Poll: Which is the weirdest pairing I've ever shipped? (Not all are Leyenar Fleet ships, and some I made a thing) Vote Now!
Author has written 21 stories for Cars, Toy Story, Pacific Rim, Avengers, Green Lantern, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Batman, Thor, Mortal Kombat, RG Veda, Angry Birds, Star Trek: 2009, DC Super Hero Girls, Frozen, and My Hero Academia/僕のヒーローアカデミア.
༺𝓐 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶 𝓲𝓼 𝓪 𝓼𝓸𝓯𝓽 𝓹𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓵𝓪𝓷𝓭༻
"I'ɱ Sιɱσɳ. I'ɱ ɳσƚ ɱყ Bɾσ. I'ɱ ME! Sιɱσɳ ƚԋҽ Dιɠɠҽɾ!"
(AKA:The Modern Don Quixote, The Harbinger Of The Incoming Dark Ages, and most importantly The Spirit Of Revengeance)
Name:Jae Oh(birth name)/Leyenar Oh(pseudonym)/Booger Burgershorts(according to Professor Pee-Pee Diarrheastein Poopypants, Esq.'s Name Change-O-Chart)
Age:18 by Korean standards
Nationality:10% Korean, 90% American(Just wait 'till I get over there, USA!)
Hair Color:Brownish black
MARVELsona-slash-goddessona-slash-Mary Sue-slash-interdimensional Deus Ex Machina:
Favorite Activity:Going to the movies with my dad or cousin(or alone, if I'm the only one who wants to see something lol)
Weaknesses:Grammar Nazi (I am ALWAYS correcting someone), FREAKIN' WRITER'S BLOCK! (Pretty sure this one applies to every writer on this site lol)
MARVEL or DC? You'd damn well know, MARV!
Team Cap or Team Iron Man? TEAM BOTH!
Unusual interest:Well, I ship the weirdest things.
Unexpected Talent:I DON'T KNOW!
And, be warned, I strongly DESPISE Rule 63, unless it's about my very own Earth-C4R0L, a universe in which all the heroes and villains of MARVEL we know and love are women.
I, (Leyenar Oh) promote love. You can tell that just by reading my stories.
If you can't, then I'm doing something wrong, which I hope is not the case.
I love, love, in all its forms. If it's real, then I love it. That's what I'm doing here with my writing, my gift.
If even one person is inspired by my stories, by the love I share through my stories, then I have achieved my purpose here. :)
~Magic lives in our darkest corners~
Love Beyond Reason, Pleasure Without Limits...
The Other Jet Engine
I am currently outlining a story called "Perfect In Every Stinkin' Way", which will either wrap up nice and neat before it can go too far or have more than 40 chapters depending on the situation. It's a rewrite of certain events in the Green Lantern story, deriving from the idea that "what if Sinestro, while in hot pursuit of a runaway space pirate, ended up on Earth and met kid Hal Jordan?", leading to a chain reaction of events that will ultimately leave the universe as we know it completely unhinged. It's more or less, a Sinestro-centric story and will also have Megamind elements. With odd twists and turns, it will be a fanfiction to break all the rules, and create new ones.
There will be no romance until Hal reaches his age of consent and gets dat ring, although the story will contain a short kiss between Sinestro and kid Hal.
"Some people are born great. Some have greatness bestowed upon them. And some are punted into a whole new universe, for simply bringing order to their designated sector. I never asked to be a supervillain. I just sort of ricocheted vaguely downwards."
So, here's the divergence of events:
1. Remember that plane crash that ended up killing Martin Jordan and left Hal traumatized? Well, that was prevented, thanks to you-know-who.
2. After apprehending the space pirate and departing Earth, Sinestro immediately filed a divorce, leaving Arin Sur heartbroken. Kahlan Mir, a suitor who had been pursuing her before Sinestro showed up, helped her through the sorrow and eventually, he became Arin's second husband. The two later had a child together, Thaal.
3. Katma Tui survives the attack by Star Sapphire and lives long enough for her and John to have children of their own.
~more will be featured in the story~
No matter what happens, I'm planning to end the whole thing with Sinestro leading the Ultraviolet Corps against the Darkstars.
My Favorite Things:
Movie:Kung Fu Panda 3(and henceforth the entire series)
Disney movie:Toy Story 2
TV show(Does anime count?):Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Song:You've Got A Friend In Me by Robert Goulet
Color:Red and gold
Comic:Fear Itself by MARVEL comics
Type of couple:Male X Male, Human X Alien, Robot, Dinosaur, etc...but mostly open to other types
Book:The Wind In The Willows by Kenneth Graham
Pairing:Captain America X Iron Man
Character:Simon The Digger, protagonist of Gurren Lagann
I decided that I'm worth it.
I decided that I will fight.
I decided I will not harm myself.
I decided that I will struggle.
I decided that my depression can eat itself.
Favorite World Of Cars Character:RIPSLINGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Least Favorite World Of Cars Character:Sally Carrera
About The "Leyenar Fleet":
Anthem:theredlanternavenger . tumblr . com/post/190583030036/i-never-tolerate-pairings-that-violate-the
Triangle Alliance:StarAccuser(Star-Lord X Ronan), Stony(Captain America X Iron Man), Shendak(Sendak X Shiro)
About The Author's Head:
WHAT I WILL ACCEPT:Yaoi, boy/boy/girl love triangles(i/e:Iron Man X Captain America X Black Widow)
WHAT I WON'T ACCEPT:Mpreg, poly ships
A JOURNAL ABOUT MPREG. PLEASE READ.
As you may or may not know, I am SEVERELY against Mpreg, or Male Pregnancy, in fanfictions. You DO know that the characters you're writing are MALE, right? That they have penises and no tits, much less vaginas? Alpha/Omega dynamics? What are those? I could possibly understand something like this when you're dealing with a mysterious, alien/otherworldly character, such as in Sweet-Hearted SilverEars's fic "Lanterns Are Not All That We Are", in which Hal Jordan and Thaal Sinestro enlisted help from the Guardians to have a child, and by "help", I mean help. Men don't have the equipment for making babies, kids; I don't care how many times you watched Junior. You're just writing it because you think that your adorable couple needs a baby to cement their relationship, and babies just have to come from the innards of one of them, or it just doesn't count.
I've seen better examples, like this one, where Kirk and Spock make a baby out of a replicator. In my future books "The Kalita Chronicles", Parallax goes all Mamallax, resulting in the creation of the main character Kalita Jordan-Sinestro.
Even after all this, if you're still gonna carry that out, then remember, trans people exist. I've seen one person say "why do people still use cis men to write mpreg stories when trans men exist why do authors still use cis characters to write stories about gay couples conceiving a child when trans men exist".
Now that I'm done, feel free to flame me, like I know you're going to. I don't mind, I have a fire-proof shield.
Random Pacific Rim Headcanon:
Random Gurren Lagann Headcanon:
Sarah "Big Dipper" Levine, Lil' Dipper's older sister
Radha, Ishani's older sister
Tashi Carrera, Sally's older sister and the chairwoman of IGNTR
Shelby McMissile, Finn McMissile's younger sister
Lady Iskaris, my Carsona and a UFO
Marcus, Miss Fritter's boyfriend(and later husband)
Green Lantern OCs:
Zynaurael, a Star Sapphire from the planet Keldar
Molly Griffin, a special girl who ended up in the custody of the Sinestro Corps after a series of unfortunate events
Shana, a female Red Lantern from the amphibious but mostly aquatic species Aquamorphs
Aldar, a Bolovaxian female and Kilowog's love interest
Noren, a Volkregian Yellow Lantern who is fiercely loyal to Sinestro
Nelida, a female Blue Lantern and Simon Baz's love interest
The Leyenar Fleet:Dynamics
The Fleet has two large dynamics, the "Simon/Nia dynamic" and the "Doof/Perry dynamic". These two dynamics categorize the important couples, nicknamed the "Dreadnoughts" in the Fleet.
The Simon/Nia dynamic is inspired by Simon and Nia Teppelin from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, which is your typical Soulmate AU.
"I still don't believe it...the place where Nia's being held is incredibly far away, right? Can we really use that thing to get to her?"
"All their talk goes way over my head, too. But I guess I can understand it if it boils down to...Simon and Nia being connected by feelings that transcend time and space."
—Gimmy and Darry, episode 24
The Doof/Perry dynamic is inspired by Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz and Perry The Platypus from Phineas & Ferb, which is a Soulhate AU, about two characters who are destined to beat the living daylights out of each other.
Without your schemes my life, it seems, is empty,
I spent all my time keeping you from doing wrong,
You were my only nemesis,
I'd foil your plans, but still I miss,
The moments when we didn't get along.
I fell for you the moment that you pushed me,
You captured me and held me for so long,
But now you're doing battle, with a panda from Seattle,
I miss the moments when we didn't get along.
So search your heart, please, Dr. D,
And I am sure that you will see,
That you were always meant to be,
My only lifelong enemy.
You gave my life heroic cause,
Back when my only mission was,
The moments when we didn't get along.
—"When We Didn't Get Along" by Danny Jacob
Now let's sort 'em out...(REALLY important ships are written in bold.)
Captain America(Nia) X Iron Man(Simon)
Spock(Nia) X James T. Kirk(Simon)
Taishakuten(Simon) X Ashura-oh(Nia)
Reinhard Heydrich(Nia) X Ren Fujii(Simon)
Hal Jordan(Perry) X Thaal Sinestro(Doof)
Right Suzuki(Perry) X Emperor Z(Doof)
Reinhard Heydrich(Doof) X Ren Fujii(Perry)
Sendak(Doof) X Shiro(Perry)
Well, that pretty much sums it up. The Reinhard/Ren pairing is the first-ever ship in the fleet to have both dynamics at once, and the pairings that aren't listed here don't have any of the two dynamics.
―WARNING! LEYENAR FLEET INCOMING!―
Cars/Planes Pairings I Support:
Lightning McQueen X Jackson Storm=LightningStorm
Dusty Crophopper X Blade Ranger=Bladusty
Ripslinger X Cruz Ramirez=Cruslinger
Finn McMissile X Rod "Torque" Redline
Holley Shiftwell X Tow Mater=Malley
Ned X Mia and Zed X Tia
Mack X Gale Beaufort
Doc Hudson X Louise Nash
Dottie X Roper=Doper
Miss Fritter X my OC Marcus
Favorite Other Couples:
Captain America X Iron Man=Stony (Avengers)
(Second Biggest Ship)
Hal Jordan X Thaal Sinestro=Sinhal (Green Lantern Corps)
Star-Lord X Ronan The Accuser=StarAccuser (OTP, Guardians Of The Galaxy)
Raptor Blue X Owen Grady=Bluwen (Jurassic World)
Right Suzuki X Emperor Z=Zetrais (Ressha Sentai ToQGer)
Optimus Prime X Sam Witwicky (Transformers 1, 2 and 3)
Alexa Woods X Scar The Predator=Scarlex (Alien VS Predator)
Horus X Bek=Horbek (Gods Of Egypt)
Spock X James T. Kirk=Spirk (Star Trek)
USS Vengeance X Khan Noonien Singh/John Harrison (Star Trek)
Taishakuten X Ashura-oh=Taishura-oh (RG Veda)
Kouta Hoshikawa X Exkaiser (Brave Exkaiser)
Godzilla X Mothra=Mothzilla (Monsterverse)
Reinhard Heydrich X Ren Fujii (Dies Irae)
Siegfried X Karna=SiegKar (Fate Series)
Darren Cross/Yellowjacket X Kylo Ren (Ant-Man and Star Wars crossover)
Gwen Stacy X Mary Jane Watson=GweMJ (Ghost Spider)
Spider-Man X Michelle=SpideyChelle (Avengers)
Utena Tenjou X Anthy Himemiya-Utenanthy (Revolutionary Girl Utena)
Emperor Zarkon X my OC Ashley Lane=Zashley (Voltron:Legendary Defender)
Commander Sendak X Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane=Shendak (Voltron:Legendary Defender)
Gipsy Danger X Mako Mori (Pacific Rim 1)
Gipsy Avenger X Amara Namani (Pacific Rim 2)
Leatherback X Otachi (Pacific Rim 1)
Jake Pentecost X Nate Lambert (Pacific Rim 2)
Tina Lark X Shatter (Bumblebee, 2018)
Yuta Hibiki X Gridman (SSSS . GRIDMAN)
Ben Tennyson X Reinrassic III=Breiny (Ben 10:Alien Force)
Rex Salazar X Noah Nixon=Noex (Generator Rex)
Wolverine X Cyclops=Scogan (X-Men)
Black Panther X Namor The Sub-Mariner=CatFish (Avengers)
Galactus X Silver Surfer (MARVEL Comics)
Deadpool X Shiklah (MARVEL Comics)
Imperius X Johanna (Diablo)
Johnny Cage X Raiden (Mortal Kombat)
Wonder Woman X Faora (Wonder Woman Comics and Superman Comics crossover)
Drax The Destroyer X Gamora (Guardians Of The Galaxy)
James Bond X Q=00Q (007 Series)
Michael Knight X KITT (Knight Rider)
Twilight Sparkle X Sunset Shimmer (My Little Pony)
King Sombra X Queen Chrysalis (My Little Pony)
Starlight Glimmer X Flash Sentry (My Little Pony)
Rory X Skrekie (OCs)
Cade X Pylades (OCs)
Turbo X Whiplash=Turlash (Turbo, 2013 and Turbo FAST)
Carlton Drake X Riot=RiotDrake (Venom, 2018)
Carl The Intern X Stacy Hirano (Phineas & Ferb)
Vanessa Doofenshmirtz X Ulaz (Voltron:Legendary Defender and Phineas & Ferb crossover)
Jason Lee Scott X Zordon (Power Rangers 2017 Reboot)
Hiro Hamada X Violet Parr (Big Hero 6 and Incredibles crossover)
Wade Watts X Joseph Dredd (Judge Dredd and Ready Player One crossover)
Xander Cage X Brian O'Connor (xXx and Fast & Furious crossover)
Catra X Adora=Catradora (She-Ra & The Princesses Of Power)
Scorpia X Perfuma=Scorfuma (She-Ra & The Princesses Of Power)
Korra X Asami Sato=Korrasami (Avatar:The Legend Of Korra)
Nikki Maxwell X Brandon Roberts=Branikki (Dork Diaries)
Izuku "Deku" Midoriya X Melissa Shield=MeliDeku (My Hero Academia)
Emmet X Lucy/Wyldstyle=Emmetstyle (The Lego Movie)
Alec Lightwood X Magnus Bane=Malec (Shadowhunters)
Kuvira X Eska=Eskuvira (Avatar:The Legend Of Korra)
Heinz Doofenshmirtz X my OC Brooke=Brookenshmirtz (Phineas & Ferb)
Ash Ketchum X Volcanion (Pokemon)
Red Genesect X Barry Allen (Pokemon and Justice League crossover)
Hope Van Dyne X John Connor/T-3000 (Ant-Man and Terminator crossover)
Gavin Reed X RK900=Reed900 (Detroit:Become Human)
Linda Flynn-Fletcher X Antok (Voltron:Legendary Defender and Phineas & Ferb crossover)
Elsa X Sub-Zero (Frozen and Mortal Kombat crossover)
Jupiter Jones X Kalique Abrasax (Jupiter Ascending)
Rainbow Dash X Rainbow Blitz=Double Rainbow (My Little Pony)
Fluttershy X Discord=Fluttercord (My Little Pony)
Rumble X Tender Taps=RumbleTaps (My Little Pony)
Megamind X Roxanne Ritchi (Megamind)
Minion X my OC Rachel Ritchi (Megamind)
Metro Man X my OC Casey Capulet (Megamind)
Yesss X Set (Wreck-It Ralph and Gods Of Egypt crossover)
Gentarou Kisaragi X Tsukasa Kadoya (Kamen Rider Fourze and Decade crossover)
Sarah Kerrigan X Sarah Kerrigan/Queen Of Blades=Kerrigancest (StarCraft)
Alarak X Artanis (StarCraft)
Tassadar X Zeratul (StarCraft)
Superman X Batman=SuperBat (Justice League)
Hal Stewart/Tighten X Witch Haggar (Voltron:Legendary Defender and Megamind crossover)
Lance X Nyma (Voltron:Legendary Defender)
ReinyDay(writer) X my OC Flash Sentry (Transformers)
Max McGrath X Steel (Max Steel)
Carrie White X Sue Snell (Carrie, 2013)
Dany Targaryen X Sansa Stark=Daensa (Game Of Thrones)
Ignis Scientia X Noctis Lucis Caelum=Ignoct (Final Fantasy)
Captain Marvel X Daisy Johnson (Avengers and Agents Of SHIELD crossover)
Francesco Bernoulli X Gaston (Cars and Beauty & The Beast crossover)
Winter Soldier X Misty Knight=Bionic Arm Blues (MARVEL Comics)
Ozai X Zhao=Zhaozai (Avatar:The Last Airbender)
Yue X Suki=Yuki (Avatar:The Last Airbender)
Yuuki Asuna X Yuuki Konno (Sword Art Online)
Zaya X General Hux (Gods Of Egypt and Star Wars crossover)
Hunk X Shay=Hunay (Voltron:Legendary Defender)
John Smith X Agent 47 (Hitman:Agent 47)
Ella X Chelina (Cinderella, 2015)
Bloom X Diaspro (Winx Club)
Karolina Dean X Nico Minoru=Deanoru (Runaways)
Luz Noceda X Amity Blight=Lumity (The Owl House)
Harley Quinn X Poison Ivy=Harlivy (Harley Quinn:The Animated Series)
Why Stony Is The Flagship Of The Leyenar Fleet
Well, I'm keepin' StarAccuser as my OTP since Annalise Keating said I'm a natural-born StarAccuser shipper, but once I discovered there's more to Stony than meets the eye, I was sold. No straight ship, no other gay ship and no lesbian ship could top this for me.
