deadpan riot
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Joined 07-17-06, id: 1093296, Profile Updated: 03-31-12
Author has written 24 stories for Inuyasha, Final Fantasy VII, Schindler's List, Hellsing, Metalocalypse, Harry Potter, Fable, Kuroshitsuji, Devil May Cry, Fullmetal Alchemist, Trinity Blood, and Priest.

Hm, what should I type here? Lesse...

White chick from the states. which state? The one with more bars than people. Dairy state my ass, more like the "Hey it's noon! why are we all still sober?!" state. Yea, fit that on a liscence plate oh my goverment!

Fandoms: eh, I don't really like that word. But I read Hellsing, Fullmetal Alchemist, Devil May Cry, Hary Potter, Fable, Kuroshitsuji, Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro, uuh..actually lately thats it.

Updates:
Right now i'm working on:
The Bird of Hermes chpt. 13(Hellsing/Fullmetal Alchemist)
Project Venus chpt 2(Hellsing/Trinity Blood Xover),
The Grim and the Basilisk chpt.1 (Harry Potter),
The Sergeant complete(Fable),
SMILE chpt. 3(Fable),
Ageless Kings We chpt.5(Fable/Hellsing xover),
The Police Girl gets a Pet chpt. 4(Hellsing),
Masters of Monsters chpt. 2(Hellsing/Kuroshitsuji xover),
Polar Night, Midnight Sun chpt. 3(Hellsing/Priest xover),
The Purposely Lost Chapters (fable TLC)
eclectic creme' (Fable)
The White Balverine chpt. 1 (fable)
blood in the sand chpt. 2 (fable)
and a handful of one-shots. It's the ADD. Working on one thing at a time? Not my deal.

I think pretty much anything else is irrelevant here. Even that first paragraph is pointless. but whatever.

that nifty little 'updates' paragraph will change as I add both chapters and stories(as long as I remember anyway)*

note to readers: Sorry if it feels like I'm leaving some of these stories too long without updates, but I have this funny little thing called ADD that convinces me somehow(with promises of candy and puppies, like a pedaphile! I mean what?) to ping-pong between fandoms. And, well, everything that requires attention really. So sorry loves, just know that nothing is forgotten! If I decide to discontinue something, I'll mark it as complete and leave a little note..or something.

Ta!

