Author has written 5 stories for Negima! Magister Negi Magi/魔法先生ネギま！, and Naruto.
Hold up, you should be warned before reading on that you are about to read the best profile ever. I will even write it in awesome format, which means I will provide a table of contents so you can read only that which interests you, namely: Everything. It should be noted that the majority of this profile is just for fun, and so that those who read it can get a feel for who I am. But all that I say about me is true, so you'll still get the goods. Oh, also, please disregard the advertisement listed a bit to the right. I'm not getting paid for attracting people to look at it, so it shouldn't be in my damn profile. Don't get on my case about how it's generating revenue for the site, because I'm not an idiot. I know how the system works, just fine. In fact, I'll probably get in trouble for telling you to ignore the stupid thing. See? Foresight, baby. Here it comes:
--Table of contents start--
A) Me. Nothing but the facts. Why? Because if I gave you anything that wasn't a fact that would make me a liar, and to effectively rock, you can't be a liar.
B) Stuff that rocks, and everyone should like. Those who are socially confused, namely Emo people, should refer here to get their lives back on track. Knowing what to like is very important, and I make it easy by telling you.
C) Things you SHOULD do, and things you SHOULD NOT do. My sound advice will help you go far in life, and maybe even save you from castration at the hands of a mistake. Ah, who am I kidding? My advice WILL save you from becoming a Eunuch.
D) Reading and reviewing etiquette, as some people require it. Get ready to have your flaming ass handed to you on a silver platter. ...When I said 'flaming', I meant for those people who 'flame' other people, for those who missed the joke.
E) My interests, more specifically related to this site than category 'B'. Namely, the anime and manga I like. If you like anything that I do, and happen to have written something in the category, you may read category 'F', below.
F) If your work is awesome and you know it, tell me about your fic and maybe I'll check it out. It's easier if the material comes to me, and you're doing yourself a favor by trying to pick up a reader who reviews. Only the intelligent need apply, as I don't want to read anything so stifled with mistakes that it makes newborn children cry. They can't even read, and you're making them cry! A passing grade in an English class, good people, should be a prerequisite to being allowed to submit things onto the internet.
G) Wow, didn't think I'd get to 'G'. This is the bonus stuff. I recommend only reading this if you are a person. ...That means you can read it.
--Table of contents end--
--A) My name is Andrew McLean. I am 20-years-old (Birthday is March 19), and have been writing since I was 13. Don't worry, though, I'm not one of those people who started writing during their teenage years because I couldn't cope with the pressures and changes during said time frame. I can't write poetry, and feel masculine for it. Though, I am sure, there are times when such a skill would be very useful in life. When? If you have to ask, then you do not need to know.
I am 5'7, weigh somewhere in-between 130 and 140 lbs., have brown hair and blue eyes, and am good with kids. You may be thinking to yourself, how can someone who can't write poetry be good with kids? Well, it's a stereotype that only women and effeminate men can be good with kids. I'll have you know that it only took me 45 minutes to change a diaper, earlier today. I only got hit with one misfired nugget, too. ...What makes the previous statement sad is that it is true. But in all seriousness, kids like me. I'm damn good with babies, too. It's as though there is no such thing as 'crying' when a baby is in my arms. I'm just that good.
I have an Associate's Degree in the Arts, majoring in English. So if you find any mistakes, you can point and laugh at how the 'smart' kid is actually stupid. And for those of you who don't think an Associate's Degree matters and it certainly doesn't make me seem any smarter, well, I'd say you're right. The plan is to get my Bachelor's Degree in social services. We'll see where the tide takes me.
