Author has written 40 stories for House, M.D., X-overs, Battlestar Galactica: 2003, NCIS, Justice League, Once Upon a Time, and Dresden Files.
Hey, Scribe here,
So, been getting a lot of messages lately from people requesting that i write more House fanfiction and, sorry peeps, but that's incredibly unlikely to happen. The most recent plot bunny i had was involving a Sarah Connor Chronicles crossover (kinda) and would mostly have involved me maiming House at every opportunity because i really, really, REALLY, hate him.
Yup, hell of a reversal i know, but the guy does my nut. I can't stand his character.
I hate addicts and arseholes and those are his two main selling points. He never grows as a character, even when he changes it's for a limited time only and i'm just plain done.
SO...it is now incredibly unlikely that i will finish any House fanficitons that i have posted. I know that's going to be a disappointment to a lot of people but i'm mega busy with working, writing, drawing and otherwise following my own pursuits. Real life, sadly, intrudes. I do still write fanfictions to unwind but i haven't published any because i know how terrible i am at finishing them.
I made a rule with myself to only publish finished stuff, so here we are.
So justice league stuff is still going on, as is discworld stuff and possibly whatever oneshot type stuff i decide to churn out. Other than that, i'm all tapped out for free writing.
You guys have all been great, i have cherished all the support and feedback i've been given over the years by all of the followers and favers out there and it's been fecking magical.
And le book should be published soon (fingers crossed).
I shall update with when it can be bought and hopefully a lot of people will :D
Salutations and felicitations to you all,
ON A SIDE NOTE!
Has anyone else noticed that fanfiction seems to be getting worse?
I don't know if it's because i have improved as a writer or because people give less of a shit than i did/do or if it's poor education, but i have been WADING through shite on this site and finding very little of value (Once Upon a Time/Sherlock/MLP/Dresden is what i'm reading right now).
Here's some hints;
-Present tense should NOT be used to tell stories, neither should personal prose, you are not TALKING to the reader or writing them a letter, you are telling them how events unfolded. As in, have already happened. Not happening now. In the past. So past tense. Geddit?
-PICK A TENSE...and stick to it. This is not hard. Just remember that it happened in the past.
-:Flashback: -when in the history of EVER have you seen that in a real novel or come up on screen on a TV show? Write when and where, sure, pinpoint it that way but if i have someone point out to me -like i'm a complete and utter fucking moron- that this shit happened before the stuff i'm reading now, i'll lose my gorram mind and flip the table clean out the window. I will admit i will have done this in my own fics, so don't repeat my mistakes! Sort your lives out.
-Formatting; get that shit sorted. If you have to put in the author's note what italics means or what bold means or even what bold/underlined/over emphasised/italic crapola means, then you're not doing it right. If people are confused over what your formatting means, you haven't done it correctly. Don't overuse it either, if you're writing a bloody flashback, write it like you would everything else. Reading screeds of stuff in freaking italics is pissing me off.
-Inverted Italics: if you HAVE to write something in masses of italics -if you really, really have to- then the correct way to emphasise a word is to invert it. So, if you're writing in italics like this, to make a word stand out you switch it back to regular. Don't put it in bold, that shit's annoying.
-SUPERFLUOUS PUNCTUATION!!!!11!!!!?*&£$": Good grief, end your love affair with the exclamation point. You only need one! That's it. If it's yelled, and a question, then you may have a exclamation point AND a question mark BUT ONLY ONE OF EACH! If you really have to emphasise what you're writing, consider italics and bold but keep that shit under control too. I know it's really tempting considering how many buttons you have to play with on your keyboard, but you must exercise some restraint. We're all grown ups here (and if not we should have the decency to act like them) and should be able to write something without rolling our faces across our keyboard to see what sticks.
-The written silence: Alright THIS; "..." annoys me on levels i cannot properly express. It makes me want to hurl so badly that i could vomit up all of my internal organs into a stinking meat sculpture of myself. YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING INTERNET COMIC! If your character is talking and they pause YOU FUCKING WRITE THAT THEY ARE PAUSING AND THINKING ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE ABOUT TO SAY *pantwheezepant*. This "..." is not an acceptable line of dialogue. I've seen it in several fics and it is completely unacceptable. What the hell did you guys learn in school? Did you even go?
