Poll: Time for a new poll (finally): I'm in the mood to write a one-shot. Suggestions? Vote Now!
Author has written 11 stories for Naruto.
I'm an advocate for individual thought, creativity, and truly being your own person. The following profile might be a ranty mess of incoherent thoughts, but it will NOT contain any pre-written copy and pasted crap about what fake friends and real friends are, any bull shit that assumes everyone makes assumptions, or lame-ass poems about how girls are like apples.
Choose your own adventure:
You choose to bore yourself stupid so you READ ALL OF THE BELOW.
You choose to skip uninteresting profiles and personal details and go to the good stuff so you SCROLL PASS THE RAMBLING PARAGRAPHS FOR FAN-ART, LINKS, AND STORIES.
I'm twenty-two, female, single, and, by no small measure, a crack-pairing whore.
What? You want to know more?
I woke up one day and decided that I was going to be a writer when I was eight. Some kids change their mind in a few hours... I haven't changed my mind yet.
I've been working to slowly improve my craft. At the moment I'm working on a novel that I hope to some day publish and in the meantime I write fanfiction. Some people see it as a waste of time, but I figure any time that you spend writing is practice; it's time spent honing your art. Artists doodle in the margins of their notebooks and I write fanfiction.
I'm random and I tend to ramble on and on. I have a lot to say, but it rarely means anything. Anyone who's read any of my fics will see that I tend to abuse the Author Notes. I'm a tiny part Scottish and, if my grandfather's temperament was anything to go by, part Pitbull. I'm stubborn, aggressive, and at times really rather dim. I'm obsessive, bipolar, and paranoid. On any given day I can be shy and then face-palmingly obnoxious. I'm fussy about my clothes, hair, and make-up but I don't think of myself as being girlly. I just figure that if I have a vagina, I might as well make the best of it by twirling around in pretty skirts. I love baseball and theater, classic literature and cartoons like Dave the Barbarian, I'm a child of the 90's with a deep love of 70's rock, Frank Sinatra, and Ella Fitzgerald. I'm just as likely to be amused by a paddle-ball as a video game. I don't watch a lot of television, but that's okay because I'm getting my daily allowance of eye-strain via my laptop, which I would chain to my person if I found a way to do so.
And I'm religious (non-denominational, born-again Christian--yeah, it is quite the mouthful). If that ties your panties in knots... that's not my problem? I'm not ashamed of what I think and believe and honestly feel is true deep in my core. I understand if you don't agree and while I may not approve of your lifestyle or choices or whatever, I still love you, because we're both flesh and blood and human and I'm a big ol' hot mess myself.
On that note: "Oh, but Spoiled Sweet, you're writing an M-Rated story, promising us smut, and have favorite'd stories featuring eau de lemon."
Cue Rant (words that have made my Author's Notes infamous): Yep. I like romance. Mind you, I don't like pointless, "let's mindlessly screw" crap. I like well-written stuff and if it happens to feature a lemon then odds are I'll read around it or indulge if it isn't too graphic. I believe that sex is the ultimate form of expressing love. It isn't meant to be treated as carelessly as it is because you're sharing not just your body with that person but a part of your heart and soul as well and I think that the 'sinful' part of it comes into play when people fail respect that. The way I see it, it's meant to seal the deal on a commitment, not just to relieve tension or adhere to a ridiculous social notion that being a virgin (or celibate) somehow makes you less cool or out-of-touch or a loser or what-have-you. Now, I will be married before I engage in the horizontal nasty, but I understand that characters are their own people with their own beliefs and they might not think the same way I do and I allow them that. However, you better believe I'm building up a relationship and establishing that commitment before any sexin' happens.
That said, House Calls is M-rated for several reasons. In the future I plan to have some lightly smutty scenes, enough to please you hedonists but you would be wise not to expect anything kinky or super graphic, but for the moment the rating stands for a few F-bombs and a general belief that when my niece or nephew is born I wouldn't want them to read this. Disagree? Too bad.
Don't be afraid to leave long-winded reviews because I'm certainly not afraid to write long-winded notes and if you're shy about reviewing, don't worry. I don't bite. My muzzle generally prevents that. I ask that those of you with criticism/flames to offer please SIGN your reviews so that I can send my pack of assassins after you. (I jest. I don't want to acknowledge you; I just don't like cowards.)
Subject change! I get some questions about things I enjoy because I tend to complain about a lot of things. So:
I love Jane Austen. On the other end of the spectrum I love reading really, REALLY awful romance novels because they always make me think, "I am SO much better than this."
I love The Spoony Experiment and, while we're on it, I love That Guy With the Glasses. Interesting that they're both sites for critics, but they're awesomely hilarious. Potential Spoony viewers beware: half his schtick is purposefully pissing off fanboys/girls.
I absolutely love TV Tropes. WARNING WARNING: TV TROPES IS HIGHLY ADDICTIVE, LIKE POTATO CHIPS YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO STOP AT JUST ONE... well, one article. Not one chip, obviously. You'll go there thinking, "Hm, maybe just one or two" and by time you reemerge you will have been declared a missing person. More mild side effects include: eye strain, referencing tropes in real life, speaking in troperese, becoming highly aware of tropes used in television shows and movies and therefore being unable to enjoy anything, an increased sense of nerdiness, headache, nausea, trouble urinating, and itchy palms.
