I am a long-lost twin of Rufus T. Firefly. Yes, we have secret powers that we can unleash on you...so beware!
I WOULD write about my favourite things, but then it would just be a shine for Founding Hogwarts and Loosing Hogwarts by aformentioned author.
Some of my favourite quotes from Founding Hogwarts:
‘And yet you remain, to plague me for my life eternal. Why is that?’
‘I put it down to unresolved sexual tension.’
This, much to her dismay, was not a rare occurrence. However, there was only a very select amount of people in the world who could honestly claim to have woken up and stepped into a bowl of someone else’s cold porridge, and Rowena was now, grudgingly, a member of this elite force.
‘This isn’t an orgy, you know!’ Elvina snapped after her.
Right on cue, as he looked up, she hit herself in the face with the thick astronomy book she’d been using to fan her face with.
‘But you’re rich!’ she insisted, ignoring the latter part of his statement. ‘Stinking, filthy rich!’
‘My family is “stinking, filthy”rich,’ he corrected her, ‘I just happen to be moderately well-off.’
Birds sang. Branches moved in the gentle, warm breeze. The sun winked in the clear, blue sky. Helga Hufflepuff looked ready to foam at the mouth.
‘He wouldn’t hurt bunnies or village folk.’
‘…He’d turn the village folk against each other until he achieved civil war, then provoke the bunnies into a bloody uprising against the surviving villagers and force them to crown him as their leader!’
Rowena nodded grudgingly. ‘Ok, you’re probably right. In which case, we’ll just have to just enforce a restriction on how many bunnies we let him get his hands on.’
‘No,’ said Rowena, levelly, ‘I think there’s a marked difference between wanting to throttle someone and wanting to jump their bones.’
‘You can do both at the same time,’ said Henrietta, folding her legs primly and leaning over her homework, ‘some people enjoy it.’
‘If I ever find the man who built this castle, I’m going to bite his face until he stops bleeding.’
‘You know,’ she said, as the prodding continued, ‘your complete inability to touch a member of the opposite sex without physically baulking reveals a lot about your relationship with women.’
‘Alright,’ said Rowena, ‘he said, “It’s a lot smaller than I expected, but at least your wife’s not complaining!”’
‘Hat is a raggedy old pervert with a nipple fixation and a drink problem. He’s not the kind of creature you want to consult when organising any kind of social gathering.’
‘Get up, sleepy knickers.’
‘What about my knickers?’
‘They’re sleepy. I don’t know. Get up.’
The young pupils of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were rapidly becoming familiarised with the sound of two inebriated headmistresses, a rabid Scottish hat and a cow drowning their individual sorrows, while attempting to create a new drinking game and duel with mops.
And I'll actually stop there because there are way too many and I don't want to give too much away :)