Blackout91
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Joined 08-21-06, id: 1119389, Profile Updated: 04-12-10
Author has written 5 stories for Maximum Ride, and Twilight.

I'm 16, live somewhere in the World, and love cheerios.

Mostly I like stories about adoption, being adopted myself at 4 years old. Even if it is fiction, I like seeing families become more whole when they adopt someone. So any story about adoption or has some infantilistic content within it, preferably Maximum Ride and Twilight, please recomend it to me

Favorite Books: Twilight, Maximum Ride

If you HATE High School Musical with a passion, and think those people have no real talent, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love Jesus and believe he saved you from your sins when he died on the cross, copy this onto your profile.

If you believe abortion is MURDER and should be illegal, copy this onto your profile.

If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his freakin' cereal, and leave the friggin rabbit alone put this in your profile!

1. Your real name - Jordan
2. Your gangsta name (the first 3 letters in your forename plus "izzle" in the end) - Jorizzle
3. Your detective name (your favorite color and your favorite animal) - Blue Wolf
4. Your soap opera name (your middle name and current street) - Ryan Windam
5. Your Starwars name (the first 3 letters or your sirname, the first 2 letters of your forename, and the last 3 letters of your mom's maiden name) - Stojoord
6. Your superhero name (your secod favorite color, and you favorite drink) - Black Coke
7. Your witness protection name (mother's middle name) - Mary
8. Your goth name ("black" and the name of one of your pets) - Black Kobi
9. Your Arab Name: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Oonojy
10. Your Nick Name (First three letters of your name and -ie): Jorie

Another quiz thing...

1. Find a globe. Okay. Spin it. Okay. What does it say? Atlantic Ocean

2. Find a book. Okay. Turn to page 101, line 1, word 11. What does it say? Come

3 Have a conversation with the closest living thing to you other than yourself.

Me: Hey Kobi!

Kobi: Watches me oddly (She's my puppy)

Me: I love you

5. Turn on T.V. What show is on? Family Guy

6. Type your name with your elbow. ddsn dsndsn

7. Stand up. Close your eyes. Spin around three times. Stop. Open your eyes. What's the first thing you see? A bookshelf.

8. If you could be anybody from Twilight, who would you be? Jasper

9. What happened last time you were typing on this computer? I typed my name with my elbow

10. Find the third letter of all your answers. Underline them. What do they spell? Lmymosyy...wtf?

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Edward Anthony Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you think that only losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.


Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cryed post this in your profile


WHY FANG SHOULD NOT DIE!

1. He's too hot to die.

2. Because he's a sexy beast.

3. There would be no reason to kill him cause if you did that would help the other company even more then this (WTF? What does THIS mean?!)

4. He's beautiful.

5. Max would go into depression.

6. People would go on a rampage.

7. Suicide ranks would go UP (up to ~heaven~ with the dead hot bird kid.)

8. The flock would die.

9. He can ~fly~! (LIKE ME!)

10. Fang shouldn't die because I don't know anyone else who apparently has an unhealthy obsession with black.

11. Because his black hair is so... silky smooth and awesome. If he dies, how will I ever get a chance to run my fingers through that lucious hair?

12. All his fangirls will roast the killer over hot coals, with skewers through him/her arms and legs holding him/her up. And not a blazing fire, because hot coals will take longer.

13. Fang. Is. Awesome.

14. Fax is legendary.

15. What the heck is Fax without the /f/. Ax, that's what! And God knows there's /way/ too much Ax in the world. Geez, guys. They commercials aren't actually true!

16. The fans will unleash their wrath.

17. MR addicts will destroy the murderer.

18. If the flock is captured once again, the school will have one less expiriment to torture.

19. The murderer will never have ANYTHING with coffee or cocoa beans in it EVER AGAIN! (I have my ways.)

20. Max will kill herself and the whole flock will die.

21. HE HAS TO MARRY MAX!

22. Max would die.

23. The flock would fall apart!

24. Fang has a cool name. People with cool names shouldn't die. (Like me, Domenica. GO ITALIAN NAMES!)

25. If Fang died, the entire flock would be lost, including Max.

26. If Fang is gone, Faxness is gone, which will probably be replaced by something nasty- like Miggy- it's just plain un-canon!

