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Fanman 2000

If you've got something to say, and if you've read the rules, then this is where you begin posting.

9/4/2011 #1
Fanman 2000

I'll start you off:

Marvel - Unthinkable by Lee Aiden

This is the beginnings of an interesting piece of fanfic about the Taskmaster (definitely an under-rated figure) and whilst there's not to much to go on at the moment the plot seems to be that he's on the run from a secret organisation called Org. So far so good, interesting main character and a promising story line. This piece only really seems to falter when you get to the actual writing.

Whilst the general syntax and grammar of the story is good compared to the standard you often get in comic based stories, several problems have emerged which probably need dealing with. The first one is just simple mistakes; some sentences don't really make sense to me. Maybe I'm being thick but I'm not quite sure about 'the last word of that sentence, especially- though filled with venom, it seemed almost obvious, at least.' The second, and more easily remedied, issue is a common one in comic book fanfic: over descriptiveness. This is usually a symptom of too many comics and not enough books. Whilst in comics the idea is to show as much as possible of every scene, trying to do the same thing in writing results in a lot of description which can ruin the flow of the story.

For example: an over descriptive sentence is one like - 'Due to the shadow being cast, the hood hid the majority of his head- only showing the glint of his eyes and the bottom of his face, though that was slightly hidden by the bowl in front of him, held up by his hands, one cupping the rim and bottom while the other had a pair of chopsticks resting between his thumb, index and middle fingers.' Whilst a slightly more flowing sentence would read - 'The hooded figure sat, chopsticks in hand, eyes gleaming as he looked over the bowl he held up to his face.' Obviously this sentence isn't great either but it works as a demonstration.

In case you think I'm being harsh I should point out that it's definitely worth reading, a cool idea, and better written than many stories I read every day.

Rating (out of 10) - 6

9/4/2011 #2
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