crying in anguish. Chisame looked at Kiri and pointed to Eva. "May I?"

"By all means."

Chisame picked up the girl and carried her out. Arika continued seething as Aleksi turned to Kiri, "So, any idea what happened to the colonists?"

"We'll say that they were kidnapped by a bunch of alien bacon invaders. Seems as likely as anything at this point."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kiri approached the man in the golden space suit who was tormenting the prisoner on the floor. "Excuse me sir, do you know where the man known as umm…Gilgamesh resides?"

The man turned around, bathing them in a glow so intense that Kiri grabbed his eyes and cried out in pain, Arika watched her skin tan at several times the normal rate and wondered why she wasted so much money on spa treatments, and Aleksi tried to shield his armor from the light damage.

When the afterburn subsided, a man with a haughty expression pointed a rather shiny golden handgun at them. "Well Mongrels," he smirked, "What business do you have with the King of Anti-Heroes?"

"Reparations for my armor" demanded Alexsi.

"A couple more shades?" asked Arika.

Kiri rolled his eyes. "I'm Commander Emiya. I was told by my grandfather that you had been paid to help me."

Gilgamesh lowered the gun and grimaced. "Yes…that man…very well then mongrel. Show me to my new domain so that I might bathe in the radiance of the glory I shall attain on this epic quest" he ordered.

There was an awkward pause. Kiri leaned towards Aleksi. "What did he just say?"

"He said to show him to his room."

"Oh"

The prisoner on the floor took this opportunity to try and escape. Gilgamesh didn't even look in his direction as several swords pinned him to the metal grating. "Hmpf, foolish worm." He turned to Kiri. "My escort shall have to be delayed. I must turn this cretin in to…her…before a particular region on my body becomes forfeit."

As the man walked off, dragging the unfortunate slave with him, Kiri commented, "You know, we just met, but I already feel a strange set of camaraderie with him…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"There is only one rule on Omega" intoned Caren from her seat over the orgy on the ground floor of the bar, "Don't F*ck with Caren…Unless I tell you to of course."

Kiri took a moment to look at Gil, who was currently being used as a footrest. The poor bastard was wearing a look that was a strange cross between pain and pleasure, and Kiri really didn't want to know the details.

"Yea, sure" he stated quickly, trying not to look her in the eye. "That sounds like a good idea."

"Good, we have an understanding. Before I give information," her eyes narrowed, "I have a task I need you to complete."

Kiri sighed. Yet another fetch quest. How many bear a*ses did he need to collect this time? "Fine, I'll do whatever you want…"

"Lick my boots clean."

"—Just make sure you hold up…Wait what!?"

She suddenly kicked one of her designer shoes at his abdomen, causing him to double over, winded. When he looked up, the boot was staring him in the face, and now Caren was looking at him with a flushed face. "I want to see my face in those by the time you're done. Hurry up already" she ordered.

The guy who kinda looked like the indomitable commander that took down Sovereign desperately searched for an exit. Aleksi and Arika had already retreated down the stairwell to an area that was removed from the debauchery on both floors. All the mooks in the area were trying to make sure that they were looking the opposite direction.

Gil just scowled. "Mongrel, do what she says, and the two of us might just make it out of here without being violated." He received a kick in the side.

Kiri turned back to the foot in front of him and then at the sadistically smiling woman it was attached to. "Goddammit" he swore, sticking out his tongue…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We never, ever speak of that again" stated Kiri insistently. "Ever."

The two people behind him merely nodded. Arika because she told herself that not thinking about that incident would be better for her mind and Gil because he had no right to talk. Aleksi had gone back to the ship once Gil had gotten formally released by Caren. Something about needing to make a phone call to Minaka about his labor contract.

Kiri was starting to think that the previous holder of his title was currently laughing his a*s off at him from the afterlife.

That D*ck.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So you're 'Archangel'?" asked Kiri to the person who they had come to help. "You seem…smaller than you sounded in the report."

She didn't bother turning to look at him. 'Archangel' wasn't the disgruntled cop or turncoat criminal that he had been expecting. Instead, she was a young woman in stockings and a ponytail.