If any of these words/phrases mean anything to you, PM me! (important)
Justice Of The Peace
"You know what? You guys have NO feel for dramatic tension!"
"And why is this playing out like a trashy soap opera with the whole revenge plot?"
"Get that sparkly thingy outta my face!"
We've Got A Lot O' Work To Do
More Than Meets The Eye
A Day Unlike Any Other
Top 10 Favorite Characters:
Hero:Simon The Digger from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Twu Wuv:Grand Admiral Thrawn
#2:Orm Marius/Ocean Master
#4:Captain America and Iron Man
#5:Khan Noonien Singh/John Harrison
#7:Most MARVEL characters, but especially Yellowjacket from MARVEL's Ant-Man and Electro from The Amazing Spider-Man 2
#8:Kylo Ren from Star Wars
#9:Alarak from StarCraft
#10:Wolverine and Cyclops
Top 10 LEAST Favorite Characters:
#4:Shashi from RG Veda, the biggest LOSER in the history of all universes
#5:Witch Haggar from Voltron:Legendary Defender and Hal Stewart/Tighten
#7:Ishani from Planes
#10:Raleigh Becket from Pacific Rim(You won't believe it, but I used to like him!)
Least Favorite Character:Ishani
Favorite Canon Pairing:Harvey X Winnie
Favorite Fanmade Pairing:Dusty X Blade
Favorite Scene:Dusty and Blade saving Harvey and Winnie from danger
Favorite Song:All In by Brad Paisley
Ultimate I Ship It Meme(AKA Selects From The Leyenar Fleet):
Because It's Adorable:Mack X Gale
Because It's Hot:James Bond X Q
Because It Makes Sense:Sendak X Shiro
Because It's Sweet:Vanessa X Ulaz
Because It's Potential:Alarak X Artanis
Because It's Healthy:Galactus X Silver Surfer
Because It's New:Jason X Zordon
Because It's Canon:Korra X Asami and Catra X Adora
Because They Understand Each Other:Ozai X Zhao
Because They're Different:Star-Lord X Ronan
Because They're The Same:Lightning X Jackson and Reinhard X Ren
Because Of Subtext:Spock X Kirk
Because Of Fanwork:Carl X Stacy, Fluttershy X Discord and Vengeance X Khan
Because They're Underrated:Blade X Dusty
Because I Don't See Them With Anyone Else:Kouta X Exkaiser
Because I CAN:Captain America X Iron Man
Ultimate I DON'T Ship It Meme(AKA Popular Ships That Oppose The Leyenar Fleet):
Because It's Annoying:Captain America X Black Widow and Shiro X Allura
Because It's Bland:Star-Lord X Gamora
Because It Doesn't Make Sense:Jackson X Cruz
Because They Are Related:Aquaman X Ocean Master, Scarlet Witch X Quicksilver and Ben X Gwen
Because It's Disturbing:Lightning X Chick, Lightning X Francesco, and Dusty X Ripslinger
Because It's Toxic:Sally X Lightning
Because It's Cliche:MacKenzie X Brandon
Because It's Canon:Zarkon X Haggar
Because It's Not Canon:Thor X Loki
Because They're Different:Keith X Lance
Because They're The Same:Captain America X Winter Soldier
Because Of Subtext:Owen X Claire
Because I Ship Them With Others:Jason X Kimberly
Because They're Overrated:Dusty X Ishani
Because I See Them More As Friends:Lightning X Mater, Woody X Buzz, and Nick X Judy
Because I DON'T:Iron Man X Pepper Potts
Top 10 Pairings That Should've/Should Been Canon(all of which are Leyenar Fleet pairings):
Spock X Kirk:(cue Fire And The Flood by Vance Joy)
Captain America X Iron Man:These 2 obviously have a crush on each other.
Lightning X Jackson:Screw Sally, these 2 should really get together.
Sendak X Shiro:Who needs anymore words?!?!?! Sendak has a crush on Shiro and they're connected!
Star-Lord X Ronan:AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH OTP ALERT! (Sorry they make the perfect ship OMG)
Reinhard X Ren:I just think that Reinhard is da right one for Ren, :) They're PERFECT for each other.
Wolverine X Cyclops:Can Logan and Scott PLEASE stop fighting over Jean and just get along?
Blade X Dusty:Why not? They're so cute!
Jason X Zordon:Yeah, I know, it's obviously the impossible. But sorry Jason, Kimberly doesn't like you that way. Get with Zordon already!
Alarak X Artanis:Alarak looooooves Artanis~! I've seen all those romantic moments in the original game, DON'T JUDGE ME!
I Support This Pairing Meme(not all are Leyenar Fleet pairings):
Because It's Intriguing:Yesss X Set
Because It's Hot & Sexy:Drax X Gamora
Because They Protect One Another:Max X Steel
Because They Share Beliefs:Carlton X Riot
Because Of Subtext:Spock X Kirk
Because It's Adorable:Dottie X Roper
Because It's Realistic:Sendak X Shiro
Because They're Too Alike:Lightning X Jackson and Reinhard X Ren
Because They're Opposites:Star-Lord X Ronan
Because It's Canon:Korra X Asami and Catra X Adora
Because It's Not Canon:Endeavor(Teenage Version) X Kaminari
Because It's Charming:Black Panther X Namor
Because It's Crack:Ripslinger X Cruz
Because It's Hilarious:Hal Stewart X Haggar
Because It's Tranquil:Jason X Zordon
Because It's Full Of Emotion:Taishakuten X Ashura-oh
Because It's Unique:Darren Cross X Kylo Ren and Zarkon X Ultron
Because It's Cheesy In A Good Way:Lance X Nyma
Because It Happened At The Right Time:Allura X Lotor
Because They Work Best When Together:Emmet X Lucy
Because It Has Great Potential:Alarak X Artanis
Because It Makes The Series Better:Bolin X Opal
Because They Have Nobody Else To Love:Rossiu X Kinon
Because Of Fanwork:Carl X Stacy, Fluttershy X Discord and Vengeance X Khan
Because Not Enough People Support It:Ben X Reinrassic III
Because Of Their Conversations:Dusty X Blade
Because It Brings Out Their Best Qualities:Simon X Nia
Because They Forgive One Another:Galactus X Silver Surfer
Because I CAN:Captain America X Iron Man
I DON'T Support This Pairing Meme:
Because It's Annoying:Captain America X Black Widow and Shiro X Allura
Because It's Unattractive:Star-Lord X Gamora
Because It Doesn't Make Sense:Jackson X Cruz
Because They Don't Interact Much:N/A
Because Their Beliefs Don't Co-Exist:Kylo Ren X Rey
Because Of Subtext:Owen X Claire
Because It's Abusive:Captain Marvel X Yon-Rogg
Because It's Rushed:Shiro X Keith
Because They're Too Alike:Captain America X Winter Soldier
Because They're Opposites:Keith X Lance
Because It's Canon:Zarkon X Haggar
Because It's Not Canon:Darren Cross X Scott Lang
Because It's Disturbing:Lightning X Chick, Lightning X Francesco, Dusty X Ripslinger, Thor X Loki
Because It's Out Of Character:Gipsy A. X Obsidian Fury
Because It's Cringe-Inducing:Sally X Lightning
Because It's Bland:Max X anybody that isn't Steel
Because It Lacks Emotion:Taishakuten X anybody that isn't Ashura-oh/Griffith X anybody that isn't Guts
Because It's Cliche:Brandon X MacKenzie
Because It's Too Melodramatic:Vanessa X Monty
Because It Happened At The Wrong Time:Captain America X Sharon Carter
Because I See Them More As Friends:Lightning X Mater, Woody X Buzz and Nick X Judy
Because It's Pointless:Spider-Man X Deadpool
Because It Hurt The Series:Ant-Man X Wasp (I think they're better off as friends.)
Because I Ship Them With Others:Jason X Kimberly
Because It Panders To A Demographic:I don't have one, somebody PLEASE give me a pairing to fill out this section!
Because It's Overrated:Dusty X Ishani
Because Of Their Arguments:Ozai X Ursa
Because It Brings Out Their Worst Qualities:Mako X Raleigh
Because They Can't Forgive Each Other:Optimus X Megatron
Because I DON'T:Iron Man X Pepper Potts
there are your otps (The entire Leyenar Fleet)
then there are your OTPS (The Legendary 7)
then there are your OT FREAKING PS (Taishura-oh)
AND THEN THERE’S THAT ONE MOTHERF*CKING SHIP THAT MAKES YOU SQUEAL AND SOB EVERY TIME YOU SEE IT, AND IF THEY’RE SO MUCH AS IN THE SAME ROOM YOUR HEART GOES INTO FLUTTERS AND THINKING ABOUT THAT ONE OTP JUST MAKES YOU FEEL SO MANY THINGS (Stony and Sinhal and Vengeance X Khan)
Favorite Character By Age:
Favorite Baby(5 and under):Jack-Jack Parr
Favorite Kid Character:Rumble from My Little Pony
Favorite Teenage Character:14-year-old Simon The Digger
Favorite Adult Character:21-YEAR-OLD SIMON THE DIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :333
Favorite Elderly Character:41-year-old Simon The Digger
Favorite Slow Or Unaging Character:Emperor Zarkon and Captain Marvel
Favorite Character By Color:
Red:Star-Lord, by his jacket
Yellow:Darren Cross and Bumblebee and Thaal Sinestro, by their looks
Blue:SIMON THE DIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :333, by his hair and coat
Orange:Tigress from the Kung Fu Panda series, by her fur
Purple/Violet:Emperor Zarkon, by his skin and armor
Green:Ripslinger from Planes, by his paint scheme (and Hal Jordan, by his looks)
Brown:Tow Mater, by his rusty features
White:Taishakuten from RG Veda, by his hair, his attire...AWW! (same goes to Griffith from Berserk)
Black:Kylo Ren, by his attire
Grey:Judy Hopps, by her fur
Pink:Kirby, by his looks
Favorite Female Character By Type:
Favorite Nerdy Female:Shuri from Black Panther
Favorite Goth/Rocker Female:Hela from Thor:Ragnarok
Favorite Tomboy/Action Female:Le Star-Lord, my MARVELsona-slash-goddessona-slash-Mary Sue-slash-interdimensional Deus Ex Machina
Favorite Masculine Female:Patty Tolan from Ghostbusters 2016
Favorite Female Villain:Kuvira from The Legend Of Korra
Favorite Fashionista:Also Le Star-Lord
Favorite Heroes By Type:
Anti-Hero:Alarak from StarCraft
The Lancer:Captain America and Iron Man, to each other
Pure Good/Incorruptible Pure Pureness:My MARVELsona-slash-goddessona-slash-Mary Sue-slash-interdimensional Deus Ex Machina Le Star-Lord
The Hero:SIMON THE DIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :333
Favorite Villains By Type:
Anti-Villain:Taishakuten from RG Veda, pretty self explanatory! Also there's Orm Marius, what makes him significantly better than Taishakuten is the fact that Tai fights for his love, but Orm fights for the WORLD.
Arch-Nemesis:Reinhard Heydrich from Dies Irae (in a purely OWCA-to-Heinz Doofenshmirtz-like manner)
Big Bad:Emperor Zarkon
Pure Evil/Complete Monster:N/A, since there's no concept of "pure evil/complete monster" in Leyenarville, and if there's one, there's also a low 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% chance of me liking that character. Even Khan Noonien Singh/John Harrison, who's the closest thing I've had to that trope, had a soft spot for his crew. I'd say Grand Admiral Thrawn, but I'm unsure whether I should pull that card on (((him)))...
Evil Minions:The Minions
I Like This Character Meme:
Because S/He's Interesting:Barry Allen/The Flash
Because S/He's Cool:Star-Lord
Because His/Her Character Makes Sense:Thanos
Because S/He Has Flaws:Rarity
Because Of His/Her Actions:Perry The Platypus
Because Of His/Her Beliefs:Aang
Because Of Subtext:Darren Cross and Kylo Ren
Because S/He's Smart:Leeron Littner, Pidge, Silver from Angry Birds 2 and Rocket Raccoon
Because S/He's Misunderstood:Captain Marvel
Because S/He's A Well-Made Archetype:Black Panther
Because S/He's Amiable:Jack-Jack Parr and Morgan Stark
Because S/He Subverts A Despised Cliche:Megamind
Because Of His/Her Dedication:Natsuki Shinohara from Summer Wars
Because I Can Relate:Timmy Failure
Because S/He Has Redeemable Qualities:Emperor Zarkon and Ultron
Because S/He Makes Me Laugh:The entire cast of Captain Underpants
Because S/He's Polite:Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler
Because S/He's Honest:Courage The Cowardly Dog
Because S/He Puts Others First:Orm Marius/Ocean Master
Because S/He's Attractive:Hunk from Voltron:Legendary Defender
Because S/He's Responsible:Sully and Mike
Because S/He's A Leader:Captain America and Iron Man
Because S/He's Crazy In A Good Way:Pinkie Pie
Because S/He's A Good Companion:Groot
Because S/He's A Good Relative:Maria Stark
Because S/He Feels Human:Spider-Man and Izuku "Deku" Midoriya
Because S/He Learns From Mistakes:Rossiu Adai
Because I Strongly Pity Him/Her:Taishakuten from RG Veda and Griffith from Berserk
Because S/He's Creative:Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher
Because S/He's Rebellious:Kamina
Because S/He Has Great Potential:Gimmy and Darry Adai
Because Of His/Her Role In The Group:Boota The Pig-Mole
Because S/He Appeals To A Demographic:Yoko Littner
Because S/He's A Satire/Spoof:Deadpool
Because S/He's Charming:Thor and Grand Admiral Thrawn
Because Of Those Who Hate Him/Her:Ripslinger from Planes
Because Not Enough People Like Him/Her:Rumble
Because S/He Has Nostalgic Value:Sonic The Hedgehog
Because Gold Comes Out Of His/Her Mouth:Alarak from StarCraft (Well, he doesn't actually have a mouth but his lines are so cool...Actually, there's no part of him that's not cool.)
Because S/He Changed For The Better:Viral
Because S/He Influenced Me:Po from the Kung Fu Panda series (However, there's another character that influenced me, if y'wanna know who he is, see below.)
Because I CAN:SIMON THE DIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :333
I DON'T Like This Character Meme:
Because S/He's Annoying:Charlotte from Berserk and Hal Stewart/Tighten
Because S/He's Bland:Iris West
Because S/He Doesn't Make Sense:N/A
Because S/He's A Mary Sue:Jean Grey and Kirigaya Kazuto
Because Of His/Her Actions:Helmut Zemo
Because Of His/Her Beliefs:Miles Axlerod
Because Of Subtext:Claire Dearing
Because S/He's Idiotic:Pepper Potts
Because S/He's Disturbed:Pennywise The Dancing Clown
Because S/He's Just A Stereotype:Andre from Dork Diaries
Because S/He's Too Nice:Tenoh from RG Veda (In my version of the manga, in exchange for his kind heart, he's a coward and a disgrace.)
Because S/He's A Despised Cliche:A majority of the Disney Princes
Because Of His/Her Indolence:N/A
Because I Can't Relate:Chick Hicks
Because S/He's A Jerk Without Flaws:Hopper from A Bug's Life
Because S/He Makes Me Cringe:Sally Carrera
Because S/He's Gross:Slimer from Ghostbusters
Because S/He's Deceitful:Mother Gothel
Because S/He's Smug:Trixie Lulamoon
Because S/He's Just Eye-Candy:Ishani from Planes
Because S/He's Hypocritical:Miriam Sharpe and Thaddeus Ross
Because S/He Whines Too Much:N/A
Because S/He's Spastic:N/A
Because S/He's A Bad Relative:Ego The Living Planet and Margaret White
Because S/He Lacks Emotion:Edward Cullen
Because S/He Never Faces Comeuppance:Prince Sky
Because S/He's Mean:Randall Boggs
Because S/He's A Blatant Ripoff:Kida Nedakh (She's a ripoff of Nadia La Arwall from The Secret Of Blue Water.)
