Author has written 13 stories for Naruto.
Profile has been rated M to cut down on the whining: Contains suggestive material, foul language, adult humour, and other things you shouldn't read if your mom/dad still dresses you.
Warning : To enter these halls is to suspend disbelief and abandon reality. For behind these doors, other worlds await you, call to you, and need you. If you have the will, step into the minds of characters greater than yourselves - live the adventures, the romances, the dangers, and the rewards... through the eyes of those you can never meet, in worlds you can only imagine. Come hither, to these hallowed halls of fiction. Come hither, and enjoy your stay.
Okay, now to the serious business,yes?
Name: Kou Maynard
Real Name: Nu uh, not telling!
Pen Name: The Dirtwater Fox (There's a good ol' western called 'The Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox,' seriously folks, find it, download it, buy it, or cry about it - because you will be sad to miss such an amusing and heartening western adventure.)
Gender: Though there is sometimes confusion, I am indeed a man.
Age - (Measured in years : 22) (Measured in Attitude : 65 bitter, fuckin' years, I kid, I kid.)
Favorite - (Bands: Queens of the Stone Age, ICP, Lou Reed, Tool, Eric Burdon & The Animals, Linkin Park, Suicidal Tendancies,G-Unit, Fabolous, George Clinton, Nirvana, and many more, but I'd like to wrap this up.) ( Songs: We'll limit it to three,ja? Feel good hit of the summer - QotSA, Crossing the bridge - ICP, Who put the bomp (In the bomp-a bomp-a bomp) - Barry Mann) (Movies: Killer Clowns from Outer Space - Cause damnit, a B-rated scifi horror movie about alien clowns is just good wholesome entertainment. The occasional nudity helps too. Princess Bride - It's a classic tale of imperfect people finding perfect love and the adventures that take place in doing so. Fuck you if you don't like it, seriously. Mad Max: Road Warrior - One of thee best definitions of what a true man is.This movie literally changed my outlook on life.)
Spoken Languages ranked by Familiarity: English, American Slang/Ebonics, German, and Spanish.
Personal Catch Phrase: "Dude/Dudette!(Yes, sadly my lexicon seems firmly grounded in the frighteningly corny past.)Fuck that..."
Alternate Personal Catch Phrase: "You know, a wise man once said the kind of thing a wise man would say, but I'm not wise, so I'll say it my way."
Religious Writing Opinion: Tell you what, I won't voice my opinions through my writing, if you don't try and implant yours into my story. (I make this notice because someone has PM'd me with just such a 'polite' request.)
WOMYWFIMFFs : What Offensive Material You Will Find In My Fan Fictions, (Or, my list of stuff that might piss you off.) I'll be honest, I don't really care if they do, but I feel I should warn you so that neither of us will waste our time with your flame-age, ja? depends entirely on the story. Make no mistake, too many reviewers giving me nothing but crap over what I write, how I write, or anything along those lines.. And I will go total PCB (Public Censorship Bureau) on your asses and give you nothing but annoyingly cute, wholesome, fuzzy, holier-than-though, moral filled stories where everyone is pure of mind and body, masturbation causes cancer, the harshest word in use is 'darn', and even the slightest hint of homosexuality (faggotry, dykeness or even switch-bitching) is terminated with extreme prej-err... sweetness. Ask yourselves, is that what you want? Because if it is...Well, go get your disturbingly twisted head examined. If not... I will continue to bring you plots filled with drug usage, sexual content, innuendo, foul language, gore, evil, graphic violence and the other sinfully amusing things that make day to day life worth living. Just in case any of these topics mentioned have offended you, well... -Sits naked, rolling a joint in his lap - the pale corpse of a recent victim shaped by rigor mortis and inventive applications of duct tape into a chair - while he finished applying a '6669' temporary tattoo.- I'm fucking sorry.
Now, all that said, I would like to also say that I tend to be a nice guy. If you review, I will reply the moment I see it and I will thank you happily just for reading. I will answer questions as best as I can, and sometimes give little insights into future plots.. who knows. I might even let y'read the next chapter of whatever story before I post it just 'cause.