Oh, and carrying a sniper rifle. That was the important part.

"Anyways, I'm Commander Emiya, and I kinda need you for a bit of galaxy saving. You in?"

The woman raised her index finger, telling him to wait as she scanned the bridge. Finally, she confirmed that everyone on it was dead or retreated and turned towards him. "Depends, how big are your toys?"

Kiri raised an eyebrow and looked at Arika expectantly. She sighed. "We have plans for a ship cannon that fires liquefied metal at relativistic velocity."

Kiri looked at Gil. He shrugged. "I have a sword. It spins. You might have to j-j-j-jam it in though."

"I'm gonna guess that she meant the first one" said Kiri. He turned back to Archangel. "That good enough for you?"

She looked contemplative for a minute, and then smiled. "Sounds good to me. Just let me finish up here." The sniper rifle was set up again and soon enough she was putting more holes into those foolish enough to try and cross.

"What's this about?" asked Arika. "Justice? They say you're some kind of vigilante, Archangel."

The sniper shook her head as she kept shooting. "Call me Keiko. As for why I'm doing this, it's just their 'pervert tax'."

"Hunh?"

"I'm getting back at every person who's ever tried to molest—Hey! There's that guy that copped a feel of my ass last week at the bar! *PING* Hah! No more touches for you dipsh*t!" she laughed, continuing her trigger happy rampage.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yea, I would go out and try putting the cure to the plague in the air supply," said Souhiro lazily, "buuuuuut, I'm not feeling any motivation. You do it."

Kiri's eye twitched. "You're telling me you're willing to let these people die because you don't feel motivated to save them!?"

Souhiro just rolled his eyes. "No, I'm telling you that I'm willing to make this your job instead of mine because I don't feel any motivation to get out of this chair. Now get moving. Those people are dying on your watch." With that, he turned his chair back towards the computer and continued typing.

Looking at the vial case on the desk in front of him, Kiri sighed and carried it away, mumbling, "This better be worth it."

*Half an hour later*

"THIS WAS SO NOT WORTH IT!!" screamed Kiri as he barged back into Souhiro's office. "WHAT THE F*CK DID YOU DO!?"

The bored scientist didn't turn around. "Controlled experiment. Was trying to inoculate populace against further attacks with nanomachine therapy. Seems that it had…side effects."

Arika suddenly burst through the door and tackled Kiri to the ground. Several other women soon followed suit. With grace and ease, they began stripping off his armor and clothes and fondling his body.

"GODDAMMIT SAVE ME!" screamed Kiri at the man at the desk again.

"Can't. Nanomachines are already off, but it's gonna take about another half hour for the effects to run their course."

"MY VIRGINITY WON'T LAST THAT LONG!!!"

"Your problem, not mine."

Just as Kiri was about to abandon all hope, he was saved by a series of concussive rounds that knocked out everyone else in the clinic. He looked up to thank his savior and found Gil scowling over him with the gun.

Souhiro looked intrigued. "How did you stay unaffected by that? The only ones I slipped the antidote to were Commander Emiya and myself."

Gil's scowl got darker. "Mongrel, she has closed circuit cameras all over this rock. Fear is currently overriding my lust."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A blinking screen in the arrival lobby of the Citadel called out. "Commander Emiya! Touch the screen and receive a fabulous prize!"

Kiri did as he was told and touched the screen. Instantly, the whole thing went static. A second later a message box popped up.

"DUDEZ! YOU JUST GOT TROLLED LIKE A PRO!"

"Great" said Souhiro, "I suppose you also help Kenyan officials with a few simple financial transactions in your spare time."

"Shut up" groaned Kiri. I mean, those emails certainly looked official. They even had broken English to back up their foreign authenticity.

"Yea don't rag on the guy just because he's trying to help people" said a voice behind them. They turned to see a grinning purple haired young woman hanging upside down from the ceiling. "Yo" she said, making a "V" with her fingers.

"I take it you're Riko, the thief that my grandfather hired?" asked Kiri.

