You're a 90's kid if:

You can finish this 'ice ice _'
You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain, Bobby's World, Felix the cat, The Tick...AAAAAAAH Real Monsters!
You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"
You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ."
You remember TGIF, Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not
If you remember seeing hot tub bubbles make bubbly sounds before every music video on VH1.
when everything was settled by rock paper scissors..or bubble gum bubble gum in a dish...eeny meeny miney mo...and even better daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky.
You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time.
"Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show.
Captain Planet. He's a Hero.
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together.
You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular.
You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny.
You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"
You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.
You remember when Yo-Yos were cool.
You remember those Where's Waldo books.
You remember eating Warheads.
You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladdin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.
You remember Ring Pops.
You remember drinking Surge, and Tang.
If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!"
When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos.
You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
Making those little paper cootie-catcher things, and then predicting your life with them.
You played and/or collected "Pogs"
You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere.

. . . Furbies

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.
And Windows 95 was the best.
You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles.
Michael Jordan was a king.
All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out.
You collected those Beanie Babies.
Care bears
Lambchop's song never ended.
The old dollar bills.
Silver dollars, which were cool to have.
You remember a time before the WB.
You collected all the Troll dolls
If you even know what an original Walkman is.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You know the Macarena by heart.
"Talk to the hand" . . . nough said
You always said, "Then why don't you marry it?!"
You remember trying to collect all 150 original Pokemon cards but never could and if you did you thought you were all that!
You remember Highlight's magazine.
You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace.
You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground.
Before the My Space frenzy . . .
Before the Internet & text messaging . . .
Before Sidekicks & i Pods . . .
Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . .
Before Sponge bob . . .
Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.
When light up sneakers were cool.
When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.
When gas was 0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was The new thing.
When we recorded stuff on VCRs.
When gameboy was a brick.
You did MASH to figure out your future
Way back.
Before we realized all this would eventually disappear.
Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!
Post this in your profile if you remember these days . . . .
or if you smiled at one of these things.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, Revenant666, darkflame1516, AirGirl Phantom, Agent of the Divine One, pointless people of Pluto, KyreexXxKitsune, Taisenokami

98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you know who Panic! At the Disco is and know that they are NOT disco...copy this into your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you ever wonder why flamers ever even bother reviewing put this in your profile and add your name to the list.

KyreexXxKitsune

Kyree

Taisenokami

If your one of the people who could perfectly understand Jack Sparrow's confusing rants and when you friend all had confused expressions on their faces you were like, well duh that made perfect sense. Copy this into your profile.

If you don't have a problem with homosexuality, copy this into your profile.

If after seeing POTC At World End you thought getting eaten by the Kraken might not be such a bad thing if you get to go to the locker and be with multiple Jacks. Copy this into your profile

If you think Will Turner is hotter after death. Copy this into your profile.

If you think that Writer's Block blows , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you annoy people just for the fun of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

On pg. 116 of the American version of Order of the Phoenix (last paragraph) it states that there was 'a heavy locket none of them could open'. Ring a bell? It's proof of the R.A.B. is Regulus Black theory. Of you were smart enough to figure this ot or you believe it, copy this into your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you are a nerd and proud of it,copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever ran into a tree, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you think the Co-co Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you are weird, crazy, insane, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile. (I'm trying to prove it's possible but I'm not getting much luck)

If you ever felt like chasing your friend and yelling "RUN Girl RUN!" Put this on your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

If you and/or your best friend is insane, copy and paste this into your profile.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Would call out when the car is coming.
GOOD FRIENDS: Would push you out of the way.
BEST FRIEND: Would shoot out the tires and run the driver over.

FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shittttt!!

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the eight percent laughing your arse off.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into you profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are against real fur on clothing then put this on your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you have ever sung "I've Got a Jar of Di-irt, and Guess What's Inside it" (from Dead Man's Chest) while brushing your teeth, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this to make it longer!

If you believe that J.K.R. is really a Hogwarts alumni pretending Harry Potter is fictional, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever slapped yourself on the head and/or banged your head on a table or wall for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this to your profile.

R.I.P.- Cedric Diggory, Sirius Black, Albus Dumbledore, Alastor Moody, Hedwig, Dobby, Colin Creevy, Nymphadora Tonks, Remus Lupin, and Fred Weasley. They will never be forgotten.

If your fashion sense is "is it comfortable?", copy this to your profile.

If you think Bellatrix is creepy and should have been killed by Neville (not that there's anything wrong with Molly Weasley kicking her butt), copy and paste this to your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?"

