Team Dragon Star
The most kick-ass group of writers the world has ever seen! Team Dragon Star is a collaborative community of writers that work together to bring you the very best stories that we can. Everyone and anyone is welcome to apply at the 'Marshalling Zone' but for those who would just like to chat, feel free to visit almost any of the other topics.
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Kakarot Son

Do you feel as though you don't get any reviews or would you simply like some feedback? Do you want an honest evaluation of the good parts and the bad parts of your story? Well, look no further. There's no shame in asking for a review or a critique.

Link your story down below for others to read (non-members are welcome to join in by both offering and requesting feedback). We'll give our honest opinions, and try and offer any pointers if we can.

For Example:

Hi, I'm Kakarot Son. I'm hoping that someone can take a look at my story because it feels as though it doesn't read smoothly to me. In the past, I feel that people have liked my characterisations but have lamented my tendency to write scenes that drag on.

Story: When Ends Meet (make sure you provide a link)

Summary: In order to stop the media's speculation about her and a childhood sweetheart-turned-jerk, Erasa concocts a scheme for Videl to pretend that Saiyaman is her boyfriend. But will Videl, in the midst of this charade and uncertainty about her future, be able to put a stop to a cunning eco-terrorism plot and somehow deal with her growing feelings for Saiyaman?

Category: Dragon Ball Z

Genre: Romance/Adventure

Rating: T

There are currently 6 chapters posted and it's about 25,000 words long but I don't mind getting feedback on even just the first chapter.

Thank you very much and please leave an honest opinion!

What do we ask in exchange for reviewing your stories? There's no price, this topic is simply for those looking for a bit of help or those who feel their work could do with a few extra pair of eyes glancing over it. We do ask that you make a more conscious effort to try and review stories, however. A little bit of constructive criticism can go a long way and the best way to repay the community is to pay it forward.

Please do note that there is no requirement for any member(s) of TDS to review the stories in this thread. If it's a story from a fandom we - or other perusers of this thread - are unfamiliar with, then it's unlikely that you'll get a proper review. Unfortunately, that means you'll have the best results when you post a DBZ story (or something from some other popular fandom) but you're still welcome to try.

9/12/2011 . Edited by Team Dragon Star, 11/12/2015 #1

Alright, guess I'll go first. Hello, I'm Razamataz22 and I'm an alcoholic......damn it wrong place!

Anyways, I'm a really self conscious writer and honestly think that everything I produce isn't worth the effort. When I write something purely fan based it gets hundreds of reviews because I'm catering to what people enjoy, yet I believe my best work lies within my stories that rarely get read. The stories of mine I am asking you to look at are the sort of hidden gems I believe I have produced, nothing that was looked at by the masses.

For Naruto fans: Proposition www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7097019/1/Proposition

One Piece fans: A Captain's Farewell www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6062375/1/A_Captains_Farewell

Code Geass/Naruto: Greatest Game Ever Played www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7312073/1/Greatest_Game_Ever_Played

Most people would prodominantly know me as a DBZ writer, however I've wanted to break away from the same stories, the same characters and thus I produced these. I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did writing them and I look forward to your input. Give me your honest input, I would rather harsh criticism over a simple 'good story.' I leave my work in your hands.

9/12/2011 #2
Son Goshen

Ha, Kakarot Son, I see you also know about Critics United. Personally, I prefer you guys, since I don't like CU and never will.

So yes, I'm Son Goshen (a female, in case you're confused), and I'd like to get to have my story, Unlikely Love, to be reviewed. I'm very self-consious of myself and often think that my writing is really terrible, and I feel like that this story is very strange and a more untouched topic than others.

This is the summary: AU,GCC. Few know of the existence of vampires on Planet Vegeta. And there are a group of slayers, ones who vow to cleanse the planet of evil. Yet troubles arise, and two sworn enemies will have to work together before the vampire/slayer world is exposed. The link:

Thanks, and I would like an honest opinion and some pointers on where I should improve, because romance is the genre I really suck at, and GokuxChi-Chi is pretty hard to write in my opinion. Thanks again.

