Author has written 1 story for Final Fantasy VII.
(Formerly known as "Sorrow Has a Human Heart")
A lot has happened with me emotionally over the past several months. Some things happened online back in January (2015)--very triggering things--that discouraged me from writing for a while. For the first month or so after that point, I even considered never coming back to it again. I was that afraid. These things led me to choose to eliminate my internet presence almost completely, and certainly opened my eyes to how truly closed-minded a lot of people can be when it comes to the legitimacy of others' life experiences and the variable nature of the impact those experiences can have on them. People are, whenever the opportunity presents, much quicker to condemn a different opinion than to try to understand where it's really coming from.
It is my intention to start writing again, but before I dare to tread out into the world of fandoms again, I think I need to make a few things very clear:
Regardless of fandom, the subject matter I tend to deal with is often very dark psychologically, and I draw upon personal experience a great deal when it comes to my interpretation and opinion of characters. If I'm writing about a character at any great length, it usually means that I identify with that character in a fairly profound way, and that some self-projection, however well masked, is most definitely taking place. When I choose to defend a character in a certain manner--for instance, how grown up and emotionally mature I believe a younger character might be--I am in part speaking from some of my own unfortunate experiences. I don't believe that age or brain chemistry and development are the sole deciding factors when it comes to matters of wisdom, maturity, and generalized "adulthood". They have an influence, of course, but experience is the teacher, and what we learn from experience is the ultimate deciding factor. When it comes to the most horrifying of experiences, some become crippled. Some become jaded and bitter. Still yet others can barely help but self destruct. But all of that does not negate the fact that some manage to learn constructively. For sadness, some become compassionate. For terror, some become wise. Most realistically, it's usually a combination of the good and the bad.
I say all of this not as some idiot who looked up some BS on the internet and decided she had a clue, but as a survivor who has been coping with professionally-diagnosed PTSD to one extent or another for over half of her lifetime. My understanding of this issue and its many potential impacts as expressed through any fictional character for any reason is in no way an attempt to exploit or undermine the struggles of real people, much less for the sake of mere entertainment. To do that, I would indeed have to be throwing myself under the bus, so to speak.
Furthermore, my readers need to understand that when I'm dealing with an unusual or unconventional situation involving a specific character or set of characters, I am never attempting to make a statement on any sort of problematic social issue--I am dealing with those specific characters and their situation alone. If I express something that seems out of line with an ethically (or maybe even legally) accepted view on the overall social issue, this is the reason. Chances are, I simply view the characters' specific situation as an exception to the rule(s) because of the nature of their experiences and my assessment of their individual mentality. In short, I judge individual scenarios through a different lens than I do with over-arching social ones. Depending on the issue and the people/ characters involved, what is considered problematic on a grander social scale might not necessarily be for them. Likewise, something that is not generally considered problematic on a large social scale can be incredibly so for certain individuals. If I really want to make some type of statement, it will be implicit in the plot, not just in one or two characters' unique situation or relationship.
At any rate, I've found myself missing writing in the worst way, as ideas and thoughts have continued to invade my mind--most specifically for the sequel to The Ascendant. In a short while, I'll be putting all chapters back up, freshly revised, and readers who have enjoyed my FFVII works can expect updates.
(I will not, however, be returning to the Attack on Titan fandom or Tumblr, as those were the sources of the aforementioned "triggering things", along with some considerable rudeness and even outright slander and scapegoating.)
Basic info about me:
30 years old
Gist of my personality: Borderline INTJ/ ISTJ MBTI type. Socially awkward as fuck; usually talk too much or too little. I'm the kind of person who can fail to say a single comforting word to someone having a hard time, but spend the whole week worrying about their well-being. For more...just read all of the "Paranoid Parrot" memes. Nearly all of them apply.
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