|Sage of Eyes
If you read all the Uzume omakes in order you'll see something very depressing. UZUME DOESN'T GET A HAPPY ENDING, UNTIL SHE DIES. The letter saying Uzume needs to protect Misaki? MISAKI MORTALLY WOUNDED HER, and even though Uzume doesn't remember any of that Misaki certainly will. Both the endings are equally bad, the first just needs to be read with the entire series to kick ya in the gut.8/10/2012 #2,281
Still like the second one better 838/10/2012 #2,282
I KNEW IT!!!!!
and yes, the only way for Uzume to be happy is dieing (IIRC Alaya gave her permission to enter Avalon or wherever Shirou and Saber are....8/10/2012 #2,283
I'm pretty sure Allaya domain doesn't extend to Avalon.
That's Fae domain.8/10/2012 #2,284
|Sage of Eyes
I never said who the woman was, you're all making mass guesses again :d8/11/2012 #2,285
@SoE- It's Avalon-Tan isn't it?8/11/2012 #2,286
The lack of omakes for one day has released me from Lurker Mode. Now it is time for more shenanigans in Shirou's life as an eroge protag. I decided to let myself go and have fun with Shirou's dilemma. Don't care if my lore is screwed up. At least I had fun writing it, and I hope I bring a smile to your face, if not full blown laughter or a bad case of the giggles.
- -o- -o- -o- -
THE EROGE PROTAGONIST, LESSON 2:
COPING WITH BUGS
- -o- -o- -o- -
My distortion would forever remain a mystery to me.
I did not come to this conclusion so quickly, though. Rin had rubbed off on my magus side—the side that believed no mystery would remain that when you never give up trying to learn something new—and so for years I strived to find the puzzle pieces and figure out where they would fit. And not knowing at all that the picture puzzle was surreal. Pieces were arranged and the picture was forming, but because of the picture's subject matter and art style, nothing really made sense unless one was willing to go metaphorical.
My magus side did not swing that way and my questions were left unanswered.
Maybe that was for the best. The strangeness of my distortion was disconcerting at times and annoying at others, but this still helped me forge my path from a plethora of mistakes, so whenever I swayed too far from the main road, my distortion kicks in and pulls me back to the road's current fork, giving me the chance to choose again.
It never failed to help me out of tough situations.
Well, until the INCIDENTS.
The mornings in Izumo Inn were becoming routine for me. Waking up covered in various females, all except one busty and adult, was not new to me except I only had to deal with two whereas here it was more than that. Musubi on one side, still asleep, snoring lightly, drooling on my arm; Akitsu on the other side, awake, quiet, watching me unblinkingly; and Kuu-chan lying on my chest, also asleep, also snoring lightly ("Onii-chan . . . swords . . ." she murmured in her dreams, making me smile), and also drooling.
I was about to extricate myself from the girls and begin my morning rituals, but the decision tree stopped that.
[Kiss Someone Else]
Well . . . that escalated quickly.
And this was probably the first time I had four choices this time.
Most males would decide quickly on a girl they like the most in this situation, but I was not most males and these girls were definitely not human. It was not as if I found the thought of kissing a non-human disgusting, because if I had no knowledge that Musubi and Akitsu were non-human, I might've thought of them as any other human being. Kuusano was a different case because she was just too young for anything more than a kiss to the cheek or forehead. Besides, since they were Sekirei and bonded to me, kissing Musubi or Kuu-chan would no doubt activate their Norito and I didn't want to cause mayhem this early in the morning. Akitsu would've been the rational choice since she didn't have a Norito, but I didn't want to remind her that no matter how much our lips meet there would be no chance for her to experience the bond with an Ashikabi her fellow species had. It was too cruel for the 'broken' ice woman.
Since all three routes were declined, I chose the fourth option, which prompted me to another decision tree.
[Kiss Someone Else]
Well . . . this was getting annoying.
Uzume was out because she already has an Ashikabi, and I doubted she'd take the whole experience without complaint.
I didn't know who this Matsu person was, and I'd been screwed by this distortion too many times to believe this was anything good. A part of me believed that this was the other Sekirei living here, which made choosing this one worse because I had no idea whether or not she was already winged. Both options would just complicate things further, and I already had three Sekirei. It was probably against the rules to monopolize too many of the birds.
