Team Dragon Star
The most kick-ass group of writers the world has ever seen! Team Dragon Star is a collaborative community of writers that work together to bring you the very best stories that we can. Everyone and anyone is welcome to apply at the 'Marshalling Zone' but for those who would just like to chat, feel free to visit almost any of the other topics.
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i think i need some big help on here, i have a group helping me in Capsule Corp Creative Writers... but i want to get others opinion on my ongoing story The Visionary And The Bond.

Genre: Romance/Drama

Pairing: Trunks/Pan

Link: y-and-The-Bond

Id like to know how to get more reviews and help with my plotline. any advice is much appreciated

5/9/2013 #61

Ohaiiiii. My name's Videlll, new member of TDS, and I was wondering if you guys would mind checking out my stories and leaving a review! I've only got 3 up on this account and would really appreciate some feedback coming from this great group of writers. They're all Gohan/Videl because I'm a Gh/Vi nut and I LOVEEEEEE THEMMM THEY'RE SO CUTE


Looking for honest input, as I know this bunch won't just candy-coat things, haha. I wanna improve! Here's the links to all three of them.

Moodswings, Morning Sickness, and One Confused Saiyan

9 hectic months of an extremely unpredictable and somewhat scary...scratch that, extremely scary Videl, a naive and frazzled Gohan, devious Goten and Trunks, a puzzled Goku, euphoric Chichi and Bulma, an indifferent Vegeta, and the rest of the lunatics which make up the Z gang. Oh dear Kami... we can only cross our fingers and pray for that baby-to-be.

Candles There in that dusty old dojo, Videl cried her eyes out, and punched until she couldn't feel her own fists. "It's not fair, it's not fair..." she whispered continuously, endlessly, hopelessly. And just when she was at her lowest, and when things seemed their darkest, a flickering little candle, a beacon of light arrived... in the form of Son Gohan.

Suit and Tie Tonight, he was not the nervous, shy boy he usually was. Oh, not at all. Tonight, he was suave. Confident. Tonight, he would don his suit and tie to Videl's important party, and prove that no matter where she would end up, he would be capable enough to stay by her side. Tonight, the women would swoon, the men would glare. And Gohan would smirk. And they would dance the night away. Thanks! :D

5/24/2013 . Edited 5/24/2013 #62

So I posted a new story and I honestly think that it is some of my best work so far. I already know a few people's opinions in TDS but if someone else would like to check it out I'd be very grateful for it.

It's an A/U were the Son family has to deal with the dangerous world of the underground drug trade.

6/3/2013 #63

Hey everyone. I posted a new story. Here is the summary and link: scension

Five years have past since Buu terrorized the planet. Everything seems to be returning to normal. But when an annual tradition of the two demi-saiyan mischief-makers gets way out of hand, can planet Earth and the Z Fighters rise to the occasion? What will the remaining Saiyans of Earth choose to do?

It is a little vague, but you'll see what happens :) Chapter 2 goes up in a few hours as well!!

Thanks in advance :D

6/25/2013 #64
Kakarot Son

No worries, gave it a read and I quite liked it. Take a look at the review I left ya

6/25/2013 #65

Hey, Aquestra!

I've read and commented on your story too, and I have to say you have great stuff going on there. :D Good job!!

6/26/2013 #66

Thanks guys I really appreciate your reviews and I'm especially happy you guys like it so far :D. Sorry if it seemed a little bumpy, I've just kind of wanted to spew the plot out before I forgot it :P. For the next chapters I'll try my best to incorporate your suggestions!!

6/26/2013 #67
Infamous Storm

My story is doing fairly well, and since I just joined, i don't mind if you dont review.

But I would really appreciate ya'll's opinion. So here's the story. Legend

It's an AU that actually jumps in the middle of the story about a super genius Naruto

who locked himself away in his room and hates interacting with people. Hope you like it!

7/12/2013 #68
Kakarot Son

Gone through the first two chapters, doesn't look half bad. I'll go through the rest and leave a review once I get a chance

7/12/2013 #69
Infamous Storm

Thanks man!

7/13/2013 #70
Majin Son Goku

Psst, Storm. Don't worry if Kaka is a bit mean, he swings the Reaper's Scythe around here.

7/28/2013 #71
Infamous Storm

... Wait are you trying to say that every bit of jerkishness that he has shown everybody is because he has an oversized dick?

Damn Kaka, I'm jealous. Australians really do have it made. :P

7/28/2013 . Edited 7/28/2013 #72
Majin Son Goku

How the hell did you draw that conclusion? And hell if I know.

I meant that if he is a bit mean with his judgement of your writing, he is a dick to everyone.

7/28/2013 #73
Infamous Storm

I know, just screwing with yah. :D

7/28/2013 #74
Majin Son Goku

Jeez, not another one with screws missing. God knows most of us are bad enough.

7/28/2013 #75
Kakarot Son

gone from talking about reviews to my dick... seems legit

7/29/2013 #76
Infamous Storm

This guy gets it!

7/29/2013 #77
Majin Son Goku


7/29/2013 #78
Kakarot Son

Gets what?

8/3/2013 #79
Majin Son Goku

Of course he gets it.

8/4/2013 #80
Sofia Volpina

Hey, I'm Sofia.

I find it really great that you're taking your time reviewing all these stories and I can't believe how lucky I am to have stumbled upon this thread. :D

I'd love to get a review for my story. The name is 'To Melt a Warrior's Heart', and the summary and link are just below.

