The Mechanics of In Flight
One of my reviewers mentioned the idea of starting a forum for those who want to debate various points of my story without clogging up the review section too much. I decided to go ahead and give it a try.
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gabriel blessing

And like I promised, 29 is up and running. Just started this thread for any questions or comments.

One thing I know I'm curious about. After writing so many other stories in between 28 and 29, I'm wondering if my writing style might have changed. Does it still feel like a chapter of in flight? No major differences in the feel of the chapter?

5/11/2012 #1
Calpeto9

Chapter 29 doesn't really suprise me with any of the interesting tidbits that you usually insert into the story.

The only thing that hints at something different happening, whether it's departure from regular IF hijinks or canon storyline, is the end, with the cliffhanger.

So while I definitely do appreciate the new chapter, I would rate it 6/10 instead of the normally at least 8/10 for previous IF chapters.

EDIT: Just curious though, do you plan on having Miya, Shirou, and the Sekirei share the experiences of the previous incarnation of Miya; and would the discussion concerning UBW make it's debut during that time?

5/11/2012 . Edited 5/11/2012 #2
justbehappydammit

Eh, I dunno, I liked it quite a bit. Especially the argument with Seo in the middle. That was pretty new, I think.

5/11/2012 #3
Bloody Hero

I admit that I am glad that In Flight is up but I think it is a step behind the usual quality of your work. Then again this was fir the most part a set up for what happens next and a rehash of canon, I'm sure the next chapter will be a LOT more interesting.Still looking forward to the next chapter of In Flight, keep up the good work GB!

5/11/2012 #4
Vanathor

Roughly 11 chapters left (making it 75% done) and STILL no Saber and Rin showed up yet. If you are really not going to include them just say so, cause frankly I am doubting them showing up at all, and even then if they do, it will probably be a simple cameo third of a chapter appearance with nothing substantial or actually getting back together with Shirou. If this is the case just say so now, so I can expect it instead of hoping every time it updates?

5/11/2012 #5
Third Fang

I agree with everyone else. Still good, but not up to par with previous chapters. I think it was the focus on the battle that did everything in. You could have shortened it a fair amount and skipped the majority of the battle, and focused on Yukari's outbursts and Shirou's observations.

I also think that Shirou explaining of how he saw the jinki could have been stretched a bit more to keep the darker mood that the story's been taking lately more constant. I think that lingering darker mood even in the normal scenes is what gives your stories the extra edge.

5/11/2012 #6
Syroc

Hrrm, the battle was a bit disorientating, but the rest seemed pretty spot on. Of course, I have't reread the story inna while to prevent me from getting a relapse of withdrawal, so that might have influenced me a bit.

That cliffhanger, on the other hand, is evil. And intriguing.

5/11/2012 #7
Servius Regis

This probably means that Uzume's going to strike a deal where Shirou rescues Chiho in exchange for the jinki. That'll probably force a confrontation with Higa himself. This time it'll probably be a bit more intense, given the actual participation of both him and Shirou.

That also leaves the matter of the attempted abduction of Yukari. I say 'attempted' because i doubt that it'll play out like it did in canon, especially with Seo watching over them.

5/11/2012 #8
Calpeto9

Anyone else think that Shirou could remove the threat of the Jinki fairly easily if he gets his hands on one?

1. Have Matsu disable all relevant cameras and other sensing devices, then attach the Jinki to Hrunting and let loose over the Pacific Ocean.

2. Trace the Sword key to the Gates of Babylon and put one Jinki in there. (It should exist right? Even though it might be empty as I think various people already looted the original inventory.)

3. Turn Rule Breaker into a Broken Phantasm and throw it at the Jinki and hope for the best?

4. Turn the eternally sharp blade Durrandal into an arrow, attach a Jinki to it and let loose into the crust of the earth, and try to maintain the projection for as long as possible.

(Although, what would the long-term effect of having an alien product that can induce mass genocide put into a planet that seeks the destruction of humanity?)

5/11/2012 #9
justbehappydammit

@Shinkir0

Somehow I doubt it would be that easy.

@Syroc/SR

Yeah, don't get me wrong, I loved this chapter, ending included. But that cliffhanger was evil. Makes me anxious for the next chapter.

5/11/2012 . Edited 5/11/2012 #10
Calpeto9

While I admit that options 2 & 3 are iffy, what about 1 & 4?

5/11/2012 #11
Syroc

@JBHD

I enjoyed it too, but the cliffhanger... it pimp-slapped me in the mouth with my withdrawal. I need more! MOAR!

