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Joined 12-03-06, id: 1175650, Profile Updated: 08-17-09
Author has written 9 stories for Legend of Zelda, Charles Dickens, Super Smash Brothers, Fire Emblem, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Mistborn Trilogy, Mikado, and 1984.

Hello there, and welcome to my profile! I don't really have much to say, so I'm just going to fill this area with quotes from Least I Could Do.

"Her tears smell like gravy."

-Rayne Summers

"If your son was a monkey, he'd be the one in the back of the cage eating his own feces."

-A student's report card

"Why did Suzie cross the road? To sleep with that side of the street. To pay her pimp. Because that's where the STD clinic was. She had finished with the odd numbered houses. She hadn't had sex with the chicken yet."

-Rayne Summers, getting the "whore jokes" out of his system

"Here's the deal, boys. You promise not to do any more drugs and I'll give you money for prostitutes. What do you say?"

-Rayne Summers

"It's times like these I wish I believed in God so I'd have someone to thank.

-Rayne Summers

"Willy called, he's trying to free YOU."

-Rayne Summers

"Gimmie an A! Gimmie a B! Gimmie an O! Gimmie an R!"

-Rayne Summers, on pregnancies

"When we met, there was something about you that drew me in. And now I find that it's all a lie. What I thought was there was nothing more than an illusion. This hurts. Now please, take your pushup bra and go."

-Rayne Summers

"How do I know you're not really a stripper?"

-Rayne Summers, to a cop

"Hero of Isildur, you will be king."

-Rayne Summers, after being asked if there's a man he finds attractive

"Would a crack whore be marked as a sex or a drug addiction?"


"You seem pretty pleased with yourself. Almost as if you just scored with one of your student's hot mothers. ...Son of a bitch."

-Rayne Summers

"This is a stickup. Should you wish to remain unharmed, please remove all your clothing, especially your skirt. Or you will be killed... a lot."

-Rayne Summers

"Did you guys know that if you poured gas on the pavement, the pump still charges you for it?"

-Rayne Summers

"You're just like Ron Jeremy, but without all the sex and the large penis"

-Rayne Summers

"Since you've been dating Beth, you're a tool. And not even one of those useful ones. You're like a hammer. A hammer without the hammery part. You're a stick."

-Rayne Summers

"Love is a beautiful thing that two people share. Over time, it seems to grow and grow. But then something happens, something horrible. And in the end, all that's left is pain. Pain that never goes away. Such pain. So much pain the pain doesn't stop why would she do that to me no sense fire and pain."


"As someone who believes in stereotypes, let me just say, I'm pretty disappointed."

-Rayne Summers

"Some call it a 'plot hole', I call it an unsolved mystery."

-Rayne Summers, breaking the fourth wall

"If a fat girl cries in the woods... does anybody care?"

-The Tao of Rayne

"Best friends come and go, but sex... sex is forever."

-Rayne Summers

"...Wasn't attractive at all, but it was still in the Oval Office..."

-Bill Clinton

"Hey, I don't really have to sleep with the short, fat one, right?"


"For the last time, we don't arm our missionaries."

-The Salvation Army

"Luck is for the weak. And the ugly."

-Rayne Summers

"Mr. Alfa from NASA had a glowing reccomendation for you. He mentioned that if they had listened to you, they'd be on Mars by now."

-Ms. McKean

"Heh heh. I hope you don't screw me. Wait. I didn't mean- Well, I did, but not in that- And that's a first impression I'm never getting back."


"You lead an incredibly exciting life, and it saddens me that I can sum up my entire existence in 3 words. I like chips."


"Paranoia and extreme shyness don't go as well together as you might have thought."


"After all, it's Least I Could Do, not Least We Could Do."

-Rayne Summers, on being a main character.

"All I'm saying is, if there is such a thing as immaculate conception, then by reasoning, there must be a way to have immaculate sex."

-Rayne Summers

"I would find a way to bring all religions together. Faith shouldn't be exclusive, and our similarities far outweigh our differences. Then, I would begin reorganizing our church to allow more diversity. This may shock you, but women and homosexuals really aren't the enemy. Before all that, however, my first move would be to bring sex back to the church. It's frankly a sin to not use our bodies the way God intended."

-Rayne Summers, on why he should be Pope.

"Damn. Damn it all to here."

-Satan, on Rayne Summers failing to become Pope.

"Listen, I want to sleep with you 30 times a week. You don''t want to sleep with me at all. So let's compromise and call it 15? I think it's the right thing to do."

-Rayne Summers

"The good news is, the guy's 78 years old so in all likelihood, you can apply for the position again in a few years."

-Noel, on the new Pope.

"Would someone please tell me what a gay man knows about scoring women? I'd be better off asking the boom guy."

-Mick, on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

"Aragorn. Call him Aragorn."

-Rayne Summers, upon being asked to name a child.

