Disclaimer for all my stories: I own nothing. I am not J.K. Rowling, Josh Schwartz, Marc Cherry, Tim Burton, Butch Hartman, Stephanie Meyer, Peter Barsocchini, Carmen Finestra, or Joss Whedon (or Matt Williams, David McFadzean, or Burt Metcalfe...the list goes on and on). Sorry to disappoint you all.

Things I Like:

Anything by Neil Gaiman, E.A. Poe, Joss Whedon, or Christopher Isherwood; Batman; the Avengers; Dexter; Doctor Who; Harry Potter; Inception; Lord of the Rings; Sherlock (the BBC show); Slaughterhouse-Five; Star Trek (TOS and 2009); The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Quotes

Books

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." -Dumbledore, Harry Potter (J.K. Rowling)

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.” -Dumbledore, HP

“From now on, I don’t care if my tea leaves spell ‘die, Ron, die’, I’m chucking them in the bin where they belong.”- Ron, HP

"Aziraphale patted Crowley on the back. 'We seem to have survived,' he said. 'Just imagine how terrible it might have been if we'd been at all competent.'" - Good Omens (Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett)

"'He's delirious,' announced the sergeant. 'I'm sodding not. I'm People Covered in Fish,' croaked Skuzz, and passed out." - Good Omens

"...they offered as the subject of that year's essay prize the question: 'Why is the wool of this sheep red?' The prize was awarded to a scholar from the North, who proved by means of A plus B minus C divided by Z that the sheep must of necessity be red, and must in due course die of sheep-pox." - Candide (Voltaire)

"Pangloss conceded that he had suffered horribly, all his life, but having once maintained that everything was going splendidly he would continue to do so, while believing nothing of the kind." -Candide

Movies

"If I wasn't a transvestite terrorist, would you marry me?" - Kitten, Breakfast on Pluto

"Nothing to fear but fear itself!" - Scarecrow, Batman Begins

"Having trouble? (sprays Batman with fear toxin) Take a seat, have a drink (splashes Batman with alcohol). You look like a man who takes himself too seriously. Do you want my opinion? You need to lighten up." (sets Batman on fire) - Scarecrow, BB

"I don't need help." "Not my diagnosis!" -Batman and Scarecrow, the Dark Knight

"You think you can steal from us and just walk away? " "...Yeah." - Gambol and the Joker, TDK

“Anyways, you need people of intelligence on this sort of... mission... quest... thing.” “Well, that rules you out, Pip.” - Pippin and Merry, Lord of the Rings

“It’s a dangerous business going out your front door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep to your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”- Bilbo Baggins , Lord of the Rings

"Our friend T-Bird won't be joining us this evening on account of a slight case of death." - Top Dollar, the Crow

"Police! Don't move! I said 'Don't move!'"
"I thought the police always said 'Freeze!'"
"Well, I am the police, and I say 'Don't move', Snow White. You move, you're dead."
"And I say, 'I'm dead', and I move." - Albrecht and Eric Draven, the Crow

"What are you supposed to be, a clown or something?" "Sometimes." - Sarah and Eric Draven, the Crow

"Yeah?" "Yeah." "Oh, yeah?" "There's a thesaurus in the library. 'Yeah' is under 'Y'. Go ahead. I'll wait." - Brad and Brendan, Brick

TV

"You're a tyrannical fascist!" "Did he just call me a dinosaur?"- Randy and Tim, Home Improvement

"Parents are the bone on which children sharpen their teeth. What I'm saying is that when a boy is young, he worships his father and in order for the boy to become a man, he's got to see his father as a fallible human being and stop seeing him as a god."
(Later)
"Where's Randy? I gotta talk to him. I just found out I'm not God. (to Randy) I know what's going on here. You're at the point in your life where you have to clean your teeth on my bones."- Wilson and Tim, HI

"You know Tim, there's an old folk saying. Obsessions are like fire and water. Good servants, but bad masters. See, the point is: do you rule your obsession, or does your obsession rule you?"
(Later)
"I know I get crazy about cars, you know. My car, your car, anybody's car. But it's, it's like Bad Masterson said. You can't get obsessed the way old people drive through water, if their servants are on fire."- Wilson and Tim, HI

