Severe Cabbage
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Poll: Inviting Trouble: you like? Vote Now!
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Joined 12-25-06, id: 1187973, Profile Updated: 09-25-13
Author has written 8 stories for Discworld, Death Note, and Naruto.

Whoa. Hey. It's been a while, hasn't it? Long enough so that pretty much none of the information on here was accurate anymore, at any rate. Whoops.

Anyway, hello! I'm Severe Cabbage. I used to be all over this place reviewin' and writing, but. Y'know. Life happened. In a good way, but nonetheless I've slacked off in the fanfiction writing department for quite some time now. Four years? Something like that. Jeez.

You can consider me mostly inactive apart from the occasional unexpected, un-applauded update to Inviting Trouble. If you're still reading that, first of all--wow! And secondly, thank you! Sorry for being the worst.

You can also feel free to solicit me as a beta, if for some reason that is a thing you want.

Ciao!

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This Is Your Life by BregoArodShadowfax reviews
Modern-day AU. University, a job, a confusing romantic life...and a murder. Just your average, everyday routine, right? Well, maybe not, but what's life without a few surprises? Yaoi, Eventual ZoSan
One Piece - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 142,342 - Reviews: 322 - Favs: 186 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 12/15/2013 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Sanji, Zoro - Complete
The Gashlycrumb Tinies Revealed by Velkyn reviews
In The Gashlycrumb Tinies, an alphabet primer, Edward Gorey introduced twenty six small children who met an untimely end. Here, for the first time, are all the tragic, disturbing, and sometimes humourous details.
Misc. Books - Rated: T - English - Tragedy/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 9,525 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 7/31/2011 - Published: 6/26/2007
Diplomatic Piracy 2: Black Iron Key by Twist reviews
Sequel to 'Diplomatic Piracy'. Vetinari and his crew are commissioned by the Patrician to go on a treasure hunt for a cursèd treasure. Young Sam can't resist the call of the sea. Craziness and nautical battles ensue. Obviously a heavy AU.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 41,489 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 7/24/2011 - Published: 12/3/2007 - Sam Vimes, Vetinari
Never Mind by Huldra reviews
It's the summer holidays and Severus is at his wit's end until he unexpectedly meets Remus at Lily's house. A war is brewing, sides has to be chosen, but responsibility is thrown to the winds in favour of just being young and restless. Marauder era, SS/RL
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,088 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 15 - Published: 6/1/2010 - Severus S., Remus L.
The Beauty And The Beast by TenshiXXX reviews
Gaara is a cruel prince who was turned into a hideous monster by a sorcerer in repentenance for his sins. In order to break the spell, he must fall in love before the last petal of the magic rose falls or he will remain a beast forever... GaaNeji
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 7 - Words: 28,396 - Reviews: 169 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 123 - Updated: 3/10/2010 - Published: 6/8/2008 - Gaara, Neji H.
No Refunds by Sixteen clumsy and shy reviews
Extremely crackish. Raito wakes up to find an extremely pale, extremely skinny and naked--may he stress the word NAKED-- neko sitting on his stomach, staring him down.
Death Note - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 22,527 - Reviews: 351 - Favs: 164 - Follows: 164 - Updated: 1/5/2010 - Published: 11/19/2008 - Light Y., L
An Apple a Day by hyperRme reviews
...but if the doctor is cute forget the fruit. L turns this into his motto when he is forced to see doctor Raito because of his sugar only diet. As he pursues the doctor, L learns that the murderer he is trying to catch is pursuing Raito’s life.
Death Note - Rated: M - English - Romance/Crime - Chapters: 22 - Words: 90,067 - Reviews: 979 - Favs: 945 - Follows: 386 - Updated: 12/30/2009 - Published: 2/12/2009 - L, Light Y. - Complete
Sinfonia di Assassinio by Li the Twilight Knight reviews
AU, Italian for "Symphony of Murder". World-class pianist Light Yagami never really liked other people, until he met a man named Ryuuzaki. Now, with murders occurring a little too close for comfort, can they make it through alive? LightxL.
Death Note - Rated: M - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 28 - Words: 63,211 - Reviews: 282 - Favs: 228 - Follows: 116 - Updated: 5/23/2009 - Published: 11/8/2008 - Light Y., L - Complete
Familiar by Piccylo reviews
Not every wizard needs a familiar, but they certainly are helpful, especially to academy students downtrodden with tests, papers, and projects. A strange, black cat with a white hourglass mark on his chest and a cynical attitude becomes one of them.
Dragonlance - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 31,348 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 5/1/2009 - Published: 12/14/2006 - Raistlin, Tasslehoff