I love web comics. Particularly: Supernormal Step, Gunnerkrigg Court, Fan Dan Go, Hanna Is Not a Boy's Name, Elise Otterlei's Beauty and the Beast, The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon, No Need For Bushido (from which my profile pic is taken), Terra (at terra-comic.com), Fey Winds, and Strays (at straysonline.com).
About Writing: My Own and in General
My biggest peeves when it comes to writing: Weak story lines, weak female characters, poor character development, gratuitously long sex scenes, pathetic villians, unsympathetic or unheroic heroes... okay, so a lot stuff. All of these thing seem just so damn obvious to me and yet they're so blatant in so many stories (and I'm not just talking the stuff you see here, because you expect some level of amateur-ness). A lot of these problems are problems I have with popular works like Bleach and Naruto, but there are aspects from both series that I like a lot and I'm willing to warp the fabric of reality in order to get my way when writing about them (mostly Naruto, I have no intention of writing anything Bleach related, so don't get excited). These are also a lot of problems I have with other popular series like Twilight, but... well, there is no but. I just freakin' hate Twilight. (What followed this was edited out by much more level-heads for purposes of brevity and for the innocence of anyone reading this.)
Ahem... so, yeah the above are things I intend to eradicate completely from anything I post here.
House Calls: Is what is born when I stay up too late, watch too many episodes of Shippuden, and silence my Better Judgement by throwing a pillowcase over its head, hogtying it in the corner, and beating it with a--anyhoo it's a Kaka/Saku. I am usually one of those people who is willing to ship Sakura with just about anyone save it's written well (seriously, I have some deep love for a few fics that pair her with the likes of Kisame and Kabuto--wrap your heads around THAT), mostly because I like her. However, Kakashi/Sakura holds a special place in the lighter parts of my heart where crack fiction never shows its face. I like to think of them as a pairing of one jaded man and a girl who does her best not to follow that road. I like the implication that love, real, honest love, isn't afraid of age or a lifestyle like theirs and that two people really actually can have a relationship without it being entirely based around sex...
That being said there will be smut. Don't get me wrong. Bodily fluids will not be spilling from the orifices of every chapter (... ewww), but there will, in all likelihood, at least be a sprinkling of it. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy snarky narration, (hopefully) well-written characters, and a storyline that won't make you heave at its cliche-ness.
I'll admit this right off the bat, however: this story is not for you if you want serious drama or a heavy storyline. This is my first real endeavor into the Naruto-verse and it's best described as having kool-aid drunk lack of plot. I'm the first to admit that. It's not going to change either. Yes, occasionally plot will seep into some chapters, but that's just to break things up. The major plot here is exploring how to draw Sakura and Kakashi together in a way that doesn't rely on the old gem: "force them into a situation where they may have to get naked together and see what happens". Besides, I'll save plot for my serious stories.
Oh and I ignore canon. There are a very small number of things I like about Naruto canon so the things I like I'll use and the things I hate won't be mentioned.
Blithe Spirits: This... I don't even know where to begin with describing this. Naruto-verse set in modern day surrounding Kakashi, a porn writer/artist, and Sakura, the girl who gets hired as his housekeeper/babysitter. This story barely takes itself seriously so there's no reason you should. It focuses mainly on the Kaka/Saku relationship, but Jiraiya, Gai, and Living!Obito make appearances. It's pure, mouth-breathingly dumb fun, meant for humor and romance and nothing else. There is no great drama. It's goal is to be a 'feel good' fic.
Fanart! (There might have been spittle and happy shrieking involved when I realized that I could add this section. Maybe.)
House Calls Ch. 26 and He's behind me, isn't he? by umhermione (a.k.a. Drielme)- Kakashi and Sakura getting all cuddly and close and awesome (despite having someone hog-tied in the bathroom--ah, ninja romance) and scene from Chapter 3 with a lot of really hilarious details.
House Calls Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 by kamikazesusan- Team Seven being adorable and looking awesome in their festival clothes, Ino looking kick-ass in a bastardized Kimono, shirtless Kakashi, and team push-ups! Also, Hinata, Ino, Sakura, Tenten, and a close encounter of the KakaSaku-Chapter19-kind!
House Calls by Ithilium - Just... wow. I suppose I love this piece because I'm a sucker for the concept and the colors used but really... wow. Also, Sakumo and Ran from the recent Get Well Soon contest held over at the DA Group! Aren't they cute?!
To Everyone Who Wishes to Message Me: I try to answer every message I receive, because I'm more than happy to chat with my readers. However, you must keep two things in mind:
1. If you do not allow private messaging, I cannot respond to you, not even if you leave me a review. Please, make sure that you allow PMs. This can be changed by entering your ff .net account and going to the "settings" tab on the left.
2. FF .net does not allow you to post links or email addresses in private messages, in reviews, or in even in uploaded chapters. It may appear when you are typing it, but I guarantee that when you send it, it will magically disappear. Try instead to include spacing like this: janedoe1234 at hotmail com. I'll figure it out, I promise.