--B) Things that I like are things that everyone should like. If that sounds incredibly pompous of me, you'll have to excuse it as your own inability to accept my correctness. Here are some things that rock, distributed into individual categories:
1. Music - Here are ten bands you should like, and three songs for each as reasons:
Queen; 1. Don't Stop Me Now, 2. Good-old Fashioned Lover Boy, 3. Somebody To Love. (Honorable mention: Killer Queen)
Nirvana; 1. Come As You Are, 2. Something In The Way, 3. Smells Like Teen Spirit. (Honorable mention: Dumb)
Audioslave; 1. Cochise, 2. Like A Stone, 3. Show Me How To Live. (Honorable mention: Shadow On The Sun)
Buckethead; 1. Asylum Of Glass, 2. King James, 3. Sail On Soothsayer. (Honorable mention: Soothsayer)
Seether; 1. Driven Under, 2. Broken, 3. I've Got You Under My Skin. (Honorable mention: Tied My Hands)
System Of A Down; 1. Aerials, 2. B.Y.O.B., 3. Holy Mountains. (Honorable mention: Roulette)
Muse; 1. Blackout, 2. Supermassive Black Hole, 3. Stockholm Syndrome. (Honorable mention: Sing For Absolution)
Goo Goo Dolls; 1. Name, 2. I'm Still Here, 3. Black Balloon. (Honorable mention: Iris)
Coldplay; 1. The Scientist, 2. In My Place, 3. Violet Hill. (Honorable mention: Yellow)
Shinedown; 1. Simple Man, 2. The Crow And The Butterfly, 3. Sound Of Madness. (Honorable mention: Burning Bright)
And there you go. Ten bands/artists that rule. I know what you're thinking: 'Wait, Coldplay and The Fray are up there! This guy's a total douche!' I would like to reply with a backhand to the face, followed with a comment about how it's sad that you need to look down on some music to feel more masculine, or escape feeling even more girly than you already are. As I've said before; Any REAL man can appreciate something for its beauty without being emasculated by it. That being the case, you're really feminine for NOT listening to these bands. All women: You may listen to whatever you please, and please you I hope it does.
2. Sports - I love games. I love competition. I love rising to a challenge. Basketball is the sport of kings, as only the best of the best can partake in the ultimate goodness of the NBA. In the MLB, you've got old guys standing around in a field. Unless, of course, there's the off chance that someone will eventually swing that stick into that ball and then movement will occur. By the time this happens, though, I have already made myself dinner, done my taxes, washed and folded a load of laundry by hand, and taught myself a little bit of Tae-Kwon-Do as I listen to my fly Audioslave 'Revelations' cd. Time well spent running up my electricity bill, no?
The NFL is passable, but you'd be better off watching the highlights on Sportscenter, or something. Save yourself two and a half hours by watching the three minutes worth of interesting plays on the highlight reel. Done and done. NHL? Also passable, but the same rule for the NFL applies. MLS? What the hell is that? Oh! The Major League Soccer thing. No thanks, I'd rather go cut a lawn that huge soaked in honey in the middle of a killer bee epidemic. Or just go play soccer. Yeah, that sounds better. But the NBA? No, the NBA is worth watching. You have some real athletes out there, running and jumping more than in any other sport. Well, sure, the soccer players run more, I'll give them that. But getting on the basketball court and showing people how it's done in the street is how games should be played. I'm 5'7. How do you think the 6'1 guy felt when I went up and slammed the ball back down on him? Not good enough to try the same move twice.
3. Video Games - If you don't play video games in this day and age there are a few things that could be said for you: 1. You have a social life. 2. You're behind, catch up! 3. Some other generic thing that could be said of you. Video games started my writing up, and have been a big part in my becoming who I am, today. Sound stupid? Think of it this way: What has affected YOU as you grew up, or even do so now? The stories that we are exposed to help to define us, and the same can be said for video games. Squall, from Final Fantasy 8, was the very first bad-ass that I was ever exposed to. Coincidentally, I started writing after beating that game. Now, Gears of War tops my list.