The woman disengaged the zipline and flipped over, landing on all fours. "Yup, Riko here. Master thief, smuggler, spy, saboteur, and internet troll." She paused. "Thinking over that, I should probably take the last one off the list."

Kiri nodded. "Probably a good idea." He felt his uniform, and then sighed and put out his hand. "Now can I have my stuff back?"

Riko gave out a small giggle. "Ok fine." She began pulling things out of the strangest places, like her cleavage, her ponytail, Souhiro's shoes, and Keiko's ear. "Here's your car keys, phone, wallet, signed photo of Chuck Norris, Batman trading cards, and college class ring."

Souhiro looked at him funny. "You graduated college?"

"Yea, majored in…something. Kinda hard to remember since Arika beat me over the head."

"Hunh, who would've guessed?"

"That supposed to mean something?"

"Yes, it's supposed to mean a lot of things."

Riko snapped her fingers. "Oh! Almost forgot!" She suddenly put her hand down Keiko's uniform, groping down her thigh. The gunslinger screamed and tried to blast her, but she found what she was looking for fast enough to dodge and dropped it off in Kiri's hand.

"What's this?"

Riko raised an eyebrow. "The condoms you had in your wallet. Thought you might be needing those."

Kiri felt something cold, hard, and circular press to his skull. "You have five seconds to pray to the god of your choice" growled Keiko. "Then I ventilate your skull."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"SIR ISSAC NEWTON IS THEDEADLIESTSON OF A B*TCH IN SPACE!"

"Einstein's relativistic motion beats Newtonian kinematics any day of the week" said Souhiro lamely.

"WHAT WAS THAT A*SHOLE!?" yelled back the drill sergeant. "ARE YOU DESECRATING OUR GOD!?"

"…Yes."

"TO WAR! BURN THE UNBELIEVERS!!!!"

"Goddammit Souhiro" grumbled Kiri as he watched the tidal wave of marine recruits suddenly start charging them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hello Commander Emiya!" said a reporter off in the corner. "Aliisa Al-Jilani here for Earth TV!" She shoved a microphone in his face. "Just a quick question. How does it feel to be back from the dead—"

She was interrupted by Kiri punching her across the face and into the fish pond.

As they walked away, Keiko asked, "Why did you do that? It wasn't that bad of a question."

"I dunno" admitted Kiri with a shrug, "It just felt like if I didn't, my life would remain woefully incomplete."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So can you get us any help from the council?" asked Kiri.

Saito grimaced. "I would ask but the council is a little…busy at the moment…"

Kiri looked at him. "The entire galaxy is ending. What the Hell could be more important!?"

He began walking towards the door as Saito tried to grab him and yell, "No! That isn't a good idea!"

Kiri ignored him and opened the door.

*Due to the explicit nature of the scene, mosaics have been added to cover it up. Audio is intact.*

"Uwaaah! Shirou!" moaned Saber ecstatically, "You're so vigorous today!"

"Darling…" cooed Lorelei, "Once you give it to her, it's my turn ok?"

"No fair!" pouted Sakura. "You got him yesterday too!"

"This is my reward for working so hard. Go help Luvia play with your sister."

"But Touko and Aoko already have the 'Hatecest' thing going on over there! I wanted something different!"

"You could always help Miya with tying up Karasuba…"

*The censors felt that if anything else was described, minds would explode. Therefore, audio has now been cut.*

Kiri slammed the door shut, eyes filled with terror. He looked at Saito, who was looking down apologetically. "It…never…stops…" breathed the poor guy. Keiko patted him on the back understandingly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hurry!" shouted Kiri as they sprinted through the prison ship. "We have to find a way to free Subject Blue before this whole place tries to pin us down!"

Blasting their way into the control room and killing some technician who really should have known better than to fight three heavily armed and extremely bada*s looking commandos, they walked up to the panel.

"Which button controls the cellblock security system?"

Aleksi rolled his eyes. He was getting good at that lately. "Probably the fist-sized, cherry red one? The ones that has the big keyhole printed on it?"

