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placeholder - i'm going to do a season 2 asoue primer when i watch it!

3/30/2018 #91
ipsa dixit

shay's primer for her avatar fic, whatever it shall be titled

premise - the four elements, air, fire, water, and earth, can be bended by certain benders. only the avatar, master of all four elements can control them all

characters you need to know:

aang - the avatar, the last airbender. he's an airbender but all of the other airbenders were killed off by firebenders. him and his friends air going around the world to teach him all four elements

katara - the last waterbender in her tribe who goes with aang to teach him waterbender (and learn it more herself)

hama - a waterbender that was captured and eventually meets katara and teaches her bloodbending

sokka - katara's brother. not a bender. has a boomerang. and a ponytail.

elements you need to know:

fire water air earth

full mood - gives the waterbenders more strength and makes them more powerful

bloodbending - some water benders can bend more than water! like people's blood! fun times! gives them control over a person

4/3/2018 #92
ipsa dixit

shay's primer for one more night (i cross my heart and hope to die)

harry potter royalty au so it could be read as original fiction basically but...?


draco malfoy - draco is the Prince in this. in canon, draco and the malfoys are filthy rich and they flaunt it to people who are not rich (like the weasleys, see later) and they are pretty high class in the og wizarding world but draco, in canon, strays away from his parents' flaunty ways

the weasleys - they are poor. like dirt poor. and they have seven kids: bill, charlie, percy, fred, george, ron, and ginny. only bill, fred, and george show up but you don't need to know about them except george and fred are twins

charlie weasley - the (arguably) toughest weasley. works with dragons in canon. is more a 'tough love' kinda dude.

4/7/2018 #93

les's primer for a series of unfortunate events: netflix series (season two) that is like three word pages long whyyyyyyyy

here. maisie did a season one primer. (basics and season one here)

!!! spoilers ahead, but nothing too pivotal !!!

like the first season, the second is each book split into 40-60 minute films. it allows a lot more leeway in terms of content, and it's really true to the books (but with some added bonus stuff.) so in a way it's better than the books (i never dreamed i'd say that…)

the episodes: austere academy, ersatz elevator, vile village, hostile hospital, carnivorous carnival, parts one and two.

here's a quick refresher on main characters:

violet baudelaire: inventor, eldest baudelaire

klaus baudelaire: reader, middle baudelaire

sunny baudelaire: biter, youngest baudelaire

count olaf: count, actor, distant cousin of baudelaires, very evil, disguises himself a lot

mr. poe: banker, not helpful at all, in charge of baudelaire affairs


here's some characters/synopses we meet in season two. i have included guardians of the baudelaires as well as other people you need to know. i've also filed them under their first (or only) appearance for convenience.

-austere academy-

the baudelaires go to an unpleasant boarding school, meet some friends, do running exercises, and hear about vfd for the first time.

carmelita spats: unpleasant student at prufrock preparatory school. later becomes a messenger for the vice principal. enjoys calling people cakesniffers.

vice principal nero: vice principal of prufrock. plays the violin. also unpleasant.

duncan and isadora quagmire: triplets whose brother died in a fire. they are not unpleasant and help the baudelaires. they get kidnapped.

olivia caliban: school librarian, later member of vfd (do keep in mind these initials come up a lot after book five, meaning various different things.)

jacques snicket: often works with olivia in vfd, wrongfully imprisoned and killed later in series.

olaf's disguise in this installment: coach genghis, gym teacher

-ersatz elevator-

the Baudelaires live in a penthouse apartment with people very concerned about what is "in" (meaning fashionable,) go to a salmon restaurant, and bid in an auction.

esme squalor: temporary baudelaire guardian, very wealthy and married to jerome squalor, later count olaf's girlfriend.

jerome squalor: also baudelaire guardian, nice but very timid.

olaf's disguise: gunther, foreigner in the area for the in auction.

-vile village-

the baudelaires are raised by an entire village, do a lot of chores, see a man wrongfully captured, and are almost killed.

hector: baudelaire guardian, wants to fly away in a self-sustaining hot air balloon. he does at the end and takes the quagmires with him.

council of elders: in charge of the town vfd (village of fowl devotees,) they have a lot of rules, many of which are strange or even humorous. almost have the baudelaires burned at the stake.

olaf's disguise: detective dupin. he also disguises jacques snicket as himself shortly before killing him.

esme gets a disguise as well this time: officer luciana.

-hostile hospital-

the baudelaires, now framed for murder, wind up in a hospital, learn that one of their parents may have survived the fire, almost get beheaded (in violet's case,) and flee another fire.

hal: visually impaired man who works in the library of records. accuses the baudelaires of starting a fire in the hospital (they didn't)

vfd: volunteers fighting disease – they work in the hospital cheering people up by singing and giving out balloons.

olaf's disguise: he doesn't need one as he's thought to have been killed (by the baudelaires) but he claims to be mattathias (head of resources in the hospital) anyway

-carnivorous carnival-

the baudelaires use disguises, almost fall into a pit of lions, and get separated.

hugo: performer in house of freaks, has a hunchback, joins count olaf

colette: same as hugo except she's a contortionist

kevin: same as the other two except he's ambidextrous.

olaf doesn't disguise himself this time, but violet and klaus do as a two-headed person, and sunny as a wolf baby.


ships n' stuff

note: ships maisie listed on her season one primer are not included here.

violetduncan: pretty common in fanfiction – implied feelings in the tv series but not exactly canon.

klausisadora: like violetduncan pretty much – also not confirmed as canon.

jacquesolivia: has had some popularity following the release of the second season –they kiss in vile village so i guess it's kind of canon?

esmeolaf: experiences modest fanfiction popularity – finally something that is canon. esmejerome is also canon, but not as popular.

so i guess asoue has less actual romance than i remember?

there are technically more ships but i'm not about to spoil the remaining books.


this primer is complete. the third and final primer will be released along with the third season.

4/12/2018 #94

misty's primer for love, simon / simon vs the homo sapiens agenda (but mostly love, simon)



  • simon spier (or jacques), our not-so-openly gay narrator. he likes blue, harry potter, and his dog (bieber, aka the second cutest part of the whole movie).
  • bram greenfeld (or blue), our also-not-so-openly-gay love interest. he likes jacques, privacy, halloween oreos, and literature.
  • leah burke, simon's best friend of 11 (maybe more like 15? it's a long time) years.
  • nick eisner, simon's other best friend, and friend to bram and garrett (a minor character).
  • abby suso, martin's love interest, the first person simon comes out to, and the new-ish kid in town. she deserves a goddamn superhero.
  • cal price, the guy simon thought was blue for the majority of the book. simon was wrong, but cal actually turns out to be bi???? cool
  • martin addison, or monkey's asshole, the antagonist who basically blackmails simon into helping him get with abby. he's a huge asshole.
  • nora spier, simon's supportive af sister who i love with all my heart


simon is a junior at creekwood high school, along with his pals, leah, abby and nick. his life is perfectly normal, except he has one huge-ass secret: nobody knows he's gay. (le gasp)

one day, this kid posts on the creekwood secrets tumblr (basically a confessions/gossip page for chs) that he is gay, under the name blue. simon emails blue back and is like, bitch me too, and they start talking. simon sends his emails anonymously under the name jacques because jacques a dit means simon says in french. idk, i think he could have been a little more inconspicuous.

they start to bond over being cute and grammatical, and oreos, and being gay. and surprise surprise, because this is a ya novel and a rom-com, simon starts to fall for blue.

enter martin addison. simon was at the computer in the school library, and he forgets to log out of his gmail, so martin (who knows simon is abby suso's friend) screenshots the emails between blue and simon in order to basically blackmail simon into helping him get with abby (who likes nick).

so simon agrees to help get martin and abby together because if he doesn't martin is going to out him to the whole school. yay. :( meanwhile, simon starts to think that blue might be this one kid in his theater club, cal.

halloween party! there's this thing at bram's house where: simon gets really fucking drunk, nick tries to ask abby out but is stopped by simon, simon plays beer pong with bram, and bram kisses a girl. oh, and maritn pukes on simon. yum.

they (abby, simon, martin) go to the waffle house where abby learns that she deserves a goddamn superhero and martin falls even more for abby.

somewhere in here, blue comes out to his parents and simon comes out to abby

flash forward to the homecoming game. martin, dressed in a bear mascot suit, steals the mic in the middle of the national anthem and professes his love for abby, asking her on a date. she refuses.

in a rage after being rejected, martin posts simon's email screenshots on the tumblr, effectively outing him. simon basically becomes depressed, and he's really scared and sad and just needs cuddles tbh. in the meantime, blue is off with no cell service in the middle of nowhere for holiday break.

simon comes out to nora when she sees the post. this was the first time i cried bc nora was really sweet and simon was frazzled bc he was just outed and was kind of reckless to her. he follows by coming out to his whole family on christmas day. blue freaks out when he sees the post and blocks simon's email and then i cried again.

simon goes back to school, resuming normal life for the most part save for some idiots in the lunchroom. oh yeah, and leah and abby and nick are all pissed at simon (leah is pissed because simon didn't come out to her before abby, plus other reasons, and nick and abby are pissed bc simon has been interfering with their love life. and they're dating now.

so simon is a sad bean with no friends. :( life sucks for a while, the iconic "you can exhale now, simon" scene happens and i cry again. simon goes on a "walk" when he sees leah and apologizes to her and they make up. yay!

simon puts a note on the tumblr that basically goes, "yeah i'm gay if ur blue meet me at the carnival after the school play you know where, we deserve a love story"

school play. it's ok. lights fall. abby and nick and simon make up.

carnival!!!!!! simon waits for blue at the ferris wheel and sits there for a long ass time. he uses all his tickets, and is about to get off when.... martin runs up and pays for one more ride. and then.

bram greenfeld shows up and sits next to simon. surprise! blue is bram. they talk and then they kiss. and life is good. are my eyes leaking again???

cry total: 4

final rating: 15975394729/10

4/20/2018 #95
renee walker

Danielle's Primer for The Clique series



The Clique is a series written by Lisi Harrison that revolves around a group of five girls: Massie Block, Claire Lyons, Alicia Rivera, Kristen Gregory, and Dylan Marvil. The series contains 14 novels in the main series, and 6 novels that go with the series. The series is set in Westchester, New York, and begins with the girls, called the Pretty Committee, at the age of 12, when they're in grade 7. The series encompasses about 2 years of their lives.