Because S/He's Disrespectful:Ted The Bear
Because S/He's A Screen Hog:Ava Starr/Ghost
Because Of His/Her Role In The Group:The Winter Soldier
Because S/He Panders To A Demographic:Gaston from Beauty & The Beast
Because S/He's A Mockery:Carol Ferris
Because S/He's Terrifying:Witch Haggar
Because Of His/Her Fan Base:N/A
Because S/He's Overrated:Raleigh Becket
Because S/He Doesn't Age Well:The entire cast of Family Guy
Because His/Her Lines Are Garbage:N/A
Because S/He Changed Too Much:Fantastic Four 2015
Because S/He Badly Influenced Me:Super Why
Because I DON'T:Shashi from RG Veda, the biggest LOSER in the history of all universes
I Admire This Villain Meme:
Because S/He's Interesting:Lord Shen and Emperor Zarkon
Because S/He's Wicked:N/A
Because S/He's Understandable:Ultron
Because S/He's Threatening:Kylo Ren
Because of His/Her Motivations:Orm Marius/Ocean Master
Because Of His/Her Ideals:Thanos
Because Of Subtext:Griffith from Berserk
Because S/He's An Archetype:Dick Dastardly from Wacky Races
Because S/He's Misunderstood:Ripslinger from Planes
Because S/He's Mysterious:N/A
Because S/He's Horrifying:The Xenomorphs from the Alien Series
Because Of His/Her Dedication:Wile E. Coyote from Looney Tunes
Because Of His/Her Performance:Set from Gods Of Egypt
Because S/He's A Subversion:Kuvira from The Legend Of Korra
Because S/He's Clever:Khan Noonien Singh/John Harrison
Because S/He's Devoted:Loki (I personally think he's a hero, but...go off, I guess.)
Because S/He's Hilarious:Robbie Rotten
Because S/He's Charismatic:Hela
Because S/He's Creative:Dr. Doofenshmirtz (In all honesty, I wish I could learn how to make inators.)
Because S/He's Sympathetic:Taishakuten from RG Veda
Because S/He's Attractive:Olivia Octavius
Because Of His/Her Redemption:Viral, Megamind and Catra
Because Of His/Her Condemnation:Sheev Palpatine/Darth Sidious
Because S/He Has Great Potential:Tomura Shigaraki (Truly, All For One chose the right one.)
Because S/He's A Show-Stealer:Obsidian Fury
Because S/He Plays Off The Heroes Well:N/A
Because S/He Feels Human:Electro from The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Because S/He's Oddly Adorable:Thaal Sinestro
Because Of His/Her Haters:Darren Cross
Because S/He's Underrated:Darth Talon
Because S/He Has Nostalgic Value:The Geese from Regular Show
Because S/He Speaks Gold:Douglas "Dougie" Powers/Dr. Evil
Because Of His/Her Impact:Darth Vader
Because I CAN:Grand Admiral Thrawn :333
I Love This TV Show Meme:
Because of Its Amazing Intro:N/A
Because Of Its Music:Sofia The 1st
Because Of Its Special Effects:The entire Kamen Rider and Super Sentai saga
Because Of Its Plot:My Hero Academia
Because Of Its Characters:Revolutionary Girl Utena
Because Of Subtext:Lego Ninjago Season 1
Because It's Funny:Regular Show
Because It's Serious:The Dies Irae Official Anime
Because Of The Tone Balance:Codename:Kids Next Door
Because It's Nostalgic:Phineas & Ferb
Because It's Underrated:Tomica Hero Rescue Force
Because It's A Guilty Pleasure:I don't have one, but the closest thing I've got is the Green Lantern Animated Series.
Because It Inspired Me:Kamen Rider Fourze
Because I Want To See It In The Future:All the TV shows listed here
Because Of Its Impact On The Industry:Avengers Assemble
Because It's Heartwarming:My Little Pony
Because It's Scary:The Courage The Cowardly Dog Show
Because It Deserves The Praise It Gets:Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger
Because It's Paced Well:Avatar:The Legend Of Korra
Because I CAN:Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
These Moments Brought Me Joy Because...
Because S/He Succeeded:When Ralph saved the world in Wreck-It Ralph
Because S/He Shined As A Character:The "My Bro is dead" scene in Gurren Lagann Episode 11
Because Close Ones Reunited:When Carol rescued Tony and Nebula and brought them safely back to Earth in Endgame
Because Everybody Was Happy:The end of The Legend Of Korra
Because It Was A Beautiful Scene:When Po finally mastered chi in Kung Fu Panda 3
Because Of Subtext:When Sendak told Shiro "we're connected" in the Voltron episode "Crystal Venom"
Because It's Hilarious:When Mr. Krupp said "B-b-bubba bobba hob-hobba-hobba Wah-wah" in Captain Underpants Book 5 and 11
Because It Was Adorable:When Tim and the Boss Baby played pirate in The Boss Baby movie
Because S/He Got What S/He Deserved:The way how Sully, Mike and Boo defeated Randall in Monsters, Inc.
Because Of How It Concluded A Plot:The end of Phineas & Ferb
Because The Writers Made A Bold Choice:One word, "Dormammu, I've come to bargain."
Because It Recalled Something Personal:When Miguel sings to Mama Coco in Coco
Because One's Dreams Were Fulfilled:When Iron Man and Captain America met for the first time in the first Avengers movie
Because Hard Work Paid Off:Not yet.
Because It Was A Great Viewing Experience:The entire Gurren Lagann movie, first and second one alike
Because S/He Did An Admirable Act:Ultron's big speech in Avengers 2
Because My Ship Sailed:When Catra and Adora finally confessed their love for each other and shared a big damn kiss in "Heart Part 2"
Because It Exceeded My Expectation:The final battle of Kamen Rider Fourze
Because It Had The Right Amount Of Cheese:Patrick earning an achievement award for himself in “Big Pink Loser”
Because I Waited So Long For It:When I found out Matilda The Musical was coming to my country
Because All Hope Was Restored:When Simon and the gang formed the titular mech, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann in Episode 27
Because It Boosted My Confidence:When I created a petition(change . org/p/dreamworks-voltron-save-our-z) for Zarkon
Because It Improved The Story:One word, ALARAK.
Because Of The Fan-Service:The Flubber dancing scene in Flubber
Because It Was The Only Good Moment:The ending movie in Chicken Little
Because Of The Lyrics:The song "A Place Called Slaughter Race" by Vanellope Von Schweetz
Because Interactions Were Gold:When Simon prevented Rossiu from committing suicide by punching him in the face
Because It Represented My Demographic Well:The entire Timmy Failure book series
Because I Didn't See Any Flaws:When Wheezy sang "You've Got A Friend In Me" by the end of Toy Story 2
Because It DID:When Simon and the gang formed Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann in the second movie
These Moments Made Me Sad Because...
Because S/He Didn't Deserve It:Star-Lord's death in Infinity War and Emperor Zarkon's death
Because S/He Was One Of The Best:When Simon got apprehended in Gurren Lagann Episode 19
Because Close Ones Were Separated:When Doofenshmirtz dumped Perry for Peter The Panda
Because Of How It Affected Others:When Guts de-feeted Griffith and abandoned him (No joke, everything just begins spiraling downward from there.)
Because Of One's First/Last Words:When I heard of Stan Lee's death (Excelsior all the way!)
Because Of Subtext:When Carlton and Riot got burned alive in that rocket
Because It Was Cruel:When Nia turned into the Anti-Spiral Messenger
Because It Made Me Feel Alone:The "Secret Empire" event from MARVEL Comics
Because It Pointed Out Mistakes:When Pinkie yelled at Twilight over what she did near the climax of the MLP movie
Because Of How It Concluded A Plot:The end of Cars 3 and the end of Endgame
Because It Felt Unnecessary:Iron Man's death in Endgame and Gipsy Avenger's death (I wanted 'em to live.)
Because It Recalled Something Personal:When Ultron sang "No Strings On Me" (I remember watching a video of Pinocchio long ago.)
Because One's Dreams Were Crushed:When Mantis announced Star-Lord had feelings for Gamora
Because Hard Work Went To Waste:When my petition(change . org/p/dreamworks-voltron-save-our-z) failed to save Zarkon
Because S/He Failed Miserably:When Darren Cross met his end (I feel really sorry for him.)
Because Nobody Helped Him/Her:When Woody got abandoned by the other toys after they thought he killed Buzz in the first Toy Story movie
Because It Hurt My Ship:One word, CAPTAIN AMERICA:CIVIL WAR.
Because Of What It Foreshadowed:When the Gaang lost to Azula in the 2nd season finale of The Last Airbender
Because The Cheese Made It Work:When Spock did the "KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!" thing in Star Trek Into Darkness directly following Kirk's death
Because It Came At The Wrong Time:Stoick's sacrifice near the end of How To Train Your Dragon 2
Because I Felt Betrayed:Nick and Judy's falling out scene in Zootopia
Because It Made Me Regret Choices:When I came to understand Erik Killmonger
Because Of The Shown Expressions:When Reiny chose to stay on Turrawaste in the Ben 10 episode "Alone Together"
Because Of The Atmosphere:When Shang's army came across the burned village in Mulan
Because Of The Music/Lyrics:When the Backyard Gang sang "Perry Come Home" in the episode "Oh, There You Are, Perry"
Because Of The Dialogue:The last minute of "Lisa's First Word" from The Simpsons
Because I Wanted To Cry But Didn't:When Cade Yeager unsheathed the Excalibur and the Twelve Knights all gathered around to say "Seglass Ni Tonday"
Because It Applies To Real Life:The entire story and context of Night, an autobiography by Holocaust-survivor Elie Wiesel
Because It DID:Kamina's death (Hell, he died before Nia could even meet him! Thank goodness, his death resulted in my Simon becoming the Simon he is now!)
Leyenar Oh's South Park Cast Meme:
The Sensitive One(Stan Marsh)=Yuuki Asuna
The Self-Centered One(Eric Cartman)=Shashi
The Intelligent One(Kyle Brofiosky)=Iron Man
The Heroic One(Kenny McCormick)=Emperor Zarkon
The Innocent One(Butters Scotch)=Ultron
The Mature One(Wendy Testaburger)=Spider-Man
The Cynical One(Craig Tucker)=Jackson Storm
The Paranoid One(Tweek Tweak)=Lightning McQueen
The Friendly One(Bebe Stevens)=Tow Mater
The Sweet One(Heidi Turner)=Rumble
The Not-So-Clever One(Clyde Donovan)=Sharon Carter
The Calm One(Token Black)=Drax The Destroyer
The Cheerful One(Phillip "Pip" Pirrup)=Spike The Dragon
The Not-So-Bright One(Scott Malkinson)=Loki
The Optimistic One(Jimmy Valmer)=Star-Lord
The Cognizant(Timmy Burch)=Ronan The Accuser
The Tomboy(Tammy Warner)=Cruz Ramirez
The Sci-Fi Addict(Kevin Stoley)=Lance
The Benevolent One(Red)=Captain America
The Young Genius(Ike Brofiosky)=Pidge
The Angry One(Shelly Marsh)=Bruce Banner/The Hulk
The Kind-Hearted One(Bradley Biggle)=Scarlet Witch
The Teacher(Mr. Garrison)=Annalise Keating
Top 10 Characters That Deserve Better:
#1:Emperor Zarkon and Orm Marius/Ocean Master
#2:Taishakuten from RG Veda and Griffith from Berserk
What separates Taishakuten from all the other hordes of Clamp camp cads is that he does absolutely everything, and I mean everything, in his power to keep his promise. He is arguably one of the most selfless Clamp characters ever, completely handing over his purpose for living to Ashura-oh. His love for the late Ashura is beautiful, tragic, and destructive. How many people can truly say they love somebody so much that they would be willing to murder them, eat them, and then scapegoat as a traitor to the rest of the world in order to preserve your lover’s heir who they begot with a woman?
He isn’t afraid to bloody his hands to get what he wants. “I’ll do anything to get what I want even if I have to change the stars in the sky,” is his mantra but rather than meaning he selfishly wishes to rule over the universe, he only wishes to keep his promise to Ashura-oh. That is what he wants. I think the extreme measures he takes are admirable in the sense that he is so loyal and dedicated. He loves so fiercely, too fiercely, with the rage of a thousand burning suns.
I absolutely love his role in RG Veda. While he’s thought of to be one contemptible BAMF for the majority of the series, it turns out that he is the most sensible. Had the six stars truly been stopped, sure the world would still be ruled with an iron fist, but the heroes of our tale would not have had to die a gruesome, painful, suffering death. Taishakuten’s intentions were not only the most admirable but they were also the most informed. Overall, I find his tale the most tragic because not only does he have to go on living a solitary life seen as this evil dictator whilst secretly pining for the one he loves but can never have, he has to put up with Shashi. I mean really. Nobody would want to wish that on another soul.
Okay, I could ramble about this man for centuries so I’ll wrap it up with a shallow note:dat eye, and seriously, people, you really need to stop shipping Taishakuten with other people, 'cause no matter who you ship him with, his heart will always be directed at the one and only Ashura-oh. Whereas my thing is, I love how UTTERLY screwed up his devotion to Ashura-oh was. He committed genocide and cannibalism for the sake of his love! This is a guy who is perfectly willing to be a complete monster for the sake of the man he loves, and does Taishakuten regret any of this? Not a damn thing. He's basically a darker, danker version of Simon The Digger, I can practically see him overflowing with Spiral Power while doing the thing in the cockpit of a Gunman.
I feel that when he became Femto and raped Casca, it was an attempt to do something terrible, horrible and totally awful to the Gutsca child as a means of revengeance. Anyhoo, it was so painful to see him do the very thing that he saved her from.
Griffith is such a well rounded character and I feel like he and Guts are two sides of the same coin. I would love to see an ending where they both die together in a twisted way with smiles on their faces. With or without the shipping glasses, I feel that the two of them are a shared existence and need to be eliminated together.
#4:Darren Cross and Kylo Ren
#6:Electro from The Amazing Spider-Man 2
#7:Captain Marvel(and Brie Larson)
#8:Rumble from My Little Pony
#10:All Villain Characters
My Dream School Teachers:
The 13th Doctor
They're all I need.
Why I Like Green Lantern Oaths:
Favorite Movies By Rating:
G:The Kung Fu Panda Series
PG-13:The Avengers, 2012
R:The Spy Who Dumped Me
Not Rated:Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann The Movie ~Childhood's End~ and ~The Lights In The Sky Are Stars~
MARVEL Controversy Meme:
Favorite Character:Captain Marvel
Despised Character:Pepper Potts
Favorite Villain:Ultron :333
Despised Villain:Helmut Zemo
Favorite Couple:Captain America X Iron Man
Despised Couple:Hulk X Black Widow
Favorite Movie:The first Avengers movie
Despised Movie:First Avenger, Winter Soldier, Iron Man 1 and 3
Top 10 Favorite Canon Couples:
#1:All canon pairings in the Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann fandom(especially Simonia)
#2:Taishakuten X Ashura-oh (TAISHURA-OH RULEZ!!!!!!!!!)
#3:Catra X Adora
#4:Korra X Asami
#5:Megamind X Roxanne
#6:Emmet X Lucy
#7:Magnus X Alec
#8:Brandon X Nikki
#9:Deadpool X Shiklah
#10:Mater X Holley
Top 10 Couples That Deserve Better:
#1:Hal Jordan X Thaal Sinestro
#2:USS Vengeance X Khan Noonien Singh/John Narrison
#3:Captain America X Iron Man
#4:Spock X James T. Kirk
#5:Star-Lord X Ronan The Accuser
#6:Sendak X Shiro
#7:Jason Lee Scott X Zordon
#8:Taishakuten X Ashura-oh
#9:Gipsy Danger X Mako Mori
#10:Gipsy Avenger X Amara Namani
Top 10 Couples That Deserve The Worst:
#1:Iron Man X Pepper Potts
#2:Captain America X Black Widow
#3:Shiro X Allura
#4:Star-Lord X Gamora
#5:Raleigh Becket X Mako Mori
#6:Captain America X Sharon Carter
#7:Hal Jordan X Carol Ferris
#8:Lightning McQueen X Sally Carrera
#9:Spock X Nyota Uhura
#10:Owen Grady X Claire Dearing
Top 10 Characters That Are Good Enough For My Fatality Dummies/Fatality Targets:
1. Pepper Potts
3. Carol Ferris
5. Sally Carrera
7. Helmut Zemo
8. Claire Dearing
9. Elita One
10. Crystal Amaquelin
Update:I am no longer Cruz Disorder, my account is no longer dedicated to the World Of Cars. That means...I can write anything! (All my Avengers fanfiction will have an awesome Ultron in each one!)
I am just an easygoing 17-year-old girl living in South Korea. I am a very weird girl(and am very proud of that fact). And I am NOT afraid to express that through writing fan fiction. I have a hellhole for a brain, by the way.
My current obsession is Green Lantern, and I'm currently thinking of two stories starring my insanely overpowered Red Lanternsona Leyenar Overkill, as well as working on a DC Super Hero Girls story in which she is a supporting character. But for now, I'll just stick with writing Sinestro-centric stories while also trying to outline a comedic rewrite of the 2011 epic failure.