27. Fang's name spelled backwards is "gnaF" which actually, in another language, means "cannot die until after age 25 so hah"

28. If someone killed Fang, Max and the flock would seek revenge and dude who killed him and would be in for a fate WORSE than the death he/she gave Fang. It would be in her/his best interests to NOT PO Max.

29. There will be at LEAST fifty girls that I know of who'll be crushed that he died.

30. Without Fang, Nudge will have no silent listener and will therefore ramble on with everyone else in the Flock, and they won't be too happy about that.

31. The dude just found his power, give him some time to use it!

32. A lot of FanFics (including mine) will become invalid because they're about Fax or Max and Fang's kids, and without Fang those really can't happen, can they?

33. If Fang were to die, Iggy might (MIGHT) get attracted to Max and therefore he'll be taken, which will crush even more girls (including I, dimistar546.)

34. Fang is actually a really important person in the Flock, he needs to be there to drive Max crazy (and I quote, Max: "I hate you!", Fang: "No you don't!" :D) and save her whenever she goes to Germany.

35. Lissa is going to be pissed (not that we care, but I may as well add that).

36. Sam will try to get back with Max without the "protective younger brother" in the way.

37. Fang is hot.

38. The flock can't survive without him.

39. Max would be lost without him.

40. The fangirls will torture the killer for all of eternity~

41. Max and Fang are in ~love~.

42. Who else am I going to have perverted dreams about?

43. He's funny.

44. Fang always has a witty comment on hand, he just doesn't always say it out loud.

45. We all love him!

46. He's so lovable!

47. Who's going to run the blog?

48. He needs a hug, not a funeral.

49. We. Will. All. Die.

50. He's hot!

51. He's so smexiny!

52. Max really needs him.

53. Max just figured out she's in love with him, he can't just go DIE on her!

54. "Max and Fang, flying over trees, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" What would this be without Fang? "Max and no one flying over trees, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Max kissing without a partner is... awkward and creepy.

55. The flock is no flock without Fang.

56. Who the heck is Max going to let out all of her adolescent hormones on?

57. He's Max's right hand man!

58. He's second in command.

59. Who is Iggy going to turn to, when he wants descriptions of "hot beach bunnies"? Gasman is too young, and Max... uh, I don't even want to know.

60. He's Max's only possible future boyfriend. If Max wants to have a family or have a boyfriend or whatever, then only Fang could do that. She needs someone like her! Not a stupid weiner, like Sam. She NEEDS Fang!

61. He's the tall, dark, and silent one! We need a quiet person in the flock! If we have a Nudge, then we need a Fang!

62. He's the only one who could catch Max when she falls.

63. He's what makes up 50 percent of her heart! Without that 50 percent, Max is a goner.

64. Her heart will be /four/ sizes too small. She'll make the Grinch look like a compassionate pillow maker!

65. WHAT ABOUT THE BLOG! HELLO! FANG owns the blog. He writes and updates the blog! People who read the blog NEEDS Fang to run it!

66. HE IS HOT! WHO WOULD WANT TO KILL SOMEONE CUTE?!

67. WITHOUT FANG THERE IS NO FLOCK!

68. But Fang is Max's BF. I don't want to see her in more pain. I, myself, have...mixed feelings for Second in Command. His actions, his words. LIKE is probably too big a word to express me to him. Because of Max, I will never kill Fang. Only for her benefit (and besides, killing Fang is unnecessary. What satisfaction would I get out of killing him?) I'm not really a fangirl am I?

