Alright I was sent here by a member. I would really like to join if possible. Anyhow here it goes…
The wind blew hard and the rain stung her pale lily skin. 'Goku….'It had been almost six years without him. Chi Chi thought it would get easier. She was wrong. There was no forgetting, no healing, and no peace of mind. She looked at the small tombstone that held his name. A knot formed in her throat. All she wanted was him and now he was gone. For what seemed like was going to be forever. 'How can I go on like this? I feel half alive.'The rain became heavy and the wind quit swirling around her body.
Why I should be added. Hmmm…..that's a tough one. I really hope to be added because I'd like to meet other writers and share ideas. I love creative criticism and really love writing a lot. As for being a good writer I don't think I suck at it but I do need to improve.
What I can offer. I'm on here a lot and I'm constantly writing or reading something. I give an honest opinion and I can be very creative if given the chance. What I can really offer is creativity I'm most, of the time, good at coming up with idea's on the spot.
All in all I hope you guys add me thanks for considering me =)10/13/2011 #301
Alright, nice to meet you Vira.
Your writing feels powerful however there isn't that much to judge off. 4/7
You admit that you are unsure of your level of writing by saying that you need to improve, honesty is good in my opinion. 2/3
I'll give 1.5/2 for your offers, seeing that is nearlly what everybody says these days.
7.5/12, a pass if my maths is correct.10/13/2011 #302
Alrighty Vira here we go :D
Your writing Is great, but I have to agree with Raz here you need to add a little more for your sample. 4.5/7
honesty is great, and this is a learning experience for everyone, and its great to have more people who can take critcism. 2.5/3
Its true, lol that is the main response to this part of the application, those are all great qualities, but I personally am going to look for something unique in this part. 1/2
Total: 8/12 Which is pass.
And welcome to the forums, please enjoy your stay and check out the General Chat - 3 where you can meet and talk to any of the members or any other fans online. Thank you! Come again! :D10/13/2011 . Edited 10/13/2011 #303
Yeah your both right though I could have went on but I wasn't sure on how long I should make it. Sorry for that. *Slaps head*10/13/2011 #304
Hooray another applicant :D
Should Be: 3/3
Bonus: 1/2. Had a nice attitude and it's good to have someone who's on a lot.
9-12... Pass10/14/2011 #305
Explosion of members.. O.O Awesome to have you join, Vira! ^^
Writing: Uhhh... really, it is a bit short. So, I'll give you 4.5/7
Should Be Added: You want to improve, that's good. 2/3
Bonus: That answer is definitely common. 1/2
That's a 7.5/12, I think. A pass.10/14/2011 #306
Hi Vira, glad you applied
Writing: I could feel myself being drawn into the story; yet, I wish it was a bit longer. 4/7
Reasons for joining: You'd like to meet other writers & share ideas. You got the gist of what TDS is about. 2/3
Bonus points: Something about you seems honest and hopeful... 1/2
That's a total of 7/12. You pass.10/14/2011 #307
WooHoo! I'm glad I passed =D
Yeah I should have made that longer. =(
Wish that wasn't what everybody put. Oh well its kool cause I passed haha =)10/14/2011 . Edited 10/14/2011 #308
Name: Meiyo Motou, or Liz. Any other nicknames I am fine with as long as I approve them.
Writing: (Title: Farewell for Dragon Ball Z)
The world is about to end.
Several years, the magnificent Saiyan planet of Vegeta ruled after having defeated the habitats of the former Plant Planet. King Vegeta led the invasion, successfully killing anyone in its way to glory and power.
Yet, the mighty Saiyans are about to die.
They are about to cease to exist.
The hearts of many warriors are heavy with humiliation as the brilliant light engulfs them.
They should have listened.
They should have been watching.
They should have been attentive.
They should have been supportive.
But they were deaf, they were blind, they were ignorant, and they were cold toward one another.
The mighty planet had seemed to flourish, when in reality, it was enslaved, and it was separated.
Only one Saiyan realized the mistakes, the real importance of life. Bardock tried to fix the mistakes.
But it was too late.
Frieza chuckles as the lights engulf the planet.