  • Massie Block: Leader or "alpha" of the Pretty Committee, one of the main prot agonists. She's described to have brown hair and "amber" eyes. She owns a cute pug called Bean, is rich, and is the daught of William Block, who was a stockbrocker, and Kendra Block. She's overcontrolling, dramatic, hardworking when she wants to be, and sassy. She cares a lot about her friends and her dog. She goes through a lot of character development throughout the series.
  • Claire Lyons: At the beginning of the series, she had just moved to Westchester and lived in the Blocks' guesthouse with her family. She was born in Orlando, Florida, to Judi and Jay Lyons, and comes from a middle-class family. She has blonde hair, and cornflower blue eyes, and is dating Cam Fisher. I think. She starts out kind of naive and innocent, but shows a more ruthless side to get what she wants. She's considerate, independent, and moral. She begins as Massie's antagonist but becomes one of her close friends and a member of the Pretty Committee. She has a younger brother named Todd. She goes through a lot of struggle with acceptance and her identity.
  • Alicia Rivera: Massie's "beta" or second in command in the Pretty Committee. She's often described as beautiful for her clear skin, glossy black hair, big brown eyes, and figure. She's half-Spanish, and the daughter of Len Rivera, a lawyer, and Nadia Rivera, an ex-model. She loves to gossip, and dance, and wants to become a sort of reporter, leading her to take the position of announcer at their school. She strives to a be a leader, like Massie, and creates a sort of on-off relationship with their friendship which is eventually resolved.
  • Kristen Gregory: Blonde, blue-eyed, athletic, intelligent. She plays soccer, is in the Pretty Committee, and has a cat called Beckham. She's middle-class, like Claire, and lives in an apartment. She hides her lifestyle of going out with her friends from her mom, who wants her to stay at home solely to study. She attends their private school on scholarship, so grades are very important to her. She worries a lot, works hard, is witty, and is the second most considerate behind Claire. She's shown to embrace her nerdiness by also being in a group of friends called the Witty Committee, but, as the others do, values her image a lot.
  • Dylan Marvil: Daughter of Merri-Lee Marvil, talk show host, who began her own reality TV show called Marvil-lous Marvils. She's a redhead, and is considered bigger than the others in the Pretty Committee, making her insecure and strive to lose weight. She comes from a rich family, with two sisters and no dad, and enjoys stuff like burping and is down-to-earth. She's funny, likes food, and got tennis lessons from a famous tennis player over the summer.
  • Derrick "Derrington" Harrington: Doesn't actually call himself Derrington, and dislikes the nickname. Is goalie on Briarwood soccer team, has shaggy hair and brown eyes, and is funny. Used to like going around and pulling down his shorts to flash his butt. Whne he's dating someone, he shows his sweeter side. Dated Massie, and then Dylan.
  • Cameron "Cam" Fisher: has one blue eye, one green eye, and messy black hair. Dated Claire before breaking up to breifly date Olivia Ryan, and is currently back in a relationship with Claire. On the soccer team, down-to-earth, in a band. Surprises Claire with sweets and a song, and is an absolute sweetheart.
  • Kemp Hurley: he's a perv tbh and really rude. Is on the soccer team.
  • Chris Plovert: on the soccer team, I think he's the nerdy one?
  • Landon Crane: Massie's love interest in the final few books, is a year older than her, has a pug called Bark Obama. Goes to the public school, and has "sea-green" eyes and brown hair. Is really chill about things.
5/5/2018 #96
team effort

steven universe primer (spoilers!)






gem caste system and diamond hierarchy

referencing riley's primer, the gems are a technologically advanced alien race based on different gemstones. their bodies are made of light, which lets them alter their forms by shapeshifting or by reforming if they get "poofed" (if their light bodies get destroyed). the gems originally come from homeworld and are led by the diamond matriarchy - white, yellow, blue, and pink diamond. they're basically gem royalty.

all other lesser/common gems are divided up based on what diamond they serve. some gems, like lapis lazulis, are "rarer" and thus have higher caste standing than more common gems like rubies or gems that are specifically designed to be servants like pearls. gems are grown by draining the nutrients from a planet, which is a process that eventually exhausted homeworld's capacity for growth and forced gems to colonize other planets to grow gems there. white, blue, and yellow diamond have a ton of colonies, while pink, the youngest, had only a few - one of them being earth.

thousands of years ago, pink diamond was allegedly shattered on earth after a group of rebel gems, led by rose quartz, formed the crystal gems and tried to drive the homeworld gems off earth before they drained it of all its resources and killed off the early human population. in response, the three remaining diamonds shot an energy beam at earth that was intended to destroy the rebels, but ended up corrupting most of them into monsters instead.

the diamonds are revered in gem society and most gems are afraid of disobeying them for the fear that they'll get shattered. each diamond has a pearl servant that is more or less a reflection of that diamond's personality and acts as their personal aide/companion.

  • pink diamond: the youngest and smallest. she was kind of pouty that she didn't have a colony at first, which was why yellow eventually gave in and let her have earth. she became really interested in earth's native life and really enjoyed spending time with the lesser gems that were grown there. her pearl is the pearl that's in the crystal gems; she used to be really deferential toward her diamond and afraid of initiating more casual conversation with her, but she mellowed out after a while and the two of them had a really close relationship.
  • blue diamond: became very depressed after pink's shattering and began to visit all the places pink had gone, even maintaining some of her personal artifacts like her human zoo. she had been mourning pink's death for thousands of years. her pearl is extremely quiet, complimenting her diamond's gloomy demeanor.
  • yellow diamond: really aggressive and stern. the main military leader of the gems. she views earth as an embarrassment after what happened to pink and her colony there, and wants to destroy it so the rest of homeworld can move on from their failure. secretly regrets giving pink earth because it led to her death. her pearl is very peppy and snobby and is a huge kiss-ass to yellow.
  • white diamond: the oldest and most powerful of the diamonds. most likely the progenitor of the entire gem race. she dwarfs even yellow and blue, who are already massive. her body emanates a constant light that obscures her facial features and only lets her lips and eyes show through. she's said to have a bad temper and is feared unanimously, even by her fellow diamonds. when she speaks to steven, it's in a kind voice, but she completely ignores what he's saying and treats him as insignificant. her pearl is stuck with a constant smile and her arms upraised and she doesn't walk, but floats en pointe. her right eye is noticeably cracked. even blue and yellow diamond are intimidated by her despite her servant status.
7/24/2018 #97

VST's Primer for Battlestar Galactica (1978-79 TV series)

In the far reaches of space, the Twelve Colonies of Man were engaged in a 1,000-yahren (year) war with the robots of the Cylon Empire. When a peace treaty was negotiated by Count Baltar and endorsed by President Adar, the war seemed to be at an end; however, it was a trap!

The Cylons betrayed Baltar and attacked the mostly disarmed Colonial forces and the twelve planets that were home to the Colonial people. Instead of defeat, they sought the annihilation of the human race. Only a bit of advance warning from Apollo and Zac from the Battlestar Galactica (one of the large capital ships of the Colonial forces that served as a sort of combined space battleship and aircraft carrier), allowed the launch of some of the Colonial Warriors in their Viper craft and prevented complete annihilation. When the battle was over, most of the military and infrastructure of the Colonies was destroyed and the survivors had to flee before the next round of Cylon attacks began.

These survivors took to space in whatever ships were available and joined with Commander Adama, commander of the Battlestar Galactica, as they sought a new home, far from the Cylons. Adama discovered and was soon following clues to the location of a fabled Thirteenth Colony, a shining planet known as Earth.

The series focuses on a large primary and secondary cast on the Galactica and some of the other ships of the so-called Rag-Tag Fleet. There were guest stars in each episode as the Colonials tried to escape from the pursuing Cylons and deal with other peoples they encountered along the way.

Despite its popularity, the original Battlestar Galactica was cancelled after one season since it was the most expensive show on TV at the time; however, popular demand brought it back as Galactica 1980. Unfortunately, most of the series stars had moved on, so their absence was explained by saying 25 yahrens had passed. It was very different and wasn't successful. In 2003/2004, the show was reimagined by the Sci Fi Network. Characters were changed and recast, and the new series had a successful run for several seasons and TV movies. It was quite different than the original series, which was good and bad.

Primary Cast Members:

  • Adama — Commander, Battlestar Galactica, and Quorum member; father of Apollo, Athena, and the late Zac, and sealmate of the late Ila
  • Apollo — Colonial Warrior and Captain of Blue Squadron; boyfriend of Sheba, stepfather of Boxey, and brother of Athena
  • Starbuck — Colonial Warrior lieutenant and Blue Squadron second in command. The best pilot in the Fleet, Starbuck was a gambler and womanizer, and was Athena and Cassiopeia's boyfriend (for a while, anyway!)

Secondary Cast Members:

  • Athena — Colonial Warrior lieutenant, Bridge officer, daughter of Adama and sister of Apollo, and initially Starbuck's girlfriend
  • Baltar — Former Quorum member and traitor who betrayed the Colonies to the Cylons, now a prisoner on the Prison Barge
  • Boomer — Colonial Warrior lieutenant, Blue Squadron, one of Starbuck's best friends
  • Boxey — Young son of the late Serina, and Apollo's adopted son. Since no daggits (dogs) survived the Cylon attack, Dr. Wilker created a mechanical daggit named Muffit that was his constant companion.
  • Cassiopeia — Former socialator now a Med Tech, Starbuck's girlfriend
  • Imperious Leader — Supreme leader of the Cylon Alliance and empire
  • Jolly — Colonial Warrior senior flight sergeant in Blue Squadron Warrior and trainer
  • Sheba — Colonial Warrior lieutenant, former Silver Spar head, temp w/ Blue Squad; daughter of Commander Cain and Apollo's girlfriend
  • Tigh — Colonel and Galactica's second in command; Adama's best friend and confidant

Cylon Secondary Cast Members:

  • Imperious Leader — The leader of the Cylons (a race of robots), who was replaced at least once when the previous Imperious Leader was killed. In the books, the Imperious Leader was upgraded with a third brain, giving him all of the knowledge of the Cylon race.
  • Lucifer — An IL series robot and the Imperious Leader's right hand, well, robot. IL series robots were the primary leaders responsible for fulfilling the Imperious Leader's commands. They supposedly possessed two brains, with the new Imperious Leader typically being chosen from their ranks.
  • Gold Command Officers — Gold-colored Centurions in charge of Cylon military forces; in the books, higher ranking officers were upgraded with a second brain.
  • Centurions — Chrome-plated warrior robots. These were essentially little more than drones with a single brain.

Other Characters of Importance:

There were a number of guests and several other characters who were semi-regulars. I'll add others as needed.

  • Ila — late wife of Adama and mother of Apollo, Athena, and the late Zac. She was killed in the initial attack and was never seen on screen.
  • Siress Belloby — a member of Colonial high society and associated with the ruling class. She was a guest star in one episode.
  • Lt. Dietra — a former shuttle pilot, she became a Colonial Warrior when many of the male Warriors got sick. She appeared in two or three episodes.
  • Officer Reese — One of the black-shirted Security officers, Reese and Starbuck didn't get along well. He appeared in two episodes and was expected to appear in more episodes during the second season but the show was cancelled.
7/31/2018 . Edited 11/14/2018 #98
belle parole

primer for bucky barnes, from captain america, to understand the fic i will totally probably hopefully write tomorrow

bucky barnes befriends scrawny and sickly steve rogers in brooklyn, in the 1920s. world war two breaks out, bucky enlists (is actually drafted according to his serial number but they say he enlisted but) and leaves steve behind. steve really wants to fight, and this doctor sees the goodness in him, and gives him this serum to make him swole and he's called captain america and he's famous. bucky, meanwhile, ends up captured by this branch of the nazi army, hydra. a hydra doctor does experiments on him until steve, in his newly muscled body, comes to rescue him. steve and bucky then join these other dudes and go to take out hydra bases. one of their missions is to capture the doctor that experimented on bucky from a train. bucky falls off the train - whomp whomp - and is taken by soviets to this ~super secret hideout~. everyone sort of just assumes bucky is dead because he fell 40 feet off of a moving train and they don't know that the doctor dude experimented on him and made him strong enough to survive the fall. he does loose his left arm though. hydra is like "cool we have captain america's bff let's make him into a weapon". they torture and brainwash him, keeping him alive by freezing him sometimes, and make him into a killer assassin with no feelings and no memories of being bucky. steve, assuming bucky's dead, doesn't look for him, and instead crashes a plane into the ocean. steve goes under the water, is frozen, and his body is lost until 2011, but everyone's like...... cool. steve's dead now.

and....... i think that's all you need for my fic but i will update when i actually write it xoxo

link to this post

10/29/2018 . Edited 10/29/2018 #99
belle parole

this was a post for the entire mcu, but im currently at 10k words, so im splitting it

here is a link to a gdoc with everything on it. share it with your friends. watch endgame with them.