69. He's too hot for little things like /death/.

70. All the MR fanfic writers would be too depressed to write, hence the end of MR FanFiction.

71. Because disneydork would be depressed and would not shed her dorky light on the world.

72. There's no reason /to/ kill him!

73. Max will track the killer down!

74. Nope. Do not even consider his death. He. Is. Too. Hot. To. Die.

75. Do not discuss this, for everytime I think about the death of Fang, I die a little inside.

76. He's hideous (sarcasm).

77. He's as stupid as a rock (sarcasm).

78. He's a flabbery german clog dancer (sarcasm)

79. He's bloddy brilliant!

80. He's a manly robust italien model.

81. Whoever killed him would die a slow, painful, tourtureous, excruciating, agonizing, unbearable, insufferable death by fanpeoples in a surely cruel, brutal, pitiless, malicious, spiteful, and vindictive manner.

82. Fang has "a wicked fashion sense and pays a mean harmonica" You can't kill someone who plays the harmonica!

83. Fang can't die without telling Max how he feels! Well, again!

84. Fang can't die because Max would never have anyone to talk to about what's really going on.

85. Fang can't die until all the Figgy and Fudge fangirls die first!

86. The most important reason by far, Max would fall apart and not be able to save the world without Fang. Do we want a Europe repeat?

87. He simply cannot, and will not. I'll throw myself in front of a bullet for him if that's what it takes!

88. If he dies, we will kill EVERYONE!

89. We will send as many letters to the heads of our respective continents and tell them we KNOW.

90. We will take ALL our money out of the banks and watch the world's currency collapse, and tell everyone we know to do the same.we will rule the world because WE have all the money in the world. the world will panic.

91. Fang's too sexy for his shirt, too sexy for his shirt~

92. He's the bestest!

93. He must live and thats that! Besides, who else would I stalk if he died...0.0...sorry, just let out my little secret... hehe...

94. Fang can't die because Fang is amazing, and even though I write about him dying I really don't want to. THE PLOT BUNNIES MADE ME! As for why Fang is so awesome, there are no words to describe.

95. Fang must live! For without Fang, Max would now be dead.

96. Where would the worls be without Fang's blog?

97. All the fangirls would be like "I love cookies, but who doesn't? who doesn't like those little circles of heaven?" Then a fellow fangirl would say "Oh, yeah, Fang. Ya know, because HE'S DEAD!"

98. The world of MR fangirls would unravel without him!

99. Max will die of a broken heart, thus resulting in ANOTHER failed experiment, and I'm sure you don't want that.

100. Rabid fangirls will track you down, murderer, and kill you using their claws, DA pictures of Fang, pitchforks, and grates from their fireplaces.

101. Fang has been voted 'Most Likely Cult Leader'! That is too cool!

102. The dude's fabulous! And not in the gay way!


Stereotypes:

I'm into THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish.
I'm a GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress.
I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's ass.
I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a lesbian.
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant.
I'm FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual.
I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict.
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian.
I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug-addicted hippie.
I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs.
I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life.
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up.
I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch.
I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention.
I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean.
I'm THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz.
I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare.
I'm PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore with a jock boyfriend.
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy.
I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo lesbian with AIDS.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head.
I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries.
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports.
I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time.
I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi.
I'm IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.
I'm an OVER 16 YEAR OLD TEEN MALE signed with DISNEY, so I MUST be a GAY, CHILDISH FAG.
I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life.
I'm a TEEN GIRL who likes to HAVE GOOD NATURED FUN with my FRIENDS, so I MUST be a WHORE, SLUT, and a LESBIAN.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too.
I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist.
I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd.
I FROWN a lot, so I MUST have a shitty life.
I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try.
I like the JONAS BROTHERS, so I MUST be a TEENIE BOPPER, OBSESSED FAN GIRL.
I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans.
I'm a HANNAH MONTANA FAN, so I MUST be childish and immature.
I'm POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet.
I'm a TEENAGER who still likes the DISNEY CHANNEL, so I MUST be immature and childish
I don't have many friends, so I MUST be an emo goth who hates the world
I like sunlight, so I MUST be a vampire/werewolf slayer
I like the opera, so I MUST be an egotistical snob with way to much money
I have more than 5 friends, so I MUST be a prep
I wear pink, so I MUST be a rich preppy snob with family money
I like diamonds and pearls, so I MUST be controlling
I wear perfume, I MUST be a flirt