And as for Miya . . .
The less said about it, the better.
I did not want to die via fear again. Not again.
I already chose the fourth option without much thought over who else was left. And thus, I hated my life again.
There was just no winning in this situation.
A day after the "kissing" incident and extricating myself from the bundle of Sekirei, I went to the bathroom to wash up. Akitsu, as usual, walked at my flank like a vigilant bodyguard. I did my best not to look straight at her face, lest I might end up reminiscing what had occurred yesterday and the whole mess caused by it.
Apparently I was screwed both ways whether I kissed Homura or everyone. Kissing Homura prompted the rest of my flock to "revert" me to the proper orientation, which ended with an . . . well, uh, you know. Miya realized what they were about to do, so she summoned that demonic mask of hers again. My flock cowered while I took notes—I was glad it wasn't as bad as the incident that killed me.
When I took the reset, I came back to the most recent decision tree and no matter how many times I tried resetting, I always came back here. I naively thought that if the Homura route was a danger zone then maybe the other wouldn't be as bad.
I learned something from this, fortunately: Do not always trust the logic of "when there's good, there's bad," because there is also the logic of "when there's bad, there's worse."
Maybe it was because I had very developed circuits or another part of my distortion I neither understood nor discovered for the past years since it came to my life, but from the moment I kissed Uzume, a bit of my od was taken and wings sprouted from her back. My shock paled in comparison to hers, my flock, and even Miya. I had apparently winged an already winged Sekirei.
And winged an unwinged one, too, judging from Matsu's whispering of "Forever and ever" into my ear.
When it was Miya's turn, she resisted our lips connecting, but I found it strange that she did not put up a difficult fight. Very strange indeed. I knew quite well that she was superior to me in physical strength, yet I was able to overcome her and planted that kiss. It was as if she wanted me to kiss her . . .
No. No, that was impossible. Not Miya, the blocker of all events that are sensual inside the Inn.
And as I thought of this, she recovered from her dazed state, stared at me with tomato-colored cheeks, and then summoned the full brunt of the Hannya and I died from the exposure. If I harbored a grudge against Miya for letting me experience such a frightening death not once but twice, I would've done something malevolent to her by now, but I didn't because my death, followed by a brief visit to the Taiga Dojo, turned back time a little farther than my reset attempts. Right back to the very first choice of that day.
Since I wished to avoid such chaos from iterating, I ended up choosing to kiss Akitsu. While the experience left me with questions about the Scrapped Numbers and how exactly they were deemed "scrapped," it made Akitsu more clingy to me, like a dog getting a treat after doing a trick it forgot afterwards. Akitsu had no idea what prompted me to claim her first kiss, but she already found the taste of me sweet and addicting, so she wished for more even if she never voiced this out loud. Her actions spoke enough of her motives.
Believing that things couldn't get any worse, I entered the bathroom and was greeted with a decision tree.
. . . are you kidding me?
Why make a choice over something so mundane?
I opted for washing my face first and when I was done, another decision tree gave a choice between brushing my teeth and walking immediately to the kitchen to fix today's breakfast. I sighed mentally and chose the first option.
It didn't end there. For the whole morning, I was bombarded with an assortment of choices ranging from mundane things, like picking which side dish to cook, to ludicrous things, like choose between picking my nose and my ear or choose between taking my first walking step with my left or right foot. I was certain I had encountered over a hundred decision trees since the start of the day.
I didn't think something was wrong until it had to be spelled out for me.
[Ponder over distortion problem and realize the cause]
[Ignore problem and suffer another 2813 decisions for today]
I was honestly curious about the last choice until an almost forgotten memory decided to pay a visit to my brain, thus saving me from another traumatic event. I had been given this choice before, around the time of my first class in the Clock Tower. Rin was in attendance with me and she idly noted that the majority of students in this class were female. I had been about to retort something I could no longer recall when the decision showed up. The curious and naïve and utterly stupid person that I was decided to throw caution out the window and choose FEAFH.
Which stood for Fvck Everything And Feed Harem.
And when it said Fvck Everything, it meant FVCK EVERYTHING.
Needless to say I steered clear from the bottom two decisions and selected the first. Another decision tree followed.
[Med1t8 0u3r -OOcd 4lias,,.ol23rfd]
. . . what?