"Coming soon to FOX: Law and Order: CSI"

-The TV

"So... do you have a soul? Or do you need to earn it by sacrificing Christian babies?"

-Rayne Summers, to Noel's new girlfriend

"Excuse me. Is this the residence of Mr. Summers, No MD?"

-Dr. Eric Summers

Eric vs. Rayne round 2: Inappropriate pickup lines

Eric- "You remind me of Colon Cancer."

Rayne- "I'm Oskar Schindler and I'm putting you on my list."

Round 5: Creepy

Eric- "I think that in essence, a hickey is nothing more than branding. Similar to what they do to cows before being led to the slaughter."

Rayne- "If we ended up getting married, and I died, would you date other men? Because if you did, I promise I'd come back in some form to be there with you, in the room. Watching you. Always watching..."

"I'm debating whether we should dump her in Mick's bed and convince him he killed her in a passionate rage."

-Rayne Summers, after shooting a woman with a horse tranquilizer

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Harry Potter and the Nightmares of Futures Past by S'TarKan reviews
The war is over. Too bad no one is left to celebrate. Harry makes a desperate plan to go back in time, even though it means returning Voldemort to life. Now an 11 year old Harry with 30 year old memories is starting Hogwarts. Can he get it right?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 42 - Words: 419,605 - Reviews: 15305 - Favs: 23,321 - Follows: 22,872 - Updated: 9/8/2015 - Published: 10/28/2005 - Harry P., Ginny W.
FE7 x MTG Crossover: Planar Chaos on Elibe by HellfireSupremacy reviews
Phyrexians are invading Elibe. Only the planeswalker Mark and his coalition of nations can stop them. Rated for Language and violence. Years of difference between the old chapters and the newer ones. NEW CHAPTER: Fools and Sages. Pent fights Nergal, Overlord Xod appears, and the assault on Ostia Plague Hub Alpha approaches its epic conclusion.
Fire Emblem - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 24 - Words: 83,899 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 10/31/2012 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Tactician/Mark
A24: The Advance by duffman669 reviews
Inspired by the show '24'. This isn't a crossover and you don't have to watch or like 24 to read/enjoy the fic. It's merely Animorphs in the 24 format; twists, traitors, fast paced action and bigger conspiracies all occurring in 24's real-time format.
Animorphs - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 20,917 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 2/9/2009 - Published: 8/13/2008
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

1985 reviews
The sequel that not even the Party saw coming! Picks up immediately after 1984.
1984 - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,075 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 11/10/2014 - Published: 1/19/2014
PoohBah's Story reviews
Poor Pooh-Bah... misunderstood by everyone, his only outlet is the pen! Unfortunately, he's not too good of a writer. Short oneshot.
Mikado - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 676 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Published: 7/10/2012 - Complete
The Wizard of Wor reviews
A group of exceptionally talented Hogwarts students take on the evil that led to Voldemort, Grindelwald, and every other Dark Wizard in history. Set around 250 years after The Deathly Hallows. T for language and mature themes later on.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 18,427 - Reviews: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/13/2011 - Published: 6/5/2009
The Original Charity Ball reviews
AU- Elend struggles to help the starving skaa by raising money with a charity ball, but Straff's armies are camped outside his city. Also, email exists. Idea based on "The Original Naked Quidditch Match". SPOILERS abound for book 2.
Mistborn Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,467 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/25/2010
The Man, the Grand Admiral, the Deity: Thrawn reviews
A humourous take on Timothy Zahn's writing style with his favourite characters Thrawn and Mara Jade at the forefront. Can Luke cock his eyebrow with enough force to stop Thrawn's sardonic attack? This was originally written by Evenflow at theforce. net
Star Wars - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,436 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 5 - Published: 6/11/2009 - Thrawn, Mara Jade - Complete
A Night To Remember reviews
Fezziwig's party takes a slightly more festive tone he hires a band, roasts a cow, and invites half of London. Unfortunately for Fezziwig's third apprentice, his employer knows all the poor boy's thoughts about his eldest daughter...
Charles Dickens - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,733 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/30/2008 - Published: 12/22/2007 - Complete
Hector the Gangsta reviews
Hector likes to dress up and play gangsta when he's alone... but he's not as alone as he thinks. Oneshot.
Fire Emblem - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,016 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/12/2008 - Complete
Riding the Landmaster reviews
Fox is tied for first with Wolf in a tournament for greatest smasher, but Sakurai's laziness is going to cost him... Oneshot.
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 368 - Reviews: 7 - Published: 2/24/2008 - Complete
The Twilit Hero reviews
The Battle for Hyrule is over. Link has defeated Zant and Ganondorf and freed Midna from her curse. But, how will Hyrule recover from the repercussions of Zant's twisted rule? When the Zoras rebel, Link is left with more questions than answers.
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,681 - Reviews: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/8/2007 - Published: 10/30/2007 - Link, Zelda