@Shinkir0

I'm going to hope for option 5, which is that a deus ex machina doesn't fix everything.

Because that has a good chance of being boring. The deus ex machina, that is. Not option 5. Probably.

5/11/2012 . Edited 5/11/2012 #12
Steel General

I liked the chapter a lot. That ending is pretty great as far as cliffhangers go.

I really liked the dialogue in this chapter. I felt it was, if anything, better written than previous episodes of In Flight.

A couple typos - "Seo ignored her more acerbic Sekirei's sarcastic comment," (should be his) "Though do to geography" (should be due).

Stabbing Jinki with Excaliber, Rule Breaker, or whatever would probably be pretty awesome but has the possibility for great hilarity to ensue.

I hope that this chapter marks Shirou deciding to participate in events and makes strong use of his abilities rather than lurking as he has been all of the Plan so far.

(not a Type Moon Lore guy, could Shirou give each of his Sekirei Fragarachs to counter Noritos before every time they go out?)

5/11/2012 #13
NAJ P. Jackson

1. Have Matsu disable all relevant cameras and other sensing devices, then attach the Jinki to Hrunting and let loose over the Pacific Ocean.

2. Trace the Sword key to the Gates of Babylon and put one Jinki in there. (It should exist right? Even though it might be empty as I think various people already looted the original inventory.)

3. Turn Rule Breaker into a Broken Phantasm and throw it at the Jinki and hope for the best?

4. Turn the eternally sharp blade Durrandal into an arrow, attach a Jinki to it and let loose into the crust of the earth, and try to maintain the projection for as long as possible.

1. That could work. Fire Hrunting at its top speed and hope MBI don't have a means of tracking it.

2. Is it even possible for Shirou to open Gate of Babylon? I thought only Gil can open it.

3. We don't know what the effects of a broken RB is though, it might not be enough to break the jinki. From what I understand Shirou attributed the jinki as something similar to what he has seen. I am guessing he meant Ea when he said this.

4. Same with 1. It could work but it's a gamble. There's a chance it wouldn't and I don't think Shirou would risk it..

5/11/2012 . Edited 5/11/2012 #14
Calpeto9

@SG

Shirou is the only one who can use the NPs besides the owners due to the fact that he copys the signature/strength/skills of the user along with the weapon.

5/11/2012 #15
gabriel blessing

Yeah, on the topic of Miya using the Jinki to call up genetic memory in Minato to reveal the jinki back story.

I get the impression that the original Sekirei is building towards something with the genetic memory scenes. It's hinted at often the way Musubi's extra crest the '08' keeps popping up, and the way that the jinki keeps reacting to Musubi specifically. In response to that, while the canon is building up to something its sure taking its time to do it, and waiting to learn more from canon Sekirei would only take up even more time. If it starts being important, then I can officially chalk up In Flight as being a divergent from canon then, and if I just claim that I'm keeping with nasuverse rules then not only would i be telling the truth, but I'd have a handwave just waiting.

Also, I considered having Miya attempt to use the Jinki to use the genetic memory bit on Shirou, only for it to fail horribly and instead cause Shirou to fully awaken to his Origin, but in the end decided to let that part out. Fully awakening to an origin, according to Kara no Kyoukai, actually causes self destruction in the awakened person awakened. Also, it while I thought the scene might be an interesting one, in the end it put too much focus on Shirou as well, and served only to function as a plot device that would end up making him a little to OP.

I might try and write up the scene anyway and then release it on the omake thread, but if I did it would just be a little 'what if' and not an official part of In Flight.

5/11/2012 #16
Calpeto9

@Gabriel Blessing There would be much rejoicing(from me) if you do that.

5/11/2012 #17
Third Fang

Same here, though I was personally hoping that when the initial jinki genetic memory flashback happened like in cannon sekirei, there would be an "irregularity" near the end of the flashback and show the flock UBW. Since it looks like Shirou can't or won't be able to materialize it completely in IF, this would be a good way to have it show up in some way.

5/11/2012 #18
LegendaryGamer

Shinkir0: Same here! I always want to see Miya use that on Shirou only happen to see a barren wasteland, swords everywhere on the ground as far the eye can see and that would make Miya finally get it through her ego that all the stuff Shirou shows her is NOT related to Sekirei in any way.