(link to this post)

shay's primer for iron man (2008)

tony stark is a Pretty Rich Guy. he's the head of stark industries, a weapons manufacturing company, and he's a little bit of a fuckboy. he's out in afghanistan with his best buddy lieutenant colonel james rhodes to show off his newest missile, the jericho, but the demonstration is ambushed. tony is injured by his own missile and captured by a terrorist group.

tony has a buddy in captivity, though, ho yinsen, who connects an electromagnet to tony's chest to stop the shrapnel from his missile from killing him. the terrorist groups tells tony that he'll get freed if he builds them a jericho missile. tony is like "sure" but secretly takes the materials he's given to build a small electric generator, called an arc reactor, to replace the magnet keeping him alive. he, along with yinsen, also builds a suit made out of armor. they're able to keep the suit hidden and tony gets out with it. yinsen sacrifices himself to ensure tony's safety.

tony makes a huge explosion, wrecking his suit, is rescued by rhodes, and goes home. once back home, tony announces that stark industries will no longer be making weapons. obidiah stane, the company's manager, thinks is a super bad idea, but tony just sort of shrugs at him and goes through with it anyway. tony starts to build another suit and makes a better arc reactor with the help of his personal assistant pepper potts. pepper puts the first arc reactor in a glass case that says "proof tony stark does have a heart" and it all very cute uwu. other than pepper, tony doesn't let anyone know what he's building, except that stane really wants to know.

tony crashes a stark industries party that he wasn't invited to (oops) and finds out that stane has been selling weapons behind his back. specifically to the same terrorists that captured tony. and they're attacking the city yinsen is from. tony is Not Here for that. he dons his shiny new suit, flies to yinsen's village, and saves the villagers there. on the way back, the us army sees him flying through the air and they're like "yo what the fuck is this thing" and shoot at him and tony's like "yo what the fuck they're shooting at me" and calls up rhodes and rhodes is like "yo what the fuck is that suit yours" and tony's like "dude im in the suit" and rhodes is like ":o"

meanwhile, the terrorists, that actually have a name, oops - the ten rings - gather the pieces of tony's first suit and try and recreate it, but they can't recreate the arc reactor. stane gives them resources and wants to don the suit himself so he can kill tony and take over stark industries? i think? capitalism. wild.

meanwhile, tony gets pepper to track the shipment of those weapons stane was selling and she finds out that there's a plan to kill tony. she meets up with this dude, phil coulson, who's part of strategic homeland intervention, enforcement and logistics division. or: shield. anyway, pepper tells phil what's going on.

meanwhile, the ten rings can't get the arc reactor right, so stane is like "fine" and just plucks the one right out of tony's chest. oops. tony is all "dying" or whatever, but remember the cute uwu gift from pepper? tony is able to put that in his chest and not die. hoorah.

pepper and some shield agents try and arrest stane but BOOM he has a suit and a working arc reactor and he kicks their b u t t s.

tony arrives (about time i mean what were you doing, dying??) and fights stane, but he needs more power - his arc reactor doesn't stand up to stane's. he tells pepper to overload stane's arc reactor. she does, and stane is electrocuted in his suit. and he dies. metal.

the next day, there's a press conference, and tony's cover story is that he has a bodyguard in the suit. tony looks at the nice cards they wrote out for him and he's like "nah".

and then he's like. "i'm in the suit"

and then he's like.

"i am iron man"

and the world shits.

later, this dude with an eye-patch, nick fury, walks into tony's house and he's like "you're not the only superhero, dude" and he tells tony about this cool thing called the avengers initiative...

10/31/2018 . Edited 4/25/2019 #100
Katie Grey

So, I'm not sure if this is necessary because I think my story explains everything you really need to know to understand it... but I don't want to get in trouble so here goes.

Katie's primer for harry potter but only things that are relevant to her story.

The Malfoys are basically a rich, pureblood (they are all related to wizards, no muggles - ordinary people) family, and they used to be followers of Voldemort (the evil guy) until he was defeated by Harry Potter. The Malfoys are proud, obnoxious, and mean, and you're not supposed to like them (but I do). Anyway, in my story Lucius got sent to Azkaban for his crimes. Azkaban is this big prison, and the guards are dementors, which suck all the happiness out of people. A lot of people go insane in Azkaban.

That's basically it.

1/5/2019 #101

Rebecca's Primer for War of the Worlds

I feel a bit silly writing a primer for this, as it's not the deepest movie ever)


War of the Worlds is a 2005 American sci-fi/horror film directed by Steven Spielberg, loosely based on the 1898 novel of the same name by HG Wells. Starring Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning, the film was a box office success both domestically and worldwide and became one of 2005's highest-grossing films.


Divorced father Ray (Tom Cruise) is having a weekend visit from his two children, ten-year-old Rachel (Dakota Fanning) and teenager Robbie (Justin Chatwin), with whom he has a distant relationship. Shortly after his ex-wife Mary Ann (Miranda Otto) drops off the kids, a bizarre lightning storm lightning occurs near Ray's house in New Jersey. After the storm, a massive tripod machine emerges from the ground and begins destroying the area, reducing witnesses to gray dust and empty clothes.

Ray collects his children, steals a car, and drives to Mary Ann's empty home in the suburbs, where he and the kids spend the night in the basement. The next morning, he finds massive damage to the area, including a crashed Boeing 747, and he learns that other tripods that are attacking major cities around the world. Force shields protect them from human weapons, and they are piloted by aliens who traveled to Earth within the lightning storm to enter their machines (which had been buried here for millennia). Ray decides to take the kids to Boston to be with Mary Anne. The three are forced to abandon their car after a mob swarms it. They later survive a tripod attack which causes a Hudson River ferry to sink.

Traveling on foot through a rural area, Ray, Rachel, and Robbie reach a hillside where military tanks and fighter jets are attempting to battle the alien tripods. Although the soldiers' weapons are having little effect on the aliens, they determine to form a defensive line against them and stall them as much as possible. Robbie wants to join the fight, despite Ray and Rachel's pleas that they stay together and get to a safer area. As the battle grows more dangerous, Ray is forced to get Rachel to safety and reluctantly lets Robbie leave to join the soldiers.

After escaping the chaotic battle, a man named Harlan Ogilvy (Tim Robbins) offers Ray and Rachel shelter in his basement. The three remain undetected for two days, even as an alien probe explores the basement, but Ogilvy suffers a mental breakdown after witnessing a tripod harvesting human blood and tissue to fertilize alien vegetation that it's planted on earth. Convinced that Ogilvy's mad shouting will alert the aliens to their location, Ray reluctantly kills him. Eventually, basement hideout is exposed by a second probe. Rachel is abducted by a tripod, and Ray allows himself to be abducted as well, after picking up a belt of grenades from an abandoned military humvee. Ray and other abductees use the grenades to destroy the tripod from within, freeing them all.

Finally, Ray and Rachel arrive in Boston, where they discover the alien vegetation is shriveling and many tripods have collapsed. They watch as soldiers advance on a downed tripod, and a hatch opens and a sickly alien struggles out before dying. Ray and Rachel reach Mary Ann's parents' house, where they are reunited with Mary Ann and Robbie, who is alive after all. A closing narration by Morgan Freeman explains that the aliens' immune systems were destroyed by the billions of germs that inhabit earth.


The film was described as an anti-war film, as it focuses on a family trying to save themselves, and growing closer in the process, instead of on the human counterattack against the alien invaders. Many reviewers thought the film tried to recreate the atmosphere of the September 11 attacks. Director Steven Spielberg said that although the work was a fantasy, the threat represented was real: "They are a wake-up call to face our fears as we confront a force intent on destroying our way of life." The film retained the novel's plot device that aliens are defeated not by man's weapons, but by planet's smallest creatures, bacteria.

1/12/2019 . Edited 1/13/2019 #102

VST's Primer for The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.


It's early 1893 in the rapidly changing American West and U.S. Marshal Brisco County, Sr., has done the impossible: he captured the entire John Bly Gang and is transporting them by train to stand trial on a host of charges. Along the way, they escape and, in a hail of bullets, cut down the renowned lawman.

Since Bly's escape threatens their business enterprises, the robber barons of San Francisco get their business agent/lawyer Socrates Poole to hire Harvard-trained attorney-turned-bounty hunter Brisco County, Jr., to bring in the gang and thereby finish the work his father started. Brisco takes the job, only to be pursued by a rival bounty hunter, James "Lord Bowler" Lonefeather, who is interested in getting the bounties for himself. After a rocky start, the two eventually become friends and then partners. They meet a number of new friends and enemies along the way as they begin to make inroads into capturing Bly and some of the twelve main members of his gang. Among these is Miss Dixie Cousins, showgirl singer and gangster moll (i.e., current girlfriend of Big Smith, Bly's right hand man, and ex-wife of Doc McCoy, another member of the gang). Brisco saves Dixie, she returns the favor, and the on-and-off romance between them begins. Professor Albert Wickwire, inventor extraordinaire, assists on technical matters, which is a good thing since Brisco is quite interested in the "coming thing" and since many of their adventures have a sort of bleeding-edge style with prototype inventions that aren't quite ready for prime time...or the history books. Matters get much more complicated when a mysterious orb is discovered, then another, and then it's learned that Bly isn't exactly from around those least not anytime soon.

The series ran for one season in 1993-94 on the FOX network (where great shows like Brisco, Firefly, and Space: Above and Beyond go to be cancelled prematurely!). There were a total of 27 episodes, with the first, the pilot, being a 2 hour production (with commercials inserted, of course). While the series didn't live long, the theme song by Randy Edelman has. It been known as NBC's often-played theme for its Olympics coverage since 1996 and has been used for other events at times. According to the website altoriot dot com, "Despite its originally intended use for a western television series, it's now widely recognized [by] diehard sports fans as the greatest sports theme no one can name." Well, almost no one.

Main Characters:

Brisco County, Jr.—Portrayed by Bruce Campbell, Brisco is as good with his quips as he is with the Colt revolver he inherited from his father, who trained him. Although also trained at Harvard as a lawyer, he didn't like the courtroom, preferring the wide, open spaces of the west. Brisco spends much of the series fighting his feelings for Dixie before finally accepting that she's the woman for him only to have circumstances step in the way. He's also always looking for the "coming thing," coming up with numerous ideas that eventually get tweaked into their actual form by their actual inventor. Brisco rents a room upstairs at the Horseshoe Club for when he's in town.

Lord Bowler—Played by Julius Carey, Bowler is brusque but tough and eventually becomes Brisco's "faithful companion" (according to the dime novel). Bowler doesn't go after the Bly Gang for justice like Brisco; he's in it solely for the money. Bowler buys a big house on Nob Hill, hires Reginald, an English butler, and begins to furnish his mansion with expensive antiques and collectibles when he's not in pursuit of yet another bad guy. Bowler is half black, half Cherokee, and all tall (6'-6").

Socrates Poole—Christian Clemenson did a wonderful job portraying a prototypical nerd that Brisco eventually helps break out of his least part way. Socrates is a lawyer and business agent representing the combined interests of the robber barons in their dealings with Brisco and others before he is hired by a higher authority. Socrates doesn't deal well with horses, the outdoors, or women, though he eventually gets a little experience with all three, including the lovely Miss Rita Avnet, his new secretary, who is interested in getting to know Soc (as Brisco often calls him) quite well to learn the best way to kill him.

Comet, the Wonder Horse—Played by, according to the show's credits, Comet, Brisco's horse has a problem in that he doesn't really understand he's a horse. He and Brisco have frequent discussion on planning and operations, with Comet having to sometimes take matters into his own hands...ah, mouth. In reality, Comet was played by five horses to be able to do all of the tricks that viewers saw on screen.

Recurring Characters Who Seem Like Main Characters:

Dixie Cousins—Dixie, played by the vivacious Kelly Rutherford (while VST wrote this summary from scratch, he did borrow that "vivacious" part from The Oasis dot com), appeared in only seven episodes, but she cast a long shadow across the series even when she wasn't around. She shows up at odd times in the strangest places but then comes when Brisco needs help, even if he's not sure she'll follow the script. She's a complicated character and her feelings for Brisco, and vice versa, are more complicated still. Dixie frequently performs at the Horseshoe Club when she's in San Francisco, but also appears at a number of other locations between Frisco and Jalisco.

Professor Albert Wickwire—Played by John Astin, Wickwire appears in seven episodes, helping Brisco and company with a number of his prototype inventions that don't always survive. He was assisted by his daughter, Amanda (see below), in the pilot episode. Wickwire is somewhat strange, but he turns out to be quite human when he has a heated relationship with the Schwenke sisters, the German blacksmith ladies from the little town of No Man's Land.

Pete Hutter—Pete, played by John Pyper-Ferguson, is one of Big Smith's men and is a frequent opponent of Brisco, though he helps out occasionally. Pete is somewhat educated and frequently uses big words and important concepts, though not always correctly. He may be a little off in the head, since he sometimes talks to his piece (his gun). He has one major rule: Nobody touches Pete's Piece! He gets killed once or twice, it seems, but somehow survives to live another day. Pete appears in seven episodes, too.