He loves the darkness, yet he is laughing with joy at the light... The irony...
Many Saiyans curse themselves.
They regret everything. They regret killing... Many images appear on their minds.
Sweat, tears, blood... Wasted.
Some Saiyans close their eyes, not wanting to accept defeat. Some smile in spite of the situation.
The Saiyans hold on to their Saiyan pride.
Forever and ever.
The light goes dark, and all they can say is...
Why I believe I should be added: Well, I am not the best of writers, but I wish to improve on that. Coming to this group, I believe, will help everyone as well as myself to achieve that goal.
What can I do for TDS: I know a total of three languages fluently, including Spanish. Spanish seems to be a popular language in FanFiction.Net as well, and I could translate. My grammar is also in a good level, so I can be a beta reader. I also know some fandoms such as Harry Potter, Death Note, Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, Series of Unfortunate Events, Dragon Ball/Z/GT, Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series, and a few more.
Bonus: This is probably going to be a zero, but… I can be busy at times. So work done might be a bit tardy considering the circumstances of life. And… I have an apple. :D10/14/2011 #309
I really enjoyed reading this piece. Everything rang so true that I couldnt help but feel that this was just punishment for the Saiyans. Even Bardock, who did his best to save the planet, who tried to warn his people didnt get my sympathy at the end, since you so elaborately put..."They regret everything. They regret killing... Many images appear on their minds. Sweat, tears, blood... Wasted" it really made me feel like this was the perfect ending to a cruel race, but anyway, i babble. I spotted one or two errors, but other than that, it was pretty good. I give it 6/7
Opening the group to the possibility of new languages sounds pretty awesome to me, and I liked all your other reasons as well. I'm gonna go ahead and give you a 3/3
Well, if you make it into the group, I hope you'll find time to participate, because otherwise, there really is no point. Bonus points are random, so I'll be random and give you a random 1/2
That's a 10/12 from me.
Good luck with the rest of the members.10/14/2011 #310
Oh I really enjoyed this snip bit, I would love to know more- and that is really good. Usually I'm all for the fluff, but this made me feel so different. I think your writing style is unique, so I give you a 5/7
Your reason of why is pretty detailed and strong. Also you are very true when it comes to spanish, and sometimes have the block of not knowing the language really is horrible! Especially when the stories seem so GOOD, so you'd be a great Asset! So you get 3/3
Bonus points, well I'd say 1/2
So You get an 9/12, which is a pass! Good luck with the rest ^_^(''''')10/14/2011 #311
Hey Liz... Got to go soon so I'll make this quick.
I really really liked that. Great to read. 6/7
Should be added: 2/3
Bonus: 1/2 for the apple :D But really you've got two languages down and a couple popular fandoms.
9/12 that's a pass from Kaka10/14/2011 #312
Oooh lordy, its like seeing an old friend, oh wait it is.
Writing: What you have is quite good, your using your rules of three to drive in that emphasis. But it is lacking that oomph, you have given so much to this to grab peoples attention, all it needs is that little bit more and you have got a following. 4/7
Why you should be added: Wanting to learn from each other is what brought this group into being. 3/3
What you can do: Having that ability to transalte work into other languages is top banana, but would you be able to acomplish this all on your lonesome. And in terms of beta readers, we are unindated with them.1/2
8/12 i think, its been a while since i was at school so the adding up could be rusty. But i do believe thats a pass.10/14/2011 #313
What in the world? It's like a swarm of new members. X-D Anyways, on to your assessment.
Writing: I liked it. I felt this unsettling feeling wash over me as Frieza and these rutheless Saiyans were being described. I felt like it could've flowed a bit better. I understand you may have wanted to use repetition, to draw your reader in a bit more, but after 5 or so sentences I wished you could've started your sentence off with something else. 5.5/7
Reasons to join: I like the way you think. Being fluent in Spanish and wanting to help TDS in that way, is a great idea. You also want to improve. 2/3
Bonus points: I would so like that apple right now. 1/2
That's a total of 8.5/12. You pass!10/14/2011 #314
writing: you had me drawn in imeadiatly. 7/7
why: three languages? wow. what the other? YES! ANOTHER SM AUTHOR! 3/3
bonus: i like honesty. ^_^ 1/2
total: 11/12 pass. :D10/14/2011 #315
Okay Meyou, with the verdict of one original, one full and 4 partials.