Stalin ~ deadpan_riot

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Swords of Fate by Kasuhisa reviews
Here is my shot at a humour fic. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru are at it again, but while they are fighting their inherited swords, Tessaiga and Tenseiga, decide that they have had enough.
Inuyasha - Rated: K - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 35 - Words: 163,804 - Reviews: 650 - Favs: 252 - Follows: 213 - Updated: 7/17/2012 - Published: 7/15/2005 - Inuyasha, Sesshomaru
Silver and Bullets by that1girl2 reviews
:: Something breaks between Remus and Sirius in their 5th year... but during the summer, something happens to Remus that changes everything... :: Hurt/Comfort/Romance :: Marauder Adventure plot-twist ::
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 30 - Words: 122,008 - Reviews: 552 - Favs: 454 - Follows: 259 - Updated: 2/19/2012 - Published: 4/29/2011 - Remus L., Sirius B. - Complete
Yay for Fire by LeoOsaka Bakura's stalker reviews
Let's just say Roy has his moments... Roycentric drabbles, mainly RoyEd and many other pairings!...And just much random fluffehness! Expect EVERYTHING!
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 86 - Words: 33,198 - Reviews: 1563 - Favs: 208 - Follows: 145 - Updated: 11/16/2011 - Published: 6/22/2005 - Roy M., Edward E.
The Legend by Coletta reviews
Alucard's daytime narcolepsy was legendary. It was a long-time problem the household had come to tolerate. One-shot.
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,639 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 10 - Published: 9/28/2011 - Alucard, Integra - Complete
The Coldest Night in January by Coletta reviews
In the future, Alucard seeks refuge at a homeless shelter. One-shot.
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,759 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/24/2011 - Complete
A Place For Everything and Everything In Its Place by Jack of All Suits reviews
Post-manga. In thirty years things change, including the layout of the kitchen. War erupts within Hellsing when Alucard dares defile the sacred ground of the kitchen. The subsequent battle ruins Integra's hope of a night off.
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,914 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/14/2011 - Alucard, Integra
Shrimps & Kitties by tsukiflower reviews
Random funny short stories featuring the characters from Fullmetal Alchemist! New chapter added!
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 49 - Words: 15,779 - Reviews: 377 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 1/22/2011 - Published: 6/15/2006 - Edward E.
The Space Angel Angle by Fayth3 reviews
Penny and Sheldon find themselves catapulted into the future. The far future. Will a certain crew manage to get them home?
Crossover - Firefly & Big Bang Theory - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 19,416 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 167 - Updated: 12/16/2010 - Published: 4/13/2010 - Jayne, Sheldon C.
Sexy Dream by C.Queen reviews
A massage, a kiss, a dream, CLAMP characters and Kazahaya's abilities cause havoc as Rikuo finds himself in a hell of a lot of trouble with Kazahaya not far behind.
Legal Drug - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 39,137 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 11/6/2009 - Published: 5/19/2006 - Kazahaya Kudo, Rikuo H. - Complete
Assorted Sweets by Clue-Sama reviews
Basically a bucket of drabbles and ficlets that primarily consist of Kaname, Zero, and even a few other pairings. May or may not be graphic at times, but hopefully most of them will be 'squinty' BL or fluffy.
Vampire Knight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 28 - Words: 30,926 - Reviews: 202 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 8/10/2009 - Published: 2/13/2009 - Kaname K., Zero K.
Pain in the by Messrs. Padfoot N' Prongs reviews
A humiliating, embarrassing, and unbecoming story that can make Sirius blush, and Sirius never blushes--unless, of course, you mention pudding, McGonagall, and fishnet stockings.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,269 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 9/13/2005 - Lily Evans P., James P.
A Vacancy by PreventPersuadePervert reviews
Throughout most of my life, there was an empty spot wherever Sirius was supposed to be at the time. He would run from me, return to me. It was a vacancy that I knew would always be filled…until now. Slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 18,009 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 6/14/2009 - Remus L., Sirius B. - Complete
They Who Inherited The Earth by Freya1867 reviews
Follows Skwisgaar and Toki as they bid for escape from Scandinavia, and end up in the throws of Dethklok. Leads right up to where we know their legacy takes off. Formally known as 'Empire'. No slash.
Metalocalypse - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 32,121 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 6/1/2009 - Published: 4/11/2009 - Skwisgaar S., Toki W.
