Ridley the Violator
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Joined 07-08-06, id: 1086171, Profile Updated: 04-21-15
Author has written 11 stories for Halo, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Mass Effect, Dead Space, Dark Souls, and Metal Gear.


Like my derivative, unauthorized, copyright infringing work? Want to see me release longer chapters more frequently, except not? Or just want to throw a couple bucks to a cool guy like me? Then show your support for struggling geniuses by heading to my Patreon account to suck my fat fucking foot long cock.

Hi, I'm Ridley the Violator, and what you just read was an example of the kind of thing I find funny. I've been inactive around here for years, releasing my overworked stories and pretending to be humble and self depreciating when I'm actually a massively narcissistic, basement dwelling child. Some people think I'm crazy because I push the envelope on what makes fan fiction 'good' and 'not insane and stupid' and 'stupider,' but I don't listen to anyone, not even my fans, especially not when my fans ask me to finish stories, which is very rare but has happened once or twice in my entire life.

Here are the projects I am working on:

I am currently writing the last chapter of Bastard Effect. It's quite long and I have other things to do, plus Mass Effect sucks. But I am working on it.

I am writing some more HAYLO 2. As you may have noticed, it is actually a sit com. Yes, I am doing what all female nerd writers eventually do: put all their favorite characters into a relatively domestic situation and smash them together like an eight year old playing in a doll house. Does that mean I'm a girl in real life? You decide!



1. Has pretty good typing, r u a grill in rl?

2. Makes fun of men, r u a grl?

3. Has romance in stories, is grl?

4. A/S/L?

5. Wants to suck Half-Jaw's dick.


1. Has a penis.

2. Has (some) facial hair.

3. Has a testicle.

4. Will die of prostate cancer.

5. Makes fun of women.

Well, I guess I'll leave it up to you!

I am writing a Metal Gear Rising parody as well, which will be somewhat different.

I may one day finish another Noir Souls fan fiction.

I may also write a short Dragon Age parody. I do not have enough ideas yet, though.

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Harry Potter eventually eats a sandwich and discusses life with a famous author.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 2,847 - Reviews: 1044 - Favs: 928 - Follows: 329 - Updated: 2/25 - Published: 8/27/2005 - Bellatrix L., Seamus F.
Scabior Disobeyed by mirandaweasley reviews
Scabior has disobeyed.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 96 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/27/2010 - Giant Squid - Complete
Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Rectum by Broseidon reviews
Pious awakes in a dark room, and has a very bad day. If I could give this a rating higher than M, I would. 18 only - explicit sexual content. ..Seriously.
Crossover - Eternal Darkness & Prototype - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 756 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/8/2010 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

HAYLO TOO: Seven Thousand and Seven Nights reviews
Sequel to the Knew Yourk Thymes Bestselling fan fiction "HAYLO: THE PARODY FROM HELL," the only novel length fan fiction with sixty nine followers and featuring a wizard ant. After the events of Halo, the Chief and his menagerie of wacky friends and enemies face an even greater threat to their existence: their story has no momentum and they spend all their time bickering!
Halo - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 41,570 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 6/12 - Published: 11/11/2012 - Arbiter, Master Chief/John-117, Cortana, OC
Bastard Effect reviews
Bastard Shepard is the only kind of person who CAN protect the galaxy. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully not. No. No, definitely not. Seriously, screw this guy. If you love to hate Mass Effect then you'll love to hate this! NOW CONCLUDING WITH THE LENGTHY CITADEL DLC ARC
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 37,441 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 4/20 - Published: 12/17/2011 - Shepard (M)
One man. One dog. One woman. One other man. One more man. And another man, but he has no legs. Together they are Desperado: a top war-making agency operating all over the third world. But a rival agency intending on spreading peace is trying to undo all their work. Can SHAMHWELL RODDDREEGEZZZ, the world's only Brazilian Samurai, put a stop to these peace loving mad men?
Metal Gear - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,456 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/17 - Jetstream/Samuel R., Bladewolf
Plastic Cog Descending: its k bro reviews
The war still rages within as Bladewolf and Raiden must cut the souls of the collective consciousness of a dark skied world that remains strange to them, but the only thing they know for real is they're their own masters now and it has to be this way. Only a red sun of violence will wash away the stains of time so that our heroes can finally return to ashes. WARNING: CONTAINS YAOI
Metal Gear - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,582 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 1/9 - Published: 1/7 - [Raiden, Bladewolf]
Noir Souls reviews
Ten years after the death of the Chosen Undead, Solaire of Astora is an embittered Darkmoon Blade solving murders in a Lordran that is dying faster every day. Now a deadly new case threatens to break his last scraps of sanity, as well as the fragile truce between Covenants. It's going to be a long night. (Completed and edited, feedback is appreciated)
Dark Souls - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 32,989 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 4/20/2014 - Published: 2/20/2014 - Solaire of Astora, Lady of the Darkling - Complete
HAYLO: The Parody From Hell reviews
After escaping Reach in a crate of oranges, the Chief and his erotic lover Cortana must stop the competent and dangerous Covenant from replacing Halo's D cells. More importantly, they confront the Chief's dark past, the Chief's psychosis, the Chief's sexuality, the Chief's racism, and the Chief's archenemy: my attempt at one of the most annoying original characters ever written.
Halo - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 154,902 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 12/23/2013 - Published: 8/26/2008 - Master Chief/John-117, Arbiter, Cortana, OC - Complete
Sue Effect reviews
J@n shepherd haz bean alone all her lief-butt naow seh fnds lvvvr in oonexpacted plorces.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,705 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/13/2012 - Shepard (F), Nihlus K.
Isaac Clarke: Professional Child Murderer reviews
It will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Dead Space - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 221 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/19/2012 - Isaac C.
The Epic Tale of Gloridia Elvenwitch reviews
My interpretation of bad Lord of the Rings fan fiction. Warning: contains rapists!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,655 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/15/2011
Homo Potter and the Legitimate Life Style Choice reviews
COWRITTEN by me and TimmytheDevil. The single most bestly written, most eroticest Harry Potter fanficiton of all time.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,916 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/13/2010
HP & the HSFPDSP Abridged Version reviews
Harry Potter and the Half-Sorcerer's Fiery Prison of Deathly Secretive Phoenixes. "Don't worry, Albus Severus...every thing is going to be all right."
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,493 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/26/2010
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