The Homosexuality Dispute - AKA, The Yaoi Scandal :
Standings on Homosexuality (The above mentioned faggotry, dykeness, and switch-bitching, also known as yaoi/yuri , and shonen-ai/shouju-ai (- If that'n's spelt wrong, sorry) and the like.) : I myself am a switch-bitch. As a side-note... switch-bitch is my own little term for bisexuality.
If supportive of/neutral about Homosexuality, will you : (A) Write it into every plot, (B) Be conservative in your usage of said content, or (C) Do your own thing and urinate on d'haters. : Hmmm... Answer C... but A has amusing potential.
Sexual Content: I'll make this simple. Yes, there will be sex in my stories - not all of them, though it might be the majority. I will not get into explicit detail on this site, but I will write it. When I have full blown sex scenes, they will be posted on my LJ, and I shall leave notice for affected chapters in the authors notes. - New notice: Fuck the extra work, I'm gonna just throw sex in where I please, when I please. It will most likely be explicit.
Current writing obsession: Naruto.
-CWO Pairings: NaruIno... I'm kicking the others around in my head as I go.
Pet -Fuckin'- Peeves: The allmighty bloodline. I don't care who has it, it's always insanely powerful. Okay, seriously... Does Naruto suck so bad on his own that he must suddenly awaken a bloodline that gives him what we of the RP community call 'God-moding', and those of the Online Gaming community call 'Hacked', status. Seriously, I can see him posessing some odd bloodline,.. because cannon often bores me. But does Naruto need to have something vastly superiour to the sharingen, and the byakugen at the same time? And that's just the eye aspect, because Naruto's bloodline always posesses an eye aspect., but it's usually followed with some bodily thing. Part of the reason we all love Naruto is because he's one of the underdogs, one of the dumbasses we all see mirrored in ourselves. He's the guy who falls asleep in class and obsesses over one of the hot girls, while being ballsier about it then most of us did. He screws up, but he perserveres and stays as true to his nindo as he can. These are the qualities that endear us to him. Without them, he's nothing but an arrogant loudmouthed asshole... and I'd prefer the silent arrogance of the Uchiha boy to the boisterous bragging of a powerful moron any day. And yes, I admit, everyone tries to make him either cool and aloof, or an extrovert of considerable charm, but these things are still not him... I am just as guilty at personality changes as many, however, so I will gloss over that part. The point is, natural power changes him, as it must, because Naruto would simply not be the hero we chuckle over if he were to aquire some considerasble extra ability. Oh yeah, another one is the sudden change of appearance making every single person in the world suffer a sudden attraction to a previously somewhat obscure person.I.E. Naruto gets some new clothes/hairstyle/whatever and suddenly everyone blushes when hey look at him. Yet another is what I call "A sudden case of unexplainable love." Y'know, when people write in that little line that says - "insert random loving comment" 'What? Where did that come from, I've only hated/ignored this person for years, but now, for no reason whatsoever, I must be in love with them.' - and so on.
All-purpose Disclaimer: If I owned any of the things I wrote about, it wouldn't be !FAN! fiction, now would it?
Authoring Statement: I'm sure I'm coming off as a bit of an ass right now, but I won't appologise. I do this because these are the kinds of stories I like to write. I can be very sweet and romantic when I want to be, and you will see fluff in almost all of my stories. I'm simply making sure you realize that I probably won't write anything below M-rating( 'Cepting my song fics.). Why? Because I write about what I know. And what I know is this: Sex, drugs, violence, rape, betrayal, murder, evil, cursing, prejudices, gore, gang wars and the real thing, poverty, sexism, and survival-by-any-means... these are not just on the news, they are in our daily lives. Why then, should fantasy be absent of the pivotal social functions that keep our little corner of the solar system moving. I could be wrong, yes, and perhaps I will pay in pride for this preaching, but I stand by my words reguardless. "A man may lose everything in the world - Liveliehood, Love, Family. All that he holds dear may abandon him, but as long as he keeps his word, then he himself will never be lost." - Robert the Bruce - Ancient Lord of the western provinces in Scottland .
Good e-good e-good e- That's all folks! -Beeooo-WIP!-
( On a side note though... for those of you who like NaruIno stuff, go there. = http://community.livejournal.com/naruino/ )
Gone till whenever I return, but I shall return!
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