As the Crow Flies by Empatheia reviews
Ten falls out of the sky and ends up at Princeton Plainsborough and then he and House go on a wondrous journey of self-discovery in a giant motor home named Princess Love Machine. To Canada. Where they eat eggs and bacon on a magic hill. Tragically.
Crossover - Doctor Who & House, M.D. - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,133 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 194 - Follows: 17 - Published: 5/15/2009 - 10th Doctor, G. House - Complete
Cold, But Not Dead by Counterfeit God reviews
What if Vincent Valentine was never a Turk, but a SOLDIER? And what if it was not Lucrecia who saved Vincent from the mess Hojo made him, but Sephiroth? AU. Sephiroth/Vincent Valentine. Eventual SLASH/YAOI. Set during CC.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 61 - Words: 261,697 - Reviews: 743 - Favs: 168 - Follows: 157 - Updated: 2/26/2009 - Published: 10/30/2008 - Sephiroth, Vincent V.
Second Sunday by Crystal Delphina reviews
A 12 hour work day of inventory is dismal at best. Good thing the faithful employees are playing a game with each other to spice up the boring Sunday. War tactics and flirting go hand in hand, along with some good natured betting. Sequel to Third Tuesday
Legal Drug - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 26,416 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 12/4/2008 - Published: 4/27/2008 - Complete
Third Tuesday by Crystal Delphina reviews
KazaRiku-If he wasn't forced every third Tuesday to stock a particular item in the store, perhaps Kazahaya's life would be slightly more tolerable: Saiga wouldn't tease him as badly and maybe Rikuo would stop acting strangely. The day just needs to end.
Legal Drug - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 13,744 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 4/21/2008 - Published: 12/9/2006 - Complete
30 Shards of Jaken by Amara Anon reviews
Move over, Inuyasha. Perpetual sidekick JAKEN takes center stage in this collection of 30 short stories. All genres. Ch 30: Father's Memento: How Sesshomaru acquired Tenseiga and another seemingly useless memento named Jaken. COMPLETE.
Inuyasha - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 29,963 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 2/9/2008 - Published: 10/17/2005 - Sesshomaru, Jaken - Complete
In Your Arms by missashlee28 reviews
Updated: Chapter 17. [RikuoKazahaya], [KakeiSaiga], and some gen. An experience that results in arguments, laughter and unexpected situations: life. A compilation of many oneshots: some drabbles and some full length.
Legal Drug - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 14,516 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 10/25/2007 - Published: 7/15/2005
Oh God! Another Damned Romantic Comedy! by Rose Royce reviews
[Student Screws Teacher]All these Inuyasha romantic comedies, it drives me CRAZY! But I decided to poke fun at them with these stupid parodies! INUYASHAxKAGOME 4EVER! MIROKUxSANGO EVENTUALLY!
Inuyasha - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 20 - Words: 21,595 - Reviews: 154 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 7/24/2007 - Published: 7/28/2006 - Inuyasha, Kagome H. - Complete
The Trinity Times by Umeko reviews
The Pope and 2 Cardinals start a newspaper. AX handling the advice columns? Issue 24 Up. Completed
Trinity Blood - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 34,702 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 5/4/2007 - Published: 5/30/2006 - Complete
Mistakes by Fantastical Queen Ebony Black reviews
100 little mistakes I’ve made, impossible to take back. 100 words I want to say, but unfortunately I cannot. 100 word drabbles, various characters and pairings. Canon, Alt., AU
Inuyasha - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 87 - Words: 10,841 - Reviews: 477 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 1/21/2007 - Published: 1/24/2005
Sengoku Shorts by Amara Anon reviews
A collection of short drabbles on various Inuyasha characters & pairings. Written by request to celebrate my one year anniversary as a fanfic writer. Thank you for reading!
Inuyasha - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 2,989 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/9/2006 - Miroku, Sango - Complete
The future game by Coke-48-Kenshin reviews
Kagome decides to tell the gang the rules of truth and dare so she can somehow get Sango and Miroku together and find out what Inuyasha really thinks of her!
Inuyasha - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,946 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 8/4/2006 - Published: 8/2/2006 - Complete
The Killing Moon by Epithelial reviews
Kakei dreams of what is and what can be, given a little time and the right opportunity. And he is terrified. RikuoKazahaya, KakeiSaiga, RikuoTsukiko.
Legal Drug - Rated: T - English - Angst/Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,333 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 8/2/2006 - Published: 3/1/2006
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