Also...I hate the people who say Cars 2(my favorite movie in da whole entire Cars franchise) sucks and that it should be wiped clean off the earth, because they are WRONG!
~A Side Story About How Simon The Digger Became My Hero~
At first, I didn't think of Simon as no more or less than a SUPER AWESOME character, so I tried to find a MALE partner suitable for him but I couldn't. So, therefore I decided that the Gurren Lagann fandom is far, far superior than all others(including myself) and put Simon on the zenith of it all. Right after that, I discovered how amazing the Simon X Viral pairing was, but it was too late. So I learned to love Nia, to put a stop to the undeniable temptation of Simon X Viral and to ensure that the Gurren Lagann fandom was still untouched, pure. And now I love everything in said fandom, including Lordgenome and even the Anti-Spiral. But no matter what, Simon will always stay my One Above All, my hero without a doubt, and the one guy who I will never, ever get to reach. When I become famous, I'mma have a digger coat similar to his.
~Another Side Story~
I don't quite like the Jake and Neytiri pairing, but I'm happy for them, nonetheless. That aside, James Cameron's Avatar is indeed brilliant, showing the conflict between man and nature beautifully.
(Crossing The Arirang Pass/Earth-199999)
Endgame Trailer 199999 Edition-Complete
The Inevitable Iron Man-Coming Soon
Avengers 5:Reassembled-Coming Soon
Going The Distance-Coming Soon
Passing The Torch-Coming Soon
Spirit Of Revengeance-Coming Soon
Somar-Le's Big Day-Coming Soon
My Heart Will Go On-Complete
Open The Floodgates-Ongoing
Jaylah Takes The Stand-Coming Soon
Dawnbreaker:The Brand-New Wrath Of Khan-Complete
Dawnbreaker 2:Despair's Counterattack-Ongoing
Dawnbreaker 3:Invasion Of The Ring Snatchers-Coming Soon
Hell Or High Water-Coming Soon
Arms Race-Coming Soon
Trials By Fire-Ongoing
Merchant Of Death, Warrior Of Life-Coming Soon
Do You Trust Me?-Complete
The Light Of The Darkest Heart-Coming Soon
I Dreamed A Dream(Jessie's Version)-Complete
When We Didn't Get Along-Complete
Fight For Your Life, Thaal Sinestro-Ongoing
The Lay Of Thrym-Complete
Avengers Story:To Infinity War & Beyond-Ongoing
Perfect In Every Stinkin' Way-Coming Soon
Just Another Dull & Boring Day-Ongoing
You Dare Lecture Sinestro?!-Coming Soon
Untying The Knot Part 6-Complete
She's Not A Stranger To The Dark-Complete
My story "Merchant Of Death, Warrior Of Life" is based on the Japanese anime "Disk Wars:Avengers". It also contains a touch of Hickmanvengers, obvious by the title.
Leyenar Oh's Age/Arirang Timeline:
12 in the beginning (2015)
13 during the Civil War (2016)
15 and 20 in Avenge Us (2018~2023)
20 in The Inevitable Iron Man (2023)
21 in Avengers 5:Reassembled (2024)
22 in Going The Distance (2025)
Define "Insane Tony Stark":
-Tony Stark of Earth-415 who had something more than just a crush on Captain America who never got frozed, married Peggy Carter, and had a daughter with her. It led the poor boy to go all cray-cray and swear revengeance on Sharon, Cap and Peggy's daughter.
-the act of gaining revenge at a rate of at least 2.54 times greater to that of standard revenge and 1.61 that of standard vengeance.
-considered to be an act of the most violent retaliation.
-while revenge is served cold and vengeance is served hot revengeance is often seen served with Cajun with a side of onion rings and often shawarma.
-A word of description meaning squishy and green.
-A more surprised and/or confused version of "what" used in text-based communication.
There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her, saying:
"Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine."
You cannot always save the damsel, if she can handle her own distress.
You cannot always be the knight in shining armor, if makeup and smiles are her own shield.
You cannot always slay the dragon, if she has her own strength to do so.
And you most certainly cannot always climb the tower; maybe there’s a reason she’s so high above you.
So concentrate on your own battles, dragons, and happily-ever-afters.
And let her live her own fairy tale—her own once upon a time.
Because girls do not always need the knight, the prince, or fairy godmother, to make their ever-afters happy.
Man:Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man:Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman:Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man:Is this seat empty?
Woman:Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man:Your place or mine?
Woman:Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man:So, what do you do for a living?
Woman:I'm a female impersonator.
Man:Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman:Do not enter.
Man:How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man:Your body is like a temple.
Woman:Sorry, there are no services today.
Man:I would go to the ends of the world for you.
Woman:But would you stay there?
Man:If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman:If I could see you naked, I'd just shoot you with a shotgun.
Man:If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together.
Woman:Really? I'd put f and u together.
Man:Your eyes, they're amazing.
Woman:Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.
Man:Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
Woman:About as much as when you got kicked out of Hell.
Man:Why aren't you married yet?
Woman:Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
Man:I know how to please a Woman.
Woman:Well, please go jump into a black hole.
Man:Please whisper those 3 little words that would make my day!
Woman:Go to hell.
Man:Say, haven't we met before?
Woman:Yes, I'm the supreme commander of the Carol Corps. (a society of zealots worshipping Captain Marvel)
Man:I can tell that you want me.
Woman:You know, you're dead right...I want you to go away!
And now for Something Sweet...
Sinestro:Do I ever cross your mind?
Sinestro:Do you like me?
Sinestro:Do you want me?
Sinestro:Would you cry if I left?
Sinestro:Would you live for me?
Sinestro:Would you do anything for me?
Sinestro:Choose—me or your life?
Thaal Sinestro flies away in shock and pain and Hal Jordan flies after and says...
The reason you don't cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason why I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.
The Oath Of The Avengers
Raise your right hand and read this oath aloud.
Each white streak that goes through the sky will be Iron Man to me.
No matter what goes on, hope forever will I see.
When the news turns on, I will always look for SHIELD.
When there is work to be done, I'll be out there on the field.
I know now, that it's not smart to prank Clint.
All info for a mission I'll take as a hint.
I'll remember the Captain whenever a punching bag breaks.
I'll stay true to myself, whatever it takes.
In missions I'll fight until we have one.
I'll say son of John when I hear Johnson.
Most important of all, whatever tears us apart, no matter if it's
or some other strange anomaly,
we will stick together, because I've loved the Avengers from the start.
I'm that girl,
The one that reads because books are her escape,
The one that writes because words open the exit from reality,
The one that doesn't want to care what others think,
The one that cries for strangers,
The one that pretends not to be miserable for others,
The one that sacrifices pleasures for her dreams,
The one that is used to being alone,
The one that understands the misunderstood,
The one that stands up for the abnormal,
The one that laughs to make others laugh,
The one that swallows her own anger to prevent fights,
The one that hides behind a fake smile and an 'I'm fine.',
The one that would tear the universe apart for her "friends",
The one that would give up her happiness for the happiness of others,
The one that stands out in school,
The one that other kids sneer at,
The one that grew up faster,
The one that felt like the oldest,
The one that makes mistakes,
The one that will always regret those mistakes,
The one that is different,
The one that takes pride in that difference,
The one that truly wants to make a difference.
Choose Your Lantern Meme:
You belong to the Red Lantern Corps.
Yellow/Fear:Grand Admiral Thrawn
Friendvengers AKA Civil Union
*Iron Man narrates* What is this, Stranger? I don't need to see this. I remember it as vividly as if it happened today.
Tony:The public doesn't want masks and secret identities. They wan't to feel safe when we're around, and there's no other way to win their respect.
*Iron Man narrates* This was where it passed the point of no return. I reached out to Cap...I tried to end the war...
Tony:You've known me half my adult life, Cap. You know I wouldn't do this unless I believed in it with all my heart. We don't want to fight you. Just give me the chance to tell you our plans for my 21st century overhaul.
*Iron Man narrates* ...and he DIDN'T trust me enough to listen. When he reached out his hand to mine, there was a WEAPON hidden in it.
*The Stranger narrates* So there was. But in this divergent reality, you did something you did NOT do in your own world. You were honest.
Tony:Steve...Thank you for doing this. Like I said, I BELIEVE in what I'm doing...but I want to be sure I'm doing it the RIGHT WAY. I need somebody I TRUST to MAKE SURE I am. I need your help, Cap.
*The Stranger narrates* That simple admission changed the course of history.
SHIELD Agent:Oh, no. Lady Hill, Captain America's carrying a concealed weapon! Sensors show it can SHUT DOWN Iron Man's armor! I'm releasing Codename:Lightning(that's Thor's clone)!
Maria Hill:Negative, Agent Franks! I'll alert Stark of the danger, but for now Codename:Lightning is to stay inert! Confirm!
Agent Franks:Uh...we may have a slight problem there, ma'am. (Clone Thor jumps off the plane)
~At The Battlefield~
Clone Thor:Kneel, ye wretches! Kneel and surrender, lest ye face the wrath of the GOD OF THUNDER!
Tony:Oh, hell. That ain't Thor. It's a CLONE...and it looks like it's outta control. Reed...
Mr. Fantastic:On it. Shutdown code Richard Wagner, 18—
Clone Thor:Silence, mortal. If ye stand in the way of my noble mission, then you are branded TRAITOR.
Goliath:Get ready for the shortest comeback in history, Thor.
Clone Thor:I think not.
*Iron Man narrates* Oh, no, Stranger, I don't want to see this. I don't...(Clone Thor attacks)
*The Stranger narrates* This is NOT your world, Anthony Stark. Here, you were caught in the heat of battle when your creation sought to slay Goliath. Here, you saw what was about to happen...and ACTED.
*Iron Man narrates* I see where this is going now. Only Reed and I knew the code to shut him down. Reed's unconscious, and with my armor's systems scrambleed by that blast, my microphone isn't working. I always said I'd trade places with Goliath if I could. I'm glad to see I meant it. This...is a good way to die, Stranger.
*The Stranger narrates* Do not be so hasty, Anthony Stark. Here, you are not without FRIENDS.
Steve:You want him? Then, you'll have to go through ME.
*The Stranger narrates* Captain America bought you the time you needed for your armor to repair itself. And, though you began the day as enemies, you forgot your differences and instead remembered the countless times you two stood side by side and fought against overwhelming odds. And you did so once again. The others followed your example, united to face the common threat. To defeat the soulless creature that wore the form of Thor. And together, you SUCCEEDED. But one battle would NOT resolve the issues that pitted friend against friend, soul against soul, Iron Man against Captain America.
Tony:...Now what? I'm glad we're talking, Steve. But I haven't changed my mind against this. Superhumans are too dangerous to run around unsupervised. they need to be properly trained; they need to be held responsible for their actions.
Steve:And I still refuse to give up the freedoms our founding fathers fought for just because it's politically expedient. You're talking about giving the government control over every superhuman in the nation. I say no government can be trusted with that kind of power.
Tony:But YOU can.
Tony:Steve, you stood with me when we confronted the Young Avengers and told them they'd either have to quit or submit to training in the use of their powers. You don't disagree with the philosophy behind the registration act, you disagree with the government being the one to administer it. So YOU do it.
Steve:I don't think I'm any more qualified than...
Tony:Oh, PLEASE, Cap! You're pretty much the only one in the world everybody would trust with their real names. Let's take the government OUT of this. Make the AVENGERS responsible for policing our own. We'll CONSULT with the government, work with 'em the way we always have. We'll train young heroes in the use of their talents, and make sure active heroes use their powers responsibly. But at the end of the day, superhumans' identities would remain secret, known only to you. Steve, it's the only way I can think of to end this without blood.
Steve:I don't know. That much responsibility in the hands of one man...what if I'm killed? Or compromised somehow...impersonated, or mind-controlled?
Tony:I'd install the most sophisticated security measures to prevent that. We could also have trusted telepaths perform regular checks. As for your death, hand-pick your successors. Sharon Carter, the Falcon...Whoever you trust the most. I'll back you up.
Steve:I...Tony, I just don't know.
Tony:Cap, it's not enough to be against something. You have to be for something better.
Steve:You really think you can sell this to the government?
Tony:Cap...I won't have to.
Reporters*Who do you think's unmasking this time? Daredevil?* *C'mon, everybody already know who he is. I'll tell you though, as fast as Stark made us rush over here... *It better be somebody good.*
Tony:Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming at such short notice. I asked you here to announce a major development in the conflict about the Sokovia Accords. It's over. We've reached an agreement. The Accords will be administered by the Avengers, under the leadership of the one man we all trust to perform his duties with honor and sound judgement...Captain America.
The White House & SHIELD:WHAAAT?!?!?!
U.S. President:Stark didn't clear this with any of us! What do they think they're trying to pull, Lady Hill?
Maria Hill:Well, Mr. President,. like it or not...they just took their idea for settling this thing directly to the American people...and the world.
~At The White House~
Tony:No disrespect was intended, Mr. President. But let's be honest, you never would have signed off on this is we'd come to you.
U.S. President:You're darn right I wouldn't! Lady Hill and I have serious concerns about your plan.
Steve:Frankly, sir, and I include Iron Man and myself in this—nobody's completely happy with it, which is probably the best indication we have that it's good.
Tony:These are the latest poll numbers. An overwhelming majority of Americans support this arrangement. With all due respect, sir, what matters isn't whether you like it, but whether you can live with it.
U.S. President:Times like this I see when Churchill meant when he said democracy is the worst form of government...except for the others. Don't mess this up, gentlemen.
*The Stranger narrates* And you did NOT. Under you two's shared leadership, the Avengers became an unparalleled force for good...one no foe could stand against...one which quickly won the respect and admiration of those they swore to protect...The Champions Of Earth stood together, united, under the name of the Avengers. Young superhumans were trained by their elders, taught both tactics and responsibility, serving only by choice, their identities shielded. And when discipline became necessary...it was cast out by their worshipers, both swiftly and justly. So began a new golden age of heroes, far different from what had come before...in others, much the same.
Tony:Steve, you're still here. It's late.
Steve:Just entering the data from today's meeting.
Tony:Sorry I missed it. Got tied up in Washington. How'd it go?
Steve:Routine. Dr. Pym thinks that the Space Phantoms are up to something.
Tony:Don't get me started on the Space Phantoms. I hate those guys.
Edwin Jarvis:I thought I heard your voice, Master Stark. Tea, sirs?
Tony:Thanks, Jarvis. You're a lifesaver. Cap?
Tony:I love you.
WHAT I WANNA SEE:
A disabled emcee on CNN
A worker lecturing life philosophy
A divorced woman being elected for president
A Southeast Asian person becoming the Mayor of New York
A police chief saluting to a young student who came to New York to chase his/her dreams
People visiting the CIA headquarters to encourage the operatives
Less cars on the streets
Pretty plump African kids playing on the streets with friends around the world
Churches hanging out lanterns for Buddha's birthday
Temples setting up trees for Christmas
My glorious free country, the USA, opening up to the world
WHAT I WANNA DO:
Greet a much-respected lesbian member of the Congress with a big hug
Meet a black female Pope
Dance around the streets with an alien from a faraway planet
Change the world with the power of fanfiction
Adapt my favorite completed fics into books, especially the Avengers-related ones
Talk to MARVEL about Stony and StarAccuser and Ultron and Darren Cross and why they had to make Thanos the hero
Talk to LucasFilm about Kylo Ren
Talk to DreamWorks about Shendak and Zarkon and Megamind
Talk to Saban Entertainment about Dean Israelite and why he made the WRONG ranger gay
Introduce Disney and Pixar to Cars 'N' Planes
QUESTIONS ABOUT ME
Have you ever been asked out?
Where did you get your default picture?
What's your middle name?
Josephine Electrana. (or Monkey Girdle, according to the Name Change-O-Chart)
Your current relationship status?
Does your crush like you back?
No, since he's fictional. My crush is none other than the magnificent Grand Admiral Mitth'raw'nuruodo!
What is your current mood?
If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
I would persuade MARVEL to...
If you can be an animal for one day, what would you be?
My fave dinosaur, Daspletosaurus.
Ever had a near death experience?
Not yet, but I hope I can.
Something you do a lot?
Singing, writing, reading and ranting.
The song stuck in your head?
Any good song I listen to any day.
Who did you copy and paste this from?
Name someone with the same birthday as YOU?
I DON'T KNOW!
Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
I wish I can.
If you could have one superpower what would it be?
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
What do you usually order from Starbucks?
I haven't been to Starbucks.
What's your biggest secret?
My family have NO clue about any of my fanfics nor what's in my head.
Gold and red.
Do you still watch kiddie shows?
Phineas & Ferb, it's really cool.
Who the hell do you think you are?
A Red Lantern. Or, maybe, a Dark Sith Lord. I DON'T KNOW!
Do you speak any other language?
Korean, my mother language.
What's your favorite smell?
The sweet smell of victory!
Describe your life in one word what would it be?
AVENGING IS SWEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever kissed in the rain?
What should you be doing?
Vomiting napalm blood on the atrocities' faces.
Who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
yeaka on Archive Of Our Own.