--C) Ah, now we reach a category that is designed to help you become a better person. Reading this profile is already helping you to do that, but it has mostly been about me, up to this point. Here are some things you SHOULD do, and their opposites, which you should refrain from doing:
1. You just took a girl out on a successful first date, and you're walking her to her door. ...Half of the people reading this just went 'What the hell? No one does that, anymore you idiot!' Yeah? Well that's why she's gonna dump your sorry ass. Now, where was I? You're walking her to her door, and she stops you at the porch/stoop/step, whatever she has, to tell you she had a good time. You reply in a nonchalant manner, telling her that you reciprocate said sentiments. ...That means you say 'Yeah, me too', in a cool guy manner, or something similar. She leans in a little bit, and you think 'Oh man, a kiss! Sweet!'. Or, at least, that's what you SHOULD be thinking. Here are the various things that you may do at this point, consequences included:
Action A) Immediately ask her if you can come in and check her pipes, or any other of countless stupid lines. Not only will she slap you and slam the door in your face, but I will run you over with my car for being so stupid. It was your first date, for God's sake. This option isn't even that; An option. DO NOT choose this course of action.
Action B) Lean in to the kiss, and get that little peck. And hold it...hold it...hold it...realize that she's trying to pull away, and that you are literally holding it. The 'it' being her. After a few minutes of her pounding on your chest to let go, you will need to stop for air, at which point she will quickly lock herself in her house and call the police. Within the week, you will find that she has a restraining order against you. Time to call for that second date! DO NOT choose this course of action. The 'thank you' kiss is meant as just that, a quick thank you. Don't take it for more than that, as holding it for too long is creepy and very unmanly.
Action C) Give her a little kiss, making sure that she knows you had a good time, and would like to go out again sometime. Calmly walk down her driveway or whatever else she may have, careful not to look over your shoulder at her. You MUST play it cool and nonchalant, which makes you seem all the better. If done properly, not only will the girl watch you walk back to your car, but she will be amazed as a slight breeze will pick up, making you look like a complete bad-ass as your hair and whatever loose clothing you may be wearing are affected. Only the most composed and cool of men may pull this move off with any success, and it is not a skill I can teach, unfortunately. Walk around your car from the back, and as you open your door, flash her a warm, little smile, just to polish things off. You'll have a message waiting for you on your machine when you get home. This is the action you SHOULD choose.
2. Now that you know how to handle the goodbye after a first date, let's cover something a little more universal. The previous scenario isn't going to help any of the ladies out there, is it? Here's a situation that both sexes can benefit from studying:
So your dates have been going good, you both get along great, and you've been together for awhile. You now have to meet your partner's parents. The first thing that comes to mind for some is to kill their lover, and then commit suicide. That way, you can be together forever in the afterlife with no such complications. Once you get back from therapy, make sure to continue reading this. It'll be here.
Good? Good. Now, you're out at dinner with her (or his) parents, and everything seems to be going smooth. Of course, while you're maintaining a balanced and composed outer appearance, inside your mind is screaming at you, telling you to watch out for every last little thing that could go wrong. This doesn't mean that you're crazy, it just means that you really care about this girl (or guy) and want things to go well. But since you may very well be in love, you might as well be crazy. The only difference is the amount of cash you need to shell out, and that sometimes at night you get to play. Board games. With your spouse. Because that's what they do. Board games. Anyway, things are going good, but then the bill comes. Oh, bloody hell, what do you do now? Here are the choices you have. From here on out, we will be assuming that you are the male in the couple:
Action A) Sit there and stare at it like a dunce, waiting for her father to take care of it. After all, you forced small talk and complimented his daughter all night, right? So why should you pay for the dinner? The father then has his own set of choices, but for simplicity's sake, I will not list them. He will pay the bill, and be forever unimpressed with you, now thinking that you are a cheapskate, and his daughter won't be in good hands with you. Mission accomplished; You got a free meal. DO NOT choose this action. Not only will you look cheap, but no meal is worth the good disposition of your girl's father. NO meal.
