Ridley the Violator
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Joined 07-08-06, id: 1086171, Profile Updated: 08-18-15
Author has written 13 stories for Halo, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Mass Effect, Dead Space, Dark Souls, and Metal Gear.

Are you there, God? It's me, your son. I know I've been very slow about publishing my garbage lately. But I've come up with a plan. First I'll finish and re-write Bastard Effect so that I can wash my hands of Mass Effect for the rest of my life! Then I'll finish Noir Souls 2 so I never have to think about the game that sucked away two entire seasons of my life again, and maybe I'll even write more of that Metal Gear Rising parody, too! And then I'll start HAYLO 2 up again! But these are just my "stretch" goals. I don't know if I'll be able to reach them without a little...help. That's where you guys come in! Do you like my derivative, unauthorized, copyright infringing work? Want to see me release longer chapters more frequently, except not? Or just want to throw a couple bucks to a cool guy like me? Then show your support for struggling geniuses by heading to my account to suck my fat fucking foot long cock.

Hi, I'm Ridley the Violator, and what you just read was an example of the kind of thing I find funny. I like to put a lot of effort into paragraphs upon paragraphs of writing that will then be lodged into dank corners of the internet and never seen by anyone, which is why I'm writing this. I've been inactive around here for years, releasing my overworked stories and pretending to be humble and self depreciating when I'm actually a massively narcissistic, basement dwelling neurotic. Some people think I'm crazy because I push the envelope on what makes fan fiction 'good' and 'not insane and stupid' and 'stupider,' but I don't listen to anyone, not even to all one of my fans, especially not when ask me to finish stories, which is very rare but has happened once or twice in world history.

On a related note, I get asked a lot on the internet whether I'm a girl or not. Well, I read in a book somewhere that my gender comes from society and not from my cock, so I've left it up to you guys to decide for me. Here's a helpful list of compiled evidence.

THE EVIDENCE FOR AND AGAINST IF IS RtV A GRILL IN RL?

FOR:

1. Has pretty good typing, r u a grill in rl?

2. Makes fun of men, r u a grl?

3. Has romance in stories, is grl?

4. A/S/L?

5. Wants to suck Half-Jaw's dick.

NOT FOR:

1. Has a penis(es)

2. Has (some) facial hair.

3. Has a testicle.

4. Will die of prostate cancer.

5. Makes fun of women.

And there you haven't, I mean have it. Some pretty compelling stuff, huh? Almost as compelling as the lure of crowdfunding! By the way, if you do actually want to donate to me then just PM me and I will give you the name of my account. Of course, by "you" I mean women only, and by "donate" I mean send me pictures of real butts, and by "PM" I mean post-menopause because I'm into older women.

But seriously if you want to commission some yaoi one-shots just PM me. YAOI FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

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HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH by Secondpillow reviews
Harry Potter eventually eats a sandwich and discusses life with a famous author.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 2,847 - Reviews: 1135 - Favs: 987 - Follows: 347 - Updated: 2/25/2015 - Published: 8/27/2005 - Bellatrix L., Seamus F.
Scabior Disobeyed by mirandaweasley reviews
Scabior has disobeyed.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 96 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/27/2010 - Giant Squid - Complete
Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Rectum by Broseidon reviews
Pious awakes in a dark room, and has a very bad day. If I could give this a rating higher than M, I would. 18 only - explicit sexual content. ..Seriously.
Crossover - Eternal Darkness & Prototype - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 756 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/8/2010 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

