The Mechanics of In Flight
One of my reviewers mentioned the idea of starting a forum for those who want to debate various points of my story without clogging up the review section too much. I decided to go ahead and give it a try.
New Follow Forum Follow Topic
« Prev Page 1 2 3 Next »
Soup Fish

I have to say, it does seem a bit unlikly that Higa would have his brain type guarding the hospital late at nigth, then again, i seem to remember something from cannon about that... Still, in the middle of the night though?

5/25/2012 #31

I think he was just keeping it canon, she was there in the manga when they rescued her so I think he was just keeping it consistent with the manga.

5/25/2012 #32

Something tell me this chapter is the calm before the storm.

5/25/2012 #33
Soup Fish

Something tells me this chapter is the storm before the calm.

5/25/2012 #34
Shioran Toushin

the storm before the calm before the apocalypse?

5/25/2012 #35

I'm actually afraid at the thought of what the Apocalypse would compose of in this combined world between Sekeirei and Fate/Stay Night.

5/25/2012 #36

I was thinking of a perfect arguement for Homura to use but probably won't, by Shirou risking his own life he risks all of his sekirei's. If Shirou dies than a lot of people he cares about will be 'terminated'. Shirou might not value his own life highly but he holds the life of people close to him especially high.

5/25/2012 #37
Shioran Toushin

OTOH he is distorted and has enough offensive, defensive, long, mid and Close ranged armamanets aviable at tought speed... and Avalon to keep him alive, not to mention the untested last resource of using RB on himself, adn that he is an idiot.

5/25/2012 #38
Soup Fish

what if Chioho was really an eldrech abomination?

Also Gabe, I have to say, I hope you dont go though this whole thing with Chioho unaware of the existence of magic. That would be a cop out. The same goes for Yukari, and his mom to.

5/25/2012 #39
Shioran Toushin

dunno who is Chioho, but he sounds interesting.

5/25/2012 #40
gabriel blessing

Yeah, in Sekirei canon the reason both Higa and Minato ended up going against eachother in the third match was because Minaka was punishing them both by sending them against the Disciplinary Squad. Higa was the chief of a rival company and it was implied that he had been using 22 for Espionage, and Minato had helped Kuno and whats his face to escape.

Also, in regards to why Shirou let 22 live, well, this is actually kind of embarassing. In the manga, 22 was there to keep an eye on Chiho while Uzume was going to assault Izumo House, and I got the impression that Higa tends to use Kochou as a kind of 'overseer' for some of his operations. She was also there when Higa first approached Yukari. As a brain type Higa probably uses Kochou as a sort of middle management for sensitive operations. That was the impression I go anyway, so having her nearby just in case fit in well enough.

As for Shirou not destroying Kochou completely when he had the chance, it was mostly because I have plans for 22 at a later point, and thus couldn't terminate her completely. I tried to give good reasons for Shirou to let her go in the story itself, such as Shirou not wanting to inconvenience the other patients as well as Shirou having to reevaluate his aggressive stance toward the Sekirei plan as a whole. The part where everyone is surprised at him being willing to help was supposed to help illustrate just how much of a bad rep Shirou has kind of developed, even among his own flock. However, now that he has a way to save everyone, he's still dealing with the euphoric 'I don't have to commit genocide afterall!' feeling, and thus was unusually lenient.

Even I have to admit its a bit of a weak point, considering how grimly practical Shirou has been so far, but that's my fault for writing myself in to a corner, so the best I an do is try and write myself back out of it.

Actually, Uzume's grudge against Kochou was thrown in there to be distracting as well. I'm not sure if I'll ever fully flesh that particular bit out, but if I did it will probably end up in an Omake. Wouldn't be that hard. I could definitely see Kochou abusing a position f authority over Uzume, and if Higa wanted to put pressure on her by threatening Chiho, I think he'd be smart enough to have one of his minions do it rather than do it himself.

5/25/2012 #41


Yeah, I kinda had a feeling you had something more planned for number 22.

Also, it would be great if you fleshed out just why Uzume hates her so damn much. It seems like it must be something pretty big.

5/25/2012 . Edited 5/25/2012 #42

I just assumed that Shirou running Kochou down and cutting her in half, in a hospital, in the middle of the night, would cause more trouble than he would want to deal with.

5/25/2012 #43

Worst day ever (was asaulted two fucing times, car broke and just right now I'm taking my breackfast at 7 pm) yet you updated GB, you are my shining beacon of hope for the day thanks

5/25/2012 #44

I am still waiting to see Shirou use Rule Breaker and the resulting freakout from the opposition.Also this whole Demon Ashikabi bussiness may very well come to bite him in the ass from the Mages side if whoever has tracked him down believes he actually summons demons.

5/25/2012 #45

@GB: Okay, that makes sense for #22 being there. Though I still think there should have been a guard of some sort with #22, 1) to keep her safe like how Kakizaki has bodyguards, and 2) to take down Uzume should she try a smash&grab if she completely loses it. Can a Brain type cave in Chiho's head/chest faster than Uzume's cloth striking her down? My guess is "not likely"...