"Push it!" squealed Keiko, "If it opens all the cells then think of all the perverts I could kill! It would be like Christmas! On a prison ship! On crack! In SPACE!"

"Right, like I need new nightmares" groaned Kiri. Nevertheless, he pressed the button.

A cryogenic container rose out of the floor and thawed, releasing a red haired guy with a rather groggy expression. However, once that happened, a door on the other side of the chamber opened, and three heavy mechs stepped in, weapons at the ready.

"Oh sh*t!" yelled Kiri in horror as he rushed to the stairs, "Quick we have to save him before—"

"I'M FIRIN' MAH LAZER!!!!!"

One massive explosion of azure later, what was left of all three heavy mechs lay in various positions around the room.

"Before what?" asked Aleksi.

"Now? Before he blows open a hole in the hull and spaces all of us."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Erika! We're here to rescue you!" shouted Kiri as they rushed into the research overlook.

The young lady they were supposed to be extracting was currently glued to the monitors, laughing like a hyena. "Yes! Yes! Come on babies! Paint those drab walls with their blood!" she howled as her creations ran loose in the compound.

Aoshi looked at the shadow beasts that were eating the mercenaries everywhere. "Those things are her babies?" he gagged as one of them began slurping the fat out of a particularly big guy with its tongue.

The other woman in the room, a purplette carrying a clipboard and a resigned expression looked at Kiri. "Commander Emiya I presume? Don't answer. Your facial expression is enough. Rest assured, you'll get what you want, after she finishes recording this and sending it off to Milky Way's Funniest Adventure Videos." She motioned to the snack bar next to them. "In the meantime, would you like some cake?"

Suddenly, a rocket impacted on the window to the tanks. The reinforcement held, but it seemed to interrupt Erika's enjoyment of the slaughter. "Uhg, what does she want now?" she grumbled, turning around lazily.

"Probably an explanation for the sudden betrayal" suggested the other woman.

"Is 'for sh*ts and giggles' good enough for her Saku?"

"I'm guessing no."

"How about 'for the evulz'?"

"Still no. Just go talk to her Eri."

With a sigh, the raven haired woman walked over to the window and opened it with a quick tap of a button. "Alright! What the Hell do you want!?" she yelled down.

"SAHASHI!" screamed back Erika Furudo. "YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS YOU BITCH!" She fired off a few more rounds at the oncoming shadow reptiles before trying to load another rocket.

"Sorry! Can't hear you over the sound of me awesomely screwing you over!" laughed Erika. She then closed the window before Furudo could get off another shot. "Well then Commander. I'll transfer my services if you kill my former employer. Mmmk?"

Kiri grimaced. This didn't sound like a good idea, but they couldn't leave here empty handed. "Fine, just stay safe until I get back." He motioned to Aoshi and Arika. "Come on guys, let's make this quick."

*Ten minutes later*

They trooped back upstairs after killing Furudo to find an empty room and a note taped to the tank in the corner.

"Dear Commander What's-Your-Face"

Saku and I were considering going with you, ~buuuuuuut~ then we decided that the whole saving the galaxy/world/human species gig was kind of boring. Already done so many times amirite? ~Sooooooo~ we're off to go find something else to do. Preferably something that doesn't require me to put up with idiots. In return, you can have this guy.

Love,

Erika =^_^=

P.S.

He might be a little unstable when you take him out of the tank. We had him watch a whole bunch of Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan movies to keep him happy. Dunno what it did to him. But hey, that's SCIENCE!

Kiri looked at the note again. Then he looked at the figure in the tank. Then he facepalmed.

"Someone please kill me now…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"KARIN, open the tank."

"Roger that commander. Do you want a copy of the video I'm taking when he rapes you?"

"KARIN, they had him watch Enter the Dragon and Rush Hour, not p*rn. Open it."

":(" pouted KARIN. Nevertheless, the hatch opened.

Before Kiri could get time to think, the figure burst out and slammed him against the wall. "Human, male, wondering why his life must suck so much" it droned. "Who are you?"

"I'm Commander Emiya" grunted Kiri through the hold. "Do you know who you are?"

