Meet my daughter, Amy Jane
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If you have enjoyed Part 2 so far, I'd like you to consider answering the following:

- What bits did you most enjoy?

- Was there any bits you didnt like, or think out of place?

- Was there any bits you thought "what was that about"?

Or if you feel you want to, throw in a rant about how cruel the end of Chapter 19 (Part 2, Chapter 8) was.

11/18/2011 #1
Glimmer Daireann-Golden Sky

Not gonna lie, I am most anxious to see the pace pick up... and will Darcy discover the identity of Amy-Jane's father? Sorry... Most of my ranting will be postulation on what's going to happen. Personally, at the rate things are going, Elizabeth'll wind up with Fitzwilliam, which would be oddly appropriate, given that I'm pretty sure it was Fitzwilliam's brother, the Viscount, that got Elizabeth pregnant. :D

I love this story mostly for the very realistic impression of the times and society you give. Very assuredly, this story was something that was egging me on through November for National Novel Writing Month. I set myself to writing about a late Georgian era supernatural romance and mystery, and this story has been helping with the more scandal related/societal standards aspect.

So in short, thank you very much for this wonderful story, yes the ending of Chapter 19 was very mean, and I eagerly await the next chapter!

11/30/2011 #2

Sorry if you find the pace a bit slow, but I am trying to get the readres to see 'inside the heads' of the main protagonists, but things should move along with this next chapter. I forget that I read very fast so several thousand words is not a long bit of fiction - most chapters are about 4,000 words - is this too long, fine, too short?

You are correct - Viscount Sumerville is Fitzwilliam's older brother (and heir to the Earldom - the Colonel is the spare). Then again, given the last chapter, he's picked up an infectious fever and could loose a leg. Would Elizabeth be happy with a invalid husband? Happy to hear what you think will happen - have you any idea what's happened in London with Jane/Charles?

I'm glad you are enjoying it - this is the result of many years reading this period - both fiction and non-fiction - so I hope I've been able to have the reader get the same feeling - from the reviews I think I've succeded.

How did you go with the National Novel Writing Month? Is your story online anywhere?

12/2/2011 #3
Glimmer Daireann-Golden Sky

Your chapters are a wonderful length! I read very quickly as well, and I usually have to take my time reading them to make sure I catch all the nuances. 4k is just about right honestly.

As for your questions... I remain an optimist and hope fervently that Fitzwilliam will not lose his leg nor his life. :) However, if he did lose the leg, I think she would still be happy, for Fitzwilliam sees Elizabeth for herself. He recognizes how she is viewed and how she carries on in spite of the world and loves her daughter. While Darcy does need to overcome his arrogance, the fact that Fitzwilliam is ahead of him gives him an edge I think... (Then again, Elizabeth and Darcy are an ideal and therefore, should not be separated. The only alternate pairing I liked was Jane/Fitzwilliam and Kitty/Bingley.)

I didn't do so well in my word count. I hit 11k before I started falling drastically behind, and then only made it to 16k by the end of the month. I haven't posted it anywhere, largely because I'm not sure where I'd put it. I suppose there's FictionPress.Net or DeviantArt.Com... but I'd like to maybe keep this saved for eventual publication. If you would like to read it, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Now that it's no longer November, I can go about it at my own pace...

12/2/2011 #4

Thanks for the input. I have to admit I was not expecting it to end up with 100,000 words it has already - and there is still a lot of the plot left to write. I actually find I write about 1,00 words a night, so thus the 4 day intervals between postings.

I can't remember reading many Kitty/Bingley pairings - sometime I see Kitty (as a more grown up Catherine) paired up with Colonel Fitzwilliam - having blossomed from being taken away from Longborn and without Lydia's influence. Few seem to manage to find the right pairing for Mary - even with completely newly invented characters.

Would like to read your story - I found that by having a plot outline the motivation to complete my 'vision' helps keeping me writing, I am unsure I would be as motivated if I was just making up the story as I went along. So that is what motivates me - I know what happens next, and enjoy this knowledge, that you all reading it don't.

Would be very interested in reading your story, if just to read and comment, or to provide a full critique. Whatever you wish.

So please let me read it.

12/4/2011 #5
Glimmer Daireann-Golden Sky

The Kitty/Bingley pairing was Given Good Principles by TuesdayMorning423. The guy the author has with Mary is actually pretty good... Though I can easily see how Mary is a very difficult character to master or match.

It's not that I don't know what's going to happen... it's now an issue of writing it. And it was destroying my brain to write it as intensely as NaNo was demanding I do so.... Immersion in the story was not making me happy... so I'm taking a break, going back to some old ideas I want to work on and then I'll come back to it as I can.