If you want #22 to live and have someone to pass on the name of 'demon' to Higa... then it might be best to swap out #22 for some other poor Sekirei to get the full blast of the Asura. That Sekirei can be allowed to live, without the importance of #22 making her a valid target. Without that though Shirou could have #22 taken down (not dead, just effectively out of the game in line with his euphoria of 'yay no more genocide'... Level 1-2 injury, perhaps?), then leave a message in #22's blood or something (eg, "leave the North alone lest you want to face the Wrath of the Demon")... Not killing everyone should not give Shirou the idiot ball to let valuable enemy assets go relatively unharmed (granted, a full blast of the Asura on a Sekirei inexperienced with it is probably not 'unharmed', but Shirou wouldn't know for sure if he ended up turning #22 into a wreck and effectively no longer useful to Higa either... no reason for Shirou to go easy on her). Removing #22 from the scene here also removes the need for expanding on the Uzume/#22 grudge.

GB, I understand you like to do your beta-work yourself in order to improve, but may I suggest you find someone to bounce ideas off, like a sounding board of sorts? Having a beta isn't solely about grammar, they might catch possible plot holes too. Even better when you have a good beta that explains to you WHY you made a mistake, rather than just correcting it. I personally find improvement more likely when having a discussion with a beta, instea dof trial & error after chapters and hoping some reviewer will pick up everything. Just my two cents, your writing is still pretty good, not like if you don't have a beta it'll be unreadable or anything.

@Shirou's power boost - more Sekirei bonded equals more power/ability for him? -shrug- That's acceptable I guess, it doesn't break my SoD (not too much anyway, within reasonable limits).

5/25/2012 #46
lhklan The Unpronounceable


I think that no one expected Shirou to come with Uzume to help. Higa thought that if she's going crazy, 3 Sekireis would be enough to take her down. Akitsu and Kazehana already took care of the other two, so only 22 is left.

5/25/2012 #47

@gabriel blessing - Are Rin and Saber /ever/ going to show up? Cause quite frankly I am starting to think not.

5/25/2012 #48
Shioran Toushin

they will show at the epilogue, seriously, from the beginign this was Shirou's story and we are past the point where they could hae been part of the developing of the story, if they show will be to bring outside elements or at the very end of it.

5/25/2012 #49


We've been through this. GB said that they'd appear in the penultimate arc.


From the way it was written, I just thought that Shiro let 22 go because Uzume was more entitled to killing her, and that doing so then would get Chiho covered in blood soaked cloth. It's a bit OOC for him, but it's still believable.

5/25/2012 #50

I wonder what Shirou will do once he learns that the jinki can also bring back all downed Sekirei. That's pretty much the only thing by this point that may force him to cancel his plan, as we can expect Musubi at the very least to fight to give a new chance at love to them.

...Or will it take someone on Shirou's side to go down to force him to stay until the end, because fleeing will also have him regret forever not taking the chance to save someone close to him?

5/25/2012 #51

Meh. If that's the case, no longer as highly interested in this fic as I was. Will still read, but if not as voraciously. Freely admit what got me hooked in the first place was the fact this was a UBW Good End fic, which are rare.

5/25/2012 #52
Soup Fish

I must reluctantly support Vanathor on this one.

5/25/2012 #53
Shioran Toushin

the curious thing is that said statement was a lot of chapters back...

5/25/2012 #54


I know. He's only said it about 5 times. Maybe they don't read the forums as much as we do?

5/25/2012 #55
Shioran Toushin

i could swear it was on an author Note too...

OTOH i'0m having too much fun between the Manly Brotherhood of Justice and the White Empire Vs TSAB formerly Earth Vs TSAB topics to fall into a pit of despair when the next chapter is not posted in a few weeks

BTW TY for HoS, IF and the Forums GB.

5/25/2012 #56


Echoing ST's thanks. You got me into the Nasuverse. I'll have you take responsibility.

5/25/2012 #57

I could convince you to use your [b]heal3[/b] Ava-thingie on my Chiho, could I?"

"Well, it looks like whatever that stuff was it was strong enough to get you jumping from roof to roof," [b]Matsu[/b] pointed out, landing as she did so

Is that type error? Cuz Matsu is not going with Shirou , isnt she?

5/25/2012 #58
The Weasel King Club

I have to wonder what suplies did Shirou tell Matsu to ge the others to gather? Avalon does not really require prep time to use, and I dont think Shirou would make them go prepare domestic acomidations for Chiho in the middle of the night, so, its both important and unrelated to actualy healing Chiho.... what could it be....


5/26/2012 #59
gabriel blessing

The matsu thing was a typo, yeah, but the heal3 was on purpose. That's the way they spelled it on a few of the older final fantasys as well as a couple other rpgs I played. It's another example of Uzume displaying her disturbing gamer knowledge.

5/26/2012 #60
« Prev Page 1 2 3 Next »
Forum Moderators: gabriel blessing Obiki Doragon, Mu-Sensei
  • Forums are not to be used to post stories.
  • All forum posts must be suitable for teens.
  • The owner and moderators of this forum are solely responsible for the content posted within this area.
  • All forum abuse must be reported to the moderators.
Membership Length: 2+ years 1 year 6+ months 1 month 2+ weeks new member