The figure blinked and loosened its hold a bit to consider this. Kiri was now able to move his head and got a better glimpse. It was definitely male, had red eyes and what appeared to be fangs, and was pretty ripped. "I'm Haru" he concluded. "It's the name the computer assigned me when that woman had me take an intelligence test in the tank. I guess I work for you now?"

Kiri nodded. "If you want to."

"Fine."

"Wow, that was easy."

"I spent my whole time in that tank thinking I would be forced to work for those two mad scientists for the rest of my life. This is a godsend."

"Point taken. Now can you let me down?"

"On one condition."

"What's that?"

Haru pointed down. "Can I at least have some pants?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

5/5/2012 #1,224
shadowzerover5

This is probably the most amusing thing I read all day. Made my crappy sick day all better.

I eager wait for the next one SR

5/5/2012 . Edited 5/5/2012 #1,225
Animesage

Ara, nice job Servius! Looking forward to the next one when it comes.

Though it makes me wonder what the loyalty missions will be like now... particularly Gru-I mean, Haru's. Hehe...

Actually everyone's would potentially be interesting~

Edit: Also, poor Aliisa being put into that reporter role... solely to get decked by Kiri and never appear again until the third game.

5/5/2012 . Edited 5/5/2012 #1,226
maximorph1

meanwhile, on an iceplanet far far away

"Okay, its official, I'm bored." BK Kiri moaned.

"What besides the fact you made perfect life sized replicas of every battle you fought using snowmen?" The White King retorted "Or the fact that you wrote every line of poetry we could come up with on the wreckage of our ship till we ran out of space?"

"Worse, the Mako is out of fuel." The Knight replied.

"Well **, I think we still had a few cliffs to run off of"

"Wonder what everyone would say if they realized I was a great driver, I just liked doing it for lolz?"

5/5/2012 . Edited 5/5/2012 #1,227
Servius Regis

Quick one before I go to sleep.

Emiya TV: Emiya Effect Part 3

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Doesn't this seem familiar?" asked Arika as they walked through the deserted town.

"What? The lack of people or the lack of background music?" asked Kiri.

"Both. This is like Freedom's Progress."

"Well, we'll know if some epic battle score sounds and something terrifying pops around the next corner."

Sure enough, right as they rounded the bend, an entire legion of bacon warriors dropped in from the sky, wielding chain forks, rocket spoons, and capital grade butter knives. Just as they were about to engage them though…

"~Pokemon! Gotta catch em all!~"

"~It's you and me!~"

"~I know it's my destiny!~"

"~Poke—"

There was the sound of something being smashed, and then sparking. The combatants looked around stupidly, not bothering to point their weapons at each other until they could figure out what was going on.

A few seconds later, a new track was put on. This time it was a sci-fi, techno kind of beat, perfect for this. Kiri looked at the bacon warrior in front of him, who shrugged.

Kiri shot him in the face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As they battled their way towards the center of the settlement, a strange force began to take hold of one of the bacon warriors.

"What is it this time!?" yelled Kiri impatiently. If it was another obligatory exposition scene he was going to just cut it off midway. "Keiko! Shoot it!"

In retrospect, that was like telling the Hulk, "Smash!" The point was still made however, and several overly large rounds impacted on the thing. Unfortunately, the strange force seemed to also be radiating a kind of defense barrier.

"At least this time there's actually a reason for us not doing jack sh*t during the transformation sequence…" mutter Kiri darkly. Once the change was complete, the baconite dropped to the ground, brimming with dark energy. "Alright!" shouted Kiri, "Burn that son of a bitch!"

A volley came from the three heroes, striking the field head on. However, when the smoke cleared, the baconite was still standing there, staring at them with…with…actually I'm not sure. But if it had eyes, it would definitely be staring with them.

All the other bacon warriors took a moment to bathe in the radiance of their ascended one. This of course, cost them a few of their number, courtesy of those with no sense of moment, but these were inconsequential to the greater whole.

The newly divine bacon lifted his hands towards the sky, materializing a...microphone?