Welcome to TDS, collect your bag and uniform at the main desk.10/14/2011 #316
Mind if I also grade hers? I've been waiting for like a week. (T.T I do realize I don't exactly have a life outside of FF) Damn my timezone!
Writing: o.O That drew me in very well, so I give you a 5.5/7
Should Be: 2/3 Common answer, but that's the point of TDS.
Bonus: 1/2 Hah, I wrote that, too.
8.5/12 A... seventh pass? I think. :P10/14/2011 #317
Okay, here goes nothing:
Pen name: OrangeStarExpress
Preferred Name: Orange/Star/Orange Soda ;p
Writing Sample: (Excerpt from Weeping Angels & Lonely Nights)
And there it was, half-buried under a mountain of baseball caps, a lone marble ballerina poised gracefully atop an engraved pedestal frozen mid-attitude en pointe. It was a birthday gift from Videl's mother given to her several years ago; the last one she would spend with her mother before she passed in a fatal car accident on her way to her dance recital.
"It should've been me… It should've been me. It's all my fault." A younger Videl whimpered, clinging to the last piece of her mother in her possession, the lone ballerina, as tightly as she could as if it would disappear just like her mother if she didn't.These same words echoed through her sub conscience for months like a reoccurring nightmare. It was on that day the innocence was erased from her being, once vibrantly bright blue eyes had become glassed over and reddened from the constant flow of tears. This went on for weeks, and she swore she'd never dance again.
The figure was cracked slightly in several places from where she'd gripped too tightly. Videl ran her fingers along the cool stone of the ballerina as she bit down on her lip in a fruitless attempt to hold back her tears. As she wiped her eyes to clear her blurry vision her gaze became fixated on the small engraving across the face of the pedestal. She stared at it for a few minutes with a tired, blank expression before clenching her fist in anger once more. In a fit of grief and fury she let the figure drop to one of the only bare spots of carpet with a muffled, unceremonious thud. She was tired, she really was… This was the last thing she needed the night before Calculus exams first thing in the morning.
Why I should be accepted: Well.. From the short time I've spent here so far, I like you guys! I feel that I can contribute to group projects/writings as well as grow as a writer here.
What I can offer TDS: Well, I do feel that I'm a decent writer so there's that.. Pretty much what I said above, I'll just support what the group is doing and contribute what I can.10/15/2011 #318
Seriously, where are all you guys coming from? A genuine question for all people interested in joining, could you please tell us how you heard about us? It helps to know what we're doing right.
Alright Orange, your writing is powerful, it left me wanting to read more. 6/7
You like us..............not really sure if that's a legit reason or not. 1/2
For what you can offer I give you 1/2
That's 8/12 from me, a genuine pass mark. Good luck with the others10/15/2011 #319
Awesome! Okay... so let's get crackin'.
Writing:It's emotional, descriptive, but I didn't feel all that much. Maybe I'm just a heartless bastard, or that I'm half asleep.5.5/7
Should Be:It's a common answer, but that's the point of TDS, so I give you1.5/3
Bonus:Common answer again.0.5/2
So that's a7.5/12. Since it's early in the morning (for weekends for me), I'm like Jin, blunt and sleepy. Pass...10/15/2011 . Edited 10/15/2011 #320
Hey Orange! I told you I was going to be tough, so strap yourself in for this one.
Writing: I like it, the mood, the tone, and how I could imagine the entire scene. I became depressed and engrossed with your story. And it kind of reminded me of Save the Last Dance with Julia stiles. (a movie which I happen to love) Anyways I give you 6.5/7
Why should you join: That's the same thing most people say. I wish you would've elaborated. .5/3
Bonus Points: Because you got to know us first and actually began to chat away, I'm giving you 2/2
That gives you a total of 9/12! You pass.10/15/2011 #321
Okay, here we go.
