Zanuth
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Joined 01-24-07, id: 1205550, Profile Updated: 12-06-10
Author has written 1 story for Naruto.

You Scored as Urahara Kisuke

You are Urahara Kisuke. You always seem to know more than you let on. You have a tendency to act like a dork sometimes, but become unbelievably serious the next moment. You have great strength and you believe in others' strengths. Your qualities make you a likable yet hatable person. Don't let your sarcasm get in the way of your growing friendships.

Urahara Kisuke 75%

Shihouin Yoruichi 75%

Sado Yasutora (Chad) 70%

Kuchiki Rukia 45%

Shiba Ganjyu 45%

Ishida Uryuu 35%

Kurosaki Ichigo 35%

Inoue Orihime 25%

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

RIP We shall remember

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven

Honorary Member of The Book of Log.

If you worship the holyness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments

Position: Log Worshiper

Possible Book of Log Positons:

Log Worshiper: Beginning position. No requirements

Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapers) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story

Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log

OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews

OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.

Excerpt of the log number 124: when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still reccommended.

Log excerpt number 231: if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months.

Log excerpt number 437: Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:

For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.

For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five
saplings.

For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten
saplings.

For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall
plant one sapling per square inch of detached log.

For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant
twenty-five saplings.

If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS begin_of_the_skype_highlighting 1-800-BAD-LOGS end_of_the_skype_highlighting to file a complaint. If
your case is proven correctly your next replacement will be half off.

'and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy.
and the ninja spoke: yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. for thine bravery will never be forgotten.'
-book of the log, song of the willow, verses 1-4

'as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja.'
-book of the log, chronicle of the replacement verse 3

'you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads.
you have been denied the log for a long time, sandwalker. we cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this. when the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and aid you.'
-book of the log, redwood journals verses 15-16

'and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle I, verses 78-82

'he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none.
-book of the log, wanderers saga, verses 7-9

'the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content.'
-book of the log, honor of the forest canticle II, verses 59-70

Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log.

Love vs. Sex

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
some friends one
evening
and time passed quickly as each shared
their
various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than
planned,
and
had to walk home alone. She wasn't
afraid
because it was a small town and she lived
only
a
few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm
trees,
Diane asked God to keep her safe from
harm
and
danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a
short
cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she
noticed
a
man standing at the end as though he
were
waiting
for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray,
asking
for
God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
and
security wrapped round her, she felt as
though
someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley,
she
walked right past the man and arrived
home
safely.

The following day, she read in the
newspaper
that
a young girl had been raped in the same
alley
just
twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
the
fact
that it could have been her, she began to
weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
help
this
young woman, she decided to go to the
police
station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so
she
told
them her story.

The police asked her if she would be
willing to
look
at a lineup to see if she could identify
him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out
the
man
she had seen in the alley the night
before.

When the man was told he had been
identified,
he
immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
and
asked if there was anything they could do
for
her.

She asked if they would ask the man one
question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked
her.

When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She
had
two tall men walking on either side of
her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
you're
never alone. Did you know that 98% of
teenagers
will not stand up for God?

Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly
believe
in
God..

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what... and if you stand up for him he will
stand up for you.
I bet 93% of you people that read this won't repost

