The Dirtwater Fox
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Joined 05-08-06, id: 1042269
Author has written 13 stories for Naruto.

Profile has been rated M to cut down on the whining: Contains suggestive material, foul language, adult humour, and other things you shouldn't read if your mom/dad still dresses you.


Warning : To enter these halls is to suspend disbelief and abandon reality. For behind these doors, other worlds await you, call to you, and need you. If you have the will, step into the minds of characters greater than yourselves - live the adventures, the romances, the dangers, and the rewards... through the eyes of those you can never meet, in worlds you can only imagine. Come hither, to these hallowed halls of fiction. Come hither, and enjoy your stay.

Okay, now to the serious business,yes?


Name: Kou Maynard

Real Name: Nu uh, not telling!

Pen Name: The Dirtwater Fox (There's a good ol' western called 'The Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox,' seriously folks, find it, download it, buy it, or cry about it - because you will be sad to miss such an amusing and heartening western adventure.)

Gender: Though there is sometimes confusion, I am indeed a man.

Age - (Measured in years : 22) (Measured in Attitude : 65 bitter, fuckin' years, I kid, I kid.)

Favorite - (Bands: Queens of the Stone Age, ICP, Lou Reed, Tool, Eric Burdon & The Animals, Linkin Park, Suicidal Tendancies,G-Unit, Fabolous, George Clinton, Nirvana, and many more, but I'd like to wrap this up.) ( Songs: We'll limit it to three,ja? Feel good hit of the summer - QotSA, Crossing the bridge - ICP, Who put the bomp (In the bomp-a bomp-a bomp) - Barry Mann) (Movies: Killer Clowns from Outer Space - Cause damnit, a B-rated scifi horror movie about alien clowns is just good wholesome entertainment. The occasional nudity helps too. Princess Bride - It's a classic tale of imperfect people finding perfect love and the adventures that take place in doing so. Fuck you if you don't like it, seriously. Mad Max: Road Warrior - One of thee best definitions of what a true man is.This movie literally changed my outlook on life.)

Spoken Languages ranked by Familiarity: English, American Slang/Ebonics, German, and Spanish.

Personal Catch Phrase: "Dude/Dudette!(Yes, sadly my lexicon seems firmly grounded in the frighteningly corny past.)Fuck that..."

Alternate Personal Catch Phrase: "You know, a wise man once said the kind of thing a wise man would say, but I'm not wise, so I'll say it my way."

Religious Writing Opinion: Tell you what, I won't voice my opinions through my writing, if you don't try and implant yours into my story. (I make this notice because someone has PM'd me with just such a 'polite' request.)

WOMYWFIMFFs : What Offensive Material You Will Find In My Fan Fictions, (Or, my list of stuff that might piss you off.) I'll be honest, I don't really care if they do, but I feel I should warn you so that neither of us will waste our time with your flame-age, ja? depends entirely on the story. Make no mistake, too many reviewers giving me nothing but crap over what I write, how I write, or anything along those lines.. And I will go total PCB (Public Censorship Bureau) on your asses and give you nothing but annoyingly cute, wholesome, fuzzy, holier-than-though, moral filled stories where everyone is pure of mind and body, masturbation causes cancer, the harshest word in use is 'darn', and even the slightest hint of homosexuality (faggotry, dykeness or even switch-bitching) is terminated with extreme prej-err... sweetness. Ask yourselves, is that what you want? Because if it is...Well, go get your disturbingly twisted head examined. If not... I will continue to bring you plots filled with drug usage, sexual content, innuendo, foul language, gore, evil, graphic violence and the other sinfully amusing things that make day to day life worth living. Just in case any of these topics mentioned have offended you, well... -Sits naked, rolling a joint in his lap - the pale corpse of a recent victim shaped by rigor mortis and inventive applications of duct tape into a chair - while he finished applying a '6669' temporary tattoo.- I'm fucking sorry.

Now, all that said, I would like to also say that I tend to be a nice guy. If you review, I will reply the moment I see it and I will thank you happily just for reading. I will answer questions as best as I can, and sometimes give little insights into future plots.. who knows. I might even let y'read the next chapter of whatever story before I post it just 'cause.