How would you prefer I send it to you? I would love to hear your perspective on it... But as this is fairly close to a nerve, a gentler critique would be preferred... But if there's some glaring inconsistency or inaccuracy, I would like it pointed out. :)

12/4/2011 #6

Going back and rereading part of that - yes I enjoyed that story, and I agree the characterisations were quite believable - showed a good deal of what can be done with AU - change one thing, and just that - don't keep adding to it with more outlandish "what ifs".

I imagine if I "had to finish" my story it would be different as well - that it is entirely voluntary means i do not feel pressured, other than what I put on myself - I suspect that is why a number of author's first book or books of a series are much better than the final one(s). To type sacrilege, JK Rowling is like that for me - the first Harry Potter was very good, but I think they went down hill once she was successful, so much so that I couldn't finish book 3 (or was it 4) and haven't read the rest. Personally, someone needed to tell her that she had enough story for 300 pages each book, and edit a great deal of the waffle out of them - but I suppose the true HP devotee liked all that detail - I just found it bogged the story down or got in the way.

Very happy to read and give a gentle critique - I've sent you a private message with how to send it to me - this being a public forum.

12/5/2011 #7
Glimmer Daireann-Golden Sky

I stuck it out through the series, but you're right. 4 is where s*** went down hill, and it only got worse from there. I read all 7, much to my annoyance, and the main driving factor in this was that I just wanted to see how *she* was gonna finish it. Frankly, and more heresy to go with yours, I've read better fanfictions than what was published. I also find her tendency to announce things post-series like "Dumbledore's gay" or what have you VERY annoying. I'm sorry. If you want something to be official cannon, don't post it in a blog of yours. WRITE IT WOMAN!


**hops off soapbox** Sorry... bit of a button for me. :)

I'll go check my inbox now. :D I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say.

12/5/2011 #8

I cheated and waited for the synopsis turned up on Wikipedia - the article there, while full of HP'isms, was far better written and certainly more succinct. 8-)

But she could not say it before - it could affect sales - and THAT was verboten. I doubt she cared about his orientation until she discovered others were - the cynic in me thinks maybe she then picked the more controversial option as any publicity is good publicity.

12/5/2011 #9

Very interesting conclusion for the Part 2. I've only to things to point out:

-Were does Lizzie's money comes from? She doesn't seem to work for a income, does Mr. Gardiner grants her a allowance? He must be a very successful tradesman to support children, nieces, etc.

-Darcy plan to ''deal'' with Amy seams unnecessary convoluted. I mean, if Lizzie is supposed to be a young emigrate that lost her family in the continental war, why not lost her family and a husband, leaving her and her child alone? I mean, if Darcy was willing to arbor the three(i think) single mothers of Summerville illegitimate children in his estate(despite the risk of gossip assuming that those are his children), marrying a young emigrant widow with a daughter isn't much of a issue, is it?

Interesting how you approached the tradition of adoption of the Regency times. Darcy's proposal might arrogant and high handed by modern standards, but it certainly was normal in society of the time. Jane Austen family history certainly proves it. As did you with the Fitzwilliam family description. Again, very good writing and intriguing plot.

1/14/2012 #10

1) Elizabeth's money is mentioned right at the end of Part 1 - here's the quote:

Mr Bennet was coerced to provide Elizabeth's portion of one thousand pounds, but in return he required her to cease to use the name Bennet before he would agree. Paying Elizabeth set back the fragile truce between Mr and Mrs Bennet a good deal, as Mrs Bennet did not want Elizabeth to get anything, ever. The potion was to provide a barely adequate annual income of fifty pounds when invested in the consuls at five percent. However as Mr Gardener took on 'investing it' on her behalf, she was always able to receive at least double the usual rate of return. She knew that the Gardeners were topping it up with money of their own, but chose not to make a big deal of it.

There is also mention that Mrs Carter provides free board in exchange for Elizabeth acting as an (unpaid) companion - which was common for older women living alone.

2) The problem is Amy Jane is too old to not remember her previous life, so could not be relied on to be able to lie about it - nor could she speak Spanish or Italian. Darcy did not think through all of the implications - he was just overly smug about his 'solution'. It was as much as to protect Elizabeth (who he assumes wants to be respectable) and not open to discovery that having Amy Jane around would create a much greater risk. So he does not object to AMy Jane at all - something that Elizabeth would discover - it was he was overly caught up in the perception of respectability, rather than anything else - did I make myself clear?

The was no such thing as legal adoption in the Regency period, but infant mortality (even adult mortality) was so high if you were poor, 'giving up' your child or children to much richer relatives very much enhanced their chances of surviving to adulthood - this is common in many of JA's work - Frank Churchill or Fanny Price - even Catherine Morland is the poor relative 'adopted' into the more wealthy Tilbury family (well until she becomes the love interest of one of the sons and the General sends her home).

1/14/2012 #11
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