Do you like working in the yard?
If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Do you act differently around the person you like?
You have no idea.
What is your natural hair color?
Brownish black, but I want pure red hair, like Pyrrha Nikos.
Who was the last person to make you cry?
My homophobic parents.
What's the best thing you could cook?
Gee, I totally wish I can make excellent cream pasta.
What is your favorite thing to do?
What's your theme song?
Well, as myself and my Red Lanternsona Leyenar Overkill, it's "Broken & Beautiful" by Kelly Clarkson. As my MARVELsona-slash-goddessona-slash-Mary Sue-slash-interdimensional Deus Ex Machina Le Star-Lord, it's "咲いて" by Kamen Rider Girls.
What do you want more than anything right now?
Do you get scared in the dark?
Have you ever eaten a goldfish?
Blondes or brunettes?
I DON'T CARE!
What annoys you most?
People who don't ship the Leyenar Fleet, and multishippers.
What do you most want for your birthday?
I want ONE thing, and it's nigh impossible.
Ever entered surgery?
Does having my teeth removed count?
Any "bad" habits?
I never tolerate pairings that violate the Fleet.
Do looks matter?
No, 'cause we learned from Belle and the Beastly Prince, don't judge a book by its cover.
Do you have all your fingers and toes?
Republican or democrat?
Neither to be honest, but I do hate the commies.
Mashed potatoes or macs and cheese?
MACS AND CHEESE ALL THE WAY!
You have a million dollars. What do you do?
Run around the house acting all crazy and hyper. Then probably spend it on movie-making...
Pepper Potts sucks, Pepper Potts sucks, Simon is awesome, Pepper Potts sucks...
Have you ever:
( ) smoked a cigarette (Nope, not for me.)
( ) smoked a cigar (If I've never smoked a cigarette, it stands to reason that I wouldn't have smoked a cigar.)
( ) crashed a friend's car (No, I'm not old enough to drive yet.)
( ) stolen a car (Ask me again the day after my first drive.)
(x) been in love
( ) been dumped
( ) dumped someone (What is it with the love questions?)
( ) shoplifted (Not that stupid.)
( ) been fired (No one's gotten the opportunity yet.)
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parents' house (I considered it...seriously, anyway.)
(x) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back (Does Grand Admiral Thrawn count?)
( ) been arrested (No, I am not a criminal, thank you very much!)
( ) lied to a friend
(x had a crush on a teacher (Well, I did, twice, they were both ladies, and now I'm just fine. From that incident, I actually began wondering whether I am bisexual or not.)
(x) skipped school
(x) seen someone die (Does fictional characters count?)
( ) been to Canada (I probably will one day.)
( ) been to Mexico (Ditto.)
(x) been on a plane (Only once, but then who hasn't?)
( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire (Now, who in their right mind would do that?!)
( ) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding
( ) been moshing at a concert
( ) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now (The Avengers)
( ) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel (When I was little...)
( ) had a tea party
( ) flown a kite
( ) gone puddle jumping
( ) played dress up
( ) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely (Who hasn't? I rather enjoy it, actually.)
( ) fallen asleep at work/school
(x) used a fake id (ARGH! What is it with these criminal questions?!)
( ) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake (Haven't had that particular misfortune yet.)
( ) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars (we all sleep beneath the stars. True, there may be stuff between us and them, like roofs and the like...)
(x) been tickled (Bad...I'm ticklish...)
(x) read an entire authors profile (Some of them are actually pretty good. Of course, this isn't one of them.)
( ) been robbed
( ) petted a reindeer/goat
( ) won a contest
( ) run a red light (OBJECTION! The prosecution is making far-fetched and unwarranted claims!)
( ) been suspended from school (Nah, not that bad...)
( ) caught a butterfly (Nope...)
(x) laughed so hard you cried (Blame Dav Pilkey...)
( ) had someone moon/flash you
( ) cheated on a test (Nope, all free!)
( ) had a Britney Spears CD (Ew ew ew ew ew ew...)
(x) forgotten someone's name (Plenty of times...)
( ) French braided someones hair
( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool (-Shudder-)
( ) put a hamster down someone else's top (Remind me to do that sometime.)
(x) given up on religion (Was a Christian for a lot o' years...Then I gave up...)
Interesting and insane laws:
I can't take the movies on my computer to USA, my late father said it's illegal. WTFU(Where's The Fair Use) in this universe?!?!?!
Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a 500 dollar fine. (Hmm... I'm not that sure all of the suicide terrorists will be scared off by that.)
It is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants. (What...the...)
It is illegal to allow a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. (Whoever passed this law was obviously half-asleep.)
It is illegal to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight. (Lol...)
It is illegal to carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. (Oh great. Looks like we'll have to wait an extra hour to have lunch then.)
It is illegal to drive a motor vehicle on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (In that case most of the world should be locked up in prison.)
It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. (I'm sure we'll all be thinking of our stomachs when the building's on fire.)
It is illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle. (Excluding all else, who'd want to have sex on a parked motorcycle?)
It is illegal to purchase an alcoholic beverage after midnight on Sunday, yet one may do so on Monday. (Makes sense if you think about it, but on first impression...)
It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. (This might be better off in the "Only in America" section.)
It is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (A pity. That's a novelty I'd pay money to see.)
It is illegal to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Strange, but not illogical until you take into account that there is no coastline at all in the state in which this is a law...)
It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. (AHH! HELP! FIRE!)
The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (Whoever came up with this? We should give him a Nobel Prize for such a masterful logical conclusion.)
A poem I am passing on about child abuse, I hope you pass it on too.
My name is Tiffany, I am three, My eyes are swollen, I cannot see,
I must be stupid, I must be bad, What else could have made, My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better, I wish I weren’t ugly, Then maybe my mommy, Would still want to hug me,
I can’t do a wrong, I can’t speak at all, Or else i'm locked up, All day long,
When i'm awake i'm all alone, The house is dark, My folks aren’t home, When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll just get, One whipping tonight, I just heard a car,
My daddy is back, From Charlie’s bar, I hear him curse, My name is called,
I press myself, Against the wall, I try to hide, From his evil eyes,
I’m so afraid now, I’m starting to cry, He finds me weeping, Calls me ugly words,
He says it's my fault, He suffers at work, He slaps and hits me, And yells at me more.
I finally get free, And run to the door, He’s already locked it, And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me, Against the hard wall, I fall to the floor, With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues, With more bad words spoken, "I’m sorry!", I scream, But its now much to late,
His face has been twisted, Into a unimaginable shape, The hurt and the pain, Again and again,
O please God, have mercy! O please let it end! And he finally stops, and heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor, My name is Tiffany, I am three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me,
And you can help to stop this for others.
And if you read this and don’t pass it on
I pray for your forgiveness because you would have to be
One heartless person to not be effected
By this poem and because you are effected,
Do something about it! So all I ask you to do
Is pass this on! If you are against child abuse.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
I'm the one who can't accept myself.
I am the person who is ashamed to tell my own friends I am a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp, and left to die because two straight men wanted to 'teach me a lesson'.
I am the boy who was left beaten on my lawn cause I confided my homosexuality in my parents.
—Everybody Who Really Needs A Dose Of Leyenar
Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye.
I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.
But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
Please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry I to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true
And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"
In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
Students Who Were Lost
Try Not to Cry
Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.
If you pass this on,
Maybe people will cry,
Just keep this in your heart,
For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.
They say that time heals all wounds, but all it's done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you.
And I love you.
—unmistakably a Taishura/GriffGuts quote (said from Taishakuten's/Griffith's perspective)
“I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be... than me.”
"If you are determined to succeed in life, nothing can stop you, except maybe a truck.
Because if a truck runs you over, you'd pretty much be stopped."
Heaven won’t take me and hell’s afraid I’ll take over.
Hell was full, so I came back.
Life ends but revengeance is forever.
I’d be good if I could, but I can’t, so I won’t.
Baddies, internet bullies, multishippers, Mpreg writers and those who violate the Leyenar Fleet have hope because they cannot see death standing behind them.
"The best fighters do not show off their anger."
"The wisest warrior wins without a battle."
"The flexible willow tree does NOT fight against the fierce wind—yet it survives."
"She who conquers her own mind is the greatest warrior."
"The mind is stronger than the flesh. It can defeat any opponent, no matter how strong."
"Titles and trophies have no value to the man who is at peace with herself."
"True greatness is anonymous. Therefore the greatest man is nobody."
Of the good in you I can speak, but not of the evil.
For what is evil but good tortured by its own hunger and thirst?
Verily when good is hungry it seeks food even in dark caves, and when it thirsts it drinks even of dead waters.
You are good when you are one with yourself.
Yet when you are not one with yourself you are not evil.
For a divided house is not a den of thieves; it is only a divided house.
And a ship without rudder may wander aimlessly among perilous isles yet sink not to the bottom.
You are good when you strive to give of yourself.
Yet you are not evil when you seek gain for yourself.
For when you strive for gain you are but a root that clings to the earth and sucks at her breast.
Surely the fruit cannot say to the root, "Be like me, ripe and full and ever giving of your abundance."
For to the fruit giving is a need, as receiving is a need to the root.
You are good when you are fully awake in your speech,
Yet you are not evil when you sleep while your tongue staggers without purpose.
And even stumbling speech may strengthen a weak tongue.
You are good when you walk to your goal firmly and with bold steps.
Yet you are not evil when you go thither limping.
Even those who limp go not backward. But you who are strong and swift, see that you do not limp before the lame, deeming it kindness.
You are good in countless ways, and you are not evil when you are not good,
You are only loitering and sluggard.
Pity that the stags cannot teach swiftness to the turtles.
In your longing for your giant self lies your goodness: and that longing is in all of you.
But in some of you that longing is a torrent rushing with might to the sea, carrying the secrets of the hillsides and the songs of the forest.
And in others it is a flat stream that loses itself in angles and bends and lingers before it reaches the shore.
But let not him who longs much say to him who longs little, "Wherefore are you slow and halting?"
For the truly good ask not the naked, "Where is your garment?" nor the houseless, "What has befallen your house?"
—Kahlil Gibran, "On Good & Evil"
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honor.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
—Kahlil Gibran, "On Death"
WHO DOES THE WORK??
Who's working anyway?
The population of the US is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your butt,
At your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice.
"It was the best of times...
It was the worst of times.
It was the age of wisdom...
It was the age of foolishness.
It was the epoch of belief...
It was the epoch of incredulity.
It was the season of Light...
It was the season of Darkness.
It was the spring of hope...
It was the winter of despair.
We had everything before us...
We had nothing before us.
We were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."
—Charles Dickens, "A Tale Of 2 Cities"
A good friend helps you up when you fall down. A best friend laughs and trips you again. Or sits on you back and forces you to stay down...
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will prank call him and whisper, “You will die in seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run, Leyenar, run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink. A best friend Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
A good friend Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. A best friend Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. A best friend loses your junk and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
A good friend only knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds’ butt that left you.
A good friend would knock on your front door. A best friend will walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions.
A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance.
A friend will watch my stuff when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away without them.
A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me.
A good friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place.
A good friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.
A good friend is only through school/college. A best friend is for life.
I miss my best friends...
Dog VS Cat
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I never the less must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow—but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...
Because apparently, cats are smart.
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mama, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him 5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her 50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him 5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde 50.00.
The blonde put the 50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him 5.
Reasons why girls are the best
1.We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our call, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies...(you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
now for semoehtnig itnresitng...
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that, put it in your profile.
I'm an atheist.Those who hate me for it read this.
"An Atheist loves his fellow man instead of god.
An Atheist believes that heaven is something for which we should work now—here on earth for all men together to enjoy.
An Atheist believes that he can get no help through prayer but that he must find in himself the inner conviction, and strength to meet life, to grapple with it, to subdue it and enjoy it.
An Atheist believes that only in a knowledge of himself and a knowledge of his fellow man can he find the understanding that will help to a life of fulfillment.
He seeks to know himself and his fellow man rather than to know a god.
An Atheist believes that a hospital should be built instead of a church.
An Atheist believes that a deed must be done instead of a prayer said.
An Atheist strives for involvement in life and not escape into death.
He wants disease conquered, poverty vanquished, war eliminated.
He wants man to understand and love man.
He wants an ethical way of life.
He believes that we cannot rely on a god or channel action into prayer nor hope for an end of troubles in a hereafter.
He believes that we are our brother's keepers; and are keepers of our own lives; that we are responsible persons and the job is here and the time is now."
Help, quick, I’ve unscrewed the top on a ticking bomb
By: Jeremy Clarkson
Like any responsible parent, I would not leave a loaded gun in the children’s playroom or keep my painkillers in their sweetie tin. But it turns out that for two years there has been a nuclear bomb in one of my kitchen cupboards, between the tomato ketchup and the Rice Krispies.
It’s an American chilli sauce that was bought by my wife as a jokey Christmas present. And, like all jokey Christmas presents, it was put in a drawer and forgotten about. It’s called limited-edition Insanity private reserve and it came in a little wooden box, along with various warning notices. “Use this product one drop at a time,” it said. “Keep away from eyes, pets and children. Not for people with heart or respiratory problems. Use extreme caution.”
Unfortunately, we live in a world where everything comes with a warning notice. Railings. Vacuum cleaners. Energy drinks. My quad bike has so many stickers warning me of decapitation, death and impalement that they become a nonsensical blur.
The result is simple. We know these labels are drawn up to protect the manufacturer legally, should you decide one day to insert a vacuum-cleaner pipe up your bottom, or to try to remove your eye with a teaspoon. So we ignore them. They are meaningless. One drop at a time! Use extreme caution! On a sauce. Pah. Plainly it was just American lawyer twaddle.
I like a hot sauce. My bloody maries are known to cure squints. And at an Indian restaurant I will often order a vindaloo, sometimes without the involvement of a wager. So when I accidentally found that bottle of Insanity, I poured maybe half a teaspoonful onto my paella. And tucked in.
Burns victims often say that when they are actually on fire, there is no pain. It has something to do with the body pumping out adrenaline in such vast quantities that the nerve endings stop working. Well, it wasn’t like that for me.
The pain started out mildly, but I knew from past experience that this would build to a delightful fiery sensation. I was even looking forward to it. But the moment soon passed. In a matter of seconds I was in agony. After maybe a minute I was frightened that I might die. After five I was frightened that I might not.
The searing fire had surged throughout my head. My eyes were streaming. Molten lava was flooding out of my nose. My mouth was a shattered ruin. Even my hair hurt.
And all the time, I was thinking: “If it’s doing this to my head, what in the name of all that's holy is it doing to my innards?” I felt certain that at any moment my stomach would open and everything—my intestines, my liver, my heart, even—would simply splosh onto the floor. This is not an exaggeration. I really did think I was dissolving from the inside out.
Trying to keep calm, I raced, screaming, for the fridge and ate handfuls of crushed ice. This made everything worse. So, dimly remembering that Indians use bread when they've overdone the chillies, I cut a slice, threw it away and ate what remained of the very expensive Daylesford loaf, like a dog.
Nothing was working. And such was my desperation, I downed two liters of skimmed milk, something I would never normally touch with a barge pole. I was sweating profusely as my body frenziedly sought to realign its internal thermostat. I felt sick but didn’t dare regurgitate the poison for fear of the damage it would cause on the way out.
Even now, the following morning, I feel weak, shell-shocked, like I may die at any moment. And all I’d ingested was a drop.
Limited-edition Insanity sauce is ridiculous. It’s made in Costa Rica, from hot pepper extract, crushed red savina peppers, red tabasco pepper pulp, green tabasco pepper pulp, crushed red habanero peppers, crushed green habanero peppers, red habanero pepper powder and fruit juice.
Well, that’s what it says on the tin. But I don’t believe it. I think it’s made from uranium, plutonium, fertiliser, sulphuric acid, nitric acid, hydrochloric acid and ammonia, with a splash of mace. I do not believe it’s a foodstuff. It’s a weapon.
And I may have a point, since on the Scoville scale, which measures the intensity of chilli peppers, the habanero sits just below the “daisy cutter”, that American bomb designed to wipe out nations.
At present you are allowed to take 100ml of liquid onto a plane because the authorities believe such a small amount could not possibly bring down an airliner. They are wrong. If I painted just 1ml of Insanity sauce on the window of a 747, it would melt. And this is stuff you can buy on the internet. Stuff that has been sitting in my kitchen for two years.
So, what’s to be done? As you know, I am not Gordon Brown. I do not think problems can be solved with a ban, even though I really believe that a bottle of Insanity sauce is more deadly than a machine gun.
The obvious course of action is to remove warning notices from household goods that are not dangerous—cakes, for instance, and staplers. This way, we would pay more attention when something is supplied with labels advising us of great peril ahead.
Sadly, however, since we are now one of the most litigious countries in the world, this will never happen. Nor can Insanity be uninvented. It exists. A bottle of the damn stuff is sitting on my desk now and I have no idea what I should do with it.