5/11/2012 #19
irfane

After he hung up the phone, I kept picturing Miya or Shirou dialing one of the two ashikabi and sending their mask over the phone... I blame SatireSwift for that. :o)

5/11/2012 #20
UNTensaZangetsu

Minaka is broadcasting the Third Stage. Can everyone see it or is it just being sent to the Ashikabi? Because if everyone can see, then shouldn't the Mage's Association and the Church being showing up soon? There's no way they would tolerate the Sekirei and their powers being shown publicly. How will Shirou participate in the upcoming matches if they are to be broadcasted? He would want to avoid drawing the MA to him and he would have to avoid using his magecraft at all during the matches if they are being televised.

Shirou's plan to hide the Jinki makes sense, but I highly doubt it will work out so well. The MA and the Church will be just as interested in the Jinki as the Sekirei and with Minaka broadcasting everything, it's only a matter of time before they find out. I find it strange that Shirou didn't think about using the Jinki to release the limiters on his flock or to save the terminated Sekirei. I could see him passing up the chance to remove the limiters, though he would at least consider it, but I can't see him passing up the chance to save the terminated Sekirei.

I'm not surprised Uzume would steal a Jinki and use it to get Shirou to heal Chiho with Avalon. Of course, Shirou probably would have done it without asking anything in return if Uzume just asked him.

I think that Third Fang and LegendaryGamer have a great idea. It would be awesome to have Miya use the Jinki to show the genetic memory, only to show the flock UBW. I would really love to see the flock's reaction to it.

@gabriel blessing

I would really love to see that omake about Shirou being fully awakened to his origin.

EDIT: Is it just me or have the avatars been made a lot smaller?

5/11/2012 . Edited 5/11/2012 #21
kazuakisama

@GB I couldn't quite keep up with what was happening during the fight. Also, I can see that Homura, Miya, Matsu, maybe Kazehana, and Shirou (possibly musubi when yume becomes more relevant) becoming the forefront of the story. The number of characters might become an issue soon.

Otherwise, I liked the story. As everyone said, not up to par with your usual stuff, but good nonetheless.

Obviously, once they get enough of the Jinki, is where the plot (hopefully) diverges from Sekirei canon, with the plan of escaping and such. I would also imagine that will be where Saber and Rin show up.

5/11/2012 #22
Tiresias535

Cockblocked again!

5/11/2012 #23
Animesage

Oooh, I am quite interested as to Third Fang and LG's idea there. Still, I look forward to the next chapter, whenever that may be.

@UNTensaZangetsu

It's not just you. The avatars are now smaller.

5/11/2012 #24
Shioran Toushin

/Badjoke The Harem Must Be Fed /Badjoke

interesting chappie, tough it sadly felt too much like a filler, but that was in the spoiler, so it wasn't that impactant. Now Shirou awakening all his genetic memory (and away from the origins, because as Araya was becoming his origin and Void became Void, Shirou becoming utterly a Sword would be bad) would be great, as he could veritably 'create' a Magic crest out of that experience.

5/11/2012 #25
Silver Sun 17

places to hide the Jinki that no one sane will touch or can reach

1. ORT's valley

2. Castle Brunstud

3. bribe/beg Zel into dumping one or more into a lifeless reality.

5/11/2012 . Edited 5/11/2012 #26
Shioran Toushin

or you can do the wrong thing and have Shiki kill them.

5/11/2012 #27
justbehappydammit

Of course, the difficulty lays in getting the Jinki to such places.

Also, I would think that Castle Brunsteid would the last place to hide something capable of killing all humanity.

5/11/2012 #28
Silver Sun 17

then the best one is Zel.

5/11/2012 #29
Wraith of Shadow

Personally I liked the chapter. One has to remember that with crossovers, there's always the possibility that the person reading is completely unfamiliar with one of the two series. Thus one has to carefully balance repeated scenes and info dumps, but this seemed needed and it wasn't dull (naughty Kazehana for the win! ;) ).

As for the cliffhanger, no bet that she's going to offer the Jinki in exchange for curing her Ashikabi. The problem is that Chiho's disease might be congenital, if so then even Avalon might not be able to cure it permanently. Though it would be able to bring her back to a state of health, she'd just begin to sicken some time afterwards. Thus the only way to keep her cured is to be around and apply Avalon regularly... I predict that Uzume is going to be teasing Shirou a lot about her and Chiho joining his harem after all. XD

Regarding Omakes, what I'd like to see as a side story is Miya using the Jinki memory player thing to allow the whole flock to see the events from the Grail War. With Shirou narrating and the flock making comments (along with expressions of massive disbelief at some points) it would be awesome! It would make for a decent, IF canon, side story (not included in the main story because it would be repeating the plot of FSN in miniature, though with good commentary).

5/11/2012 . Edited 5/11/2012 #30
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