HAYLO TOO: MANY GAY JOKES reviews
Sequel to "HAYLO: THE PARODY FROM HELL." After the events on Installation 04, the Chief and his menagerie of wacky friends and enemies spiral towards an inevitable conflict between humans and aliens. But tensions stew within each side due to their dark shared histories, and a strange connection between the Chief and the newly minted Arbiter is brewing trouble for everyone else.
Halo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 15 - Words: 66,416 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 9/16 - Published: 11/11/2012 - Master Chief/John-117, Arbiter, Cortana, OC
Noir Souls II reviews
*Sequel to Noir Souls, based on that alternate universe* After retreating from the battle of the Darkroot Garden, a mutilated, disgraced, and haunted Knight Commander Ornstein scours Lordran in a feverish quest to retrieve his honor.
Dark Souls - Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,947 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 4/11 - Published: 1/22 - [Ciaran, Artorias the Abysswalker] Dragon Slayer Ornstein
METAL GEAR RISING: WAR MAKER reviews
Just when you thought it was over... One man. One dog. One woman. One other man. One more man. And another man, but he has no legs. Together they are Desperado: a top war-making agency operating all over the third world. But a rival agency intending on spreading peace is trying to undo all their work. Can SAMHWELL RODREGEZ put a stop to these peace loving mad men?
Metal Gear - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,691 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 3/21 - Published: 3/17/2015 - Bladewolf, Jetstream/Samuel R., Sundowner
HAYLO: LIFE'S A REACH reviews
Reach. The most vital planet in the UNSC. Reach. The location of all the Spartan projects, even the ones on other planets. Reach. Where everything is balanced competitively. Reach. The birthplace of the human race. Reach. Primary source of dramatically punctuated sentences. Reach. From the beginning, you know the end. And from the end, you know the beginning. And from the beginning
Halo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,492 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/17/2015 - SPARTAN-B312/Noble Six, Catherine-B320/Kat/Noble Two, Carter-A259/Noble One, Emile-A239/Noble Four - Complete
Bastard Effect reviews
Bastard Shepard is the only kind of person who CAN protect the galaxy. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully not. No. No, definitely not. Seriously, screw this guy. If you love to hate Mass Effect then you'll love to hate this! NOW CONCLUDING WITH THE LENGTHY CITADEL DLC ARC
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 37,441 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 4/20/2015 - Published: 12/17/2011 - Shepard (M)
Plastic Cog Descending: its k bro reviews
The war still rages within as Bladewolf and Raiden must cut the souls of the collective consciousness of a dark skied world that remains strange to them, but the only thing they know for real is they're their own masters now and it has to be this way. Only a red sun of violence will wash away the stains of time so that our heroes can finally return to ashes. WARNING: CONTAINS YAOI
Metal Gear - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,582 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/9/2015 - Published: 1/7/2015 - [Raiden, Bladewolf]
Noir Souls reviews
Ten years after the death of the Chosen Undead, Solaire of Astora is an embittered Darkmoon Blade solving murders in a Lordran that is dying faster every day. Now a deadly new case threatens to break his last scraps of sanity, as well as the fragile truce between Covenants. It's going to be a long night.
Dark Souls - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 32,989 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 4/20/2014 - Published: 2/20/2014 - Solaire of Astora, Lautrec, Knight of Carim, Lady of the Darkling - Complete
HAYLO: The Parody From Hell reviews
The Chief and his erotic lover Cortana must confront both the Covenant and a gang of very obnoxious original characters. More importantly, they confront the Chief's host of personality flaws, such as his extreme racism, questionable sexuality, disturbing psychosis, incredible stupidity, and general insanity. But is there a darker threat still? *Now with left justified paragraphs!*
Halo - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 66,024 - Reviews: 118 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 12/23/2013 - Published: 8/26/2008 - Master Chief/John-117, Arbiter, Cortana, OC - Complete
Sue Effect reviews
J@n shepherd haz bean alone all her lief-butt naow seh fnds lvvvr in oonexpacted plorces.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,705 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/13/2012 - Shepard (F), Nihlus K.
Isaac Clarke: Professional Child Murderer reviews
It will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Dead Space - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 221 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/19/2012 - Isaac C.
The Epic Tale of Gloridia Elvenwitch reviews
My interpretation of bad Lord of the Rings fan fiction. Warning: contains rapists!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,655 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/15/2011
Homo Potter and the Legitimate Life Style Choice reviews
COWRITTEN by me and TimmytheDevil. The single most bestly written, most eroticest Harry Potter fanficiton of all time.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,916 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/13/2010
HP & the HSFPDSP Abridged Version reviews
Harry Potter and the Half-Sorcerer's Fiery Prison of Deathly Secretive Phoenixes. "Don't worry, Albus Severus...every thing is going to be all right."
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,493 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/26/2010
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