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a tendency to talk to yourself, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever copied and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you ever wished that you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you secretly hoped to get a letter from Hogwarts when you were 11, copy and paste this to your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy this to your profile.

If you ever wished you could live in a story, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile. (currently we hate each other)

If several inanimate objects just seem to hate you copy and paste this to your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

If you have a scary crush on a book, anime, or game character; copy and post this into your profile. (Many actually)

If you're a girl who's tired of people assuming that just because your a girl you love pink and can't fight to save your life, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile. (MANY of them, actually)

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hate girly-girls or people who think that they are everything, copy and paste this into your profile.

If some people see you as dark and other see you as bright copy and paste this into your profile.

Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning' bloodsucking creatures'

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism
XX

YOUR GUY SIDE:

(x) You love hoodies.
(x)You love jeans.
(x) Dogs are better than cats.
(x) It's hilarious when people get hurt.
You've played with/against boys on a team.
(x)Shopping is torture.
(x)Sad movies suck.
(x)You own/ed an X-Box.
(x)Played with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
(x) You own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
(x)You used to be/are obsessed with Power Rangers.
you watch sports on TV.
(x)gory movies are cool
You go to your dad for advice.
You own like a trillion baseball caps.
You like going to high school football games.
You used to/do collect football/baseball cards.
(x)Baggy pants are cool to wear.
(x)It's kinda weird to have sleepovers with a bunch of people.
(x) Green, black, red, blue, or silver are one of your favorite colors.
(x) You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
Sports are fun
(x)Talk with food in your mouth. Sleep with your socks on at night

TOTAL: 16

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

You wear lip gloss/stick.
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink
(x)Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
(x)You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance?
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
(x)You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing

Total: 3

PREP

(x) You own a cell phone.
you own something from abercrombie
You own something from pacsun
you own something from Hollister
You own something from American Eagle
You love/like going to the mall.
(x) You own an i Pod/MP3 player.
You love Starbucks.
(x)You have been called a brat.
You hate buying things that are on sale
You have more than one house
Total : 3

GOTHIC

(x)Black is one of your favorite colors.
(x)You have thought about death. (Not for myself, of course)
(x)You wear chains.
(x)You like heavy metal.
(x) You've shopped at Hot Topic. (Favorite store!)
You have worn black lipstick.
(x)Your hair was/is dark.
(x)You dislike preps.
(x)You're an athiest/ satanist/agnostic. (That stupid stereotype creases me so much!)
Total: 8

PUNK

You can skateboard
You've worn plaid.
(x)You like Converse
You hate MTV
You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair. - (streaks count)
(x) You dislike pink.
(x)You hate/dislike preps.
(x) You wear/wore skateboarding shoes.
Total: 5

GEEK

(x) You love the computer.
(x) You like Harry Potter.
you are supposed to wear glasses/contacts
You get straight A's.
(x) You love/like reading.
You were/are in band
(x)You don't care what you look like.
(x)You have a curfew.
You always do your homework.
you never miss school unless you're sick.
Total : 5

EMO

You cut yourself over depression
You have been depressed.
You have black rimmed glasses.
(x) You like the band Evanescence
you cry easily
(x) You like emo music.
(x) You hate being called emo.
(x) You keep/have kept a journal/diary.
(x) you have written a sad poem
(x) you think emo chicks/Guys are hot (Hell yeah! Their hair is fucking awesome!)
Total : 6

GHETTO/GANGSTA

(x)You like rap.
(x)You are/was in a gang.
You wear/wore rubber bands in your pants.
(x) You swear once in a while or a lot
You have freestyled.
(x) You have worn high tops with the tongue flipped out.
You can break dance
Total : 4

HARDCORE/SCENE

(x) You like loud music
(x) You love/loved the Ninja Turtles
You never walk anywhere.
(x) you wear slip-on shoes.
(x) You wear/wore Vans.
(x)You like the band panic! at the disco.
(x)You wear band t-shirts.
(x)People have called you a freak and meant it.
You love to "hardcore" dance
hair has been died more than 1 color
Total: 7

ATHLETIC

You watch/watched the Superbowl.
You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.
You collect your jerseys.
you have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards
You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.
your garage consists of sports equipment
You belong/belonged to a school team.
You are going/did go to a sports summer camp.
You have a specific number
Total : 0
XX

1.YOUR REAL NAME: Shayla

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Shaizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): Black Wolf

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Rochele Orchard (So does not work)

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Tulshtul

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Red Mt. Dew

7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Hlourse (Wow)