I can’t pour it down the sink because it would get into the water table. I can’t put it in the bin because it would end up as landfill. And that’s no good for something which has a half-life of several thousand years. I can’t even take it—as I would with a grenade I’d found—to the police because they’d be tempted to use it as a legal device for getting information out of criminals. And that wouldn’t work at all. Last night, when the bread had failed and the milk was finished, I would happily have confessed to 43 counts of homosexual rape. Plus there is a side effect, certain death.
HOW COULD YOU?
By Jim Willis, 2001
When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" but then you'd relent and roll me over for a belly rub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day. Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person"―still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch―because your touch was now so infrequent―and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog ," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family, " but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the 2 nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago & made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads & asked "How could you?" They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my doggy language, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself―a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.
A Note from the Author:If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Please use this to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, and encourage all spay & neuter animals in order to prevent unwanted animals. Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad, but it could save maybe, even one, unwanted pet. Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY.
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile...somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To:My Loving Wife
Date:16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
The last hope
You hear so many things about death. Some saying we should fear it, others saying we should accept it. me did not no which of these quotes me would be, me thought me was immortal. Un was til here, in space.
me was a super hero who is always challenging her, laughing and spitting in teh face of death. But dat would not last forever, would it? Death was teh only certainty in everyone's life.
And now? She simply put my whole life on perspective, for teh first time me had time to realize what was really important to me. Of course, it was not like their was more to do on dis ship, wifout food, wifout water and in 36 hours or less, wifout oxygen.
- Okay, me can do dis .- me whipered, before taking a little breath as teh words already spoken did not leave my brain. It was now or never.
- Hi Steve, if you see dis now, it's coz me probably died. And it's not like mem calling you every week and talking about what's going on in my life, believe me me wanted to. - me stopped a few seconds, coz me wanted to say so many things to teh captain, but at teh same time, it was as if teh topics could not organize in my brain. me expected no less, me already felt teh difficulty of reasoning, like me didn't no my name anymore.
- We 're both selfish idiots, aren't we?" But dat does not matter anymore, not when one of tus is dead. - "me was certainly out of teh ordinary when all me did when me listened to my own words was to burst out laughing. Fate and its irony, was going to be teh most honest in my entire life only when death knocked on my door, and me had two years to do it.
- You're so perfect dat sometimes me has wonder: does not dis guy get tired?" Never wanted to do something crazy? Do you ever lie in teh life? Or do not follow teh role dat everyone is waiting for him? Tan it happened, but wif me. You lied to me, having looked into deep my eyes and promised dat me would keep no more secrets, not after Ultron, not after dat result. - me could not keep talking, not wif all teh memories coming to me as if it had been yesterday. Teh scars dat me had taken so long to try to close, had opened up again and were going straight to teh bottom of my heart.
up again and were going straight to teh bottom of my heart.
- When me look at dat damn cell phone, what me want is to call you, it does not even have to be to say something important, just to hear you're voice, to have dat security dat you always passed me . But me can't feel dis way anymore, not when all me see when me close my eyes is its shield going directly into my bow, and sometimes me think it's paranoia, but teh thought dat would kill me does not leave my mind. Would you get to dat point? Everything dat reminds me of you're mark, now reminds me of teh nightmare dat me want so much to forget.- If someone a few years ago told me dat me'd be crying over teh events of two years ago, me'd have laughed until me'd said it." Tony Stark? Crying.
However teh fact dat death was made me realize how fragile teh human being was, for teh first time in my life me would leave everything me kept under lock and key, be tired of being teh tough guy, me wanted to show dat was broken and f*cked like any other person and what a better time than at his most vulnerable time?
- me swear me tried to understand you, you was only protecting me. You're moral compass was pointing teh wrong way, coz it broke what me took teh most time to give you:Trust Of course in you're opinion was to preserve me, to make me less broken and now me realize dis. So. Just let it go, me forgave you. - When teh three words came out of my mouth, after years and years of munching teh event and having dat weight on my back he left and me could breathe more relieved, for it was not just words was true forgiveness.
- Long time ago you said: If you need us, if you need me, we will be always their. God, dis is teh time Steve, me dont no what else to do, it's like my brain is stopping and all dat's left is despair. me need you, me do not want to die, not here, not now, not wif millions of things me need to tell you. - Teh pressure had been enormous, it seemed as though tears were just coming out of my body, even trying to do such a hard job to clean them. me'd say, Tony Stark crying as if it had been broken in a thousand different ways, which was true. After years and more years, teh loud sobs were showing all my trauma dat me had never put out.
When my brain still worked and me knew what me was doing, me had put together alot of iron and created a device to send teh message he had recorded to earth. Wif one touch me sent him and knew dat dis was our last choice, our last hope.
me did not no at what point Nebula had come from my side, but increasingly did not no teh difference between dream and reality, our bodies approached for warmth wifout even realizing it.
Teh only thing dat was wif me was hope. me knew from teh bottom of my heart dat Steve somewhere would be listening, dat he would come. Captain America NEVER broke a promise. And if he had promised to be here, he would be.
At some point, my heart rate dropped dramatically and it hit me like a truck., but never thinking dat Steve was not coming.
- Tony? Are you listening to me? - My mind liked to play tricks on me, coz teh voice was exactly teh Captain's voice, teh hands dat passed my body were just like his.
So me started to cry like a baby, me did not no if it was teh relief of being alive, teh relief of someone saving me or just realizing dat Peter died in front of me, like so many other heroes.
Steve would always be their for me.
When you have faith in something, you must have it until teh end of time. me had faith in Steve, dat would never change.
can you hear it, darling?
"If there are a thousand universes, a thousand lives, and possibilities, I just know I’ll love you in every single one of them!" Steve shouted, shaking a bit while slumped on the grass before the man he loved. His voice cracks on the end of his sentence, tears falling from his eyes endlessly. His fingers grasp the soil underneath him, sobs rocking his body in succession. He is in anguish, and he looks pathetic.
He wants Tony to know, all too bad, about how he loves him till the day he dies. He didn't show him before, didn't tell him, but he was willing to show it now, give it now, and forever. He loves Tony Stark, from the hair on his head, to the edge of his toes. He loves him, too much he might forget to love himself. Steve would give up everything for him, just to make him see that.
He has seen it all, everything, the infinite cosmos and all else the universe has to offer, but he could never love anyone else but Tony Stark. And he will love Tony through everything, with everything, and above everything.
As the rain poured loudly on that grim day, no responses come from Tony.
For how can a dead man even hear Steve's lament from his grave?
303 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their house colors indicate that they are “covered in bees”.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class
3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project for Herbology”
4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.
5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch’s office is not appropriate.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
8. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”.
9. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”.
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. “Polishing my wand” in the common room is not.
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw the Dark Mark on their arm.
12. House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.
13. Staring a betting pool on the fate of this years DADA teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.
14. I will not start every potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
15. “Liften Separatis Crotchum” is not a real spell.
16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me Lucky Charms”.
18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as “bookends”.
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as “bookends”.
20. I will not call the DADA teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.
23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.
24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves.
25. Tricking the school house elf into stripping does not mean they are now mine even if I yell “Owned!”
26. I am not a sloth Animagus.
27. I am not a tribble Aimagus.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or a piranha.
29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. I do not have a Dalek Patronus.
32. I will not lick Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. The Ravenclaws are not “Mentals in training”.
35. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazghul is coincidental.
36. I will not change the password to the prefect’s bath to “Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty”.
37. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.
38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as “Admiral Naismith”.
39. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.
42. “42″ is not the answer to every question to the O.W.L.’s.
43. It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.
44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make “Love Potion Number Nine”.
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not teach the first-years to sing “A Wizard’s Staff Has A Knob On The End”.
49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
51. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy.
52. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corp.
53. I will not draw an “H” on Percy Weasley’s forehead.
54. My name is not Captain Subtext.
55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potions ingredients and I will not resell their products as “Veela Pheremones”.
56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as a “Big Black Sex Auror”.
57. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.
58. Professor Flitwick’s first name is not Yoda.
59. I am not the Defence Against the Boring Classes Professor.
60. I am no longer allowed to use the words “pimp cane” in front of Draco Malfoy.
61. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the result would be.
62. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labelled “Firewhiskey”.
63. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.
64. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
65. A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.
66. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape’s personal postbox.
67. I will stop referring to Hufflepuff’s as “cannon fodder”.
68. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
69. First-years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
70. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.
71. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.
72. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can be only ONE!”.
73. I should not refer to DADA professors as “canaries in the coal mine”.
74. I will not say the phrase “Dude, get a life.” to Lord Voldemort.
75. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.
76. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth house at Hogwarts. And I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.
77. I will not refer to the Accio charm as “The Force”.
78. Albus Dumbledore’s proper title is “Headmaster”, not “My Liege”.
79. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I foresaw her death.
80. I will not use Slytherin first years as Christmas decorations.
81. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
82. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling “It Does DEATH!!” may be correct but it is not the manner in which one should answer.
83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.
84. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
85. Ravenclaw’s do not find a sign saying “The library is closed for and indefinite time period” amusing in any sense.
86. I will not attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class.
87. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.
88. I am not allowed to use silencing charms on my Professors.
90. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
91. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are “Auror Training Videos”.
92. When being interrogated by a member of the staff, I am not to wave my
93. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition.
94. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.
95. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
96. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens.
97. I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts: A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.
98. “OMGWTF” is not a spell.
99. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
101. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.
102. I will not cast the occasional Obliviate spell on Dumbledore, even if it would be amusing.
103. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix.
104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on who will come out alive.
105. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they are real animals.
106. I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
107. I will not sing The Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
108. I will not tell first years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
109. I will not douse Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible wearing it and standing near the fire in the common room.
110. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell.
111. I will not yell “Believe it… or not!” after any of Dumbledore’s speeches.
112. Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.
113. My name is not “The Dark Lord Happy-Pants” and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
114. There is no such thing as the Chamber of Double Secret Probation.
115. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.
116. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.
117. Voldemort is not Ganandorf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
118. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams.
119. I will not charm the suits of armour to do a rendition of “Knights of the Round Table” for the Christmas feast.
120. I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.
121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sound with my wand.
122. “Draco Malfoy Takes it Up The Arse” is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.
123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
124. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school.
125. I am not allowed to re-enact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor.
126. I am not allowed to declare an official Hug A Slytherin Day.
127. I am not allowed to introduce myself to the first years as Tim the Enchanter.
128. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom.
129. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the Common Room.
130. It is not necessary for me to yell “BAMF!” every time I Apparate.
131. I will not steal Gryffindor’s sword from Dumbledore’s office and use it to patrol the hallways.
132. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
133. I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.
134. I will not teach the first years to play “The Penis Game” in the Great Hall during dinner.
135. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue.
136. I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club.
137. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
138. I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
139. I will not dress up in a Dementor suit and use a Dustbuster on Harry’s lips to get him to do what I want.
140. I will not start food fights in the Great Hall.
141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.
142. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is not an appropriate career choice.
143. I will not sing “We’re off to see the wizard” when sent to the Headmaster’s office.
144. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.
145. It is not necessary to yell “Burn!” everytime Snape takes points from Gryffindor.
146. “Y’all check this-here shit out!” is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell.
147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout “I have the power!”
148. I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
149. I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell “Ni” from various directions.
150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points.
151. I will not teach the front doors to recognize Filch and not let him in.
152. I will not give Voldemort a toupee to hide his baldness.
153. I am not allowed to tell first years that there is a playground in the forbidden forest.
154. Giving Professor Snape a ton tongue toffee is unacceptable.
155. Singing ‘pop goes the weasel’ when Professor Dumbledore is giving a speech is not permitted.
156. I will not introduce Slytherins to ‘my pet dog Fluffy,’ no matter how tempting it is.
157. Shouting ‘How COULD you betray me like that?’ whenever Snape removes house points is forbidden.
158. I will not steal veritaserum from Snape’s store and add some to the teacher’s morning tea.
159. I will not tell Snape he needs to go to his ‘happy place’
160. I must not convince first years that the new password to Gryffindor tower is ‘Petrificus Totalus’ and must be said with their wands pointed at themselves.
161. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that my teacup says she’s lying.
162. I am not allowed to dress up like Neville’s grandmother when going to a Halloween party in Snape’s dungeon.
163. The forbidden forest is forbidden because it contains werewolves and acromantula, not because there is a secret cave with the answers to every test, and I should refrain from telling the first years that there is.
164. A bludger is not a bowling ball, and Professor Snape is not a bowling pin. I will not attempt to prove otherwise.
165. I will not tie-dye all of the owls.
166. I will not shave Mrs. Norris
167. The house elves are not there to do my homework
168. There is no bring a muggle to school day
169. I must stop telling 1st years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student
170. I must not throw Mrs Norris out windows
171. Telling Draco Malfoy to 'Make like a ferret and bounce' is always a bad idea.
172. I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of a class and blame that someone put the Imperious Curse on me.
173. I must not throw Hermione’s Hogwarts: A History out the window and then claim that it wanted freedom.
174. I must not leave shampoo on Professor Snape’s desk with directions on how to use it.
175. I will not tell first years that the best way to study is to stay up all night balancing your textbook on your head, as gravity will cause the information to sink through the skull and into the brain.
176. I will not take a hippogriff to the Summer Olympics to get an unfair advantage at the Equestrian competitions
177. I will not use magic to change test questions into those I can answer
178. The proper way to report to my Teacher is “Yes, Sir” not “You can’t prove a thing!”
179. A hug is not all Snape needs
180. When I see Professor Umbridge, I will not say, “There you are, Trevor. Neville has been looking all over for you.”
181. I will not tell Snape he is emo/goth just because he likes wearing black.
182. Harry Potter is not my 'Protection Shield' to carry around to ward off evil.
183. I will not introduce Peeves to IM.
184. I will not introduce Snape to IM.
185. I will not tell McGonagall that she is bad luck because she can turn into a cat.
186. I will not introduce Peeves to a T.V.
187. I will not tell Filch that he needs to bathe once in a while.
188. I won't sign my homework as 'Snaperdoodle'
189. When answering questions in Snape's class, I won't finish my sentences saying: 'dear Snaperdoodle'.
190. I will not hand out slips of papers asking students to answer the following question: Do you think Snape is evil?
191. I will not make a 'Too sexy for my shirt' slideshow full of Snape pictures and show it during all of my classes.
192. I will not tell the first years, who are waiting to be sorted, that in order to be sorted, you must confess your deepest secrets aloud while wearing the hat.
193. The "I Hate Snape" Club is not a valid after-class activity.
194. Making Harry Potter action figures without his permission is wrong.
195. I will not tell Grawp that "Hermy" will give him a kiss if he eats certain
196. I will not charm Firenze pink and call him "my little pony."
197. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves.
198. I will not attempt to set up a satellite dish on the Astronomy Tower
199. There is no Interpretive Dance course offered at Hogwarts, and I should stop
200. Yes, the Great Hall is extremely large, but Quidditch is an outside sport.
201. I will not demonstrate how to juggle using two Bludgers and the Snitch
202. I will not enter the great Hall running and yelling “We’re gonna Die” each time Snape comes to a meal.
203. I will not make farm animal noises in the back of Care for Magical creatures
204. I will not tell first years that divination is their 5th sense
205. Looking after a virtual pet is not a way to gain extra marks in care for magical creatures.
206. In the annual battle between death eaters and Hogwarts I will not sing “99 death eaters alive in the war, 99 death eaters alive. You shoot a spell they hit the ground. 98 deaths eaters alive in the war” as we fight.
207. Harry does not wish to wear a tutu to lunch and I should not make him.
208. I will not put black circles over Harry’s lenses and tell him he has gone blind. No matter how funny it could get.
209. I will not sing “ebony and Ivory” whenever I see Dean and Seamus together.
210. I will not tell first years Fang is a hell hound.
211. I will not post notices in common rooms saying that tomorrow is a theme day,
212. “Another one bites the dust” is not a song to sing during quidditch matches.
213. The first few lines of Mama by MCR is not the best song to be singing during first year sorting,
214. I will not tell students singing the fat Albert theme song is a way to gain extra points on potions
215. I will not laugh at Sirius if he changes his middle name to 'Lee'.
216. I will not laugh at Lupin’s 'time of the month'.
217. I will not offer Crabbe and Goyle a cupcake with Veritiserium.
218. I will not make fun of Harry and his 'Potter Senses Tingling'.
219. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the Revolutionary War in the charms corridor
220. I will not cast 'Petrificus Totalus' on myself in order to avoid going to classes.
221. I am not allowed to organize a witch burning, even if I have been assigned to do a presentation on Muggle history in my Muggle Studies class.
222. All's fair in love and war" is not an official rule of Hogwarts
223. I will not attempt to confuse Crabbe and Goyle by calling them by each other's names.
224. Even if I myself to do not believe in it, I will respect that the school observes daylight savings time.
225. Watching "The Food Network" is not equivalent to sitting NEWT-level Potions classes.
226. Mr. Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom
227. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house
228. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses.
229. I will not tell first years that "any true wizard or witch" can see Thestrals, and that if they can't they "obviously aren't cut out for this school".