BUG IN GAME FOUND. SCANNING FOR CLEAN SECTOR TO PLAY . . .
Okay, I am officially freaked out now. And judging from what was happening, I was stuck in the time-stop moment until the . . . scanning progress had reached completion. And even then, I had no idea what my distortion had in store for me. This was the first time it had happened. And what did it mean about a bug in the game? Did my distortion believe itself to be in control of a game? Did I believe myself to be in a game?
CLEAN SECTOR FOUND.
DO YOU WISH TO SKIP THIS SCENE AND PROCEED THERE?
With nothing to lose, I chose yes.
And thus, my life passed me by.
My first conscious thought was What? before my eyes focused on the bloodied remains of MBI's CEO, Minaka Hiroto, at my feet. Kanshou and Bakuya were traced in my hands and they were stained red. One did not need to be a rocket scientist to connect the dots. How far had I skipped?
"You did it, Shirou-san!"
I turned around and saw my flock, gathered with the rest of their fellow species, all 108 of them, smiling at me with adoration and respect.
And they were all naked.
"Urk!" I quickly looked the other way, fighting the blush from overcoming my face.
"Now that the Sekirei Plan is over, it is time for the victory event!" a voice, sensual and mature, sounded off from somewhere in the naked crowd.
"Victory event? What's that?" Musubi asked.
"Why, celebrating being bonded to our Ashikabi of course!"
Ashikabi . . . did she mean me?
"All 108 of us!"
. . . come again?
"And what better way to celebrate than having our wedding night with Shirou-tan. We're all ready for it, after all."
"Ara ara. I must say I miss having a lover," Miya said—wait a tick, MIYA?! "Dear Takehito, please forgive me, but I cannot help falling for Shirou-kun."
"Onii-chan, what do we do on our wedding night?"
No. No. Nononononononono . . .
"Come on, Shirou-san, let's start the festivities!"
My indignant shout reached the heavens.
ACHIEVED SECRET ENDING:
THANKSGIVING DAY FOR THE HAREM
- -o- -o- -o- -
I wanted to include loop bugs, but couldn't think of anything to present it into the clusterfvck I had let my mind and my fingers to run off in.8/12/2012 #2,287
Please tell me that's not the end of the series. I love this.8/12/2012 #2,288
|Sage of Eyes
Funny Stuff.8/12/2012 #2,289
@JJE that was fvcking hilarious. I laughed!8/12/2012 #2,290
I honestly don't know.
If I get more ideas, Lesson 3 will eventually be green lit. In the meantime, I'm letting my brain percolate for good eroge-based gags.8/12/2012 #2,291
That was screwed up, but freaking hillarious. I feel sorry for Shirou, so many bugs, so little to do possibility to avoid getting into those but related trouble.8/12/2012 #2,292
|NAJ P. Jackson
That made my day. Thanks XD8/12/2012 #2,293
I guess that's what one would call a Good/Good/Bad end. Good for the Harem, and a mixture of both for Shirou.8/12/2012 #2,294
I approve.8/12/2012 #2,295
if this offends you i am terribly sorry but upon reading your gloriously hilarious Omake i couldn't resist trying to play in your sand box the idea just wouldn't leave me alone so i had to write it *falls to knees* please don't kill meeeeuck *is interrupted by a knife in the throat*
Spend time with Miya in the kitchen.
Spend time with Akitsu outside.
If I could have moved I would have sighed, that option had appeared for every decision I had faced with for the past month. And I was really getting annoyed by it, It almost felt like there was all powerful being manipulating my life for its own amusement.
So with no better option I picked the first option and began to move into the kitchen. Or I would have if I had not been stopped by another decision, except this was not like the others there was only one option.
Congratulations! You have got an achievement "Get 60 Miya points"to see this achievement and others select menu.
Wait... What? There was a menu!
Quickly calling up the menu option, I was surprised to find that my grey-tinted surroundings faded away to be replaced by an ornate scroll that covered most of my vision. I could dimly make out that it seemed to be overlayed on what looked like Unlimited Blade Works.
Pushing this oddity from my mind I took a look at the various options arrayed before me at the top was Resume Game followed by some others that I was less interested in until right near the bottom I saw one option that seemed very odd it simply read Genre.