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name, dad's middle name (boy: Dad's first, girl: Mom's first)): Darlene Jr

9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Bandit or Black Demon (either one is cool)

10. YOUR HIPPIE NAME: (type your name with your elbow) shasylas (close enough)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals. (I actually do)
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. (I am crazy and damn proud of it!)
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. (uh...DUH!!)
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (LoL sorry not a vamp more into fur and fangs)
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian. (im not blond, or a lesbian)
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCA, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENAISSANCES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times

I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.(riiiiggghhhtt... so not gonna happen)
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I wear LONG SLEEVES, so I MUST be EMO and cut myself.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.
I play VIDEO GAMES so I MUST be a LOSER.

I’m A GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress
I’m a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone’s ass
I’m a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I’m FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual
I’m a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian.
I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie.
I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life.
I love RENT so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST believe in heaven.
I'm in LOVE, so I MUST be having sex.

...Copy and paste this into your profile if you are tired of stereotypes.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

()()
(0.0)
--( 0 )--
(,) (,)

This is Bunny. I got him from someone else. Copy and paste Bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination.

／l、
（ﾟ､ ｡ ７
l、 ~ヽ
じしf,)ノ

Yaaaay kitty!

This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
signature to help him gain world domination

You know you live in 2006 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

Put this on your
page if you love
Naruto! (I got this from Ayase Reincarnated's page)

Check this out...

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile

THE WE HATE KARIN CLUB:If you hate Karin from NARUTO, copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list: Amaterasu77, Pink Crescent Moon, Miyako-hime, XSakuraHarunoX, I'm in love with a Uchiha23, Angel Of Cherry Blossoms, Cherrilatina, CherryBlossoms016, Rayray, Sakura the lover, Sasusakufan2357, Lina Mistress of Elements, xnarutoxrocksx, uchihasakurah26, Nokas-Kokas, NorthernLights25, KunoichruleALL, Kawaiiblossom94, dera-chan, Mai-'-Kawaii-'-Ai,Ebil Chameleon you.broke.a.promise, XweaponsXmistressX, Sakura-Sasuke-love-em' , SASUXSAKUFREAK, PinkBlossem, Shadow Princess CherryBlossoms,Coscat, LKakashiSXE, Darkened Immortal, when.my.eyes.meet.yours, Nokas-Kokas, CanadianSkye94,Purplecherry5, Yuga Xyunagi, REfreak, Sharingangirl001, Hinatakura , Sakuranata , xXmyhypernessXx , Taisenokami

If If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Amaterasu77, danyan, Taisenokami, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, EmmettCullenFan, Bella Masen Cullen, Me Love Edward Cullyou, SilverMoonArcher,forbiddenkitsunegoddess13, Howl To The Moon, Nayeli, mochiusagi, darkablino, Sabaku no Koneko are obsessed with fan fiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever bitch-slapped a snob PROUDLY put this on your profile

If you have insanely annoying siblings copy and paste this on your profile

If you like being utterly random copy and paste this on your profile ( Sometimes i do some times i don't...)

If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventilated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile

If you love Naruto so much you wish the characters were real so you could be one of them, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever had an argument with yourself and LOST, copy and paste this on you profile.

If you hate those mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing copy this on your profile

If you have ever tried to make plans for world domination put this on your profile

If you, with no warning, laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, copy this on your profile

If you have ever thrown something at a TV screen when you saw a character you despised, copy and paste this on your profile

If you have ever dreamed about being an Anime Character, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear beating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc. then copy this into your profile!

If you avoid teen fads and don't live your life according to others copy and paste this into your profile!

if you cried like a baby through the last chapters of shadow kiss because you thought Dimitri was dead, post this on your profile

If you are a true Slytherin and proud, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you agree Pansy Parkinson should be sent to a Dog Kennel, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you agree Blaise Zabini is the sexiest Italian known to man, copy and paste this to your profile.

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

ThInGs To PoNdEr:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
The last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
Immediately take the words back...
Or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow And asked loudly,
'How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?'
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I at the was golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls'

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a
Variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.'
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
My sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon,
My toddler decided to release
Some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
Her after receiving looks of disgust
And annoyance from other patrons..
I told her that if she did not start behaving
'right now' she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
'If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and
Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny
Had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
And he said 'No'
I kept thinking
'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
Then I said,
' Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?'
'No,' he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse..
Soooooo, I asked one more time, ' Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
And yelled
'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!'
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?'
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

That, my children, is called a wall. but beware the wall is solid. yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for i have attempted this many times before.