Miserable by AlmightySponge reviews
A MxN Fanfic. - A story about rivals inspired by a role-play between rivals. - "Unfortunately for you, Mello, I'm not miserable at all." - on HIATUS
Death Note - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 13,011 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 12/31/2008 - Published: 11/9/2008 - Mello, Near
Discworld Big Brother by Watchman reviews
Will Dibbler keep thinking up idiotic tasks? Will Angua finally be convinced that Vimes' isn't gay? Will the show go on? Who will win? Will anyone win at all? You decide.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 81,473 - Reviews: 281 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 2/14/2007 - Published: 2/13/2005
A Measure of Tyranny by TheMidgetBee reviews
A barbarian hero has arrived in a city under the thrall of an evil tyrant with the intention of freeing it once and for all. Unfortunately, he picked AnkhMorpork...
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,735 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/24/2007 - Published: 11/29/2006 - Complete
Cúchulainn by The Humble Mosquito reviews
I care not whether I die tomorrow or next year, as long as my deeds live after me.' [Completed Novellette] [Warnings: dark, controversial, unpleasent and violent themes][Nommed for best Overall, Drama and OC at Orion]
Artemis Fowl - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,403 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/26/2006 - Artemis F., Butler - Complete
Immure by The Humble Mosquito reviews
The recluse writes often, and always about the figure in the second window. Reality blurs into fiction. Who is he watching? [AU, ficlet] [Warnings: Insanity][Nommed for best Misc and best concept at the Orion Awards]
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 978 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/22/2006 - Artemis F. - Complete
Artemis And The Old Man by A Penguin Named Jim reviews
A touching tale of love, betrayal and an old man named Tubby. Reposted after the poo heads at FanFic removed it!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 249 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/17/2004 - Complete
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Inviting Trouble reviews
UPDATED AT LAST At twenty-one, Near is a detective working out of a glorified closet in a decrepit London apartment. His dull existence is interrupted quite rudely by an old rival, a new case, and a thoroughly unwelcome romance. Near/Mello, L/Light, AU.
Death Note - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 5 - Words: 15,828 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 4/1/2013 - Published: 5/18/2009 - Light Y., L, Near, Mello
It's a Wonderful Life reviews
Near is fighting puberty, and Mello has a habit of taking stupid dares. Naturally, this leads to misguided seduction attempts, a proliferation of unnecessary emotions, and a growing attraction towards Mello's feet. Sometimes, it's hard to be a genius. MxN
Death Note - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 32,727 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 5/16/2009 - Published: 12/24/2008 - Near, Mello - Complete
A Youthful Affair reviews
The first in the "24 Ridiculous Pairings that might Just Work" series. These days, Lee can always be found at the Hyuuga residence in the early hours of the morning. There's love in the air, but unfortunately it's the type that dare not speak its name...
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,617 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Published: 4/7/2009 - Hiashi H., Lee R. - Complete
Feminine Complaints reviews
In his everlasting quest to defeat Near, Mello's sleep starved mind comes up with a genius plan that may ruin his rival forever. Unfortunately, there are always detractors, even with the most brilliant of ideas...
Death Note - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,701 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 14 - Published: 11/11/2008 - Mello, Matt - Complete
Hoi Polloi reviews
A family name is a terrible thing to keep up, but James Downey doesn't mind. At least, not until he gets caught up in a rather odd adventure involving a lanceconstable, a mysterious noble, and a failed inhumation... Chapter 5 now up!
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,764 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/18/2008 - Published: 2/22/2007
You are Not a Chicken reviews
The death of Methodia Rascal, chicken and artist.Oneshot, as usual.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 486 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 4 - Published: 6/5/2007 - Complete
Dreams reviews
Gloom, dreams, and Leonard. What more can one ask for? Oneshot.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 324 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/23/2007 - Complete
Unappreciated Genius reviews
Leonard of Quirm is inspired. Lord Vetinari is worried. Then again, what's new?
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 672 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Published: 1/15/2007 - Complete