The Homosexuality Dispute - AKA, The Yaoi Scandal :

Standings on Homosexuality (The above mentioned faggotry, dykeness, and switch-bitching, also known as yaoi/yuri , and shonen-ai/shouju-ai (- If that'n's spelt wrong, sorry) and the like.) : I myself am a switch-bitch. As a side-note... switch-bitch is my own little term for bisexuality.

If supportive of/neutral about Homosexuality, will you : (A) Write it into every plot, (B) Be conservative in your usage of said content, or (C) Do your own thing and urinate on d'haters. : Hmmm... Answer C... but A has amusing potential.

Sexual Content: I'll make this simple. Yes, there will be sex in my stories - not all of them, though it might be the majority. I will not get into explicit detail on this site, but I will write it. When I have full blown sex scenes, they will be posted on my LJ, and I shall leave notice for affected chapters in the authors notes. - New notice: Fuck the extra work, I'm gonna just throw sex in where I please, when I please. It will most likely be explicit.

Current writing obsession: Naruto.

-CWO Pairings: NaruIno... I'm kicking the others around in my head as I go.

Pet -Fuckin'- Peeves: The allmighty bloodline. I don't care who has it, it's always insanely powerful. Okay, seriously... Does Naruto suck so bad on his own that he must suddenly awaken a bloodline that gives him what we of the RP community call 'God-moding', and those of the Online Gaming community call 'Hacked', status. Seriously, I can see him posessing some odd bloodline,.. because cannon often bores me. But does Naruto need to have something vastly superiour to the sharingen, and the byakugen at the same time? And that's just the eye aspect, because Naruto's bloodline always posesses an eye aspect., but it's usually followed with some bodily thing. Part of the reason we all love Naruto is because he's one of the underdogs, one of the dumbasses we all see mirrored in ourselves. He's the guy who falls asleep in class and obsesses over one of the hot girls, while being ballsier about it then most of us did. He screws up, but he perserveres and stays as true to his nindo as he can. These are the qualities that endear us to him. Without them, he's nothing but an arrogant loudmouthed asshole... and I'd prefer the silent arrogance of the Uchiha boy to the boisterous bragging of a powerful moron any day. And yes, I admit, everyone tries to make him either cool and aloof, or an extrovert of considerable charm, but these things are still not him... I am just as guilty at personality changes as many, however, so I will gloss over that part. The point is, natural power changes him, as it must, because Naruto would simply not be the hero we chuckle over if he were to aquire some considerasble extra ability. Oh yeah, another one is the sudden change of appearance making every single person in the world suffer a sudden attraction to a previously somewhat obscure person.I.E. Naruto gets some new clothes/hairstyle/whatever and suddenly everyone blushes when hey look at him. Yet another is what I call "A sudden case of unexplainable love." Y'know, when people write in that little line that says - "insert random loving comment" 'What? Where did that come from, I've only hated/ignored this person for years, but now, for no reason whatsoever, I must be in love with them.' - and so on.

All-purpose Disclaimer: If I owned any of the things I wrote about, it wouldn't be !FAN! fiction, now would it?


Authoring Statement: I'm sure I'm coming off as a bit of an ass right now, but I won't appologise. I do this because these are the kinds of stories I like to write. I can be very sweet and romantic when I want to be, and you will see fluff in almost all of my stories. I'm simply making sure you realize that I probably won't write anything below M-rating( 'Cepting my song fics.). Why? Because I write about what I know. And what I know is this: Sex, drugs, violence, rape, betrayal, murder, evil, cursing, prejudices, gore, gang wars and the real thing, poverty, sexism, and survival-by-any-means... these are not just on the news, they are in our daily lives. Why then, should fantasy be absent of the pivotal social functions that keep our little corner of the solar system moving. I could be wrong, yes, and perhaps I will pay in pride for this preaching, but I stand by my words reguardless. "A man may lose everything in the world - Liveliehood, Love, Family. All that he holds dear may abandon him, but as long as he keeps his word, then he himself will never be lost." - Robert the Bruce - Ancient Lord of the western provinces in Scottland .
Good e-good e-good e- That's all folks! -Beeooo-WIP!-