Now this was interesting so I selected this option to find myself on a new screen that had various options on it with one of them selected... and of course I thought to myself it read Harem.
initially I could not describe the irritation I felt, until I saw some of the other options and realised it could be worse. The one marked Yaoi made me shudder as did the Gender Bender one.
But what really annoyed me is upon reading the description at the top of the page I found out that the selected genre controlled what decisions I was given, in order to make sure things went according to the genre.
As I hovered over each genre trying to decide which to change it to and reading the descriptions I came across the one marked Shounen according to the description it was the standard good vs bad genre suited to being a hero... I knew what genre I wanted.
So it was with baited breath I reached out and touched the Shounen genre... only to be interrupted by a loud buzzing followed by the words, Shounen genre is locked complete Harem genre to unlock it.
At that moment deep in my soul within Unlimited blade works I felt a sword crack.8/12/2012 . Edited 8/12/2012 #2,296
Ouch, that was cruel. I'm talking about what happened with Shirou not your riding on JJE's coat-tails.8/12/2012 #2,297
|Sage of Eyes
I know, I'm such a sadist. :D8/12/2012 #2,299
*Shoots killer, stopping him from killing enigma at knife-point*
I approve. It'd be sad to let a good idea go to waste because of non-existent omake copyrights and patents. This snippet of yours is definitely laughable.
Hahaha. That last line took the cake.8/12/2012 #2,300
Now that was evil to poor Shirou. His goal. To be a hero. So close, yet so far. I think he'll be very happy when he finally unlocks the shoune genre. Think about it for a moment. No more insane harem routes, no more dozens of women completing for his affection, no more clingy harems, no more overly complicated plots, only the good guy beating up the bad guy and one clear love intrest.
The last one is entirely optional for Shirou, but hey. Harems will finally be over.8/12/2012 #2,301
..... Nowing Shirou's luck (by which I mean our vindictiveness) shounen genre would still be a harem. Look at Negima... or was that considered shenin?
Evil thought, Shoujo genre somehow becomes the default..... no, wait that's not neccessarily evil.....8/12/2012 . Edited 8/12/2012 #2,302
You mean Mahou Shoujo?
How would that even work?8/12/2012 #2,303
|Silver Sun 17
Tuxedo kamen to Musibi's sailor moon?8/12/2012 #2,304
|Sage of Eyes
Omake: Bloody Blades 4: Bleed Free Or Die Harder.
I rubbed the bridge of my nose, a habit that I learned off of Rin. Though I did not make use of it often, I felt that I would probably be doing it much often now.
"Let me get this straight," I leaned forward as far as I could on the appropriated wheelchair that I had I been using to move ever since my disastrous fight with the construct and steepled my fingers together. It was hardly necessary, but according to the woman who was fidgeting in my gaze it would help me heal a few days faster if I used it instead of walking. "You attacked this man-"
"Shiki," The man provided politely from the side, I idly noted he didn't seem all that worried at the moment. "And I'm just in high school. I don't think that I can actually be called a man yet."
"My name's Shirou," I gave him a nod, which he returned with a lazy wave. I didn't know how I didn't notice the uniform he wore at the moment, since it was practically just like my old uniform save a palette change to blue. "Nice to meet you Shiki-san."
Having correctly dealt with ancient Japanese customs, I turned back to my pseudo-partner/employer to finish our conversation. Given the fact that the man was perfectly polite, I would feel even less guilty about this entire debacle.
"You attacked Shiki, for no particular-"
"Oh?" The lavenderette declared loudly, standing up from her chair and striding towards them purposefully. "The two of you know each other?"
"Hey, wait a second-" I fumbled with the wheelchair for a few moments, forgetting to take off the brake as I tried to wheel myself to intercept my prey.
It was to no avail, within moments she was between the two, arms around them, as Shiki fussed over the pseudo-vampire. Our eyes met, and while mine promised swift retribution she stuck out her tongue.
I will deliver my Tohaska Rin speech, dammit! I earned the right to give my Tsundere speech!
I examined the chair, or to be more appropriate, what used to be a chair.
"So this is your skill, Shiki-san?" I reached for a piece of what remained of the wooden chair from my perch, but Shiki handed it to me before I even stretched my arm. I muttered a thanks, as I examined it.
