Author has written 9 stories for Legend of Zelda, Charles Dickens, Super Smash Brothers, Fire Emblem, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Mistborn Trilogy, Mikado, and 1984.
Hello there, and welcome to my profile! I don't really have much to say, so I'm just going to fill this area with quotes from Least I Could Do.
"Her tears smell like gravy."
"If your son was a monkey, he'd be the one in the back of the cage eating his own feces."
-A student's report card
"Why did Suzie cross the road? To sleep with that side of the street. To pay her pimp. Because that's where the STD clinic was. She had finished with the odd numbered houses. She hadn't had sex with the chicken yet."
-Rayne Summers, getting the "whore jokes" out of his system
"Here's the deal, boys. You promise not to do any more drugs and I'll give you money for prostitutes. What do you say?"
"It's times like these I wish I believed in God so I'd have someone to thank.
"Willy called, he's trying to free YOU."
"Gimmie an A! Gimmie a B! Gimmie an O! Gimmie an R!"
-Rayne Summers, on pregnancies
"When we met, there was something about you that drew me in. And now I find that it's all a lie. What I thought was there was nothing more than an illusion. This hurts. Now please, take your pushup bra and go."
"How do I know you're not really a stripper?"
-Rayne Summers, to a cop
"Hero of Isildur, you will be king."
-Rayne Summers, after being asked if there's a man he finds attractive
"Would a crack whore be marked as a sex or a drug addiction?"
"You seem pretty pleased with yourself. Almost as if you just scored with one of your student's hot mothers. ...Son of a bitch."
"This is a stickup. Should you wish to remain unharmed, please remove all your clothing, especially your skirt. Or you will be killed... a lot."
"Did you guys know that if you poured gas on the pavement, the pump still charges you for it?"
"You're just like Ron Jeremy, but without all the sex and the large penis"
"Since you've been dating Beth, you're a tool. And not even one of those useful ones. You're like a hammer. A hammer without the hammery part. You're a stick."
"Love is a beautiful thing that two people share. Over time, it seems to grow and grow. But then something happens, something horrible. And in the end, all that's left is pain. Pain that never goes away. Such pain. So much pain the pain doesn't stop why would she do that to me no sense fire and pain."
"As someone who believes in stereotypes, let me just say, I'm pretty disappointed."
"Some call it a 'plot hole', I call it an unsolved mystery."
-Rayne Summers, breaking the fourth wall
"If a fat girl cries in the woods... does anybody care?"
-The Tao of Rayne
"Best friends come and go, but sex... sex is forever."
"...Wasn't attractive at all, but it was still in the Oval Office..."
"Hey, I don't really have to sleep with the short, fat one, right?"
"For the last time, we don't arm our missionaries."
-The Salvation Army
"Luck is for the weak. And the ugly."
"Mr. Alfa from NASA had a glowing reccomendation for you. He mentioned that if they had listened to you, they'd be on Mars by now."
"Heh heh. I hope you don't screw me. Wait. I didn't mean- Well, I did, but not in that- And that's a first impression I'm never getting back."
"You lead an incredibly exciting life, and it saddens me that I can sum up my entire existence in 3 words. I like chips."
"Paranoia and extreme shyness don't go as well together as you might have thought."
"After all, it's Least I Could Do, not Least We Could Do."
-Rayne Summers, on being a main character.
"All I'm saying is, if there is such a thing as immaculate conception, then by reasoning, there must be a way to have immaculate sex."
"I would find a way to bring all religions together. Faith shouldn't be exclusive, and our similarities far outweigh our differences. Then, I would begin reorganizing our church to allow more diversity. This may shock you, but women and homosexuals really aren't the enemy. Before all that, however, my first move would be to bring sex back to the church. It's frankly a sin to not use our bodies the way God intended."
-Rayne Summers, on why he should be Pope.
"Damn. Damn it all to here."
-Satan, on Rayne Summers failing to become Pope.
"Listen, I want to sleep with you 30 times a week. You don''t want to sleep with me at all. So let's compromise and call it 15? I think it's the right thing to do."
"The good news is, the guy's 78 years old so in all likelihood, you can apply for the position again in a few years."
-Noel, on the new Pope.
"Would someone please tell me what a gay man knows about scoring women? I'd be better off asking the boom guy."
-Mick, on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
"Aragorn. Call him Aragorn."
-Rayne Summers, upon being asked to name a child.
"Coming soon to FOX: Law and Order: CSI"
"So... do you have a soul? Or do you need to earn it by sacrificing Christian babies?"
-Rayne Summers, to Noel's new girlfriend
"Excuse me. Is this the residence of Mr. Summers, No MD?"
-Dr. Eric Summers
Eric vs. Rayne round 2: Inappropriate pickup lines
Eric- "You remind me of Colon Cancer."
Rayne- "I'm Oskar Schindler and I'm putting you on my list."
Round 5: Creepy
Eric- "I think that in essence, a hickey is nothing more than branding. Similar to what they do to cows before being led to the slaughter."
Rayne- "If we ended up getting married, and I died, would you date other men? Because if you did, I promise I'd come back in some form to be there with you, in the room. Watching you. Always watching..."
"I'm debating whether we should dump her in Mick's bed and convince him he killed her in a passionate rage."
-Rayne Summers, after shooting a woman with a horse tranquilizer
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