( On a side note though... for those of you who like NaruIno stuff, go there. = http://community.livejournal.com/naruino/ )

Gone till whenever I return, but I shall return!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past by S'TarKan reviews
The war is over. Too bad no one is left to celebrate. Harry makes a desperate plan to go back in time, even though it means returning Voldemort to life. Now an 11 year old Harry with 30 year old memories is starting Hogwarts. Can he get it right?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 409,130 - Reviews: 13287 - Favs: 16,923 - Follows: 15,902 - Updated: 4/7 - Published: 10/28/2005 - Harry P., Ginny W.
A Whole New Tune by Aoikaze Kiro reviews
When Naruto first steals the Forbidden Scroll he got more than he bargained for. Now what will he do with a whole new fighting style at his disposle? Lets find out! Rated M For future chaps. Pairings not decided yet.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 16,745 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 233 - Updated: 6/7/2012 - Published: 5/11/2006 - Naruto U.
Genius of Konoha by Mrriddler reviews
AU. Naruto is able, driven and a true ninja genius. What will he accomplish? What will he fail to accomplish? An intelligent, genjutsu wielding, quasi-super-but-try-it, leader Naruto epic. Features strategy, realistic combat and subterfuge. **Naruto/?**
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 156,718 - Reviews: 2882 - Favs: 4,251 - Follows: 3,846 - Updated: 11/8/2009 - Published: 5/16/2007 - Naruto U.
The Sister Yamanaka by Ino-Fangirl55 reviews
On a night when all seemed lost, a small baby girl was given a second chance at life. She got a family, friends, and a mess of trouble to come along with them... Hey, no one ever said being the vessel of the Kyuubi would be easy. FemNaru! FemNaruxKiba
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 41,661 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 169 - Follows: 184 - Updated: 9/20/2008 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Naruto U., Ino Y.
Nine Tailed Serpent by LT2000 reviews
Naruto was the ideal shinobi, a cold killer twisted by the Kyuubi's demonic whisperings. When he is placed onto a Genin team, new bonds develop. Now this living machine struggles with his dark past and what it means to be human. Now complete.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 27 - Words: 270,796 - Reviews: 2730 - Favs: 3,094 - Follows: 1,925 - Updated: 8/11/2008 - Published: 1/16/2006 - Naruto U., Anko M. - Complete
kaleidescope by Kyoshi7989 reviews
AU. “Maybe I’m a total skeptic, and maybe I didn’t believe in true love before, and maybe you’ve changed my mind—because maybe I’m falling for you. And maybe—just maybe—you’re falling for me, too.” :Tokka Oneshot:
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,276 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/19/2008 - Sokka, Toph - Complete
Into the Woods by kyubiteaser reviews
Naruto and Hinata are sent on a simple mission: delivering medicine, but get sidetracked on an adventure neither one of them saw coming PART 1 OF MY SERIES INTO THE WORLD
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 74,020 - Reviews: 899 - Favs: 813 - Follows: 396 - Updated: 4/4/2008 - Published: 6/19/2006 - Hinata H., Naruto U. - Complete
Master Nin by Hawk reviews
Naruto, desperately needing advice on how to handle his newly aquired girlfriend, turns to the worst possible source for male vs female relationship advice in the Narutoverse. ... Or does he?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 44,268 - Reviews: 596 - Favs: 1,188 - Follows: 1,062 - Updated: 3/2/2008 - Published: 8/26/2005 - Naruto U., Tsunade S.
Dueling Harmonies by A True Radical Dreamer reviews
What happens when you mix one part angry crippled ex-Sound ninja and one hyperactive idiot? Dueling Harmonies, that's what! Tayuya is brought back to the village and has to fit in, all the while trying to avoid thinking about all that she's lost. Dead.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 34,326 - Reviews: 349 - Favs: 331 - Follows: 449 - Updated: 12/10/2007 - Published: 7/24/2006 - Naruto U., Tayuya
Will of the Flame by fieryflight reviews
Naruto returns 3 years after training with Jiraiya. Excited yet with a heavy heart, upon his return receives news which deals a big impact to his life as it takes on a different twist than he expected. NaruTayuya.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 155,125 - Reviews: 762 - Favs: 711 - Follows: 727 - Updated: 10/8/2007 - Published: 4/6/2006 - Naruto U.
Altered Destinies by DobbyElfLord reviews