-F*ck!ng Cens@rship: Here's a hint, if you want to swear in your writing, go ahead and do it. You'll have to up the rating, but you'll look like less of an arse in the long run. If you're going to write one of your characters swearing but don't actually want to cuss in your writing, then there are ways around that too, you just have to be creative. Which shouldn't be outwith the realm of possibilities if you're writing sodding fanfiction. For example 'Cuddy awoke in the middle of the night, padding carefully through the darkened house to the bathroom. A wild door appeared and she stubbed her toe against it with a shock of pain. Hopping on one foot, Cuddy clutched at her toes and swore a streak so blue that it was Prussian'. See? Not hard. Writing '"F*ck!" Emma swore.' Makes everybody look stupid and me hit the exit button for your fic.
-The Dark Scenes; here's a hint; SEX does not equal DARK...okay, so, yes, some sex occurs in the dark but the act itself is not dark. If you think this is the case then you need to REALLY step back and take a look at why you think so. It is a natural occurrence in all walks of life, without it you wouldn't be here. Your dad did it with your mom. I'll give you a second to absorb that...now let's move on. I seriously worry for people that think sex is a dark and horrible thing -as is sometimes inferred in their author's note or the summary of their story 'this here's a pretty dark chapter' - oft times it doesn't mean awful things happened to the characters, it means they got laid like a freaking rug. Rape, is dark. Torture, is dark. Abuse -of any form- is DARK. Sex between two consenting adults, is fun. Even if it's kinky, if they're both enjoying it, it's all good. If you're uncomfortable writing this sort of thing, why are you writing it? Put on your big girl panties and man up. It takes work to build up your confidence but you will get there and the first step in that direction is to stop thinking of sex scenes or the act itself as being dirty, wrong or shameful.
-Literally All Metaphors - okay, you're trying to find your style, you want to set the mood, you use imagery to do that...but sometimes a spade is just a spade and not 'the mighty cleaver of the sod of the realm, biter of loam, like a great shield crashing down on a green ocean'...that kind of shit makes you sound like a wanky pretentious moron. Sometimes characters DO just walk across rooms. Sometimes they ponder things, get mired into their thoughts and allegorise everything but -for the love of crap- it isn't just one or the other. Mix 'em up. I would like to actually know what is going on in a scene rather than trying to figure out the hazy as fuck metaphors you've got streaming out of every orifice...metaphorically speaking of course.
-Laid Like a Rug- right, i think this is an Americanism, but let me clear it up: carpets are laid, dead people are laid to rest someone cannot laid there. 'Regina laid there' is not right. I've seen it several times, it's not accurate. She can lie there or lay there but that's it. That goes for everyone else too, not just Evil Queens. Get. It. Sorted.
-Gesturing; oh my god, i hate this word. Another Americanism, in that i have seen this in many a film. It RUINED How to Train Your Dragon for me ("you just gestured to all of me" WHAT THE FUCK?!). 'Gestured' is like 'got' BE MORE SPECIFIC! It's such a filler word. Like you couldn't be arsed to think of something more accurate. In HTTYD, Hiccup really means 'pointed' in Pacific Rim Rally/Rawly/whatever stupid ass name he has really means 'expression'. There is no real rational reason for my vitriol against this particular word other than i hate it so much it energises me. I could run ten miles to hit Hiccup in the face over this. It does my nut.
...aaaaaaannndd i'm done i think.
Wow, that turned out quite ranty but it's been pissing me off for a while now.
Also, if you're offended by any of the above, it means your guilty of doing this shit. So step back and think about what you're doing, correct yourself and stop wasting everybody's time. If you PM me about it to complain, all i'm going to read is 'I have a tiny dick and you made it retreat up behind my shrivelled ballsack by treating me like a big boy and saying stuff i don't like'. Take charge of your actions, improve yourself, that's what fanfiction is FOR.
Well, that and having your favourite pairing screwing like a pair of greased weasels.
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