John Bly—Played with just the right amount of creep factor by Billy Drago, John Bly is a mysterious bandit without a past (rest removed due to major spoiler!). Bly wants to steal whatever it takes to get one or more of the equally mysterious orbs. His other major desire is to kill Brisco, Jr., to make a matched set with his father. Bly appears in six episodes across the series, but, like Dixie, the character casts a long shadow across many others.

Whip Morgan—Whip, played by Jeff Phillips, is a twenty year old hothead who Brisco takes under his wing since the kid reminds him of himself at that age. Whip turns out to be good with a gun and the poker deck, but has a hard time taking orders and is quite disappointed when he finds out that Dixie isn't just anyone's girl, she's Brisco's girl. Whip appears in six episodes late in the season.

Minor Characters of Major Importance (or something like that):

I'll add more to this list as needed. For now:

U.S. Marshal Brisco County, Sr.—Played in three episodes by R. Lee Ermey, Brisco's dad is said to be one of the best and most famous lawmen in the west. He's killed in the pilot but we see him again communicating with his son in two other episodes.

Big Smith—M.C. Gainey played Big, Bly's lieutenant and Dixie's boyfriend at the beginning of the series. He runs a Chinese slaving operation as well as a number of other criminal enterprises. He appears in two episodes, but is referenced in several others.

Lee Pow—Played by James Hong, Lee is leader of the Scarred Foot Clan, a Chinese Tong, that is the arch-enemy of Big Smith. Lee was also a good friend of Brisco County, Sr., and appeared in three episodes.

The Swills—A group of backwater, hillbilly-like brothers led by Gil Swill, one of Bly's men. When Gil is taken out of the picture, his brother Phil tries to get Bill and Will to to alone with his plans for new nefarious schemes and to eliminate the younger County. The Swills appeared in two episodes but were referenced in several others.

Miss Rita Avnet—Played by Andrea Parker (Miss Parker of "The Pretender"), Miss Avnet was a seemingly prim and proper secretary to Socrates until one night when she seduced him to accomplish her goal: the theft of a secret cylinder recording that Dixie made that could put John Bly and a certain politician away for good. When that doesn't work, she attempts to assist in blowing up the Westerfield Club with Socrates, Brisco, and Dixie still inside. She later broke out of prison with the help of Doc McCoy, Dixie's ex-husband, and comes after Socrates, the love of her psychotic life. Miss Avnet appears in two episodes.

Ellie—Portrayed by Yvette Nipar, Ellie appears to be a waitress at the Horsehoe Club in one episode and then appears to be the manager in two more episodes. She knows Brisco, Bowler, Soc, and Dixie and seems to be trusted by them.

U.S. Attorney Ginger Breakstone—Played by Ashby Adams, Breakstone appears to have a deliberate monotone delivery and an equally flat personality, always introducing himself as U.S. Attorney Breakstone even when the other person knows that. When Socrates finally calls him out on it, we learn that his first name is Ginger, which Breakstone warns is "on a need-to-know basis only."

Dolly Cousins—Dixie's younger sister, played by Elaine Hendrix, loves her sister dearly but seems to always want what big sister has, including Brisco. Finally realizing that it's true love between Brisco and Dixie, Dolly backs off and wishes her sister well. She runs a casino in Reno, Nevada.

Amanda Wickwire—Amanda, played by Anne Tremko, was Professor Wickwire's somewhat-nerdy, tomboyish daughter in the pilot episode. She was originally supposed to be Brisco's primary love interest, but the chemistry between Dixie and Brisco as well as fan reaction to the two put a quick end to the original plan. While Dixie and the professor became major recurring characters, Amanda never appeared in another episode. I offer a possible explanation for her absence in my one-shot entitled "Showdown" in the "Coming Things" collection of stories.

2/11/2019 . Edited 6/26/2019 #103
belle parole

shay's primer for the incredible hulk (2008) (link)

editor's note - i can't think of why you would need to know what happens in this movie? it's honestly.... Not That Good and hardly even considered mcu canon. but it's technically an mcu film so. here we go

dr bruce banner meets in a lab with general thunderbolt ross and ross is like "hey we think we know how to make humans immune to gamma radiation and then we can recreate this super-soldier serum ("owo?" you're asking. don't worry, we'll get to it in a couple of movies) and make humans super strong!!!!111!!" spoiler: they're wrong, the experiment fails, and bruce will turn into a giant green monster call the hulk if his heart rate gets too high. also he's now a fugitive from the united states military.

five years later, bruce is working in rio and being all calm and chill, and trying to cure his lil problem. he accidentally cuts his finger into a bottle of soda he's packaging at work and the bottle gives gamma poisoning to this dude in wisconsin. the aforementioned ross, who's been looking for bruce for five years, uses this to track down bruce and chase after him. ross uses this russian dude, blonsky, to track him down and blonsky agrees to get a serum like the hulk's and he has his own hulk now. oh my what could go wrong.

bruce then meets up with ross's daughter, betty, and they're in love or whatever, but bruce is a monster on the side so. bruce is attacked by ross and co and bruce wins because he's. the hulk. and he escapes with betty.

they find this doctor dude, sterns, who says he can cure bruce's monster and then he's like "btw i stole your blood" and bruce is like "uhhhhh i dont want the military with that". he's right, because blonsky makes sterns inject him with bruce's blood, turning him into a huge insane monster permanently.

meanwhile, bruce is attacked again and taken into custody, but blonsky's a huge insane monster and sort of rampaging and bruce is like "only i can defeat him"

and then he does.

and then bruce goes back to trying to control the hulk and then his eyes flash green and we're supposed to understand that he controls the hulk now?

yeah i dont know.

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #104
belle parole

shay's primer for iron man 2 (2010) (link)

editor's note - i sort of forgot to mention two of the most important characters. one is an ai that runs tony's house and suits, named jarvis, and he's fonz cool we stan him. the other is tony's body guard/driver, happy hogan, who's also fonz cool.

okie, so we start out in russia and this dude, ivan vanko, is watching the ending of iron man 1, where tony's like "yeah im iron man and what about it". ivan's dad just died and ivan's all upset, so he starts building an arc reactor just like tony's.

back in the us, tony is enjoying the extra fame from being a superhero, and he also reinstates the stark expo, a thing that made his father pretty popular and basically shows off inventions. the government is all like "give us your tech" and tony's all like "no". also james rhodes shows up. he has a new face. it's ignored. anyway, tony's like "no one has this tech, so im fonz cool. k. you're not taking my stuff. kiss kiss bye."

whomp whomp, tony's slowly dying, amidst this. the arc reactor in his chest uses palladium, which keeps on burning out and is poisoning tony, and tony's like "oh. im going to. die." because he doesn't have a different metal to make the core of his arc reactor. he does what anybody would do, and goes a little batshit crazy and starts acting like an asshole.

(you could either see it as him being like "yolo" or he could be trying to make everyone hate him so they won't miss him when he's gone)

tony pushes down his problems, makes pepper the ceo of stark industries, and hires a new personal assistant, natalie rushman.

tony, keeping up with the reckless decisions, competes in the grand prix in monoco and he's attacked in the middle of the race by vanko, who's got an arc reactor, and electric whips. tony wins their fight and vanko is put in jail, but vanko's like "well, you're not invincible and now everyone knows that so..... who won"

tony has this business rival, justin hammer, who's trying to recreate tony's arc reactor. he's like "whoa that guy did it" so he breaks vanko out of jail and asks him to make some suits.

meanwhile, tony's final birthday comes up, and he spends it throwing a crazy party and getting super drunk. rhodes shows up and is like "dude the fuck" and they have a fight, rhodes taking one of tony's suits. the fight ends in a stalemate, but rhodes takes the suit to the military.

nick fury is back!!!! and he sort of forces tony into working for him. surprise, natalie rushman is actually a spy working for fury, natasha romanoff. fury tells tony that vanko's dad built the first arc reactor with tony's dad, but mr vanko tried to sell it for profit, so mr stark had him deported. fury is like "your dad left you stuff to help you with this" and tony is like "my dad was a bitch and he sucked but show me i guess". his father did leave him stuff! like the structure for a new element tony could use for the arc reactor that won't slowly kill him. hoorah!

at the stark expo, justin hammer reveals those suits vanko was building, that are really more like drones. rhodes is controlling them with his suit, except they start going batshit crazy and trying to kill everyone. tony shows up and justin tries to remote control rhodes and the drones to attack tony but he's arrested. natasha and happy go and try to defeat vanko, who has control over rhodes' suit, and vanko escapes, but rhodes gets his control back. tony and rhodes work together to defeat the rest of the drones yay.

tony and pepper finally kiss, after two whole movies of sexual tension between them. i didn't mention that before but. yeah. there was sexual tension.

vanko sort of. blows himself up, along with his suit and the drones.

at the end of the movie, fury is like "tony you're really not good with people so we don't want you for the avengers initiative after all" but tony and rhodes get medals hooray.

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #105
belle parole

shay's primer for thor (2010) (link)

editor's note - this is actually happening in the same week as iron man 2 and the incredible hulk........ fury has a headache

so in 965 bce this god dude, odin, king of asgard, declares war on the frost giants, led by their king, laufey, and wins, preventing them from taking over the nine realms. they sign a peace treaty with each other and the asgardians also get the frost giant's source of power, the casket of ancient winters.

a lil bit later, odin is with his sons, thor and loki, and he's like "yo. only one of you can be king of asgard when i die. so there's that i guess."

flash forward to the present, thor is a jock and the favorite son and loki is the emo drama teen, and thor's the heir to the throne. so he's all like "whooo imma be king!" but then frost giants come, after like 1050 years?? and they try to take their casket back. odin is like to thor "hey dont go after them". loki, knowing that thor will get in trouble and that maybe he'll be king if odin's upset with thor, urges thor to go after the frost giants.

thor, along with his friends that aren't really important except for sif i love sif, goes to the frost giant realm (jotunhiem) to confront laufey, and then they're losing. odin is like "u fookn idiots" and shows up to save their asses. but the battle ruins the peace treaty so ""oops" -thor".

odin is like to thor "you're v arrogant and not fit to be a king after all so................. bye" and strips thor of his godly power and banishes him to earth.

oh also thor has a hammer that you can only pick up if you're worthy. mjolnir. pronounced like. me-yole-near.

anyway, thor lands in new mexico, where he's immediately by a car driven by astrophysicist jane foster, who's studying stars or something like that?? and discovered that there was weird patterns like a wormhole of something over new mexico due to thor. yeah, so jane with her friends darcy lewis and erik selvig, find thor, and thor starts yelling about his hammer because he really loves it.

his hammer, though, is found by that phil coulson dude who keeps on becoming half-relevant in every movie but we love him anyway. no one can lift it, and shield moves in and surrounds the area.

also shield takes all of jane foster's research she's been doing on stars or whatever, so they can understand shit that's going on or something.

thor, finding out where mjolnir is, goes to get it back, beating up a bunch of shield officers along the way. clint barton shows up, has his only two good minutes in the entire mcu before he turns into a potato, and thor tries to lift mjolnir. and. can't. thor is sad. he basically is like "ok guess im a human now" and resigns himself to live with jane and co.

back on asgard, loki is like "whoop guess i'll be king now" and odin is like "oh fun fact i never told you: you're adopted!" yeah, turns out odin just..... found..... loki as a baby and he's a frost giant, the son of laufey. loki gets really upset with odin, because he's like "huh. i'll never be king because you couldn't have a frost giant on the throne of asgard". odin is like "im done with your shit" and goes into a deep sleep, which is sorta like death, almost, but not quite. loki is like ":)" and takes the throne. sif and co don't like loki on the throne, so they go to earth through the bifrost, a rainbow road connecting the realms, and find thor.

on earth, loki sends this thing called the destroyer to. well. destroy sif and thor and co. they have a fight and they're gonna loose and thor is like "you know what. imma sacrifice myself to defeat this guy". thor's about to die, but then he's finally worthy enough to weild mjolnir!!! mjolnir returns to him and thor gets his power back and doesn't die. thor and jane kiss goodbye and thor goes to asgard to confront loki.

in asgard, loki is like the frost giants, "hey come kill odin while he's sleeping". laufey comes to kill odin and then loki is like "suprise!" and kills him instead, just to impress odin. loki's plan is to destroy jotunhiem, using laufey's attempt as an excuse to start a war and then he'll be worthy in odin's eyes. thor show's up and is like "loki dont commit genocide" and he destroys the bifrost with mjolnir so that loki can't get to jotunhiem.

odin wakes up (finally) and saves thor and loki from falling off the broken bifrost and into the abyss, and loki is like "dad.... i could have done it...... for you". and odin is like "loki that's not the way to my heart dude" and loki lets himself fall into the abyss.

thor makes up with odin, and he's like "yeah, you're right, i was arrogant and i'm not ready to be king."

meanwhile, on earth, jane tries to figure out how to open a portal to asgard.

fury's back! he recruitsselvig,jane's friend, and is like "hey you wanna study this weird blue glowing cube thing". loki appears (gasps!!) in selvig's mind and it like "do it", so selvig is like "i'll do it."