DONE! Harry has defeated Voldemort, but it was a costly victory. Aberforth Dumbledore presents a plan to go back and kill the infant Riddle, but Harry will have to stay there 10 years. Can Harry alter the wizarding world's destiny? WWII and Grindelwald
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Suspense - Chapters: 39 - Words: 289,078 - Reviews: 3504 - Favs: 5,584 - Follows: 1,983 - Updated: 9/1/2007 - Published: 9/15/2006 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Artifice by hanyoupup reviews
AU: He was raised in a lab as an experiment of human knowledge. He broke free of those bonds and saw the world for the first time...but people would go through great lengths to get back such a creature...[NaruSaku]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 21,074 - Reviews: 267 - Favs: 201 - Follows: 263 - Updated: 5/27/2007 - Published: 6/23/2006 - Naruto U., Sakura H.
Hot Ride by desolate butterfly reviews
[SasuNaru, AU oneshot] Naruto buys a motorcycle and Sasuke is unimpressed. Until Naruto changes his mind.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,180 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 15 - Published: 4/26/2007 - Naruto U., Sasuke U. - Complete
Naruto: Project Enigma by Surarrin reviews
Dream, as long as you know it's not impossible to make it a reality.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,007 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 90 - Published: 4/14/2007 - Naruto U.
In the Company of My Skin by shoutgraffiti reviews
Stray with me? NaruIno.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,401 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/31/2007 - Ino Y., Naruto U. - Complete
Sweat by desolate butterfly reviews
[NaruIno, drabble] Ino examines the benefits of making Naruto sweat.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 382 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 13 - Published: 2/27/2007 - Ino Y., Naruto U. - Complete
Heartbeat by Invaderk reviews
[TophxSokka][Oneshot] Toph and Sokka discuss battles, lives, and the fallbacks of Earthbending. Slightly fluffy for Tokka fans.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,400 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/1/2007 - Toph, Sokka - Complete
Growing Up Fast by cloudmonet reviews
A look at the time of The Crossroads of Destiny and immediately following events as experienced by Toph. Tokka and Kataang shippiness.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,950 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/31/2007 - Toph, Sokka - Complete
An Alternate Path by Surarrin reviews
[Alternate Reality] A single action as you stare death in the face can have adverse effects. Instead of hate, Naruto grew up with the fear of Konoha. Now watch as he backed by the ninja population of Konoha leads his life ultimately to his final goal.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 160,037 - Reviews: 1072 - Favs: 715 - Follows: 672 - Updated: 1/1/2007 - Published: 10/3/2005 - Naruto U., Hanabi H.
Tergum Rursus by razzle-dazzle-me reviews
AU His world fallen to irreparable depths, Harry is granted a second chance to set it right. Timetravel, Harry adopts Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 16,512 - Reviews: 170 - Favs: 152 - Follows: 327 - Updated: 9/26/2006 - Published: 7/18/2006 - Harry P., Bellatrix L.
Visiting Hours by kyubiteaser reviews
Gaara and Temari are on a stop over in Konoha while on a mission. While there they decide to catch up and spend a few eventful hours with some old friends. WARNING: SMUTFIC ONESHOT! Graphic Lemon wYaoi pairing. ShikaxTema and GaaraxNaru
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,438 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/9/2006 - Gaara, Temari - Complete
Fortune's Fool by Mirazhe1 reviews
Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. [Finished]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 37,091 - Reviews: 242 - Favs: 271 - Follows: 128 - Updated: 6/20/2006 - Published: 2/28/2006 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama - Complete
Dreams Abandoned, Promises Kept by Gigabomb reviews
AU, Naruto, Tayuya. Naruto follows Sasuke to Sound Village in an attempt to keep his promise to Sakura. Why he stays there is another reason entirely.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,718 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 333 - Follows: 73 - Published: 5/3/2006 - Naruto U., Tayuya - Complete
Upon The Pallid Bust of Pallas by Reborn Vampire reviews
Finished!Edited version of Teen Titans A Raven's Bad Luck.Yuri, Shoujoai, FF pairing, and for those who don't know the jargan, two women sexually involved! Don't like Don't read, new book up soon.