9/13/2011 . Edited 9/13/2011 #3

Erm, my names DevilsDoCry and i like to burn things, wait this isnt intervention, well while im here i might as well.

I would liek some thoughts on my latest caper, In Chains, i dont care who reviews it. Be as honest as possible, if you hate it to your very core say so, what do i care, this is a hobby not a day job.

its a first person look of how things would have gone for Vegeta if certain things in his life had happened

9/15/2011 #4
Dr. Blue22

Uh, yeah I reviewed yours devil, I hope you can understand what I wrote cause its kinda lengthy for a review and i pretty much just babbled on about random shit. sorta, but its still a review and has my thoughts in there so yea... Later.

9/17/2011 #5


I'm just working on reading & giving my opinion on: Icy Blue Eyes, Blast From the Past, Unlikely Love (which I recognise) and In Chains. Unfortunately Raz, I don't have any knowledge of those three fics you posted so I can't help out there! Sorry!

You'll receive my critique via PM. over the next few days if time permits. Hope you all have a nice week regardless. :)

10/19/2011 #6
Joy's Canvas

So hey! Kaka I managed to read one of your fics: Icy blue eyes...I'm going to look at some more of the other ones posted tomorrow. =) Also, if you read this kaka, could you look under the query and assignments, because I was kind of asking if someone could change the summary of: All in time. I posted the preferred summary up in there, it should be before Gue posted the groups...thanks or if any mods see it before Kaka...thanks!

10/19/2011 #7

In chains wont be everyones cup of tea. I just dont have the drive to continue anything at all lately. Im becoming more and more useless.

10/21/2011 #8
Kakarot Son

Ignore the guy sprouting bullshit above me. Everyone's glad he's back though.

Chi uhh has it been changed yet?

10/21/2011 #9

Yay im back to do fuck all, wooooooo!

What All In Time, look i know i fucked up with that, i jsut went with what i thought was right and its came back and but me in the ass.

10/21/2011 #10
Joy's Canvas

Kakie: No, it wasn't.

Also, I just updated my story: echoes of love: is love enough? And I would love to get some critique on my last chapter, because I was working pretty hard on pulling it together. So if anyone can read it and leave a review with your comments I will like that! :D

10/21/2011 #11
Kakarot Son

Uhh PM me the summary. I'll try to write one based of yours, because I'm not half bad at writing them. I'll give it to you before I make anything final though.

Umm... I'll try but that's a couple hundred thousand words isn't it? I mean I can't just jump into a story can I?

10/21/2011 #12
Son Goshen

I sounded so formal before. O.O

But, I sent a critique in, Joy (can I still call you Joy?).

10/21/2011 #13
Joy's Canvas

Devils: what did you mess up with?

kakie: um...were you telling me to PM you it, or talking to someone else?

Goshen: Ty! I just got it a bit ago :D

10/21/2011 #14
Kakarot Son

Devil was saying he messed up with In Chains. While he didn't. Please review it and show him how wrong he is. It's pretty good.

Yup PM me the summary you want.

10/21/2011 #15
Joy's Canvas

So, yeah Devils, Kakie is right your story is great! There aren't many good POV so you should continue and stuck sticking your head in the dirt like an ostrich your AWESOME! ;D

10/21/2011 . Edited 10/21/2011 #16

Well its shifted from being a 1st person fic to a third person. But it will switch back to 1st when i write the sequel.

10/26/2011 #17

I'm new to the forums and somewhat new to the DBZ fanfiction fandom. I have no idea what works here. I've been mostly writing Naruto fanfiction for the past 5 years or so, and I'm a big Harvest Moon fan hence the name hmfan24. To tell you the truth, even my earlier work got at least 10 reviews per chapter, but it's not so in this fandom. I feel like I'm doing something wrong or missing something.