230. Draco Malfoy is not the secret identity of "Ferret Boy".
231. I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.
232. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
233. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.
234. I will stop pasting happy face stickers on Snape's office door
235. Hagrid's skin is not green and I should stop calling him 'The Jolly Green Giant.'
236. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable
237. Teaching first years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong.
238. Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules, even if it isn't written anywhere.
239. Yelling BOO! at Professor Moody is not wise.
240. I am not allowed to use the superglue spell to stick Harry and Draco's hands together
241. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice.
242. Saying the Dark Mark should be the Slytherin Crest is wrong.
243. When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!"
244. "Ya'll check this crap out!" is not an aprropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an expirimental spell
245. Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.
246. I will no longer wear a hood, walk up to Harry, and claim to be his real father.
247. I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.
248. I am to stop asking Professor Snape to Yule Ball.
249. Mad-Eye Moody knows his eye is creepy, he does not need to be told... again.
250. Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.
251. I am not allowed to predict the end of the world more than once.
252. I will stop substituting Professor Lupin's Wolfsbane with Polyjuice Potion containing hairs from Mrs. Norris.
253. Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.
254. I will not attempt to graft a transplant from the Whomping Willow onto the Hogwarts Christmas Tree in Herbology class.
255. I will not try to make a new basilisk for the Chamber of Secrets
256. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as “Kitchen Stadium”.
257. “Potter 6, Voldemort 0″, is not a valid T-shirt slogan
258. I will not pay Peeves to rewrite the school-anthem!
259. If Lupin requests something of me, it is considered very rude to refuse by replying, “Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!”
260. Telling Umbridge cardigans are so 1994 will get you in trouble.
261. I must never tell Ron he looks like a puffer fish.
262. I am not allowed to sing "Holding Out For A Hero" whenever Harry Potter enters the room.
263. Putting fake spiders around Ron’s bed isn’t funny. Especially when he tries to jump out of the window.
264. It probably isn’t smart to ask Draco Malfoy if his hair glows in the dark.
265. No matter how cool it sounds I will not release pixies into the school - it will just end badly.
266. I will not use muggle hair dye to dye Draco Malfoy's hair red.
267. It is not a good idea to charm the furniture in the potions classroom to be pink and fluffy.
268. I will not owl Voldemort a bottle of anti-depresents.
269. I will not make Snape an appointment with a muggle psychiatrist.
270. It is not a good idea to ask Snape if he is off his medication when he is angry. Or ever.
271. After using the hair dye on Malfoy, I will not attempt to claim him as the long missing Weasley brother.
272. I will not tell the first years that it is customary to dye their hair in their house colors for their first day of lessons.
273. A lightning bolt tattoo is NOT the 'Light Mark'.
274. Selling memorabilia with photographs of the 'ferret incident' is not allowed.
275. There is no annual 'Dress Like Dumbledore' day.
276. I will not re-enact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall.
277. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.
278. I am not allowed to wear Death Eater robes to dinner and shout Long live Lord Voldemort because I think its funny.
279. I will not replace Professor Snape’s pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
280. I may not speak Latin in front of the books.
281. I may not mock Professor Umbridge in front of the press.
282. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth
283. Neville is not my valet.
284. There is no “open-mic night” at Hogwarts
285. It is not a good idea to give Malfoy a “love note” from Ginny and vice versa,
286. It is not a good idea to show the notes to Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass.
287. It is a horrible idea to introduce “colour war” to Hogwarts with Slytherin as green, Hufflepuff as yellow, Gryffindor as red and Ravenclaw as blue.
288. On no circumstances can you introduce rabid fan girls to Harry potter.
289. You must not mix Ravenclaws with muggle geeks or Slytherins with popular people that are muggles. Or Blair Waldorf.
290. I am not to make a waterfall in the astronomy tower so I can surf down after class.
291. I am not allowed to change the Slytherin banner in the Great Hall to a pink and blue banner with a teddy bear on it.
292. Easter in Hogwarts is not to be celebrated by releasing hordes of pink rabbits and making the first years chase them.
293. I am not God.
294. Professor Dumbledore is not God.
295. Despite being near-omniscient, Professor McGonagall is not God.
296. Neither is Harry Potter.
297. I am not the founder of a new religion, in which Snape is the devil and Weasleys are the chosen people and are to lead the followers to the light.
298. I cannot make the followers of Weasleyity have red hair and freckles.
299. The Thriller is not the school dance.
300. I may not borrow an extra wand and watch DRUMLINE too many times. The results are too unpredictable, and Professor Flitwick would like his nose back some day.
301. I will not sweep the Gryffindor common room with Harry Potter's prized Firebolt.
302. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte".
303. I will not swap Draco's broom with one out of Filch's broom cupboard.
What To Do In An Exam
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "THIS IS STUPID!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i/e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk(completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how cute the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the heck are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS(make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."
34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #5 moved you, deeply.
35. Wear a Superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.
39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.
41. Make strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.
42. Dress like the professor.
43. If you're a boy, wear a hot pink dress.
44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.
45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.
We interrupt this profile for an important message to one who has passed on. He will be remembered dearly.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
A moment of silence.
Simon The Digger
Then back to Simon The Digger
Inspirational quotes(more to come):
"People who ignore health to pursue wealth usually end up losing both"—Joe Moore; May 14, 2012; KHON2 News at 6
"Imagination is more important than knowledge"—Albert Einstein
"Heroes are the ones who make the hard choices"—Ratchet; Transformers:Animated; Season 1 Episode 1 Part 2
"With great power, comes great responsibility"—Spider-Man
"May the seas part before you and the odds be ever in your favor."—Anonymous
"Do the best you can because the best is yet to come."—Anonymous
"To live is to die. To die is to live. Pure becomes impure. Impure becomes pure. Good becomes evil. Evil becomes good. Or does it?"—Kikyo, from Inuyasha
"Love can touch us one time, and last for a lifetime."—Celine Dion, "My Heart Will Go On"
"Don't listen to them, cuz what do they know?"—Phil Collins, "You'll Be In My Heart"
"Fate rarely calls upon us at the moment of our choosing."—Optimus Prime, Transformers:Revenge of the Fallen
"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings."—Optimus Prime
"Sometimes, even the wisest of man and machine make mistakes."—Optimus Prime
"The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're alive."—Optimus Prime
"Our races, united by a history long forgotten and a future we shall face together. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message so that our past will always be remembered. For in those memories, we live on."—Optimus Prime, Revenge of the Fallen
"What is right isn't always popular, and what's popular isn't always right."—anonymous
"If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain."
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you sit there."—Will Rogers
"We cannot rise higher than our thought of ourselves."—Orison Sweet Marden
"The most courageous people aren't always the ones who win, but the ones who never give up"—Wolverine
"If you don't hear opportunity knocking, find another door."—Omar Peru
"And the trouble is, if you risk anything, you risk even more."—Erica Jong
"You are either the captive or the captain of your thoughts."—Denis Waitly
"I hear, I forget. I see, I remember. I do, I understand."—Chinese Proverb
"You can't possibly hit the ball if you're thinking of all the possible ways you can miss."
"There are three types of people in this world: people who make things happen, people who let things happen, and people who wonder, 'What happened?!'"—Mr. Tanabe
“I mean, if you love something very much, you’ve got to go easy with it, give it some room to move around. If you try to hold it tight like that, it’ll always try to get away.”—Harry Kronman's short story "The Tyranny of Love"
"The truest love glows brighter, hotter and longer than any star. But, like the wind, it is only felt and heard, never seen."—Life is a Tree:Chapter 6 by Cyndi.
"There can be no true peace through tyranny."—Orion Pax; Transformers:Exodus
"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."—Aristotle
"Choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second one."—Johnny Depp
"Don't underestimate us. We don't care about time, or space, or...multi-dimensional whutevers! We don't give a damn about that. Force your way down a path YOU choose to take, and do it all yourself! That's the way Team Dai-Gurren rolls!"—"Simon The Digger
"We evolve, beyond the person that we were a minute before. Little by little, we advance with each turn. That's how a drill works!"—Simon The Digger
"Forgetting doesn't make it better, it just makes it hurt again when I remember."—anonymous
"Life is a rollercoaster, and I'm not strapped in."—anonymous
"When there's a will, I want to be in it."—anonymous
"Behind every bitch is a guy who made her that way."—anonymous
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."—anonymous
"Better to die on your feet than live on your knees."—anonymous
"Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run away...he hates that."—anonymous
They laugh because we're losers...
We laugh because they just figured it out.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way in hell Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that sh*t up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready-made fist and say, oh shoot, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole.
Owls are the only bird that can see the color blue.
Rats can swim for three days straight.
In 100 years, Facebook will have around 500 million accounts of people who are deceased.
Abraham Lincoln's son was once saved by John Wilkes Booth's brother.
Kurt Cobain killed himself about one month after Justin Bieber was born.
The 28th of June is international Caps Lock Day.
If you continuously farted for six years and nine months, you'd create energy equal to that of an atomic bomb.
Women cry 6-10 times more in a year than men.
British people are drunk in 78% of their Facebook photos.
There are around 84 people in the USA named Lol.
Giraffes have the highest blood pressure of any mammal on earth.
A crash is the name given to a group of rhinos.
The first man to survive going over Niagara Falls later got himself killed by slipping on an orange peel.
99% of people backspace their entire password after messing up only one letter.
Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.
A minnow's teeth are located in its throat.
The Pentagon began construction on September 11, 1941.
Hahaha! Yes! There IS a word that rhymes with orange:sporange! It has something to do with plants or...something.
Giraffes and rats can go longer without water than camels.
By law, French workers get a minimum of 30 paid vacation days each year.
In the past 200 years, 20% of the world's bird species have become extinct. (Almost all of them due to human activity.)
A snail can sleep for 3 years.
The longest name of any place in the United States is Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg, which is located near Webster, MA.
Throughout their life, the average person eats 8 spiders while they are sleeping.
Almonds are members of the peach family.
You know when you can't think of the word you want? That's called lethologica.
A tiger's roar is emitted as a sonic boom sometimes.
Cashews are related to poison ivy.
The loudest animal on earth is the pistol shrimp. SHRIMP.
Flies vomit on their food and then suck it back up so that it's easier to eat and digest.
Bill Clinton only sent two e-mails as president, one being a text message to make sure he was doing it right.
There are around 4,000 muscles in a caterpillar's body.
John Wilkes Booth's dad threatened to kill President Andrew Jackson in 1835.
Dragonflies can't walk.
Have you ever considered suing your brain for non-support?
If McDonald's loves to see you smile, why do they screw up your order?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Doctors say TV is bad for us, but why is there a TV in every hospital room?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
Donald Duck never wears pants, but why does he wrap a towel around his waist when he gets out of the shower?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station. Shouldn't that be where the work stops?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Who was so mean to put an "s" in the word "lisp" if people with lisps can't say the "s"?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
Why is it that 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged!?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
Isn't it weird how the main characters in Maximum Ride and Dark Angel are both genetically recombinant beings named Max?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Can bald men get lice?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex? Do they provide more lift or something?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why they are called "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?
Why is it called common sense if it's so rare?
You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?
1. Not having a fully functional Infinity Gauntlet complete with all six stones
2. Hate towards the Avengers
3. People who hate characters that deserve better and fans of characters that deserve the worst
4. This guy (She's a mothertruckin' opinion basher, she even ignored the opinion of poor Taishakuten himself! Just check out the poll on her profile!)
5. MARVEL not acknowledging Stony, StarAccuser and CatFish
6. DC not acknowledging Sinhal
7. Spirk still not being canon
8. The fact that I'm the only one who's shipping those ultimate rarepairs
9. Gurren Lagann not being the decisive top in the fictional omniverse
10. Alarak and Artanis still not dating
11. People sh*tting on the Leyenar Fleet, regardless of what their commander feels about it
I think this world would be a nicer place in which to live...
If countries could settle their differences without hurting anybody.
If everybody smiled at people they don't even know.
If nobody had to steal.
If people laughed more.
If we all took pride in our homes and our neighborhoods.
If we respected our senior citizens(AKA old fellas) more.
If families talked more.
If friends hugged more.
After all, we're all in this together.
༺𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒷𝑒 𝒶 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑜 𝓉𝑜𝑜༻
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy but I'm just the reincarnation of Don Quixote! If you are cray-cray and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
95% of teens would cry if they saw Justin Bieber at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this everywhere if you are in the 5 that would bring a lawn chair and popcorn.
If you believe Griffith was in love with Guts(and still is), copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Spirk should be canon, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Khan Noonien Singh and the USS Vengeance are a match made in heaven, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you believe in doing what you love, no matter what other people might think, copy and paste this into your profile.
Five billion dollars is enough money to buy everyone on earth a 10-Speed Bike. If you didn't know this, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you were ever hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever yelled at an inanimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.
If that inanimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you work better to music, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you, like me, are addicted to MARVEL, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you are crazy and/or insane and proud of it, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever seen a movie so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do at random moments, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have an increasingly sophisticated and extensive vocabulary, situate this in your characterization page. (I can speak a bit of Klingon.)
If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get, like, two reviews, copy this into your profile. (Any reviews at all really for me)
If you wonder who first made these, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy this into your profile.
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide!
If you think plagiarism is a stupid, pointless crime, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're the kind of person who laughs at something that happened the day before, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not, copy this into your profile.
If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile.
If you like to read what people put in their profiles, and you like Copy & Paste stuff, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever copied something from someone else's profile, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you would live in your local library, and never leave, copy this into your profile, and add your name to the list:Twilight's-Red-Moon, xxHopelessDreamerxx, The.Consumate.Critc, Metalstrike, Karm Starkiller, The Other Jet Engine
If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile. (I hope I can abandon this god forsaken real world forever and live with the Avengers.)
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everybody is scared of you because of its effects, copy this into your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
If whenever you see or hear the name "Khan", you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you wish that your name was as interesting as Leyenar, Scorpius Malfoy, Sirius Black, Gellert Grindelwald, Lavender Brown, Ginevra Weasley, Albus Severus Potter or anything like Nymphadora, Andromeda, Narcissa or Bellatrix, copy this into your profile.
If you support the "Turn Japan's Shibamata Taishakuten into the international headquarters of the Holy Alliance Of All RG Veda & Taishura-oh Fans Out There" club, copy this into your profile. (The Holy Alliance Of All RG Veda & Taishura-oh Fans Out There, how cool!)
If you hate Pepper Potts, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you support the freedom to homeschool, paste this into your profile.
If you want the memory of Stan Lee to live on, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever had random loud singing outbursts in public, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tried to hi-five some body and it has taken over 10 tries to actually slap their hand copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever tried to hi-five somebody and end up hitting them in the head, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If Orlando Bloom said to stop breathing, 99 percent of girls currently on the face of the Earth would be dead right now. Put this on your profile if you'd be the 1 percent still alive and laughing.
If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.
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If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.
If you think the Avengers series has more fame than it's worth, copy this into your profile.
If you're so obsessed with MARVEL, that whenever you hear thunder, you think it's Thor, copy this to your profile.
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"
If one part of you is calm and the other part like to stand on their head and sing theme songs, copy and paste this to your profile.
92% of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off.
Copy and paste this to your profile if you're still a kid in the inside.
If people think you're crazy, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you sometimes talk to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have a little bit of Tal'darim in you, paste this onto your profile!
If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time and go absolutely demented when you're hyper, copy this onto your profile.
If you don't care that watching cartoons is considered immature, copy & paste this into your profile.
If you have Plot Bunnies that sometimes get you into trouble and play innocent so you can forgive them and give them cookies or other treats, Copy and Paste on your Profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you know someone who should be run over by a truck, put this on your profile. (Carol Ferris.)
A large percent of writers don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re.” Or "it's" and "its". Or "there", "their" and "they're". If you’re one of the Grammar Nazis who happen to understand this mundanely ridiculous fact and wants to SLUG them, copy and paste this into your profile.
If people think you are mentally insane, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If they are right, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you dream in color, copy this into your profile.
If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile.
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If you've ever found yourself talking to your own fictional character in a story you made up, copy and paste this into your profile. (I have entire Universes in my head.)
If you've choked on nothing and wondered how that was even possible, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, copy this into your profile.
If you are the complete opposite of normal, copy this into your profile.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n' slide.
If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.
If you believe in magic, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that Writer's Block blows(sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.
80 of young teenage girls think Zac Efron is HOT, if you're one of the 18 who shake their heads sadly and dismissively, paste this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you are in La La Land most of the time, copy this into your profile.
If you utterly loathe and despise Hannah Montana, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list! PorcelainHeart94, Darth KenObi-Wan, JediWolfMaster, EwanLuvr4Ever, xXJedi Knight BlazeXx, Karm Starkiller, The Other Jet Engine
95% of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix, Bust_A_Groover, Takahane, Fire Thief, Sarah303, Coco Gash Niccals, Isis the Sphinx, Karm Starkiller, The Other Jet Engine
If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason, put this on your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that being SUPER AWESOME is better than being cool, then put this on your profile.
If you've ever stood straight up, then fell down for no apparent reason, copy this to your profile.