The fear of blood tends to create fear of the flesh.

Funny quotes:

Can I have your phone number; I seem to have lost mine

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

Everyone has a wild side- me and my friends just prefer to make them public

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?

Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that my children, is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.

Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips.

Your mom looks like Voldemort (oh burn)

Tu madre. I just burned you. In Spanish. So there.

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

EMO kids have cool hair.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator! (Hehe, Twilight quote!)

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind person of who will burst out laughing in the middle of dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

"Wal-Mart, do they, like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton (What an idiot,)

Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.

I agree with the dictionary: gals before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

All the good ones are either gay, married, too old for us, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

Guns don’t kill people. Bullets kill people.

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?

"What are friends for? To hold your hair back when you throw up, go to your fiance's bachelor party and make sure he doesn't get loose with the stripper, and help you hide the body of your latest victim"

"During photosynthesis, water breaks up into one Hydrogen, Oxygen and an Electron... so in short, water is a H.O.E"

"Well behaved women rarely make history"

"Cheerleaders are dancers who've gone retarded"

Perfection is a mindset that only drives us all to insanity. But its the imperfections that keep us in check

Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons and evil warlocks are real, but because they tell us that they can be defeated.

MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men!

God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.

I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster.

"There's nothing that can't be fixed with: duct tape, chocolate, or by running it over."

'Dream as if you’ll live forever… Live as if you die tomorrow.'

Does anyone else notice that the hot guys are either: (A)Gay (B)Taken (C) Fictional or (D) Way too old for us?

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that dad-blame thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your butt!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

15 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts: ... I was crying with laughter halfway through it XD

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's tasteless, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."

25) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see who will come out alive

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."

29) I will not tell Draco to “Make like a ferret and bounce”

30) It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin ‘Once you go black you never go back’

31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

33) I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new pussy cat?”

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."

37) I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of lessons and claim someone put the imperious cure on me.

38) I will not tell Ron and Hermione to ‘get a room’ whenever they start fighting

39) I will not tell Severus Snape he takes himself too seriously. Same applied for Minerva McGonagall.

40) Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying the library is closed for an indefinite time period funny in any sense. Nor does Hermione Granger.

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

43) I will not lick Trevor.

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

46) I will not refer to Lucius Malfoy as a pimp - even if he does carry a pimp cane

47) I am no longer allowed to use the words ‘pimp cane’ in front of Draco Malfoy

48) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

51) I will not tell the first years to build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

52) I will not tell Filch that Peeves has left. It is cruel to get his hopes up like that.

53) I am not allowed to skip through the hallways singing the "Wizards of Waverly Place" theme song.

54) I am not allowed to attack the new Head Boy with water balloons.

55) I am not allowed to change the Slytherin common room to red and gold.

56) I am not allowed to tell the Revenclaws and/or Hermione Granger that the library has been closed down.

57) I am not allowed to tell Lockheart that his fanclub is waiting in the Whomping Willow.

Here's another one I found

Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:

1) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

2) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda

3) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

4) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

5) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"

6) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental

7) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

8) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

9) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

10) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.

11) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

12) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

13) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.

14) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.

15) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.

16.)House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

17.)I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.

18.) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.

19.)I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snapes private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.

20.) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.

21.)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

22.) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

23.) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

24.)The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.

25.)I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".

26.)When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

27.) -Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

28.)A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.

29.) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy. “

30.)I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.

31.) -I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.

32.)Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.

33.)Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment insufficient.

34.)Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

35.)I may not have a private army.

36.) I must not substitute chocolate-flavored laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.

37.)Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.

38.)I am not the wicked witch of the west.

39.) -I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.

40.) I will not melt if water is poured over me.

41.) -Neither will Professor Umbridge.

42.)I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.

43.)I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

44.) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.

45.) I will not test my Potions assigments by spiking Snape's drink with them.

46.) - Especially not all of them at once.

47.) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."

48.) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos.

49.)Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.

50.)I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.

51.)When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.

52.)Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.

53.)The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.

54.)Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not improved by the introduction of muggle firearms.

55.) -Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.

56.)I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

57.)I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

58.)I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

59.)I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.

60.)I will not create a betting pool on that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.

61.)Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.

62.)Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing GlimmerMcSparkles.

63.)Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".

64.)I will not play the Imperial March theme for Professor Snape.

65.). - However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.

66.)If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.

67.) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.

68.)I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.

69.)I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.

70.)I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.

71.)It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says All the good-looking ones die young with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.