I have a Goten and Trunks friendship fic called Just Go Ahead Now that I recently published. No reviews yet, but I'm still trying to figure out why that's the case. It's not that bad. Maybe certain characters seem out of character or the genre doesn't fit the character "pairing". I'm really not sure. Then, of course, my writing skills could be hurting its chance, too.

=D Thanks.

4/15/2012 #18
Kakarot Son

don't know much about Harvest Moon but for Naruto 10 reviews+ per chapter is almost standard for any semi-decent fic. it's harder to get that ratio with DBZ, but still achievable. But yeah I'll have a look at it.

4/16/2012 #19
Majin Son Goku

I see nothing wrong with my fic other than the fact that my plot clarity fails and I only manage about 3 Reviews a chapter. Kaka, help me out here?

4/16/2012 #20
Kakarot Son

think I already reviewed it. But don't be all that worried about reviews per chapter you're only just starting out.

When I did about 2 or so years ago, I averaged something like .3 reviews per chapter. in other words one review per three chapters.

4/17/2012 #21
Majin Son Goku

Erm, I think I managed a little more than that :P I got 19 in 7 chapters, but recently it has gone up.

4/18/2012 #22
Kakarot Son

exactly, that's a good sign.

you should try giving different stories a shot, trust me it really helps.

4/19/2012 #23
Majin Son Goku

Yeah, I was thinking of running two stories at once. Make The General my main story that I write all the time, and have the other one to write when a Block hits me or when I get bored of writing General.

4/19/2012 #24

Howdy everyone! My name is Goku's Donuts and I've recently joined the Dragonball Z fandom a few months ago and I'd like to get a review for one of my stories, if that's alright. The name of it is "Just Married". There isn't really any author in particular that I'd like to review it, although Son Goshen (:D thanks so much!) has been reading and reviewing. It's a Goku/Chi-Chi fiction, where Chi-Chi finds out that she isn't married to Goku anymore because he's died twice. The couple goes through a number of situations, which will ultimately determine whether or not they will stay together or go their separate ways. Here's the link:

Because I am new to the DBZ fandom (I'm certainly not new to the anime/manga, lol), I'm not quite sure if I'm going about the characterization correctly. It's never been one of my strong points, but I'm definitely working on it. The story itself isn't yet complete, but before I venture too far into it, I'd like to know where it stands.

4/20/2012 #25

I'll review it even though I'm just as new to the fandom as you probably are. You used to write SasuHina, too~

The story looks interesting. I'll at least read the first chapter today.

4/21/2012 #26
Thank you! :D And yeah, lol. I was a hardcore SasuHina writer at one point, but I've taken a break from it as of Aug. 2011. I have plans of writing for it again, but DBZ has captured all of my senses lately, so I'm not sure when that'll be. Lol. Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy it. :)
4/21/2012 #27

Lol this is kind of like one of those places where you say, hey everyone I'm Nikko and in my spare time I stab Gummy Bears with plastic forks and pretend they're the ugly people in this world.

I don't really do that by the way.

Anyways this story is just for Naruto Fans. Its called, Oneshots: Gaara;, and I just now started it. I need actually reviews and not people just saying, "Hmm, good. More please." I would like to know how you really feel about it. :/

4/30/2012 #28

A friend of mine thought it would be funny to dare me to write a Pokémon fic: a shounen-ai Gary x Ash fic, to be exact. Luckily for her, I'm a crazy person and stupid enough to actually do so :D. I would really appreciate it if someone would read andreview the first chapter, seeing I never wrote something like that before.

6/29/2012 #29
Borderlined Innocence

Hey everybody, it's me Boardelined Innocence. I'm an extremely self conscious writer, and even though I have gotten a lot better since joining TDS I never update my stories because they never get reviews. I figure they're probably really sucky but I don't know...

Those are my stories, they aren't very good, but I'd like to know what other people think...


7/13/2012 #30
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