"~THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUUUUUUUUSSSSSIIIIIICCCCCCC!!!!~"

Suddenly, that same crashing and sparking sound was heard. The transcended baconite jerked in several different directions, eventually freezing in some sort of mime pose with smoke coming out of his body.

"Um…"

"Any of that make sense to you?"

"Would we be standing here if it did?"

"I suppose not."

The baconite managed to regain control of its motor functions apparently, shaking off the episode with an apologetic gesture. "Sorry about that" it said, "Next time I'll try conquering the universe before I got for a night of binge drinking and not vice versa."

"Good plan" said Kiri.

"Thank you."

Kiri shot it in the face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So…are we done here?" asked Keiko as they stood above the field of corpses. They had managed to activate the defense towers in time to blow the ship off the planet, but without anyone to give them a victory party, it felt oddly…unsatisfying.

"No" said Kiri flatly. "We have to go save the colonists. Except for that mechanic guy that you knocked out for no reason, nobody's left."

"Hey! He was staring at my boobs for too long for it to be an accident!"

"Oh really?" retorted Arika, crossing her arms. "Are you sure that it wasn't just you exercising your incessant need for groin shots?"

"Like you know how it feels? You don't have any boobs to ogle."

"What did you say b*tch!?"

"You heard me!"

As the catfight became drawn, Kiri began wishing he had a camera. Sure, KARIN was probably taping all of this right now, but knowing her, she would probably edit in some shots from her other videos and make it sickening.

Before any of this had a chance to fully digest in his mind however, someone suddenly flying tackled him with enough force to knock over a freight truck.

"TOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU-SAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!" squealed the airborne snake girl at glass shattering pitch levels. Kiri tried to regain balance, but her grip just tightened around his chest and arms.

"Miss…" he choked, "I'm not sure…who you think I am…but can you please…let me go…?"

"NO!" she yelled ecstatically, "Tou-san is back from the dead! He can play with me again! He can cook for me again! He can go on 'It's a Small World After—Wait," she sniffed the air, "why does Tou-san smell different?"

"Erm…frequent bathing?" Kiri tried.

The snake girl shook her head. "Tou-san smells like beer, fire, whatever woman he's been with recently, and aspirin. You smell like a goat."

"…Umm" Kiri tried before resigning himself to telling the truth, "Listen kiddo…I'm not your real father. I'm just some guy who looked enough like him for that girl—" he pointed at Arika, who was still scratching Keiko, "to assault and kidnap to use as a replacement."

The girl, who had been wearing a face of extreme happiness, suddenly did a full 180 and adopted an expression of shock and horror. "WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" she wailed toward the sky.

Kiri took this chance to grab his partners and run. If they stayed here, he might be asked to answer how he reduced a veteran Alliance officer to tears. At least, that's what her uniform said.

"—OOOOOOOOO—"

"Hey guys, can you forget the respective breast size thing for now—"

"—OOOOOOOOO—"

"We kind of have to leave—"

"—OOOOOOOOO—"

"Before the Alliance comes and—"

"—OOOOOOOOO—"

Arika threw her sheathed sword at the girl. It knocked her out instantly on impact. "You were saying?" she asked as if nothing happened.

Kiri glanced at the body. "You know what, I'll skip the explanation. Let's just get the hell out of here."

"Works for me" said Arika.

"Kinda drab place anyways" seconded Keiko.

Kiri breathed a breath of relief. He had just apparently been spared from what would have likely been a life of imprisonment, torture, and –"

"Fake, when you get back to the ship, I want a private word on the bridge. Don't even think about wearing your armor. And notify your next of kin while you're at it" squawked his earpiece.

Well there went that idea.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

5/5/2012 #1,228
Lycodrake

@Everyone: ...I'm done with my finals, but having some serious trouble with coming up with anything to write for here, even the next part of VS Rani+Lancer.

That and I'm feeling more and more distanced here. ^^;;;

5/5/2012 #1,229
Nitewind

@lyco: Take some time off if you need it. You don't have to be doing stuff everyday you know.

5/5/2012 #1,230
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