Your writing is very good. attention to detail, great description, great layout, all very good. I enjoyed reading it and it made me want to see more of this piece, so I will probably venture off to your profile and read this story a bit later. I give you 6/7
Reasons for Joining/Why you should be considered: Yep, Yep, all very sound. 2/3
Bonus points: Well, you did turn super orange AND took it up a notch to super orange II! O.O plus you got high with the members on TDS, plus you and Saiyajin + Vira got really inappropriate last night soo...I should actually be deducting points from you, only...I LOVED IT! so I'm gonna go ahead and give you 2/2
So yep. 10/12 That's a pass from gue
good luck with the rest of the team10/16/2011 #322
|Team Dragon Star
Writing. 5/7 Only thing I can complain on is that it was not long enough.
Should Be: 3/3
Bonus: I like your attitude a lot, and you seem like a good guy. 2/2
10/12 from Kaka.
5/5 you pass my friend :D10/16/2011 #323
Pen: Mikey H. (But Mikey is fine)
Sample: "I miss him so much Gohan, but I knew he would have been so proud of you if he had been here today" She said, embracing her son in a long and warm hug, followed be the little brother joining in.
I am proud … A voice whispered thru reality, the voice never made it to the small house in the middle of the wilds, but it would, someday. (Rose are red)
I rushed towards the monster Cell and my father with the speed of light; I rushed towards him like it would be the last time he would ever hold me in his arms. The tears ran down my face in streams, was I going to make it in time? From across the battlefield I could hear distant worried calls, telling me to stop, telling me to leave my father behind, telling me, to give up on my hero. (Diamonds in the rough)
I feel that I have my writing style to contribute with as every style is different I would also very much like to learn from you guys who are like the"rockstars" of FF. I believe I should be added because I would make a great part of your team and hopefully a full member at some point10/16/2011 #324
Holy shit, what is it about this week, did we suddenly get popular?
There isnt enough to get a good read on ability,what you have is a little short, and there are some errors. But after some investigation i found that you were danish, so is english your first language? so i got to give a 4/7 just for effort.
We aint rockstars, and we are still learning ourselves. I think your one of a few people who said they wanted to learn from this experience. 2/3
Kaka is 6/12 a pass or is it not, you do the math smart arse.10/16/2011 #325
Nah English is my "second" language, but I feel I'm pretty good at it of course with some grammar mistakes, which I am working very hard on .... I hate grammar -.- :)!10/16/2011 #326
Dont we all, now head on over to general chat 3 and get acquainted. Dont want to get shouted at for clogging up marshalling with random chat.
Just got to wait on 4 more people now.10/16/2011 #327
I just don't get the sense that you've put too much effort into this application. Spelling mistakes such as 'thru' instead of through, are just sloppy, and text message like. Please pay more attention.
The excerpt itself is short, too short. I don't really feel like I got an opportunity to sink my teeth into it. The first person section was decent, I felt a spark of interest ignite from within, but then the whole thing was over. 3/7
I cannot fault your reasons for wanting to join TDS or how you feel you can contribute, but we are far, very far from being rock stars, well maybe Raz *sees stars* but yeah, let's not go there right now. 1.5/3
I wish your application had been more organised, but at the same time it's not like we are some elite anal academy or anything, so 1/2 for effort.
My tally seems to be 5.5/1210/16/2011 #328
Alrighty Mikey. (Seewhatididthere)
Writing:3.5/7 There really wasn't much there to be able to properly score, but you show a lot of promise for someone who's not a native English speaker.
Should be: 2/3 A good a reason as any I guess, just became a member here myself this morning. Hm, rock stars.. We have the drugs but lack the musical talent.
Total: 6.5/1210/16/2011 . Edited 10/16/2011 #329
Writing: It was short, really short. Having parts from 2 different stories is odd. The writing was okay for you not being a native English speaker. 4/7
Why: It's a very common answer, it would have done you good to elaborate a bit. 1.5/3
Bonus: You could have been a bit more organized. .5/2
Total: 6/12, 50% which is barely a pass. Good luck with anyone else.10/16/2011 . Edited 10/16/2011 #330
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