Teen Titans - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 42,766 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 10/22/2005 - Published: 7/21/2005 - Raven, Jinx
Lost File: Corbin Love SubRosa by Wolfkcing reviews
A RavenJinx slash story. Actually a spin off to my story No Room Left in Hell. What becomes of our heroes after the loss of Jump City?
Teen Titans - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 16,859 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 8/26/2005 - Published: 7/13/2005 - Jinx, Raven
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Yakuza reviews
Minisaga : To give something to my fans while I'm on hiatus.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,564 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 11/9/2007 - Published: 10/30/2006 - Naruto U.
Kage of the Graves reviews
Naruto spent his life pining for recognition, yearning for proof that he was needed. Amusingly, he only finds these things upon taking his own life. Though Naruto sought his own end, Konoha should be glad it was just a new beginning. NaruXIno... sorta.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 64,553 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 134 - Updated: 10/3/2006 - Published: 7/9/2006 - Naruto U., Ino Y.
Bubblegum and Golden Blonde reviews
Juts a little sappy poem I came up with.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 397 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/5/2006 - Naruto U., Sakura H. - Complete
Music to Rouse the Savage Beast reviews
Patient 00415C7 has had a rather hard life inside an inhumanly small room tucked away in the bowels of a hellish place. But! Thins are starting to look up.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,405 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 68 - Published: 9/5/2006 - Naruto U., Tayuya
Sticky Situation reviews
Now that's what I call a sticky situation! Loosely based off a southpark episdoe that invaded my dream time.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 839 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 8/29/2006 - Naruto U., Sakura H. - Complete
Love and Lust within Lavender Eyes reviews
Warning: Rated M for a pretty good reason. Do not read if the following offends you : Rape Sex Naughty Language etc. etc. This story contains lemons, and so on. There, you've been warned. Sum: Naruto gets fed up with Hinata's timidity and decides to do so
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,483 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 268 - Follows: 67 - Published: 8/13/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete
Love, or something like it reviews
When everything is makebelieve, if you hope hard enough, can it be made real?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,760 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 8/12/2006 - Published: 6/19/2006 - Ino Y., Naruto U. - Complete
Pillow Talk reviews
Everybody gets lonely sometime. One Shot
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 950 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 9 - Published: 7/9/2006 - Naruto U., Tsunade S. - Complete
Collecting Pieces reviews
Faced with an opponent more powerful than he, even when combining with his demon inhabitant, can handle Naruto must return to prepare his friends and build an army.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,462 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 7/5/2006 - Published: 6/19/2006 - Naruto U., Ino Y.
A Demons Justice reviews
Konoha made a big mistake in pursuing Naruto, and now they must pay for it. One Shot.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,988 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 9 - Published: 7/5/2006 - Complete
Crossing the Bridge Song Fic reviews
Naruto's thoughts and memories at death's crossing.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,114 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/26/2006 - Naruto U., Sasuke U. - Complete
That'll shut her up reviews
In training for Hokage, Naruto does a stint as a policeman, and must now hunt down an escaped prisoner. One Shot
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 815 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 21 - Published: 6/24/2006 - Tayuya, Naruto U. - Complete
Where'd you go Song fic reviews
Looking back.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,008 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/23/2006 - Tsunade S. - Complete
Staff of:
  1. The Jinchuuriki Scrolls
    Anime/Manga Naruto