Action B) Take the bill right away and pay it without consulting the father (or mother, as the case may sometimes be. Use your own discretion). This is disrespectful, as you are making choices without even considering the family you are trying to impress. Sure, you showed you have the green, but you also stripped the father, most likely a proud man as the case usually seems to be in these situations, of his power. HE alone is the provider for his family, and you're trying to take that away from him. He will leave a tip (assuming you didn't beat him to it), feeling severely emasculated by you, thus forming an ill opinion of you. While better than action 'A', this will still not seal the deal with a win, and I DO NOT recommend this course of action.
Action C) Reach for the bill at the same time as the father, passing it off as a little 'accident'. You'll both make eye contact briefly, and it is in this moment that he will make a choice. He will either; 1. Decide that he likes you and trusts you with his daughter, and will retract his hand, knowing you to be the good person you are, allowing you to supplant him as his family's provider for the meal, or 2. Take the bill out from under you, refusing you the privilege of taking his place for the meal. You will know that you are not yet accepted if this happens, and will just have to keep trying. This is the action you SHOULD choose.
--D) It should be known by all that reviews are the only thing that fanfiction writers have to encourage them to write. Even if it's something short, it can make a world of difference. The thirty seconds you spend in writing out a review can make the entire writing process worth it. I have received single reviews that made the entire several hour long process of writing a chapter worth it. A minute, a minute and a half of someone else's time made the five hours+ that I spent writing worth it. Could you imagine how the writer would feel should he or she receive ten of these reviews?
Conversely, there are people who leave comments that are affectionately named 'flames'. I have never received a flame, that I am aware of, but I am sure I would not appreciate it if I did. If my writing sucks, chances are I know it and don't need you to point it out to me like a little ponce (EDIT: I have since received a couple of flames among my near two thousand reviews. It's weird. I get these strange feelings when I read them. I settle in on happy, however, when I realize that the person actually thinks I care about what they have to say. People are funny). Constructive criticism is different from flaming, in that it actually serves some sort of discernable purpose. Oh, wait, so does flaming: It helps us to establish that you, the flamer, are a dick. If you dislike something so much that you feel the need to say something bad about it, why the hell did you read all of it, anyway? So you could be 'entitled' to shooting it down? How about this: You just stop reading it, and leave it. If that seems like a bad thing to do, how about this: Send me your address so I can send you a copy of the picture I have of you doing that embarrassing thing you don't want anyone to know you do. You know what I'm talking about. Now hang on while I post it somewhere on the internet where everyone you know can see it...
--E) Now, for the benefit of the innumerable people who will come here to learn about me (Yeah, all ten of you), these are the animes and mangas I like:
1. Fullmetal Alchemist - This story moved me. It was compelling, deep, innovative, and awe inspiring. It didn't have a flowery ending, either, which made it seem all the more true to life. Because of how much of a man I am, I can admit that there were a couple of parts where I was a little emotional, too. If you can't admit to getting a little emotional while watching this, you are either a hollowed out shell of a person or a wuss who can't admit the truth. You cried.
2. Mahou Sensei Negima!/Negima!? - Like girls? You should. This series has over thirty girls in it, and each one is as great as the next. There are so many personalities and possibilities that half the fun is trying to figure out who your favorite is. It's even got a genius ten-year-old teacher in it. Who can do magic. Akamatsu (The creator) must have spied on me when I was a child to get the idea for this one. Yes, I am a prodigy, too.
3. Fullmetal Panic Series - Sousuke Sagara is one of the greatest characters ever. Period. He could bring countries to their knees going it alone, and he brings viewers to their knees with laughter at his misunderstandings and military ways. I don't even like mech stuff, but I really enjoyed this show for its characters. If Sousuke was any cooler, I would confuse him with me. You know, except without the gun mishaps. ...I don't use practice rounds.
4. Samurai Champloo - One of the first animes I watched (Top four, maybe?), and one of the best. It had enough ass-kicking and death in it to satisfy political dictators and oil-hungry politicians around the world! Samurai Champloo held not only interesting story arcs, but fun to watch characters and intense fight sequences. It's a winner all the way.