“If I see the Box Ghost one more time, I’m going to–” “BEWARE!” (Danny sighs and puts down his sandwich) “–sigh and put down my sandwich.”- Danny and the Box Ghost, DP

(Sam taps at his window) “Sam! You snuck out to see me! Oh, this is just like Romeo and Juliet, except I'm the one on the balcony and I can understand everything we're saying.” -Danny, DP

(after a day of strange ghost-related events at school) "I can explain." (pause) "Actually, I really can't."- Danny, DP

"Dear Diary, today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." - Jayne Cobb, Firefly

"This must be what going mad feels like." - Simon Tam, Firefly

"'We will rule this land, and we will call it...this land.' 'I prefer to call it, your grave!' 'Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!' 'Mine is an evil laugh! Now die!'" - Wash, Firefly

"I'm going to watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it might as well be Doctor Why Bother."- Sheldon, the Big Bang Theory

"That is the dematerializing control. And that, over yonder, is the horizontal hold. Up there is the scanner, those are the doors, that is a chair with a panda on it. Sheer poetry, dear boy! Now please stop bothering me." - the Doctor, Doctor Who

"She says she can cook. What do you do?" "I eat!"- Tyler and Susan, Doctor Who

"Well, I think I quite liked that!"- Barbara Wright, after mowing down a squadron of Daleks, DW

"He gave me a gun, he extracted my tooth. What more do you want?"- the Doctor, DW

"I've stopped the universe. Still, they'll never notice. Just imagine, somewhere someone's just slipped on a banana skin, and he'll be wondering forever when he's gonna hit the ground!" - the Doctor, DW

"Do you mind not standing on my chest? My hat's on fire. I don't think we've met before." - the Doctor, DW

"I'll just...go into this police box and arrest myself..." - the Doctor, DW

"It's like in the films! You step on a butterfly, you change the future of the human race!" "I'll tell you what, then. Don't step on any butterflies. What have butterflies ever done to you?" - Martha and the Doctor, DW

"I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed! What is the point of having you all?!"- the Doctor, DW

"What in the name of sanity is on your head?" "It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool." - River Song and the Doctor, DW

"Helloooooo Stonehenge! Who takes the Pandorica, takes the universe! But bad news everyone, 'cause guess who! HAH! You lot, you're all whizzing about, it's very distracting. Could you all stay still for a moment, because I! AM! TALKING! Now the question of the hour is, who's got the Pandorica? Answer: I do. Next question: Who's coming to take it from me? Come onnnnnn! Look at me, no plan, no backup, no weapons worth a damn. Oh, and something else: I don't have anything. To. Lose. So! If you're sitting up there in your silly little spaceships with all your silly little guns, and you've got any plans on taking the Pandorica, tonight, just remember who's standing in your way. Remember every black day I ever stopped you. And then, AND THEN, do the smart thing. Let someone else try first."- the Doctor, DW

"Doctor Song, do you trust this man?" "I absolutely trust him." "He's not some kind of madman, is he?" "...I absolutely trust him." - River Song and the Bishop, DW

(singing) It's strange,/ It's not like anything we've faced before/ Yet seems familiar somehow./ Of course... /The spell we cast with Buffy/ Must have released some primal evil/ That's come back seeking... I'm not sure what./ Willow, look through the Chronicles for some reference/ To a warrior beast./ I've got to warn Buffy/ There's every chance she might be next!/ Xander, help Willow/ And try not to bleed on my couch, I just had it steam-cleaned./ No, wait... - Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Grave-robbing? That's interesting." "I know you meant to say 'gross and disturbing'." "Yes, yes, yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Dammit." -Giles and Buffy, BtVS

"Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll-" "You'll do what? Lick me to death?" - Spike and Giles, BtVS

"What'd she make you do?" "Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance … then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys." - Buffy and Giles, BTVS (you get one guess as to who is my favourite BtVS character)