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #106
belle parole

shay's primer for captain america: the first avenger (2011) (link)

editor's note - ngl, i've been using wikipedia for all of these but i think i can actually do this one without it jesus i love this movie

so we start out with this crew of guys somewhere in the arctic ocean and they find ~something alive~ and they're like "oh shit" and we don't know who it is (yet) but we're like "oh shit!"

then we go to 1942 norway, that the germans are occupying and johann schmidt steals this thingy called a tesseract, a blue glowing cuve, with magic powers ~

then movie starts

so we're in brooklyn, still 1942, and steve rogers, a skinny, sickly kid, with his ribs sticking out, it like "hey, i ought to enlist in the army." he's rejected, because he weights like 95 pounds and has asthma and a fuck ton of other sicknesses. he then goes to a movie, where there's a jerk shouting to skip the war commercials and steve's like "shut the fuck up this is our cOUNTRY". the jerk is like "oh yeah?" and beats steve up in an alley. steve is legit about to die by the hands of this guy - he's bloodied up and knocked to the ground - but steve's best friend bucky shows up and is like "why are you always getting into fights steve". he's also like "why did you try to enlist in the army again steve" because apparently this is his fifth time, and he's been lying on his enlistment forms. steve finds out that bucky, who had already enlisted (or was drafted but it's a whole thing, we'll just say enlisted) had gotten his orders as a sergeant and is shipping out for england tomorrow morning.

bucky and steve spend one last night together at the world fair, and steve sort of ruins the evening by trying to enlist again. bucky is like "steve no". steve is like "steve yes". bucky is ".....okay punk" and steve is like "be careful jerk" and bucky tells steve not to do anything stupid while bucky's gone and steve ignores that.

this doctor, esrkine, is like to steve "yo i can get you into the army through this fun program we're doing to choose someone to get this serum that gives you a bunch of muscles". steve is like "yeah!" and he goes to training camp.

in training camp, steve is the smallest dude and he's super weak, but erskine is like "no let's choose him." the colonel, phillips, is like "he's tiny" and the pretty agent there, peggy, is like "yeah he's smol", but erskine is like "trust me". phillips is like "war is won with guts" and throws and empty grenade onto where the men are training. everyone scatters, except for steve, who jumps on the grenade and is like "get back!!!!!!" erskine is like "see he's a Good Dude" and steve is chosen for this plan to jack him up.

that night, erskine is like "the serum amplifies everything in you, so a good guy becomes better and a bad guy becomes worse". he also says the schmidt tried to take the serum and it went wrong, because schmidt is Not A Good Guy, and he's all messed up n evil now.

meanwhile, schmidt and his lackey of a doctor, zola, harness the tesseract's power to create cool new weapons. they also find out where erskine is and they send someone to kill him.

steve is ejected with the super soldier serum! also, howard stark, tony's dad, is there, helping out the army and helping out with this whole mission to create a super soldier. steve is now 10 inches taller and super strong and has no illnesses but this nazi dude blows the place up, killing erskine. steve runs after the nazi dude and the dude is like "cut off one head, two more grow back. hail hydra" and we're like ":O" because there's a group called hydra that's evil.

so erskine is dead and they can't create a new super soldier, so steve is the only one. he, instead of joining the army, is sent on a tour to promote buying war bonds. steve starts to feel like a dancing monkey.

in 1943, touring in italy, steve finds out that most of bucky's unit was captured. including bucky.

steve is like "no way he's dead", and howard and peggy go against orders and secretly fly him to where they were captured. steve punches his way through a bunch of nazis, rescues a bunch of captured men, and finds bucky, strapped to a table, muttering his name and serial number. they get out of there, but not before the encounter schmidt, who sort of doesn't have skin? he basically rips off his face and then there's this red skull underneath because the serum he got really messed him up. anyway, steve and bucky and the other prisoners escape and steve's like "im turning myself in for disobeying orders" but phillips is like "welcome captain".

steve is like "yo i saw this map of hydra bases, let's take them out". and he recruits these 6 guys - james, james, james, james (bucky), tim, and gabe. legit, that's their names like. james buchanan barnes (bucky), james morita (jim), james montgomery falsworth (monty), jaquces dernier (that's basically james), timothy "dum dum" dugan, and gabe jones.

anyway, the crew goes and takes out a bunch of hydra bases, life is good.

they find out zola, the doctor friend of schmidt, who also tortured bucky, is on this train, so they were like "lets get him" and go to. get him. on the train, a wall is blasted open, and bucky is hanging out of the train, and steve is the only one there, and steve tries to get him but. bucky falls, 40 feet from a moving train, and dies. steve is like. oh. im. sad.

they get info from zola, and steve goes to fight schmidt to stop him from using weapons of mass destruction on major cities. steve and peggy kiss at one point and they have a really sweet relationship im sort of doing them dirty in this summary. steve fights schmidt and schmidt uses the tesseract and accidently opens a wormhole into space that he gets sucked into. steve is like "....okay" and then realizes the plane is on autopilot. he realizes that he can't land the plane - there's no time - and he calls peggy and tells her that he's going to pull the plane into water and save everyone. peggy is like "we're gonna go dancing. this saturday. don't be late." and steve is like "okay" even though he doesn't know how to dance. peggy will teach him.

steve crashes his plane into the artic ocean and america mourns the death of a hero.

history happens, the allies win world war ii, and captain america becomes a symbol for america. howard stark searches through the ocean, looking for steve, and he finds the tesseract, but not steve.

so anyway, steve wakes up. he's in a hospital room, the radio playing, and this nurse enters and she's like ":) you're in a recovery room in new york city" and steve is like "no that's bs because the radio's baseball commentary? yeah, i went to that game, so where the fuck am i????" steve breaks out of the room and runs out into the new york streets and -

and everything is lit up and there's glowing signs and modern cars and steve is like "the fuck". fury comes and he's like "captain rogers. you've been asleep for a long ass time. it's 2011. you alright?" and steve is just like "...i had a date."

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #107
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shay's primer for the avengers (2012) (link)

ok so loki's meeting with this dude, the other, who leads this gang called the chitauri. the chitauri's like to loki "yo get the tesseract and i'll give you an army to attack earth with". loki's like "aight cool beans".

back on earth, fury's with erik selvig and they're researching the tesseract and it starts to open a wormhole by accident oops. loki swoops in, brainwashes selvig and clint barton and takes the tesseract. shield's like :o and fury's like "we gotta bring in the big guns…."

so natasha romanoff is still a thing and phil coulson calls her and is like to her "hey recruit bruce banner". she goes to india, where he's staying as a doctor, and convinces him to join them because he knows stuff about gamma radiation and the tesseract gives off gamma rays. also bruce has a new face. no one really talks about it.

coulson pops into stark tower and is like to tony "yo help us you're smart and you have a Cool Suit" and tony's like " alright".

fury goes to steve rogers and is like "yo fight again !" and steve is like " alright".

they get the crew together on this huge helicarrier!!!!!!!! bruce and steve and tony and nat all go to germany, where loki is stealing some shit to stabilize the tesseract. (ok well steve and nat go. tony intercepts them there with flashy music. bruce stays on the helicarrier and doesn't interact.) they capture loki, who surrenders, while clint steals the shit.

tony, nat, and steve have loki and they're heading back to the helicarrier when thor pops in and steals loki from them. he's all like "loki's an asgardian so i'll take him thank u" and him and tony get into this huge fight and in the end thor agrees to take loki back to shield's helicarrier.

so tony hacks into shield's files and he's like ":O" because he finds out that shield wants to build weapons out of the tesseract's power. fury and the avengers (nat, bruce, thor, tony, steve) get into this whole argument and while they're arguing, loki's team attacks the helicarrier.

tony and steve fix the helicarrier, bruce turns into the hulk and fights thor, nat fights clint and knocks him out to end loki's brainwashing, coulson tries to fight loki but fails and loki kills him and escapes. thor and the hulk both fall out of the helicarrier, whomp whomp.

so tony and steve are a little bit uhhhhh disheartened by this all, but fury goes and uses coulson's death to guilt them into fighting. steve and tony realize that loki's gonna try and take over the world and he's going to use stark tower's energy to open a wormhole and releash an army onto earth.

clint, nat, steve, and tony head back to new york to mount their defense and they also meet back up with thor and bruce and yeet the team is together. bruce is all iconic and turns into the hulk, saying "that's my secret cap; i'm always angry" and they're all pretty sure that he won't attack them.

so the avengers go and fight against the chitauri. hulk goes and beats up loki, nat goes and tries to figure out with selvig how to shut down the wormhole, and things are going pretty great. except they're NOT because the government decides that sending a NUKE into NEW YORK is a GREAT idea and everyone is like "no" but they're like "fuck you" and send it anyway.

nat figures out that she can close the portal using loki's magical scepter except tony is like WAIT and goes and grabs the nuke and flies it into the wormhole. everyone is relieved, except tony's in the wormhole and he's... not coming back. steve tells nat to close it and she does and tony suddenly hurtles out of it, freefalling. the hulk catches him and he's unconscious for a bit before the hulk yells at him and wakes him up.

the avengers go and get loki and thor brings him back to asgard to put him in asgard jail.

nick fury is sassy to the overseers of shield.

the avengers get shwarma. life is good.

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #108
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shay's primer for iron man 3 (2013) (link)

it's 1999, new years eve. tony stark, being tony stark, is shamelessly flirting with this girl, maya hansen, and blows off this young scientist, aldrich killian, so he can fool around with her.

in 2013, tony has become obsessive over creating new iron man suits. he's not coping with the battle of new york very well, and it gets worse once he turns on the tv and finds out that there's been a string of terrorist attacks happening by a group that calls themselves the mandarin. james rhodes tells tony that it's actually worse than the government is telling the people - there's been more attacks and there's no evidence left behind on any of them.

meanwhile, at stark industries, aldrich killian is showing pepper potts this projection of his brain. happy hogan gets suspicious of aldrich's assistant, so he decides to follow him. he finds the assistant giving some sort of drugs to a guy, which makes the guy blow up, causing happy to get seriously injured.

because of this, tony threatens the mandarin on camera, giving them his address. nice one.

tony figures out other cases similar to the mandarin, like on in tennessee, and he plans to go there to check it out. maya hansen shows up at his door, and the mandarin attack tony's house while she's there. maya and pepper escape together, but tony's presumed dead.

because he's tony and he has his suit, tony's not dead, but instead in tennessee - jarvis brought him there, just like he had planned. his suit malfunctions as soon as he's out of it, so tony's left in tennessee with no suit and no resources. he breaks into the garage of a kid, harley, and repairs his suit, leaves a message to pepper, and finds out more about the case he originally wanted to investigate.

after getting into a fight with these people who glow and breathe fire, tony finds out about a thing called extremis. extremis can fix crippling injuries, but it also makes people blow up sometimes.

meanwhile, rhodes is looking for the mandarin headquarters and gets captured by mandarin agents.

also meanwhile, maya tells pepper that her boss, killian, might be working for the mandarin. killian manages to kidnap both of them. we'll get back to them.

tony makes his way to miami, where the mandarin are apparently based, and there he finds trevor slattery, an english actor, instead of the mandarin image they put out. killian reveals himself as the real mandarin and tells tony that he's forcing extremis into pepper. if her body rejects it, she'll explode. fun. killian also kills maya, who tries to save tony. rip.

tony and rhodes escape together and find out that killian is going to publicly kill the president. the vice president agrees to be used as killian's puppet if he cures his daughter's disability.

tony summons his hoard of suits and he works to save pepper while rhodey works to save the president. rhodey is successful. tony... is not. before he can get to pepper, she falls down an oil rig.

tony confronts killian and traps him in an iron man suit that self destructs, but it doesn't kill him. pepper, who survived the fall because of the extremis, goes and kills killian, for good.

tony then explodes all of his suits because he realizes that he's spending too much time on them and not enough time with pepper. he gets pepper's extremis sorted out (somehow) and also has surgery to remove the arc reactor from his chest.

he's still iron man, though. blah blah blah cheese.