72.)I will not yell "Hey look It's Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade

73.)I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad bad nightmare about Harry

74.)I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall

Great Latin Phrases:

Osculare Pultem Meam!- Kiss my Grits!

Duc, Sequere, aut de via Decede- Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way

De Inimico non Loquaris sed Cogites- Do Not Wish Ill for your Enemies, Plan It

Cogito Ergo Doleo- I think therefore I am Depressed

Carpe Cerevisi- Seize the Beer

Cacoethos scribendi- Insatiable Urge to Write

Aut Viam Inveniam aut Facian- I will Find a Way or Make One

Aude Sapere- Dare to Know

Cendo Tuum!- Up Yours!

~I think I'm drunk enough to drive you home now

~I miss you. not enough to want you back, just enough for it to hurt

~Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound and how raindrops look like tears without pain

~The one you love is never the one who loves you

~Its like taking me to the top of the tallest mountain, showing me the world and saying "and that's what you CAN'T have"

~It takes two to tango, but one to let go.

~People say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, I say, try it then see how you feel

~All I want to do is sleep because it doesn't hurt when I can't think of you-

~They say when you get to heaven that you meet up with the one you love…well, what happens if the one you love is with the one they love?

~Who do you turn to when the only person in the world that can stop you from crying is the one making you cry

~I look at him and he looks back at me with his beautiful eyes, smiles, and it pathetically makes my day

~School is still the same.. there's still that one guy that you get up and go to school for in the morning. The one with the mysterious confidence that every girl falls for. Those years of school wouldn't have been the same without him. I wouldn't have been the same without him

~Once again I find myself trying to be okay with the fact that we are just friends but then you grab my hand and well then I'm not okay, I'm floating

~That's why they call it a crush.. if it were easy, they'd call it something else

~I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi, or even smile because I know, even if it's just for a second, I crossed your mind.

~Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers..

~You change for two reasons. Either, you learn enough that you want to or you've been hurt enough to have to.

~letting go is, simply put, not anything close to moving on

~knowing the rules is different than playing the game

~it didn't just hit, it friggen' splattered

~they're called friends they rock

~Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it.

~Forget what you feel & remember what you deserve.

~"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

~Just remember that your darkest hour will be over in 60 minutes

~it's a lot easier to say you're mad than to admit you're hurt

~the best revenge is a vow to never be like the one who hurt you

~don't steal..the government hates competition.

~We are the people our parents warned us about.

~The trouble with experience is that it is always teaching you things you don't want to know.

~if you were the last person on earth...I'd demand a recount

~Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

~I don't understand why cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's day. When I think about romance, The last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

~I can't help if I think you're funny when you're mad, I'm trying hard not to smile though I feel bad, I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral...I LOVE THAT SONG

~What they don't understand, and probably never will, is that a writer is working when staring out of the window

Don't you just hate...

Tipping someone who hasn't earned it only because you don't want to look cheap.

Late fees for a video you didn't have time to watch.

The second-to-last day of a two-week vacation.

When your Cracker Jack has melted into one big Jack.

Realizing after several attempts that you've been trying to insert a three-prong plus into a two-prong outlet.

People who don't remove their Christmas decorations until March

When a homely person compliments you on your looks, forcing you either to return the compliment insincerely or say thanks without saying anything more, thereby removing any doubt that you don't find him attractive

Accidentally setting your alarm clock for P.M instead of A.M

Wondering, based on his answers, if the person you're copying from knows less than you.

People who have no clue how loudly they talk

Being unable to twist a jar open and unwilling to let someone else give it a try

How uncomfortable white people feel when black people call each other "nigga"

People who keep their clock set 10 minutes fast "encase I need extra time"

White guys with a snoop dog cell phone ring

Having no clue when to use a semicolon

Rearranging heavy furniture, then realizing you liked it better before

People who are not your relatives who send photos of their child at three months, six months, nine months...

Realizing you were wearing the same outfit the last time you hung out with this person

When the teacher erases the entire blackboard but misses one prominent chalk mark

Receiving a birthday card 8 days before your birthday

When you sign the back of your credit card and it doesn't look like your signature.

Biting your cheek on the swollen area where you've previously bitten it.

When the waiter asks "is everything alright here?" right after you've taken a big bite out of your sandwich, causing you to grunt your response

Not liking the gift you pulled out of the grab bag as much as the one you put into it.

When you hold the ketchup bottle over your french fries and the first thing that comes out is red water

People who are afraid to step on an escalator... missed it...how bout this one...no, not that one...wait, not that one
either,... that one --no, not that one!