"Yes," He placed his glasses back on his head, blinking rapidly as he placed the limiter back on his face. "My eyes allow me to cut through anything with ease, so long as I can reach them with my knife."
"Does it need to be a knife?" I quizzed as I thumbed the perfectly smooth cut, more than a few weapons going through my head as I searched for something that could replicate such a cut. There was the Ame-No-Marukumo-no-Tsuragi of course, but that particular blade's legend was so wildly believed that summoning it could probably recall Susanoo back to reality, and I didn't have any plans on reviving any deities any time soon.
"As long as I can use it to cut, I can use it as a weapon. Knives are just the easiest to conceal and the most available," Shiki admitted, scratching the back of his head. "I wouldn't mind using a sword or something instead though, it would make my life a lot easier if I could have some distance beyond three inches."
I gave him a small grin. I held out my free hand to my side, the other still holding the triangular piece of wood. The blade formed, it was about 4 and a half feet long and at its widest it was half a foot long. It was a claymore a doubled handed weapon designed to cleave apart pikes with brutal force, with the two-handed handle accounted for it was nearly 6 feet tall.
Due to its massive weight, and the fact that I could not support it because of my position it stuck itself upon the carpet with a dull thunk.
In hindsight, I should have chosen a weapon that wouldn't stick itself into the carpet but the look on my new test subject- I mean ally- 's face made it worth it.
You would think that a man that could cut anything apart would try to learn Gradation Air to get access to superior weaponry.
I put my hands together on my lap, using the piece of wood as a pseudo lap rest, and giving him a wide smile.
"I think I can help you with that."
He was dazzled by the sword for a second, he approached it and tried to heft it from its place on the ground, but like many knights had tried to do with another particular sword in my mind, he was unable to lift it.
"Shirou-san, I appreciate the thought but I won't be able to use thi-"
I held out my hand again, and a Nodachi formed into existence, nearly six feet in length but only a few inches across. Unlike the modern swords, this one would have no problem cutting men apart battle after battle even without my new ally's abilities. Machines could never equate to a sword smith that had created hundreds of its kind after all.
The fact that it was a legendary wash pole helped quite a bit.
He lifted the new blade from my hands as if it was a baby. I could feel anxiety mixed with his excitement as he held it in front of him in what he probably felt was the most natural.
I felt like just giving him the weapon, changed more than I could possibly comprehend.
Aren't they supposed to try to kill each other?
Which Shirou is this?8/12/2012 #2,306
no, they would dislike eachother, because their own unique Philosophies AKA Shirou's 'save everyone i can/make everyone happy at the cost of myself' and Shiki's 'Every life is sacred' plus their brains and skills seem to be the perfect counter for the other in this particular case Shirou is older than Shiki and Shiki is not the one Post Tsukihime (where, much like F/SN for Shirou cements his way of life).
heck they can be friends and tolerate eachother, but their philosophies are what puts them at odds.8/12/2012 #2,307
And frankly far stranger people have been great friends so not really a problem.8/12/2012 #2,308
I agree with Chrnno. I actually don't see why they can't at least be acquaintances who get along at least decently. The impression I've got about the two lead me to think that they're actually pretty similar in many ways. If it were Fate/Shirou then I would think that they'd probably just have a small debate if they ever discussed their ideals.
The only two real differences I can see between their philosophies (besides Shirou being more self-sacrificing) without doing a phycho-analysis on the two of them are that Shirou is willing to kill when he thinks it is necessary, and that Shirou goes more out of his way to help/save as many people as possible. I actually don't believe that Shirou is so indifferent to killing in any of the outcomes for him except for in the MoS ending. I've don't think I've ever seen Shirou be the sort to put killing as the first option in a situation without trying other things first, or at least considering other options first. Shirou was quite reluctant to kill in the HGW at the start until he learned that at least the other Servants would have to die for it to end.
*Edit* Pardon me, I just realized that I should mention too that I'm not a real expert on Tsukihime. That means that I only know the stuff about Shiki that I've seen from the first 3/4's of the anime and his appearance in Battle Moon Wars. In that game both Shirou and Shiki actually get along pretty well.8/12/2012 . Edited 8/12/2012 #2,309
From my own admittedly limited knowledge, I'd say that the main difference between Shirou and Shiki is that Shirou is more idealistic and proactive.8/12/2012 #2,310
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