Author has written 2 stories for Harry Potter, and Naruto.
About the Author:
My name is Breven. Yes, I actually use my real name. Its one of the few benefits for having mildly creative parents. My age is irrelevant but if you must know, I am somewhere between the ages of 18 and 40. Hobbies of mine include reading (mostly HP and Naruto fanfiction), modding out my Mitsubishi Eclipse project car (aka. Money Pit), riding my motorcycle (US129 FTW!), practicing martial arts (I hate my joints, I must punish them), working out (when I can get away from Battlefield 3 / Modern Warfare 3 / SWTOR), shooting my ARs and multitude of other firearms (when I can afford it...have you SEEN the prices for ammo lately?), and handing over money to my fiance (I can't say anything bad here. I'm not that stupid). All this I manage to squeeze in between work and video games. Work wise, I am, ironically, a network admin for a library. Not a bad place for an avid reader if I say so myself. In between watching anime and pondering the strangeness that is elementary particle physics, I manage to fix a few computers now and again. Every other week I collect a paycheck and the cycle begins anew.
Also, random fact, skydiving is AWESOME!
Comments, questions, and curse words are welcome. Nay, appreciated! Begged for even! You can leave me a PM or check out my cardomain web page listed in my homepage.
If you have time, check out eQuasarus' stories (especially Changing Faces, one of our joint efforts). He was the one that got me started in fanfiction and he's got loads of great stories. There's even a few of my old ones that he was kind enough to host all those years ago. If you have time, drop him a line and tell him to put Quadrivium Abs Anima back up. He's in my favs.
I'm still writing. I still haven't mowed my lawn.
Okay, not writing so much anymore, but I have a kick ass favorites list. So, go read that. Or whatever, I don't care.
Funny Times in my Life That I Deem Worthy to Share With You Random Strangers. More Sure to Follow.
Chad: 6.6 in Russia today. Breven: 7.5" in your mom today.
Breven: If I'd have known I'd be the only one working today, I'd have brought my book. :( Chris: ...don't you work in a library? Breven: Oh. Oh yeah. Heh.
Breven: So I was cruising Project Playlist. Best Song Ever: "Hampster on a piano"
Lauren: Are you guys on steroids? Me: No, muscle vitamins. Larry (nods) Muscle vitamins. Lauren (after 10 seconds of thinking): ...I'm not stupid, Larry!
Me: Look, there's a guy walking around in plate armor. Chad: That's just random. Me: Do you think the cops would laugh or arrest us if we challenged him to a duel and started fighting? Chad: I'm not surprised that is the first thing that came to your mind rather then 'why is someone walking around in plate armor' to begin with. Me: Quick. What's the correct way to issue a medieval challenge? Chad: ...you're not listening to me, are you?
Rob: Did you really just do that? Me: Well, if a parent let's their daughter dress like a whore, then they really shouldn't be surprised when I ask 'how much?' right? Rob: ... Me: Yeah, I'm an asshole like that. You'll get used to it, but you have to admit it was pretty funny!
Me: You did a front flip off the top of the stairs in front of everybody. Larry: Really? Was it cool? Me: No, you hit the floor face first. You definitely stuck the landing though.
Me: Steroids are awesome and all, but that doesn't mean you can just catch a truck. Steve: Fuck you! Me: Yeah, I bet you'd like to, wouldn't you Tinker Bell? Too bad you got a broken pelvis. And just look at all the hot nurses here... Steve: I hate you. *hits morphine button* Lindsay: Lieutenant Dan! U got ur legs back!
Me: Who needs logic when I can just make shit up?
Me: (drumming fingers on desk) I'm bored. 3 different people: (at the same time) Oh god.
Me: Did you seriously just draw a swastika in the cake? Steve: I thought it was funny. Me: Well, I did hear that the Germans like to bake.
Me: Man, I'm too lazy to be apathetic.
Steve: Dude, she hates you. Me: Yeah, that's one quality all my ex's seem to have. That and they usually get fat. Larry: Truth. Me: You know Larry, I'm probably going to date your sister.
Chris: hey, you're the one prancing around like a little girl.
(Sitting on our hotel balcony at the beach) Larry: Look at that one. Think she's cute? Me: You know, they all look so much more legal from up here. Larry: God, we're old.
Me: That boy was as queer as a football bat.
Andy: She was a full-on vaginatarian.
Lindsay: That makes no sense. Chris: Breven uses plogic. Lindsay: Dare I ask? Me: It's pretend logic. Lindsay: I feel a headache coming on. Chris: Yeah, plogic does that. Just go with it. He enjoys it if you struggle. Me: It is a turn on.
Lindsay: You better not put any roofies in my jager this weekend. Me: Oh gosh! I wouldn't do that! What kinda man do you take me for? Oh, hey, by the way, does this rag smell like chloroform? Lindsay: Smells like rape.
Me: Well, now we all know what burnt semen smells like. (after a friend dropped the most horrendous fart in the middle of a crowded room.)
Me to a friend: Don't move. She can smell the sugar in your body. (referring to a large girl that was blatantly checking us out.) Friend: No fear. Me: I don't have to outrun her. I just have to out run you.
Me to friend (referring to my car): Mitsubishi. It means 'explodes with great force' in Japanese.
Lauren (referring to a SPR AR-15 that I built): Oh gosh, what on earth do you shoot with that thing? Me: Hobos mostly.
Larry (who is halfblind): I saw my life flash before my eye. ...I watch a lot of porn apparently.
(At Hardee's getting breakfast one morning) Brian: Grape jelly? Me: Yeah, please. Brian: Okay, I'll be back. Me: No, no. You have to say it like Arnold. Brian (in Arnold voice): Grape jelly? Me: (facepalm)
Me: OMG! I found Waldo...and he's right there! (points at a random guy who is, for no apparent reason, walking in the middle of Market Square dressed like Waldo, stripped shirt and cap and all.)
(I can't take credit for these)
Ignorance killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
I've got a bullet here with your name on it and I'm going to keep firing till I find it!
You're a great friend, but if zombies are chasing us, I'm tripping your ass.
The pen is mightier than the sword. That may be, but a well tossed type writer packs a pretty good punch too.
I'm in lesbian with you.
Why do I carry a gun??
I carry a gun because there is evil in this world. It strikes in churches, McDonalds, the library, at home and in traffic.
When it comes, you won't have time to wait for the police. It will come suddenly, without warning and with unbelievable violence.
Generations of Americans have fought and died to protect this country, their families and friends.
It is my right and my duty to follow in their footsteps if called upon to do so.
Regression of a Wizard - ~Discontinued~ Currently up for grabs by any talented author that wishes to explore the universe I've began. Contact me with offers if interested. My current project. With over 30,000 words written and ready to go, I'm trying to keep ahead of what I post. The book will be pure Harry/Hermione, although a fairly slow simmering one. Hermione for once will be the one chasing after Harry and, of course, this leads to a multitude of comical situations. Rated Mature for violence, bloodshed, language, and sexual situations (read tension) I love to write tons of good action scenes with a good dose of comedy. The first half is mostly comedy revolving around a transformed Harry with the body, mind, and memories of his 5-year old self running amok in Hogwarts. Later parts will deal with his search for the Horcruxes and his travels around the world with focus on side mis-adventures and quests. At least that is the plan...support for the story is astonishing underwhelming.
ReBourne - Another current project. This one is mostly just in the idea phase and I'm waiting on user reactions before I plan anything too much further. Based on the Jason Bourne novels, this story deals with Naruto having lost his memory, moving through the world trying to discover who he is all while dodging assassins from his home village and saving new friends he meets along the way. Mostly Suspense/Action, the story will hopefully stay true to the feel of the movies. We'll see how it goes. Expect updates depending on activity level of muses and reviews. Pairings are pending...meaning I have no idea at all yet.
As always, thanks for reading, and leave a review if you wanna.
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