Summary: Set after Kid Buu Saga. When Assur attacks the Earth Vegeta is determined to stop him at all cost. One month after the hard-won fight, the Sayian is recovering and is in quite some pain when he wakes up to find 4-year-old Bra overly adorably worrying about him. A badly injured Vegeta plays it tough for Bra and his pride. Sticks perfectly to CANON charcters.

Link: rrior-s-Heart

Looking forward to reaading your most honest opinion, I love constructive criticism - best way to improve!

Hope you'll enjoy reading it!

9/1/2013 #81

Hey, Sophia! I'm Bobo (or Joana) :D. Welcome to the forums, and welcome to altogether, I believe. A brand new member! :D

I've read and reviewed your story and, for a first story, I was really impressed. Mainly at your vocabulary and flow. Nicely done! Also, the Assur saga you mention in the Author's Notes sparked my curiosity and I would really like to see it come to be. I hope you manage the time to write it. :)

9/6/2013 #82
Sofia Volpina

Thanks a million for the review! Loved it! Also, I'm happy you added my story to your favourites! Maybe you do that with all stories you read, maybe not… I feel flattered either way. :)) Glad you liked the Assur saga idea, I'll start working on it soon.

9/21/2013 #83
God of a New World

Hello, Team Dragon Star. I am most commonly known as God.

Damn, I've always wanted to say that.

Anyway, I recently published my first story, and I was wondering if anybody would be willing to review it. The name is 'Musings of a Forced God'. It's a Naruto fanfiction, with the main character being Pein. Primarily angst, but maybe some more genres as it progresses.

Summary: Because not all Gods necessarily appreciate their title.

Honest opinion would be appreciated!

10/4/2013 #84

First of all... "I am most commonly know as God" ... Lol xD

Second... Hi, there! xD I'm Boboleta. Naruto is not really my fandom so I wouldn't be able to offer a proper review, but I wanted to come over anyway, and welcome you to our forum. Hopefully someone can take a look at your story soon enough.

That being said, I really loved your story's summary. It says a lot with such few words. Congrats! :D

10/5/2013 #85

Hey TDS! I've got a new-ish fic up if anyone would be so nice as to review it :). Just a heads up, most of the first chapter is canon since it is where the divergence happens. The story is called The Immortal Mercenary and the summary is as follows:

Yajirobe let his festering fear overcome him and, after his first fearless attack, could not deal the second slice of his sword to delay the Saiyan. Will Gohan survive? Can anything stop Prince Vegeta from completing his quest to unite the dragon balls? Or will the simple swipe of a blade be the pivotal moment in history that changes absolutely everything?

The Link is: -Mercenary

10/17/2013 #86

Hello, I'm VegetaFanGirl1 and I have a fanfic I'd like people to review, just one note its a parody of Alice in Wonderland and it seems really silly to me but I'd like some reviews to see if I should go on.

The summary is this: When Vegeta falls down a rabbit hole he enters a world where he will be put to the test and meets strange, yet familiar, looking characters eg. Nappa, Raditz, Piccolo... Vegeta has to go to the Hāto-jō where he will have to face a difficult challenge... what will it be when he gets there?

I put what's happening because it's on Chapter 4 at the minute (I'm still writing it...) If people would be so kind as to review it, I'd really appreciate it.

Here's the link:

Thank you!

12/9/2013 . Edited 12/9/2013 #87

Hi, name's SiverFang555 and I was wondering if you guys would be interested in reviewing my story:

Story Name:

Fandom: It's a triple crossover between two SJ franchises (Shaman King & Rurouni Kenshin) (and the focuses are more on the manga than anime) and Super Sentai (the shows that Power Rangers get their footage, suits, mechs, etc. from).

Summary: Kenshin, due to a universal rift, is taken from his home to Yoh's world after the Shaman Fight. From there, they find out that the items needed to get Kenshin back home are in a completely different world filled with color-clad heroes. Many allies show up to aid them and someone from Kenshin's past comes back full force to give him everything he's got.

Thank you, and I appreciate your help.

12/26/2013 #88
T. Alana M

Hi guys. I'm Alana, and I'd like some concrit on a few of my stories;


Summary: "There is nothing to fear but fear itself?" What a lie. Spinoff from Mark Me. B/V Oneshot (I used an excerpt of this in the Marshalling Zone).

Star Wars:

Summary: When Darth Vader's ship crashes on Tatooine, he makes a discovery that would change the fate of the galaxy. Raised as Luke Vader, will Luke still grow to become the hero of the Rebellion? Or will he succumb to the darkness, like his father before him? Meanwhile, Vader himself has to deal with Anakin , who isn't quite dead.

Danny Phantom:

Summary: After a drunken night that she can't remember, Maddie gives birth to a boy with grey hair and dark blue eyes. Danny. Another take on Vlad is Danny's father. AU. Vlad/Danny/Danni. Father/son/daughter.

(There are actually a satisfying amount of reviews for Sins of My Father and The Good Son, however, I've recently hit a road block in the plot and, as consequence, the quality of the most recent chapters have declined. They get less reviews, and I know they're worse, but I can't put my finger on what the problem is. Please help me figure it out.)

Please leave an honest opinion! Thanks!

1/11/2014 #89
Dying Grin

Hey Guys, I just wanted a second opinion on my story Glowing White Eyes.

It's preferred to have a knowledge of Minecraft but not necessary I guess, basically Steve is the name of the player and Herobrine is the games very own creepypasta.

Thanks again guys.

-Dying Grin

1/14/2014 #90
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