5. Naruto - Ah, Naruto. The possibilities are endless with this one. When the story is actually going, this is one hell of a show. When the story is not moving (During the several hundred filler episodes!), it kills me, and I don't watch it. Shallow of me? Not at all. I wish so much that myself, along with other talented writers, had been in charge of the filler episodes. How many fanfics have you read that would have made fantastic filler episodes (Some fics would be MANY episodes)? Too many, too many. And we wouldn't have needed as much cash as the writers paid to write these things up! My heart, she hurts.
6. Shakugan No Shana - It's a story about a girl who kills stuff, and a guy who's already dead. ...So she can't kill him. I guess that's why they get along so well. The characters all had kind of dorky names and titles and such but, aside from that, I really liked it. The animation was real pretty, too, which never hurts.
7. Chobits - For a couple of months, I had the anime on demand channel, and they'd get a new episode out every couple of weeks or so. I'd check maybe once a week so I wouldn't miss anything cool. What shows on there did I watch, you ask? Well, I certainly didn't watch a show about a group of little girls who all wanted to be some sort of princess, and were all going for the same tiara thingy! ...Seriously, let it go. Chobits was the only show they ever put on there that warranted any watching, just because it was so easy to enjoy. Before they got all weird with the ending arc, the story was relaxed and fun, interesting and easy. No problem.
8. Love Hina - The first perverted media I believe I was ever exposed to. Well, intentionally perverted, anyway. It was during the reading of this story that I realized I enjoyed harem comedy/romance. It was also when I began buying things that I needed to hide from my friends. Why? Because they're perverse. ...Coming from the guy who owns all of the books, and who promptly looked for more work by the same author after finishing it. Yeah. Anyway, the story is somewhat lackluster around the details and the plot is a bit overdone (Childhood promise + Manga/anime = Super-cliche), but the artwork and dialogue is upbeat and fun. Downside is that Keitaro is a dumbass, and doesn't know a real woman when he sees one. Oh, Motoko...
9. Death Note - Oh, man, Death Note. This is on a whole level all its own. I'm not even sure what to say other than congratulations, Tsugumi Ohba. We're getting married.
--F) Maybe there will be more added to that list, maybe not. If you have written/know of any awesome stories of these series, let me know. I like pretty much any genre, because I'm just that flexible. ...Except gay activity. Nothing against it, personally, but I'd rather not read about it.
--G) Bonus stuff. Rock on.
My Naruto fanfictions have earned me at least a little recognition and, as such, a fanclub for my writing has been opened up at the Naruto Forums. We have over fifty members, right now, which is more than I ever guessed we'd have. You can check out the fanclub here:I'm not saying you should join, or anything. That's your conscience telling you to do that.
I found this OC test in -x-Taylor-x-'s profile:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ATTENTION ORIGINAL OR OC WRITERS!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To attempt Mary Sue/Gary Stu reductions, please take this online test to determine whether or not your character is believable.
I took the test for my favorite OC, Connor. I was completely honest throughout the test, and he came out with a score of 79. What does that mean? Well, my friends, it means that he is possibly one of the most Gary-Stu characters ever. I don't get how, either; He doesn't talk to animals, he isn't related to any of the canon characters, he's not stronger than the canon characters, he doesn't have a 'special' weapon, and various other 'he doesn'ts'. I think it's his bad-ass coat. But I'm not giving up the coat, so he will have to remain Gary-Stu, unfortunately. My infinitely powerful OC, Serac, only got a 21! EXPLAIN THAT TO ME. HE'S BETTER THAN MY NORMAL PERSON CHARACTER.
Take the test, be honest, and tell me what your character brings in, it's fun! Only the most awesome of OCs need apply.
So, that's all I got. If anyone ever wants to talk to me about anything, feel free to throw a PM my way. I'm a pretty cool guy, so not only will I read what you have to say, but I will even reply (Individual results may vary)! I'm just that good. Well, screw you guys, I'm going home. ...Now that that's taken care of, I'm ending my profile.
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