People who point at their wrists while asking for the time

When you're paying for something at a store and they ask you what Zip Code you live in

When the driver pushes the unlock button, but you pull the handle at the same moment and remain locked out

the momentary frenzy that ensues the instant that a cashier calls out "this register is now open"

When the brief thrill of making the yellow light ends and you're bored again

Remembering enough french from high school to know that two Frenchman sitting next to you are talking about you, but not knowing enough french to understand what they're saying

Being the last person on a long line that no one else seems to be getting on

Walking by the same person you've already walked by in the dairy, produce, and frozen food sections

Watching a movie with your parents that shows full frontal nudity

An open parenthesis that is never closed (like this

LEARN CHINESE IN FIVE MINUTES!

Ok read the english meaning and then "OUTLOUD" say the chinese words...

(You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

1) Thats not right... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive... Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP... Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man... Dum Fuk

5) Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone... No Pah King

12) staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo

13) He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka

14) Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu

15)Great... Fa Kin Su Pah

Funny Sayings

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

"When life gives you lemons, make grape soda and let the world wonder how you did it."

"When life gives you lemons, hand them back and say 'make your own damn lemonade'."

"Before you insult someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you do insult them you are a mile away and you have their shoes."

"(Band teacher to farting kid)Now if only we could get the tubas to reach that pitch..."

"Who ever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree.

"I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."

"Being pissed off is WAY better than being pissed on."

Build a bridge and get over it.

"When you close the fridge, does the light really go off?"

"Good morning, star-shine, the earth says hello!"

"Don't assume, it makes an ass out of you and me. (If you don't get, message me.)"

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Strangers have the best candy.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.

Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train!

I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth.

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.

DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription.

G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.

Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the
yard.

Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with braile on them.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'!

The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.

money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with.

Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.

ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait.

I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed.

I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.

If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?

I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldnt explain away afterward.

Its funny- the ppl. who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up.

Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Whoever said money cant buy happiness doesnt know where to shop.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Death is inevitable; don't fear it; love it, embrace it, stare at while it confronts you then turn around and run away, screaming for daddy.

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint

What makes 100 percent? What does it mean to give MORE than 100 percent? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100 percent? We all have been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over one hundred percent. How about acheiving 103 percent? What makes up 100 percent in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions;

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K

8118423151811= 98 percent

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11141523125475= 96 percent

but

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

120209202145 =100 percent

and,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

2211212198920= 103 percent

and look how far this one will take you,

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1191911919199147= 118 percent!

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, its really the BULLSHIT and ASSKISSING that will put you over the top. (and this iz the truth)

Random Quotes!

"I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse."

"The Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

"The trouble with real life is that there's no background music."

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts."

"I have not lost my mind; it's backed up on a disk somewhere."

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

"Computers make very accurate mistakes. (22=3 Calculated in 0.000000001 seconds)"

"If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room."

"If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?"

"If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost."

"OK, I'm wierd! But I'm saving up to become eccentric."

"I tend to think in simple, clear terms that are wrong."

"Yo-yo: an object occasionally up but normally down (See also: computer)."

"Beware of the letter "G." It is the end of everything."

"I do visit reality, although it's on a tourist visa."

"Flying is not inherently dangerous; crashing is."

"Don't play dumb with me, I'll always win."

"Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door..."

"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."

"He learned what every man must learn...never insult a girl's looks, especially if said girl can kick your ass"

"I'm not awesome, you just suck."

"IT'S THE SUGAR TALKING, I SWEAR!"

"People say violence isn't the answer. Well, they're right. Violence is the question. The answer is 'HELL YES'."

"I never said I was normal... you just presumed I was."

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars, and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

It takes 42 muscles to frown, but just 28 to smile. Though it only takes 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone in the mouth.

Silence is golden... but shouting is fun!

Don't knock on Death's door; ring the bell and run- he hates that

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it!

Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls!

just say no to drugs. Because if your drugs are talking to you, you've probably had too many.

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

When in doubt, push random buttons!

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies

I'm not as dumb as you look

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

It's always darkest before dawn...so if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it.

It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown...and fewer still to ignore someone completely.

Believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else.

It takes a big man to cry...but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows.

No one ever says "it's only a game" if their team is winning.

I never repeat myself, so pay close attention to me the first time, cause I never repeat myself.

Canaries are the best, especially with ketchup on them.

Slow and steady gets you trampled by the other guys.

When opportunity knocks, shoot first and ask questions later.

When all else fails, use duct tape.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow, isn't looking good either.

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing