About A.J.

Female, she/her, 30, living in metro Milwaukee, horoscope: Leo (rawr), Meyer-Briggs personality type: INFJ. Recently married, grinding at my day job, going back to school, and trying to get back into writing after years of being weighed down by mental health issues.

A quote that gets me through the day: "Pressure makes diamonds."

Disclaimer: I did not create my current icon. That image belongs to its rightful owner (who is not me).

IMPORTANT NOTICE:

'Demadiluve' has officially be republished as a new fanfic called 'Ashes to Flame'. It's available to read below.

Announcements:

March 30, 2023

Many weeks later, we have finally reached the end of part two of 'Ashes to Flame', which also is where I am most up to date on chapters. Once part three is finished, I'll resume posting on Thursday's again. So for the now the fic is on hiatus. Admittedly, school has started back up again and - if I'm honest - I'm a bit burnt out on the fic. I've also been fighting with certain portions of part three, and I think I need to just step away for a while and then come back to it with a fresh set of eyes. My mental health has been up and down too, so that doesn't help either. Do I know when updates will resume? No, no I do not. And I'm not about to make any false promises. I only thank you for your patience in the meantime.

I must also give a huge thank you to all of my readers who have patiently waited each week for an update, and I hope you've enjoyed the fic so far. Seeing all the visitors, views, and reviews always bring me joy and is extremely motivating. Thank you again.

Until later.

Nov. 3, 2022

I bit the bullet and posted the first chapter of 'Ashes to Flame', and a notice has been added to the end of 'Demadiluve'. Can't wait to hear what you all think :) There will be an update every Thursday until we've caught up with where I'm currently at chapter wise (which, as of today, is chapter 18). ENJOY!

10.27.2022

A. LOT. Has happened over the last year. In summary: I would NOT recommend working, planning a wedding, and going back to school all at once. It robs you of any and all free time, and is exhausting. My mental health is still up and down. Not as bad as it has been, but it still often gets in the way of things.

I'm still trucking along on the fic when I have time. One notable change is that when the fic is reposted, I'll be publishing it as an entirely new fic under a new name. It'll be called 'Ashes to Flame'. I'll put notices in Dema to direct readers to the new fic. When I publish the new story, I'm leaning towards publishing one chapter a week until we catch up to where I've currently got chapter wise, but I'm undecided. There's now 15 chapters to part one, and I've got three chapters of part two done, and half of another. At this point, I still feel like the story is not where I want it, but are things ever perfect? I'm about a hares breath away from just reposting what I have, but we'll see.

That's all I got.

Until later.

09.17.2021

My depression has kicked back in again. I managed to push through and finish editing the last chapter so the rewrite is, at this time, technically complete. Now, I've listened to a number of audiobooks on writing and one of the authors recommended that after you finish your initial writing to shelf the work and forget about it for a month before going back to it for the final read through. So that is the point we are at. The story will simmer for one month, and then I'll return to it and it'll be published. In a perfect world that means the story will be reposted within the next 6 weeks, but that's assuming my depression panda isn't still sitting on me after the month is up.

I'm just proud of myself for getting this far after so long.

08.14.2021

Ok, so a quick update here. I have been on a mad re-write spree. Is it mania? Why yes, almost certainly. It may come to a crashing halt though, because what goes up must come down, and where there's mania, my depression will eventually follow without fail. For now, I'm going to roll with this frantic writing spree for as long as I can until my depression panda reappears and sits on me.

There have been MAJOR changes to the beginning of Demadiluve, so brace yourselves for the reread. Now that I've moved beyond the beginning, the re-write is going much faster because only little changes are being made. (Huzzah)!

It's my 29th birthday on the 16th and my goal is to have the entire first part re-written and posted before my 30th bday (if anyone's see Bo Burnham's Netflix special, 'Inside', the song '30' hit me hard which is part of my motivation; thanks Bo)!

That is all. Now to start re-writing chapter 8!

04.18.2020

It has been. a. WHILE. Almost 5 years. Dayum. A lot has happened; I graduated college, now work a day job while trying to transition into another job simultaneously, living with my long-term boyfriend and his brother, and no longer in the dreads of bum diddly nowhere where we all went to college. Needless, to say, improvements.

I vanished from because I was outrageously depressed for years with bouts of being ok. Turns out, it wasn't just that and I'm actually bipolar, heavy on the depression side with stints mild mania. Whee.

This was a bad time for me; I felt like I'd died inside. Life had lost all its vividness. Imagine, passing through your own life, responding and observing, but not actively participating in your own life. It was difficult acting like nothing was wrong for so long, because pretending you are ok when you're actually the farthest thing from okfor as long as you can remember is infinitesimally exhausting. After a while, you just stop acting; the facade becomes too much to maintain. You go through your life, but aren't actually living You're just a ghost, if you will.

Nothing made me happy. All the things I had loved lost there glimmer and nothing brought me joy. This put a great deal of stress - and at times, loss - on relationships. I could go on, and on about this, but I won't. Point is, I'm on the mend and for the first time in over a decade, I feel stable. But I've got a long ways to go yet.

My therapist suggested I try getting back into a hobby or interest I used to enjoy. Of course, I thought of writing. So we'll see what happens. Perhaps it'll yield something; perhaps it won't.

All I know if that I feel better than before.