If you think Orm Marius deserves better and should have his comics trident in the movies, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Carol Ferris should be run over by a truck, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that the truck should also take out Claire Dearing, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you also think said truck should take out Zoe Saldana's Nyota Uhura while it's at it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that Gurren Lagann is AWESOME, copy this into your profile.
If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Captain America is perfect for Iron Man, paste this onto your profile.
If you hate Mike and you're not afraid to say it, paste this into your profile.
If you think Hal Jordan and Thaal Sinestro belong together because they're both obtuse morons and total stinkbrains, paste this into your profile.
If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile.
If you are in love with fictional characters, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I'm in love with Grand Admiral Thrawn!)
Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. It is written that the nerds shall inherit the Earth. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you are a nerd and proud of it, copy this and paste it on your profile.
If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever had an unhealthy obsession with any, or all, of the Avengers and you don’t want to admit it even though you know admitting a problem is the first step to solving it but frankly you don't want the problem to be solved, copy this onto your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.
If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you watched Infinity War and/or Endgame and wanted to punch Pepper Potts, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever felt like killing someone(or more than one person) because they have a different mindset and opinion, copy this into your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever fallen going up the stairs, copy this into your profile.
If you think Orm Marius is a soft baby that needs love and appreciation, copy and paste this in your profile.
I do not do drugs. I do MARVEL. If you're someone who does MARVEL, copy this into your profile.
If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.
I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face.
I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.
BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things.
Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, secilmis yazar, Holly Marie Fowl, Missy Werecat, Liza Taylor, toadflame, Leaf-Drifting-On-Wind, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, Karm Starkiller, The Other Jet Engine
Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, copy this into your profile.
If people say you are funny and annoying, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever shouted out random thing and then gotten glared at, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile :D (WHO DOESN'T?!)
If you ever wondered who made up all the 'copy this into your profile' thingies then copy this into your profile.
If you have ever yelled at a TV or computer, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you have ever ran into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you are odd and proud of it, put this on your profile.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
If your friends are WEIRD(but not as weird as you), put this on your profile.
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"
93 percent of English teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're a klutz and proud of it, put this into your profile!
If you imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so you could have her boyfriend, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Does Thrawn have a girlfriend? If so, then alert me!)
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?"
A rejected invention:Instant water! Just add water!
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, it cheats a lot.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
When in doubt, push random buttons!
If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.
If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this into your profile.
If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever walked into a wall because you were looking sideways at a friend, copy this into your profile.
If you can no longer watch the Twilight movie because of Captain America & Iron Man:Heroes United, copy this to your profile.
90 of teens today would die if MySpace had a system failure and was completely destroyed...If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile.
If you've ever wanted to give a movie or show character a flying tackle hug, copy and paste this into your profile.
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
(.• (.•Pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.
If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If someone mentions MARVEL, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile.
If you think High School Musical is not a real musical, copy this into your profile.
If you ever watched a movie so many times you know all the words to it then copy and paste this to your profile.
If you are a MOVIE QUOTER, which means you go around quoting movies for fun, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you truly believe there is a Nia Teppelin out there for you(his/her name DOESN'T have to be Nia Teppelin), then copy and paste this to your profile.
If you know life is good no matter what happens, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you want to slice out Princess Charlotte's organs, throw them into a fire, and do a native dance around the fire, copy and paste this onto your profile.
98 percent of teenagers have do or has tried smoking pot. If you are part of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy this to your profile
If you have ever stopped in the middle of a busy street to look at something, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this to your profile
If you can make yourself laugh super easily, copy this onto your profile.
95 of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 that would shout "Jump, assholes, goddamn Jump already!"
If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile (maybe...)
If you have a friend that thinks Pepper Potts is stupid, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that Gurren Lagann absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Chocolate chip cookies are yummy! If you agree, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you cried, screamed, or threw a fit when Civil War happened, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you believe Kirk and Spock are t'hy'lara and true soulmates, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you're not a multishipper and obsessed with your fleet of ships, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that only losers hate/don't get MARVEL, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to PUNCH someone, copy this onto your profile. (GURREN-LAGANN-IS-THE BEST-SHOW-EVER PUUUUUNNNCH!!!)
If you're a kid at heart, copy and paste this into your profile.
Weird is underrated. Copy and paste this in your profile, if you agree and add your name to the list: Celiana, SuperSidney, Wisegirl101, Seweedbrainrocks314, Shorty and KG Inc., WiseOne27,LoveTheSun, animaluver101, The Dawn Is Breaking, The Other Jet Engine
If you avoid teen fads and don't live your life according to others copy and paste this.
If you've ever acted like a paranoid fool because you believe(or wish) that the Avengers exist, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've started having dreams featuring fictional characters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever get a random urge to start mock-crying, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now your parents are afraid of you because of the results, copy this onto your profile.
If you are planning on mobbing MARVEL Comics because you want another Captain America/Iron Man annual, copy this onto your profile and get your Gunmen!
If you're a really, really, really devoted StarAccuser shipper who cried, screamed, or threw your comic book at the wall when Ronan proposed to Crystal Amaquelin instead of Star-Lord, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you sometimes spontaneously break into song, But my feelings for you last forever, because days come and go, copy this into your profile, dry your tears, it is time to let you go.
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile. (I even named my computer Phyllis!)
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you have ever run into a tree, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your pen name and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on. HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride) Natalie-07 (Jack Sparrow, I know I know he's older then my dad but it's not like we're actually dating!) Silverstar's Shadow (Kratos Aurion (like practically every other girl who plays ToS religiously), Yuan (damn the people who decided to never tell you his last name!), Sirius Black (not Gary the Old Man... I imagined him to look a little more like Adam from Three Days Grace... hehe... Ahem.), Draco Malfoy), AsterEris:Firefall'sLegacy(Jasper Cullen...sigh), AviorHyrax (Fell from fell...I love him, I know, hes a wolf...can't I have my dream? Murtaghlaughing really hard right now Aster..., Mr. Darcyawwwww, i love him, again, still laughing,artemis fowl, Victor, from Cathy's book/key(I have a lot more but still), MiracleJade (Legolas from Lord of the Rings, Murtagh from Eragon movie (sucked) and Kisten from Kim Harrison books), xXxNyte-chanxXx (Edward Cullen-Twilight duh...Ian MacPhie-Love at Skate series), The Dawn Is Breaking (Edward Cullen -squee-, Edward Rochester (Jane Eyre), The Other Jet Engine (Thrawn)
If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.
Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off it's orbit" for a couple scientists’ likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!
If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.
If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy this into your profile.
93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, .missy.skye., BlissfulyShadowingEdwardCullen., Korie.Moore, The Dawn Is Breaking, The Other Jet Engine
If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.
Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you, post this on profile.
If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile.
If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.
If fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.
If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 of the internet population has a MySpace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have stared at your computer for a complete hour copying and pasting copy and paste its into your profile copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever read started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V. Show, video game, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile. (Emperor Zarkon, Black Widow and Iron Man.)
FAN FICTION:MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews? If this is true for you, copy and paste this to your profile.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
I never repeat myself.
If you repeat yourself and you're proud of it, copy and paste this on your profile!
I rather be hated for who I am, then loved for something I'm not.
If you like soft drinks as much as I do, copy this in your profile.
If you love FanFiction.net, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingies, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.
Smile. It makes the world wonder what you're up to.
If I promise not to kill you, can I have a hug?
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you read something unusual and, from that moment, get fixated on shipping a genetically engineered superhuman with a starship. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what are you doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob fest, and start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say some completely random thing, like," Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb-war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings and tape them on your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the biographies and physical traits of every character in the MARVEL Cinematic Universe(or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write "GURREN LAGANN RULEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you giggle upon finding out that Star-Lord has gone to the Living Tribunal, because it was stupid for him to take second hand information. Crazy is when you wish your boyfriend's name was Zarkon. Crazy is when you sit for hours on end talking about the Avengers with your friends. Crazy is when one of your friends come up to you and says "He is so completely gorgeous!" and you know exactly who they're talking about because your brain is no longer set on English, but GOTG. Crazy is when all your friends are scared of you because you are so hyper. Crazy is when you threaten your friends with a free trip to New York and an Infinity Gauntlet if they don't watch the complete Avengers saga. If you are crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list.
Some people are like slinkies...they're really good for nothing! But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs!
If you believe that eating people is wrong, copy and paste this into your profile. (I feel really sorry for Taishakuten.)
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke...that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
If you like pasting stuff because it's fun for you and annoying for others who try to read your stories copy and paste on your profile!
If you’ve ever spent ages calling someone with no answer, then forgotten what you were going to say completely when they call back, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. (Truest. Thing. Ever!)
If you WISH that you lived in the world of MARVEL, copy and paste this on your profile. (Except maybe for this)
If you're against animal cruelty, (horse slaughter, bear baiting, dolphin hunting, illegal dog fights, chimp slavery, etc.) copy and paste this into your profile.
iF YOU'VE EVER TYPED A WHOLE SENTENCE AND THEN LOOKED UP AND REALIZED THE CAPS LOCK WAS ON AT THE WRONG TIME, PUT THIS IN YOUR PROFILE.
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.
If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingies, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you do think Iron Man is a good guy, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you wish you were one of those people that can eat like Garfield and not gain any weight, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever shouted out the wrong answer in class with confidence, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever had a dream that seems so real you meet up with someone who was there and are just like "Dude, remember the time when..." while they just stare at you, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you zone out regularly when people are talking about something you aren't that interested in, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever had that awful moment when you're updating/writing a new story and you suddenly remember one that you haven't updated in ages, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you went around saying "Holy bagumba!" for weeks after you saw the Infinity War trailer, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever been lying to someone and your best friend notices and joins in, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you ever quote Gurren Lagann when you're talking to someone and they just stand there with no idea what you're on about, add this to ya profile.
If you think fanfiction contributes to society and people ought to get placed in Guinness books for it, copy and paste this to your profile
If your definition of happiness is jumping up and down your bed (and then laughing your head off when you fall and bump your head), copy and paste this to your profile.
If you think all the cool people are the ones who have 4-7 imaginary(or fictional) friends, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have tests all week long but are looking around people's profiles and laughing at random things, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you took the time to read all of these(and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile.
You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this..."Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised..."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after(almost) every sentence...not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors...or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos...but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2, and 3...and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.
Saved By The Bell was the coolest show ever!
You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff!
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Mortal Kombat was awesome—the game and the movie
Gak was the coolest stuff invented.
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
You had to read Weekly Reader's in class.
If you even know what an original walkman is.
You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand"...enough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original Pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkmans.
When Gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
When you weren't cool unless you had a Starter jacket.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the MySpace frenzy...
Before the Internet & text messaging...
Before Sidekicks & iPods...
Before MIKE JONES...
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX...
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days, or if you smiled at one of these things.
AAAIUD is Addicted to All Avengers Including Ultron Disorder.
AM is Addicted to MARVEL.
LSTDS is Love Simon The Digger Syndrome.
OGLD is Obsessive Gurren Lagann(or Green Lantern) Disorder.
WSWCS is Wishing Sinhal Was Canon Syndrome.
Carol Ferris needs to fly straight into a black hole for non-recreational purposes.
"You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Flare up like a flame,
and make big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you:beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.
Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand."
—Rainer Maria Rilke, "Love Poems To God"
Totally Unnecessary Junk!!!!
How The Trump Stole America ~ John Pavlovitz, 2016
In a land where the states are united, they claim,
In a sky-scraping tower adorned with his name,
Lived a terrible, horrible, devious chump,
The bright orange miscreant known as the Trump.
This Trump, he was mean, such a mean little man,
With the tiniest heart and two tinier hands,
And a thin set of lips etched in permanent curl,
And a sneer and a scowl and contempt for the world.
He looked down from his perch and he grinned ear to ear,
And he thought, “I could steal the election this year!
It’d be rather simple, it’s so easily won,
I’ll just make them believe that their best days are done!"
“Yes, I’ll make them believe that it’s all gone to Hell,
And I’ll be Jerk Messiah and their souls they will sell.
And I’ll use lots of words disconnected from truth,
But I’ll say them with style so they won’t ask for proof.”
“I’ll speak random platitudes, phrases, and such,
They’re so raised on fake news that it won’t matter much!
They won’t question the how to, the what, why, or when,
I will make their America great once again!”
The Trump told them to fear, they should fear he would say,
“They’ve all come for your jobs, they’ll all take them away.
You should fear every Muslim and Mexican too,
Every brown, black, and tan one, everyone who votes blue!”
And he fooled all the Christians, he fooled them indeed,
He just trotted out Jesus, that’s all Jesus folk need.
And celebrity preachers, they crowned him as king,
Tripping over themselves just to kiss the Trump’s ring.
And he spoke only lies just as if they were true,
Until they believed all of those lies were true too.
He repeated and tweeted, he blustered and spit,
And he misled and fibbed—and he just made up sh*t.
And the media laughed but they printed each line,
Thinking, “He’ll never win, in the end we’ll be fine.”
So they chased every headline, bold typed every claim,
‘Till the fake news and real news, they looked just the same.
And the scared folk who listened, they devoured each word,
Yes, they ate it all up, every word that they heard,
Petrified that their freedom was under attack,
Trusting Trump, he would take their America back.
From the gays and from ISIS, he’d take it all back,
Take it back from the Democrats, fat cats, and blacks.
And so hook, line, and sinker they all took the bait,
All his lies about making America great.
Now the Pant-Suited One, she was smart and prepared,
She was brilliant and steady, but none of them cared,
No, they cared not to see all the work that she’d done,
Or the fact that the Trump had not yet done thing one.
They could only shout “Emails!”, yes “Emails!” they’d shout,
Because Fox News had told them—and Fox News had clout.
And the Pant-Suited One, she was slandered no end,
And a lie became truth she could never defend.
And the Trump watched it all go according to plan—
A strong woman eclipsed by an insecure man.
And November the 8th arrived, finally it came,
Like a slow-moving storm but it came just the same.
And Tuesday became Wednesday as those days will do,
And the night turned to morning and the nightmare came true,
With millions of non-voters still in their beds,
Yes, the Trump, he had done it, just like he had said.
And the Trumpers, they trumped, how they trumped when he won,
All the racists and bigots; deplorable ones,
They crawled out from the woodwork, came out to raise Hell,
They came out to be hateful and hurtful as well.
With slurs and with road signs, with spray paint and tweets,
With death threats to neighbors and taunts on the street.
And the grossest of grossness they hurled on their peers,
While the Trump, he said zilch—for the first time in years.
But he tweeted at Hamilton, he tweeted the Times,
And he trolled Alec Baldwin a few hundred times,
And he pouted a pout like a petulant kid,
Thinking this is what Presidents actually did,
Thinking he could still be a perpetual jerk,
Terrified to learn he had to actually work,
Work for every American, not just for a few,
Not just for the white ones—there was much more to do.
He now worked for the Muslims and Mexicans too,
For the brown, black, and tan ones, and the ones who vote blue.
They were all now his bosses, now they all had a say,
And those nasty pant-suited ones were here to stay.
And the Trump, he soon realized that he didn’t win,
He had gotten the thing—and the thing now had him.
And it turned out the Trump was a little too late,
For America was already more than quite great,
Not because of the sameness, the opposite’s true,
It’s greatness far more than just red, white, and blue,
It’s straight, gay, and female—it’s Gentile and Jew,
It’s Transgender and Christian and Atheist too.
It’s Asians, Caucasians of every kind,
The disabled and abled, the deaf and the blind,
It’s immigrants, Muslims, and brave refugees,
It’s Liberals with bleeding hearts fixed to their sleeves.
And we are all staying, we’re staying right here,
And we’ll be the great bane of the Trump for four years.
And we’ll be twice as loud as the loudness of hate,
Be the greatness that makes our America great.
And the Trump’s loudest boasts they won’t ever obscure,
For over two million more of us—voted for HER.
If you feel lost, and on your own, and far from home,
You're never alone, y'know.
Just think of your friends; the ones who care.
They all will be waiting there, with love to share.
And your heart will lead you home.
"Sh*t happens, find a toilet,
Life’s a bitch, put it on a leash.
If hate breeds more hate, then wear a rubber and hate all you want.
Who says beggars can’t be choosers, I could have just robbed you.
When life beats you down, think of Apollo Creed in Rocky 4, and keep your ass there,
When life throws you lemons, cut’ em open and squirt the juice in its eye.
When life throws you lemons, throw a brick back.
When life throws you lemons, throw them at somebody else.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on bad parenting.
Whoever came up with ‘Sticks and stones...’ obviously didn’t take into account the viciousness of today’s youth."
"Even when trapped by karma's cycle...
Even if the universe stands in our way...
We'll break through time and space...
TENGEN TOPPA! GURREN LAGANN!!
JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!?!?!"
"Even when faced with impossible odds,
Even as heaven and hell stand in our way,
If the gods themselves block our path,
The power to change fate!
SUPER TENGEN TOPPA! GURREN LAGANN!!
JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!?!?!"