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I like THE BEATLES, so I MUST be smoking something.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN, so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cat.
I like CATS, so I MUST be crazy and alone.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm a BRUNETTE, so I MUST have NO blonde friends.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I must have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terriost.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convienance store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I like the EARTH, so I MUST wear tye-dye ALL THE TIME.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK. (I'm a girl and italian. I feel so much better)
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.
I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I must be ugly...or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I must love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm ASIAN, so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I'm WHITE and have black friends so i MUST think I'm black.
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I love SHOPPING, so i MUST be rich.
I'm an OG so I must be mexican.
I PLAY COMPUTER GAMES, so I MUST be a nerd with no life.
I’m BRITISH, so I MUST have crooked teeth.
I’m INDIAN, so I MUST be a genius.
I HAVE A.D.D., so I MUST be stupid.
I LIVE IN A COUNCIL FLAT, so I MUST be a chav/pikè.
I love BEING ME, so I MUST have no friends/life.
I'M QUIET, so I MUST be a loner.
If you hate stereotypes and think people should just SHUT UP AND STOP, POST THIS!

ONE FOR THE GIRLS!!:

(1) A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman alive." the woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

(2)Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death. AMEN

(3) Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for
breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

(4) Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together


ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS THAT SCARE ME:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

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Yukari has run into some educational competition! In the form of a slightly quiet, brand new student!
Rosario + Vampire - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,882 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 5/31/2012 - Published: 5/28/2012 - Yukari S.
Red vs Blue: The Spartan Rejects by Nuh reviews
AU fic. The Reds & Blues left their destroyed outpost to join Master Chief and Earth's forces to help finish the fight and save Tex and Junior from the evil AI O'Malley. However, things are not what they appear to be...
Halo - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 57,035 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 174 - Follows: 172 - Updated: 1/4/2012 - Published: 10/10/2007
Bella Hale by JulesSC reviews
Six year old Isabella Swan was orphaned after a car crash took her parents away, and Edward and the Cullens find her. Alice decides to keep her, and Edward tries to protect her. Family drama and hilarity ensues as Bella grows up and ExB happens.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 51 - Words: 386,995 - Reviews: 13514 - Favs: 8,269 - Follows: 6,133 - Updated: 7/8/2011 - Published: 11/21/2008 - Edward, Bella
The Adventures of Silly Bella by JulesSC reviews
A companion to Bella Hale. The stories about little Bella that wasn't told in BH. Just mindless fluff, with very little plot. BxE friendship, as well as Cullen family bonding.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 49,210 - Reviews: 596 - Favs: 532 - Follows: 387 - Updated: 9/23/2010 - Published: 12/25/2008 - Bella, Edward
Max moves to Forks by AloysiusJo reviews
Max gets kidnapped, and it turns out that the Flock doesn't want her anymore. Max goes to live with her mom, but she has gotten married! When Max moves with her mom to Forks for her husband, what happens when she's not the only freak around? Please R&R!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 37,499 - Reviews: 415 - Favs: 170 - Follows: 195 - Updated: 1/3/2010 - Published: 2/3/2009 - Max
No Words are Needed by turquoise.seas reviews
-FAX- "Her beautiful face was white as a sheet, but she stubbornly locked her jaw against crying out." Fang and Max have to find their way back home after the fight.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 20,845 - Reviews: 397 - Favs: 156 - Follows: 194 - Updated: 12/15/2009 - Published: 8/31/2007
Relocation by ObviouslyObsessed reviews
Max and her flock are captured and relocated. The scientists have taken their memories. They are sent to live in different towns and attend a normal school. What happens when Fang moves to the same school as her? Can she remember? FAX!Was WANNABE-AUTHOR92