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #109
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shay's primer for thor: the dark world (2013) (link)

kay, so once upon a time odin's father fought the king of the dark elves, malekith. malekith wants to unleash the aether which is this big red glowy weapon. odin's dad wins and locks away the aether, but unknown to him, malekith and some other dark elves go into hiding.

nowadays, loki gets locked up. odin is like "going into war with earth Isn't Good" (see the avengers) and he gets put in jail. meanwhile, thor is fighting some people with his friends because the nine realms are sort of a mess after they rebuilt the bifrost (see the ending of thor). thor and his friends then learn that the convergence, the nine realms aligning, is going to happen soon, and portals linking the world are opening.

back on earth, jane foster and darcy lewis find one of these portals. some shit happens to jane and she's transported and inflicted with the aether. thor comes and picks her up, bringing it to asgard, and odin is like "oh shit its the aether this is Bad".

malekith, because of the aether's return, attacks asgard. frigga protects jane from the dark elves, but she dies.

odin is like "thor don't go after the dark elves" and thor is like "fuck you dad" and breaks loki out from jail, promising him vengeance if he can get them out of asgard. loki does, and brings them to svartalfheim, the world of the dark elves. loki tricks malekith to draw the aether out of jane, but thor isn't able to destroy it. malekith mortally wounds loki and merges with the aether and runs. loki dies in thors arms.

afterwards, thor battles malekith and eventually malekith dies, crushed under his own ship.

thor returns to asgard, refuses the throne, and tells odin about loki's sacrifice. odin is like okay and as thor goes away, it's revealed that loki is actually odin! bum bum bum.

in the mid-credits scene, two of thor's friends, sif and volstagg, give the aether to a character called the collector, saying that it's too dangerous to have two infinity stones on agard. the collector then reveals his plans to collect all five infinity stones.

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #110
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shay's primer for captain america: the winter soldier (2014) (link)

the movie starts out with steve going for a morning run and meeting this guy, sam wilson, who's an ex-pararescue. steve reveals that he's having some trouble adjusting to being out and sam suggests he comes to the va, where he hosts group therapy.

steve then goes off with natasha to rescue hostages onboard a ship, but not just any ship — one of shield's. steve takes down the guys, and then discovers that natasha had another mission other than rescuing the hostages: to extract shield data from the ship. steve goes to fury and is all upset and fury shows him project insight — there are three helicarriers that are designed to get rid of threats before they happen. steve's still pretty pissed.

he goes and visits peggy and is all sad and WOW steve is really fucking lonely literally everyone is DEAD he has no one peggy's mind is deteriorating and she keeps on forgetting him oh my fucking god wtf.


meanwhile, nick fury tries to decrypt the data natasha got for him. when he can't, he convinces alexander pierce to stall project insight, thinking that something is wrong.

steve drops by sam's va, they form a bond, and steve thinks about, for the first time, possibly getting out.

meanwhile, makes plans to rendezvous with maria hill, but while he's in the car he's ambushed by a bunch of people, led by the winter soldier (more on him later).

after, steve heads home to find nick fury there, all battered, and tells him that shield is compromised. in the middle of telling him this, the winter soldier shoots fury through steve's apartment. steve tries to run after him, but the winter soldier gets away. fury dies, leaving steve with the shield files.

steve then becomes a fugitive from shield, having everyone after him, under the guise that he knows something about nick fury's death.

steve meets up with natasha and they track the files to its source - camp leigh, where steve was trained. steve realizes that the built an office there and they find a whole underground office and plug the file in.

the file pops up and it's zola, the evil scientist steve lost bucky over (see the first avenger). apparently, zola was hired by shield because he's a good scientist. he grew hydra from the inside. steve gets all upset and punches zola's screen and then the office blows up because of a missile from shield. boom.

steve saves nat and they go to sam wilson's house. they're like "we need to know about this shit zola was talking about, about insight". they then realize that there was a shield agent on the ship way back when — jasper sitwell. they're like jasper was on the ship, the files were on the ship, let's kidnap sitwell!

then they're like …. wait how are we supposed to kidnap him. and then sam is like "oh by the way i have fucking wings". they go and threaten sitwell, who tells them that zola's algorithm targets anyone who could be a threat to hydra and kills them off with insight's helicarriers.

nat, sam, and steve make a plan to use sitwell to bypass dna scans and take down the helicarriers. while on the way there, they're intercepted by the winter soldier. they have this whole huge fight which ends in steve taking off the winter soldier's mask.

and then steve finds out that the winter soldier isn't just some random dude.

he's bucky. oh no.

maria hill rescues steve, nat, and sam and brings them to a secret cave where they find out that nick fury is still alive! he took some shot that slowed his pulse and faked his death. as you do.

in the cave, they make a plan to replace the helicarrier's aiming system thingys (editor's note: i can't remember the word for it. i'm sure there's some offical word.) with their own. that way, they'll make the three helicarriers target each othwr, finally bringing down hydra (and shield but then. agents of shield. a different primer whatever.).

steve has an angsty bridge moment where he remembers bucky telling him that he's with steve "till the end of the line". steve resolves to make bucky remember him and also steals his old costume from the smithsonian in the hopes it'll jog bucky's memory.

sam and steve and maria infiltrate shield hq and tell everyone that hydra's in the building and pierce is leading them.

OH i forgot to mention the world security council is this big council in charge of world security (duh) and they're at the hq for the launching the helicarriers its important promise.

anyway, steve and sam do some cool combat shit to replace the chips on the first two helicarriers. on the third helicarrier, they run into bucky. steve is like oh shit.

meanwhile, natasha, disguised as a world security council member, is like to pierce "im gonna leak all of shield and hydras secrets to the internet so we're justified in this". pierce is like "but you need two high level members to access all of that". nick fury walks in like "suprise motherfucker" and they leak the stuff and shoot pierce.

meanwhile, steve begs bucky not to make him fight. bucky's like "nah bro" and tries to prevent steve from replacing the chip. eventually, steve wins, replaces the chip, and the helicarriers start blowing each other up.

sam is fucking rumlow up, until one of the helicarriers crashes into where they're fighting. sam jumps out a window, into a helicopter being flown by nick and they're trying to find steve, but don't know where he is.

steve is still on the helicarrier and, because he's a weak ass bitch, he sees bucky trapped under wreckage and goes to save him. he insists to bucky that he's bucky barnes and bucky's like "no im not" and steve's like "im not gonna fight you, you're my friend" and he drops his shield off of the helicarrier like the dumb bitch he is. bucky's like "you're my mission" and fucks him up until steve's like "finish it. cuz im with you till the end of the line". bucky's like Oh and stops punching him. steve falls from the helicarrier, into the potomac ocean, but bucky goes in after him and rescues him before walking away.

sometime later, steve wakes up in the hospital, next to sam. natasha, in response to the government being like "what are we supposed to do now that you ruined our intelligence" tells them to kiss her ass. nick fury goes more into the whole "im dead thing". nat gives steve a file on bucky/the winter soldier, and him and sam decide to go after him.

in a mid credits scene, this evil scientist reveals he's been doing human experiments and he has two successful results that he'll unleash onto the avengers soon.

in a post credits scene, bucky stares at his own face in the captain america exhibit.

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #111
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shay's primer for guardians of the galaxy (2014) (link)

so it's 1988, on earth, and peter quill is not having a great time. his mother dies like. right in front of him, and then he gets sucked up by aliens. he's also like 8 years old. not a great day for him.

later, in 2014, quill is in space ~having a great time~ and he's trying to steal this orb. he's intercepted this dude korath, who works for this dude ronan and ronan is like The Bad Guy. quill escapes but the leader of those aliens who abducted him, yondu, finds out that quill stole this orb and puts a bounty on him. ronan, meanwhile, sends gamora, an assassin, after quill.

quill goes to this place called xandar to try and sell it, but he gets into a fight with gamora and these other two guys, rocket and groot. by the way, rocket is a raccoon that can speak and groot is a sentient tree. the fight results in all four of them being sent to jail, where they meet drax. drax's family was killed by thanos, who is gamora's adoptive dad, and who works with ronan, and drax tries to kill gamora at first. quill convinces him that gamora is going to betray ronan and that she already has a buyer for the orb. quill, gamora, groot, rocket, and drax all break out of prison and go to knowhere.

in knowhere, drax drunkenly calls ronan. gamora sells the orb to the collector, who opens it to reveal an infinity stone. the collector's slave, though, accidently touches it, causing an explosion.

ronan shows up, defeats drax, and the others try to flee. gamora's (adopted) sister nebula destroys gamora's ship, leaving her floating in space, while the others fight for the orb. quill calls up yondu, knowing he's turning himself in, but he flies out to gamora and puts his helmet on her to let her survive. yondu shows up and saves both of them by taking them aboard his ship. rocket is like "i can blow them up"? but quill says no, saying that yondu and his group will get the orb in return for letting him and gamora go. he figures that him with the orb is better than ronan with the orb.

oh by the way, ronan has the stone. the plan is to get the stone back into the orb. the orb is empty. i forgot to mention that.

anyway, he promises to orb to yondu after they go get it from ronan. they meet on xandar and a ship crashes into them and groot sacrifices himself to protect them all. it's really sad.

ronan survives the crash somehow, and plans to use the stone to destroy xandar, but quill distracts him long enough for drax and rocket to shoot him. quill catches the stone and uses it to destroy ronan.

quill tricks yondu with the orb, gives the space police on xandar, (called the nova corps i forgot to mention them) and finds out that he's not fully human — he was able to hold the stone.

quill's group is named the guardians of the galaxy, and they're acquitted, and they work with the nova corps to stop crimes yeehaw.