eclectic creme' reviews
81: Sparrow, Hammer, and a silver key chest
Fable - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 81 - Words: 79,808 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 3/13/2014 - Published: 9/21/2011 - Sparrow/The Hero of Bowerstone, Hammer
The Bird of Hermes reviews
When "Father" consumes "God", he gets more than he bargained for. When "The No Life King" gives in to "Truth", he finds he may be in over his head. And once the dust settles on the battlefield, what will become of the world?
Crossover - Hellsing & Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 59,233 - Reviews: 108 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 10/8/2013 - Published: 9/6/2010 - Alucard, Edward E.
Ageless Kings We reviews
Before he was Reaver, Pirate King and Industrialist, he was a man searching for himself. What he found is the deviant we know, but how did he get there? This is the tale of the forever young Thief Prince, and the ageless king that showed him the way.
Crossover - Hellsing & Fable - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 15,292 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 10/23/2012 - Published: 3/15/2011 - Alucard, Reaver
blood in the sand reviews
The temple beyond Aurora is little more than legend to most, a ghost story. It's on a whim that Reaver drags Sparrow out into the sands without thought to the monsters lurking beneath, and it's the whims of the monsters that may be the end of them both
Fable - Rated: T - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,430 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 10/22/2012 - Published: 3/21/2012 - Sparrow/The Hero of Bowerstone, Reaver
know them by this sign reviews
deserters, renegades, revolutionaries, and mercenaries. The origin and impact of the crimson bird that unites, divides, and brings the nation to its knees. Chpt.2: the princess finds an ally in the defector called Saker
Fable - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,985 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/5/2012 - Published: 6/1/2012 - Prince/Princess/The Hero of Brightwall
The Purposely Lost Chapters reviews
There were the lost, then found, chapters. And then, there were the purposely lost chapters. History is only what someone else wants it to be, after all. oneshots based off being not so nice in Fable:TLC.
Fable - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,362 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 10/23/2011 - Published: 6/4/2011 - Chicken Chaser/The Hero of Oakvale
The Sergeant reviews
Reaver returns to find a most peculiar pair of house guests. Will Reaver survive the antics of Sparrow and his new furry companion, or will he find himself fleeing back to Samarkand tail between his legs?
Fable - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 19,664 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 9/26/2011 - Published: 11/16/2010 - Reaver, Sparrow/The Hero of Bowerstone - Complete
we all fall down reviews
Dante goes to England to get away from it all, only to come to the conclusion that he should have put more thought into his travel plans. rated for some violence against kid!vampire mobs
Crossover - Devil May Cry & Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,690 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 12 - Published: 6/30/2011 - Dante, Alucard - Complete
Polar Night, Midnight Sun reviews
Caught between the Church and the men who oppose them, Alucard will have to decide where to stand. Will he obey his masters and let eternal day reign, or will he defy them and bring about eternal night?
Crossover - Hellsing & Priest - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,807 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 6/29/2011 - Published: 5/22/2011 - Alucard
T'was the Night before Christmas: Hellsing Style reviews
A mall seized, one very unlucky home destroyed, and a vampire in red getting quite the Christmas party. Based VERY loosely on the poem of the same name. Rated for dark themes. note: Alucard's party isn't the kind you get balloons for, FYI...
Hellsing - Rated: M - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,051 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/24/2011 - Alucard, Seras - Complete
Masters of Monsters reviews
With the Hellsing Organization newly welcomed into the Queen's arsenal of underground organizations, Abraham and Alucard find themselves rubbing elbows with the top contender: The Earl Ciel Phantomhive, and his butler Sebastian Michealis.
Crossover - Hellsing & Kuroshitsuji - Rated: T - English - Crime/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,649 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 111 - Published: 5/23/2011 - Alucard, Sebastian M.
The Police Girl gets a Pet reviews
Alucard decides to gift his fledgling with a new pet. Maybe just not one she'd want... No longer a one-shot!
Hellsing - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,064 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 5/23/2011 - Published: 7/15/2010 - Seras, Alucard
Project Venus reviews
In a building that doesn't exist, run by men who were never born, Abel meets the creature who will forever change his life in more ways than one: Alucard. Will they survive the schemes of Man, or will they, along with the world, fall? Alucard/Abel
Crossover - Hellsing & Trinity Blood - Rated: M - English - Horror/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,980 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 5/10/2011 - Published: 10/25/2010 - Alucard, Abel N.
SMILE reviews
the sergeant universe; The everyday trials of living with a balverine. Cameos? Yes. Sanity? Not so much. Centered around Reaver and Sparrow's pet balverine, Sergeant Smiles. Chpt 2: Garth and Reaver try their hand at balverine bathing
Fable - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,523 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 5/10/2011 - Published: 5/8/2011 - Reaver
HandHeld News
AU Ciel just wanted to watch the news, but ends up having to explain said concept to Alois. Sorry, not yaoi.
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,678 - Favs: 6 - Published: 4/11/2011 - Ciel P., Alois T. - Complete
WhiteWash the World reviews
Ed goes to face Truth and get his brother back, only to get a suprise of the undead kind. One-shot.
Crossover - Hellsing & Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,304 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 10 - Published: 11/11/2010 - Alucard, Edward E. - Complete
The Basilisk and the Grim reviews
Lucius Malfoy and Sirius Black, brought together to further two family reputations. Will they be able to hold onto their friendship, or will the world tear them apart? Eventual Lucius/Sirius
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,360 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 7 - Published: 10/25/2010 - Lucius M., Sirius B.
SP'orks: Population '666' reviews
Alucard goes on a little 'field trip' without his Master's knowledge to right a great and terrible wrong in the world. Non-crack anti-twilight
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,505 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 4 - Published: 10/11/2010 - Alucard - Complete
Boa
SnB era. Pickles is trying to avoid everyone on St. Patty's day, but ends up failing miserably. Pickles/Candynose. One-shot.
Metalocalypse - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 826 - Favs: 4 - Published: 9/30/2010 - Pickles, Sammy T./Candynose - Complete
Pickles vs The Lamp reviews
Pickles is called into Offdenson's office to discuss something in the tabloids, only to become distracted by something evil lurking on the manager's desk. One-shot. Rated for drugs and possesed furniture.
Metalocalypse - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,510 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/30/2010 - Pickles, C. F. Ofdensen - Complete
Medieval Medicine reviews
A young Integra is coming down with a cold, and Alucard wants to help. Unfortunately for her, his methods are a bit...dated. One-shot.
Hellsing - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,504 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 7 - Published: 9/28/2010 - Integra, Alucard - Complete
Prismatic reviews
Proof that one simple thing can be so much more. Every color has it's own hues and shades, and every one of these has a possible story just waiting to unfold. color-themed one-shots with various characters, genres, ratings, etc.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 858 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 4/14/2009 - Published: 2/3/2009 - Complete
dead tree
Those last few moments...
Schindler's List - Rated: T - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 698 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/14/2009 - Complete
The Random Place reviews
Just some random stories that popped into my head. They're everything from comedy to angst, and everything in between.
Inuyasha - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 8,451 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 10/10/2006 - Published: 7/30/2006 - Complete
Coletta (30)