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 50 - Words: 95,502 - Reviews: 1763 - Favs: 409 - Follows: 239 - Updated: 9/5/2009 - Published: 8/30/2007 - Complete
The Two New Cullens by JForbes reviews
Rosalie and Emmett come across a gruesome scene while hunting and suddenly introduced to a three year old Bella and her twin brother Joshua. AU of course. Please Review.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 24 - Words: 32,501 - Reviews: 381 - Favs: 218 - Follows: 229 - Updated: 4/20/2009 - Published: 1/28/2009
Can't Cry Book Two: Gestört by Bhetelgeus reviews
The Flock has just overcome one of the greatest challenges they have ever faced: Defeating the evil scientists that made Fang almost lose his sanity. What they don't know is that an even greater threat looms in the horizon: Defeating Fang himself. UPDATE Dec. 2015: This story is officially closed. I hope you enjoyed and continue to enjoy this story despite it remaining unfinished.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 38,181 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 12/16/2008 - Published: 12/16/2007 - Complete
Blank Slate by topaz emeralds reviews
I'm sure of exactly five things things. 1 That my name is Maximum Ride. 2 I have wings. 3 My memory is completely gone, possibly forever. 4 The baby with the black wings is my daughter. 5 I'm in grave danger, but I don't have a clue why.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 732 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 4/16/2008 - Published: 4/15/2008
Can't Cry by Bhetelgeus reviews
The flock has escaped, again, into what seem like peaceful waters... or skies. But the new and improved Ari has injured Fang, Who is now facing something terrible, physically, mentally, and emotionally. WARNING: gore, selfmutilation, disturbing images.
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Angst/Horror - Chapters: 21 - Words: 39,775 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 1/15/2008 - Published: 7/16/2006 - Complete
Born Again by EvilSarcasm217 reviews
The Flock has been captured. Horribly, Max is reverted to her original form...a baby. How will the Flock deal? Faxy and funny with saddness. Kinda the whole package I guess.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 401 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 11 - Published: 9/14/2007
Predator by Lyzza reviews
Two years after the last tournament, the Smashers receive a mysterious letter inviting them to a reunion. Fourteen arrive, only to be trapped inside by a madman thirsty for their blood…
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Horror - Chapters: 9 - Words: 34,096 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 6/20/2007 - Published: 2/19/2007 - Complete
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The Winged Baby reviews
MaxRide/Twilight Crossover. Bella and Edward discover the School, and end up rescuing a baby Maximum from it's walls of terror. What will happen if Max is raised by the Cullens, and someone else grows up to lead the flock?
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,720 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 5/31/2012 - Published: 1/3/2009
Jordan Cullen reviews
Alice and Carlisle stumble across a dying boy in the woods while hunting, and Carlisle brings him back to health. But the boys past continues to haunt him, and it may cause him to take him one step closer to completely escape it. Post- Breaking Dawn.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 66 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 5/20/2009 - Published: 3/2/2009
Fang: A New Beginning reviews
Fang is separated from the rest of his flock and his found by the Cullen family, who have to perform a risky thing to the hybrid to save his life, but was it the right decision? Maximum Ride/ Twilight Crossover! R&R No flames!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,624 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 12/28/2008 - Published: 12/14/2008 - Fang
Brotherly Love reviews
This is a simple oneshot about when the flock lived in Colorado with Jeb, and is about one of the fights Gazzy caused between Fang and Iggy with his mimicry ability. R&R, no flames please.
Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,050 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/2/2008 - Complete
Betrayal reviews
Set shortly after the third book, Fang is silently attacked, without even him knowing. Afterwards, he finds himself becoming more and more angry with the rest of the flock, leading to an unexpected battle between him and Max. Total Fax at the end. Plz R&R
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,647 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 3/1/2008 - Published: 2/29/2008
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