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #112
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shay's primer for avengers: age of ultron (2015) (link)

the movie opens in sokovia, a fictional european country, and the avengers are fighting this base to get to loki's scepter. they meet wanda and pietro maximoff, two twins that were a result of experimentation. wanda can move things with her mind and pietro's really fast. the avengers are able to escape with the scepter, but not before wanda triggers tony's ptsd, making him see his friends dead, all around him. he becomes pretty messed up from this. also clint gets really badly hurt.

when they get back from the avengers tower, helen cho, a scientist, heals clint by recreating his tissue. tony and bruce do experiments on the scepter, and tony convinces bruce to let him create ultron, a program to protect the world.

to celebrate getting the scepter, the avengers have a party, and they discuss thor's hammer and how you have to be worthy to hold it. they're having a great time until they're interrupted by ultron, possessing a robot tony had (as you do). ultron knows that he's supposed to protect the earth, and he figures that the best way to do that is to destroy the avengers. the avengers defeat him, but lucky for ultron, he's not a physical thing, he's a computer program, and he just goes away into the cloud. ultron kills jarvis, tony's ai, and gets the scepter and teams up with the maximoffs, who are salty because tony's bombs killed their parents.

ulltron also goes to get vibranium, that magical metal from wakanda, from an arms dealer ulysses klaue (keep him in mind for black panther). the avengers attack ultron, but wanda takes most of them out by planting visions in them. thor sees a party on asgard and heimdall telling him he's going to lead asgard to hel. steve sees a dancing hall with soldiers bleeding out but still laughing and he sees peggy telling him that he can go home. natasha sees her training from her past. bruce sees something that makes him turn into the hulk. tony's able to subdue him, though, and all of them retreat.

they retreat to a little farm, where apparently clint has a family, off the grid. surprise! thor ditches them to meet up with doctor selvig to find out more about his vision. the other avengers meet with nick fury to discuss beating ultron.

meanwhile, ultron mind controls helen cho with loki's scepter, and gets her to build him a new body out of vibranium, the scepters gem, and her tissue technology. ultron starts uploading himself into the body, and wanda reads his mind, finding out that he plans for human extinction. the maximoffs turn against ultron and help the avengers take the body ultron built, before he finishes transfering to it. most of the avengers get away, but natasha gets taken by ultron.

tony uploads the part of jarvis that's still left into the body, and creates a humaniod thing called the vision. thor comes back to help create him, even though some of the avengers disagree with him. vision has a gem on his forehead that thor explains as an infinity stone, and tells the avengers that the stones are super powerful, there's six of them, and he saw them in his vision. the avengers are like "what if vision is evil like ultron" but vision picks up thor's hammer and they're like. alright. guess he's good. vision, the maximoffs, and the avengers head to sokovia, where ultron built a vibranium core to lift the country up. apparently his plan is to lift sokovia high enough to drop it and kill everyone on earth. ok buddy.

bruce rescues natasha and unleashes the hulk and they go and join the fight. the avengers fight ultron and his little robot underlings and fury arrives to evacuate civilians.

thor and tony plan to overload the vibranium core so ultron can't escape and then destroy sokovia with it. clint, in getting civilians out, almost get shot by a gunship, but pietro uses himself as a personal shield and dies. wanda, enraged, rips out the main ultron's heart. the city drops and tony and thor cause it to shatter so no one gets harmed.

oh also hulk leaves on a quinjet to. somewhere. it's vague. thor leaves to hunt down infinity stones, tony leaves to settle with pepper, clint goes back to his farm to retire, and nat and steve stay to train the new avengers — sam as falcon, rhodey as war machine, wanda as scarlet witch and vision as. vision.

in a credits scene, thanos gets a gauntlet and says "fine i'll do it myself".

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #113
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shay's primer for ant-man (2015) (link)

the movie opens in 1989, with scientist hank pym resigning from shield because he finds out they're trying to recreate his famous pym particles — particles that allow people to shrink down to really really small. he also punches howard stark in the face. love that.

in 2015, scott lang just got out of prison. he got in there because at his old job he saw they were stealing money from people so he gave it back. then he got imprisoned and got a divorce and had to leave his daughter, cassie, behind. upon his release, he goes to his ex-wife, maggie's house. there, he's told that he needs to pay child support if he wants to see her. also maggie's fiance, paxton, is a cop and scott doesn't like him.

scott tries to get a job, but his criminal record doesn't let him. luis, his old cellmate, convinces him to take a thieving job. he agrees.

luis, scott, and their friends dave and kurt break into the house they're targeting and breaks into this safe, but all that's in there is a motorcycle suit. scott takes it and leaves. later, he tries it on and presses a button on the glove that makes him shrink down. freaked out, he tries to return the suit, but on his way out he's caught by the police and taken back to jail. hank pym, however, smuggles the suit to scott and tells him to escape.

scott is flown on an ant to hank pym's house, where he's told that hank wanted him to steal the suit. his daughter, hope van dyne, is really upset with her father and she called the police on him. hank wants scott to become the next ant-man, as he was back in his days. hope hates this idea.

hope is spying for her dad on darren cross, who took over hank pym's lab. they know that he's trying to recreate the ant-man suit, calling it the yellowjacket. the goal is to take the suit and stop cross before it becomes something bad. hank and hope train scott to fight and use the suit and control ants.

hank also reveals that hope's mother got trapped in the quantum realm and if scott turned off his regulator on his suit, he'd end up there too. scott also goes to the avengers headquarters and fights sam wilson for this piece they need for their heists. it's a cute scene.

later, cross reveals his suit. with the help of luis, kurt, and dave, scott infiltrates the building where it's being unveiled (hope and hank are part of the event). lang tries to take the yellowjacket suit, but cross sees him and captures him. he reveals that he intends to sell the ant-man and the yellowjacket suit to hydra. scott breaks free and him and the gang escape, blowing up cross's building. cross also escapes and tries to attack scott but scott gets arrested by paxton.

to lure scott into a fight, cross takes cassie hostage. scott escapes from paxton to save his daughter, and he turns off his regulator to slip into the quantum realm and he goes in between the molecules of cross's suit and destroy it. by the power of love for cassie (it's really fucking cheesy), scott is able to return.

paxton, grateful for scott saving cassie, covers for scott and he's acquitted. paxton, maggie, scott, cassie, and this ant that accidently got turned big that acts like a dog start a happy co-family. hank wonders if his wife is alive, because scott was able to return.

later, luis tells scott that the avengers are looking for him.

in a credits scene, hank shows hope the wasp suit that him and janet, his wife, were building for her and he offers for them to finish it together.

the post credits scene is just a clip from civil war it doesn't really matter.

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #114
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shay's primer for captain america: civil war (2016) (link)

the movie starts out in 1991, in siberia, with this army dude saying some russian words that triggers the winter soldier brainwashing in bucky's brain. bucky, as the winter soldier, goes and gets a case that has super soldier serum.

in 2016, in lagos, steve, sam, nat, and wanda are tracking brock rumlow. they find out he's trying to steal a biological weapon from a hospital, and they find the weapon, but when steve goes to confront rumlow, rumlow taunts him, saying that bucky remembered him but they wiped his brain. steve stumbles and rumlow detonates a bomb on himself, intending to take down steve. wanda shows up and contains rumlow's blast, but she loses control of her powers, accidently flying rumlow into a building, injuring many.

meanwhile, tony stark gives a presentation to mit students, announcing his grant so they can make new projects. on his way out, a woman blames him for the death of her son. tony feels super guilty about this. it comes up later.

back at the avengers tower, the united states secretary of war, thaddeus ross, presents the avengers (currently steve, sam, nat, wanda, vision, rhodey, and tony) with the sokovia accords. the sokovia accords keeps the avengers in check, letting the united nations send them places. 117 countries agreed to sign them.

right away, the avengers are at odds. steve, along with sam and wanda disagree with them. steve thinks that "the safest hands are still our own". tony, along with rhodey, vision, and nat, agree with the accords. tony says that they're gonna be forced into something like this in the future — they might as well have some control over it now.

meanwhile, helmut zemo steals the book with bucky's trigger words in them. it becomes relevant later.

the avengers argue over them, and steve refuses to sign them. while all this is going on, peggy dies. steve attends her funeral and finds out that sharon carter is peggy's niece.

(editor's note — LMAO I FORGOT TO MENTION SHARON AT ALL she's a former shield agent who was assigned to protect steve in the winter soldier. she pretended to be his neighbor, a nurse named kate. she stands up to rumlow at one point in the movie. she's pretty cool. she's a current cia agent.)

steve reconnects with sharon, and they become allies.

meanwhile, the accords are signed. natasha meets prince t'challa, prince of a third world country in africa, wakanda. while they're signing the accords, someone detonates a bomb in the un building. t'challa father, t'chaka, dies. they find out from security footage that bucky barnes, the winter soldier, set off the bomb. t'challa vows revenge.

nat asks steve not to go after bucky, but steve's like "nah im gonna". sharon gives steve and sam a lead to bucky, and they find him in romania. they infiltrate bucky's little apartment and steve demands for bucky to tell him why he pulled him out of the river. bucky claims he doesn't know. steve is like "you do" and then police break in. there's a whole fight, t'challa gets into the mix, donning a cat suit, and it ends with bucky, steve, sam, and t'challa being apprehended. t'challa gives this whole monologue about how he's the black panther and the king of wakanda and they can't protect bucky from him.

meanwhile, bucky gets a psychological evaluation from helmut zemo. zemo causes the electricity to short out in the building, and uses the trigger words to control bucky. sam and steve realize that zemo's Not A Good Guy because they're pretty sure bucky didn't bomb the un — someone bombed it find him. they go to see what's happening and zemo says he wants to see an empire fall. bucky, in the winter soldier's programing, fights t'challa, nat, sharon, and tony, before attempting to escape by helicopter. steve incepts him, pulling the helicopter down, and they fall into a lake and then steve rescues him and they sneak away.

sam and steve are told by bucky that there are five other winter soldiers, just like bucky. bucky thinks that zemo wants to control them, and ruin the world with them. steve and sam, realizing that tony won't listen to them, recruit the help of scott lang, clint barton, and wanda maximoff. they try to escape to siberia, but they're intercepted by tony's own team, sent to apprehend them. tony's team is him, natasha, rhodey, t'challa (who is there only to kill bucky), vision and peter parker, also known as spider-man. they have a big fight, and in the end, scott, clint, sam, and wanda sacrifice themselves (in a going to jail way, not a death way) to let steve and bucky go and defeat the other winter soldiers. natasha also switches sides and lets them go. the rest of steve's team is sent to the raft, a super secret prison. also rhodey is accidentally paralyzed by vision accidentally shooting his suit. it's really sad.

after the battle, tony discovers that zemo framed bucky. he convinces sam to tell him where steve and bucky went, and he goes to help them. t'challa secretly follows, still wanting revenge on bucky.

at the siberian headquarters, steve, tony, and bucky find out that zemo killed the other winter soldiers. zemo reveals, while t'challa is secretly listening, that he bombed the un. he reveals that he brought them there to ruin the avengers from the inside. he then plays this clip, showing december 16th, 1991. the clip shows the death of tony's parents — and it shows bucky as the murderer.

tony tries to hurt bucky, steve defends him, and they have this whole fight. tony blows off bucky's metal arm, steve drops the shield to walk away with bucky. they leave.

meanwhile, t'challa brings in zemo to the cia. also cia agent everett ross is a thing. he becomes more important later. he's just. a cia agent. t'challa knows him. he knows that t'challa is the black panther. it becomes relevant in black panther trust me.

tony gets a message from steve, saying that he'll be there if he needs him. he also breaks out sam and wanda from the raft, and they go on the run.

in the credits scene, steve takes bucky to wakanda, where t'challa's scientists put him in a cryogenic sleep so they can remove his programing. t'challa promises to protect him.

in the end credits scene, peter is like "im spider-man".

4/25/2019 . Edited 4/25/2019 #115

les' primer for fantastic beasts (subtitle - fantastic leaves and peas)

so on another forum, thanks to a few translated fics, it's basically become a thing that mary lou has a machine that makes leaves. she makes so many leaves with it that they cover every inch of the house, and in some incarnations, she's also in love with her leaf machine.

basically, we just took some things that got lost in translation and made them prominent forum things.


there are also peas. mary lou forces her children to eat peas and pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (though in other incarnations like pea sandwiches, pea milk, just ordinary food but with peas) she also has a habit of throwing them all over the floor like the leaves. mary lou likes the idea of peas more than the taste of them, but she doesn't know how to make anything else, so peas it is.


the story i submitted for the moc also features toilet peas and leaves (because both are just everywhere), dampish bread (another translated thing -- because the roof leaked over the bread and they can't put it elsewhere because they'll lose it under leaves), and an appearance from mary lou's mother. so there's that

4/26/2019 #116
belle parole

shay's primer for doctor strange (2016) (link)

in the capital city of nepal, the sorcerer kaecilius enters the kamar-taj (more on that later) and steals some pages from a book. the ancient one, the sorcerer who taught everyone at kamar-taj tries to get the pages back and fails.

in present day, doctor stephen strange is an asshole. he's arrogant, and full of himself, and he's literally not even likable. he's a damn good neurosurgeon, though, and on the way to a dinner to honor him, he gets into a car crash. in the crash, he injures his hands, causing them to shake, and rendering him unable to do surgeries.

fellow doctor and ex-girlfriend christine palmer tries to help stephen move on, but stephen becomes hell-bent on finding some way to make his hands stop shaking. he uses up his entire fortune on trying to find some solution. stephen then learns about a paraplegic who regained use of his legs. the guy directs him to kamar-taj and stephen uses the last of his money to go there.

once he's there, he's skeptical. he meets the ancient one, who shoves his arrogance down his throat. she demonstrates her power and agrees to teach him, even though his aloofness reminds her of kaecilius.

stephen studies with the ancient one and this other sorcerer named mordo. he reads these books in the library guarded by the master wong. stephen learns of three buildings calls sanctums that protect the earth from other dimensions, one in new york, one in london, and one in hong kong. most sorcerers from kamar-taj protect the earth in these sanctums.

stephen then, one night, reads from the book kaecilius stole pages from. in this book, he learns how to control the eye of agamotto. both mordo and wong warn stephen to not break the laws of nature.

after this, kaecilius uses the stolen pages to summon dormammu from the dark dimension, a dimension where time doesn't exist. kaecilius also destroys the london sanctum, weakening earth's protection. his zealots then attack the new york sanctum, but stephen, with his new buddy the cloak of levitation, fends them off.

mordo and the ancient one arrive and it's revealed that the ancient one uses power from the dark dimension to sustain her life. mordo is bothered and leaves, and the ancient one ends up being killed by kaecilius.

stephen then uses the eye of agamotto to create a time loop with him and dormammu, continually fighting him until dormammu gets tired of it and agrees to leave earth.

stephen returns the eye to kamar-taj and starts protecting the new york sanctum.

the mid-credits scene is a scene from thor: ragnarok.

in the post credits scene, mordo takes the power the ex-paraplegic had, saying that the earth has too many sorcerers.

4/26/2019 . Edited 4/26/2019 #117
belle parole

shay's primer for guardians of the galaxy, vol 2 (2017)

in 2014, the guardians of the galaxy, peter quill, gamora, drax, rocket, and groot replanted as a baby, are doing great. they guard the galaxy. people love them.

ayesha, leader of the sovereign race, asks the guardians to guard batteries in exchange for gamora's adoptive sister, nebula, who tried to steal them. instead of guarding them, rocket takes the batteries for himself. the guardians try to escape, followed by sovereign ships. the ships, however, are shot down by a mysterious force and the guardians crash on a nearby planet.

on this planet, they find out that the force was actually quill's father. quill's father greets them, calls himself ego, and invites them to his home planet. he is the planet. quill is half planet.

drax, gamora, and quill go to ego's planet while groot, rocket, and nebula stay behind to repair their ship.

meanwhile, ayesha hires yondu to capture the guardians. yondu captures rocket, and when yondu hesitates to turn over quill, his assistant kraglin gets upset. kraglin's lieutenant taserface starts a mutiny along with nebula. taserface captures rocket and yondu and nebula leaves to find gamora, who she wants to kill. rocket and yondu bond while in jail and groot and kraglin (who feels guilty for starting a mutiny) help them escape. as they escape, they destroy the ship and the crew, but taserface is able to alert the sovereign.

meanwhile, ego explains that he went to earth in human form, fell in love with quill's mom, and hired yondu to pick quill up after his mother died, but he never got quill from yondu. ego teaches quill to control his celestial powers and he goes sparky spark it's fun.

meanwhile, nebula tries to kill gamora, but they reach a truce when they discover skulls on ego's plant (yikes!).

ego reveals to quill that he planted little manifestations of himself on other planets, but it requires two celestials to power them so they could take over the planets. he impregnated women, but killed the children once they couldn't master the power. quill is about to help him, but then ego also reveals that he killed quill's mom.

meanwhile, mantis, ego's servant who's an empath, reveals ego's plan to drax. gamora, nebula, rocket, groot, yondu, and kraglin also learn of the plan and unite together. they find ego's brain at the center of the planet, and rocket makes a bomb out of the batteries he stole earlier, which groot plants for them. quill holds ego off for everyone else to escape and yondu sacrifices himself to save them with quill realizing that yondu was his real dad — he saved him from ego. the bomb goes off, killing ego, and getting rid of quill's celestial powers. the guardians hold a proper funeral for yondu. it's sweet.

in credit scenes, kraglin practices with yondu's old telekinetic arrow, stakar ogord reunites with his old teammates, groot is a teenager, ayesha creates a being named adam to destroy the guardians, and a group of watches abandon their informant who talks about his time on earth.

4/26/2019 #118
belle parole

shay's primer for spider-man: homecoming (2017)

in 2012, adrian toomes and his crew is sent to clean up chitauri things from the battle of new york (remember that?!) but tony stark sends his own crew to clean up. upset that their out of a job, toomes and his crew keep a cart of chitauri tech and start a new business. four years later, in 2016, their business is still good.

still in 2016, peter parker goes through the events of civil war. we see the events through his eyes, including tony giving him a new suit. tony tells him that he can keep the suit and they'll call him if they need him.

two months later, peter's still hopeful that they'll call him. he texts happy hogan with updates constantly, and juggles being a student in the day and superheroing during the night. he likes being a superhero more, going as far as to quit various after-school activities to spend more time spider-maning.

one night, he tries to stop some criminals from robbing an atm, and he comes in contact with the weapons toomes sells. he tries to tell happy about it, but happy ignores him, saying that he has to focus on moving day — the avengers are moving upstate. peter returns home, where his best friend, ned, finds out he's spider-man. after overhearing that peter's crush, liz, likes spider-man, ned says that peter should swing by as spider-man at a party and give peter and ned some popularity points. peter almost does it, but he sees a blast go off in the distance and goes to stop that instead. he sees an arms deal, and tries to follow them, but toomes comes in, picks up spider-man, and tosses him into a lake. tony, operating the iron man suit, tracks and rescues peter, and tells him to stop tracking the criminals.

peter, however, recovers a piece of chitauri left behind in the fight. him and ned try and figure out what it does, and peter is also able put a tracker on one of the arms dealers. ned and peter find out that they're going to maryland, and they go on their school's academic decathlon trip. in their hotel room, ned and peter get rid of the tracker tony put in his suit so that he can pursue toomes. he also disables the "training wheels protocol", upgrading his suit. the upgrade gives the suit an ai, but when peter goes to fight toomes, he doesn't know what his new settings do. he ends up being trapped in a department of defence container.

peter misses the decathlon, and his ai (who he named karen) tells him that the chitauri tech, which peter left with ned, is a bomb that can be activated by something like an x-ray. peter gets out of the container in time for ned to go up the elevator of the washington monument, along with his other academic decathlon friends. the bomb, being activated by the x-ray in the lobby, goes off, trapping peter's friends in the elevator. peter, as spider-man, saves them, and everyone is safe.

back in new york, peter tracks down the guy who was buying the weapons that one night. the guy, aaron davis (eyy wink wink wonk), tells peter that an arm deal is happening on the staten island ferry. peter goes to intercept it. peter fails, making the situation much worse. toomes is there, and he splits the boat in half. peter tries to save it, but he fails and tony stark has to come in and fix it. tony then takes away peter's suit because he didn't listen.

peter returns to normal school life, even asking liz to the homecoming dance. she says yes and on the night of the dance, peter goes to her house to pick her up. liz's dad opens the door, and her dad is…

adrian toomes.

peter tries to stay calm, but once liz reveals that peter wasn't in the washington monument, and he had a "stark internship", toomes connects the dots. after liz leaves the car, toomes threatens peter that he has a big deal and he shouldn't interfere. peter, realizing that toomes is going to target the plane with the avenger's stuff on it (it's moving day!), puts on his pre-stark suit and goes after him, leaving liz.

peter confronts toomes but toomes crushes peter under a building. peter cries out for help, but no one comes. after looking at his reflection, peter realizes that he has to help himself. he's spider-man, for god's sake! he lifts the building off of himself and continues to pursue toomes.

peter and toomes fight on the plane (btw toomes has wings did i ever mention that?) and the plane crashes into coney island, where the continue to fight. toomes' suit explodes, but peter saves his life, tying him up and leaving him for the cops.

at the end of the movie, liz moves because of her father's arrest, and peter declines tony's invitation to join the avengers full time.

the mid-credits scene has toomes protecting peter's identity as spider-man, as someone in jail asks for it.

4/26/2019 #119
belle parole

shay's primer for thor: ragnarok (2017)

thor is imprisoned by a demon surtur, who claims that odin isn't on asgard and that he's going to start ragnarok. he says that he's going to put his crown into the eternal flames on asgard and destroy it, so thor breaks out of his cage and beats surtur, taking his crown and preventing ragnarok.

the end :).

nah, jk.

thor returns to asgard to find out that heimdall is gone. he confronts "odin", forcing him to reveal himself as loki. the two of them head to earth, to where loki left odin, but he's not there. they meet stephen strange, who has a problem with loki being on earth, seeing as he tries to take it over five years ago (grudges damn). he sends them to odin's location.

odin tells loki and thor that they have a sister, hela, who he's been keeping a secret because she became ambitious and dangerous. he then dies, turning into sparkles. almost as soon as he dies, hela shows up. she tells them to kneel, and instead they attempt to fight her. right away, she destroys thor's hammer. loki panics and tries to return to asgard, but hela follows them up the bifrost, throwing them off.

hela appears on asgard and raises her own armies, including the giant wolf fenrir, and kills a bunch of asgardians. heimdall sneaks in, saving as many people as he can, and giving them refuge in the forest.

thor crash lands on the garbage planet of sakaar, where he's taken to the palace by scrapper-142, who puts a shocker in his neck. he finds loki there, in good graces with the planet's ruler, the grandmaster, but loki refuses to help him. the grandmaster agrees to let thor go if he can beat his champion. thor agrees. thor meets the other prisoners, including a guy made out of rocks called korg and a bug named miek. thor also finds out that the scrapper that took him is a valkyrie — one of the noble women warriors of asgard. she's the last one left, as they all died fighting hela eons ago. thor tries to convince her to help him, as he's the heir of asgard, but she refuses, deciding to drink away her troubles instead.

thor then goes to fight the grandmaster's "champion" who he finds out is the hulk — the first time anyone saw him since sokovia. thor tries to convince hulk that they know each other, but when that doesn't work, thor fights him. he almost wins, only being thwarted by the grandmaster turning on the shocker on his neck.

later, thor tries to convince the hulk and valkyrie to help him escape. neither agrees, but thor manages to escape the palace and find the quinjet hulk arrived on. hulk follows thor, wrecking the quinjet, and turning back into bruce because of a recorded message from natasha on the ship.

meanwhile, the grandmaster enlists the help of loki and valkyrie to hunt down thor, who took his beloved champion from him. loki and val get into a scuffle, which results in val winning and taking loki prisoner. she decides to help thor and loki tells them how to get the grandmaster's ship, in return for them taking him with them, through the big wormhole in the middle of the planet. they agree, and loki tries to trick thor. thor anticipates it, and he tricks loki back, putting a shocker thingy on him and leaving him on the floor of the grandmaster's garage.

while the grandmaster is distracted by korg starting a rebellion (thor and valkyrie helping them start it, of course), val, thor, and bruce start flying away. they're chased by scrappers, but val and thor destroy their ships and they make it through the wormhole. meanwhile, korg finds loki and korg's followers go on a huge ship to escape, bringing loki with them.

they go to asgard, and, joining forces with heimdall, fight hela. loki and korg's ship arrives as well, as reinforcements. bruce turns back into the hulk, joining the fight. they fight against hela's army, while thor fights hela himself. hela taunts him, saying that he's nothing without his precious hammer, especially against the goddess of death. she also pokes his eye out. thor has a vision of his father, who asks him "are you the god of hammers?" thor realizes that he doesn't need his hammer and sends out lightning and thunder. he doesn't defeat hela, but his energy helps him get rid of her forces. thor then realizes that asgard is tied to hela's power. in another vision from odin, he's reminded that asgard is a people, not a place. thor sends loki to start ragnarok. loki goes, grabbing the tesseract on the way. sutur is reborn, and destroys asgard and hela.

on the ship, thor is rightful king of the sakaarian and asgardian refugees and they head to earth.

in the mid-credits scene, the asgard ship gets intercepted by a huge spaceship.

in a post credit scene, the grandmaster is trashed on by rebels.

4/26/2019 . Edited 4/26/2019 #120
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