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Plucking Strings by Digitize27 reviews
A chance collision early in Naruto's life will irrevocably change the path he takes; what happens when Naruto's views are shifted before even his dream to become Hokage? Where will his new path take him, and how many strings will he pull or threads will he trip over along the way? Puppeteer!Naruto. -Discontinued-
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 20 - Words: 114,102 - Reviews: 1349 - Favs: 2,112 - Follows: 2,237 - Updated: 6/10 - Published: 7/1/2014 - Naruto U.
Small Changes by Digitize27 reviews
Really, how much can small things affect the world? Little things like the colour of someone's hair? Their Mentor? Maybe... their date of birth? -Discontinued- -Up for adoption, PM me-
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 36 - Words: 195,081 - Reviews: 1637 - Favs: 2,883 - Follows: 3,066 - Updated: 6/10 - Published: 4/3/2013 - Naruto U., Anko M.
Better Left Unsaid by Kenchi618 reviews
Mizuki never got to shoot his mouth off at Naruto the night he took the Scroll of Seals. Other than skipping a half-manic monologue from him what exactly did this change for everyone's favorite blonde ninja? Who knows? Rated M for language/later events.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 71 - Words: 932,944 - Reviews: 7448 - Favs: 7,935 - Follows: 7,166 - Updated: 6/8 - Published: 12/14/2010 - [Naruto U., Ino Y.] Team Ten
Children of Nemesis by Solaris242 reviews
There was a theory once, about Nemesis, the Dark Star. Stillborn twin to the sun, it wandered the void, black and cold, and every 25 million years, came back home. AU.
Mass Effect - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,142 - Reviews: 221 - Favs: 763 - Follows: 915 - Updated: 1/15 - Published: 9/11/2013
Transcendent Humanity by Solaris242 reviews
Humanity never developed FTL. The Prothean archives contained no technology, no Element Zero, just a warning. Isolated from the rest of the galaxy for two thousand years, restricted to their only system, how will humanity have changed when they first meet the Turians? AU, alternate history of humanity and First Contact.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 15 - Words: 33,429 - Reviews: 1391 - Favs: 3,836 - Follows: 4,480 - Updated: 1/12 - Published: 5/7/2013
NBH by Chilord reviews
Switching opponents with Shikamaru during the preliminary round before the third stage, leads to an opportunity for Naruto, one that starts to drastically change his course in life.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 39 - Words: 195,041 - Reviews: 1200 - Favs: 2,102 - Follows: 1,559 - Updated: 1/4/2014 - Published: 11/27/2013 - Complete
How to Win Friends, Influence People by sparrowette reviews
And Start Your Very Own Secret Ninja Organization. Three months into Naruto's training trip Jiraiya must leave him behind to go to check on a situation in Iwa, leaving Naruto to his own devices. Naruto thinks everything he did makes perfect sense, Kiri thinks he is a cult leader and Tsunade thinks she doesn't get paid enough to deal with this. 100 drabbles format.
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 88,776 - Reviews: 1408 - Favs: 4,321 - Follows: 2,869 - Updated: 12/29/2013 - Published: 7/16/2012 - Naruto U. - Complete
The Resilience of Time by Mnsk reviews
Before his death, Nagato destroys his Rinnegan to keep it out of certain dangerous hands. Infuriated, Uchiha Obito actives a legendary seal that resets time and all its events, but he didn't count on Konoha's Orange Ninja remembering everything. Time travel on an epic scale. Completed.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 51 - Words: 407,972 - Reviews: 1365 - Favs: 2,075 - Follows: 1,461 - Updated: 10/22/2013 - Published: 6/27/2013 - Naruto U., Kakashi H. - Complete
A Teacher's Glory by Larry Huss reviews
"Zest to over-achieve" marks Team 7's entry into the Ninja world. Kakashi teaches lessons better than he imagines. *COMPLETE*
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 18 - Words: 162,678 - Reviews: 1063 - Favs: 2,759 - Follows: 2,176 - Updated: 8/19/2013 - Published: 4/26/2011 - Naruto U. - Complete
Naruto Infinite by JackOfBladesX reviews
Not an x-over. Naruto gains the ability to punch through dimensions and is surprised by what he finds: himself. Naruto teams up with Naruto, and Naruto, and Naruto, and Naruto, and Naruto. No pairings as of yet.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,191 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 167 - Follows: 170 - Published: 4/14/2013 - Naruto U., Naruko U.
5 Hokages by Lucillia reviews
After the first four Hokages are mysteriously returned to life, Konoha has to deal with the fact that they now have five Hokages, amongst other things. AU in which a perpetually drunk Madara lives long enough to do his own dirty work in the lead-up to the 4th Shinobi World War and Hashirama and Tobirama's personalities got swapped.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,093 - Reviews: 622 - Favs: 1,830 - Follows: 1,796 - Updated: 2/16/2013 - Published: 11/24/2009 - Hashirama S., Tsunade S., Madara U., Naruto U.
GSS by Lucillia reviews
Someone learns rather late in life that they weren't quite what they thought they were.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 215 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 21 - Published: 9/14/2012 - Kakashi H. - Complete
My Secret by Wootabulous reviews
I have a secret. A secret not known to the world. It is Deeper and Darker than the Kyuubi. If it gets out, how would the people of Konoha react? I possess...the Sharingan. I am who I am, I cannot change...I will not change. NaruXHina Full Summary Inside
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 94,415 - Reviews: 797 - Favs: 1,118 - Follows: 986 - Updated: 4/23/2012 - Published: 2/4/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Birth of a Legend: The Fox Druid by DarkHeroOrion reviews
A true force of nature arises from the lowly roots of Konoha. This child, a scion of noble birthright, is ironically shunned by his deep-seated burden. Follow along as our coming-of-age hero grows through the test of adversity and new challenges.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 227,157 - Reviews: 834 - Favs: 1,387 - Follows: 1,445 - Updated: 12/31/2011 - Published: 2/4/2008 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Orkhamma40k: In da Far Fyucha, Derez Only WAAAGH! by damaddok reviews
Read Orkhammer, and I loved it. And since my last 40k fic was baleeted, I figured why not try again with something better? Orks infiltrate the Imperial Guard and no one seems to notice...Hilarity ensues as the orks try to emulate Imperial Guardsmen.
Warhammer - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,432 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 9/13/2011 - Published: 5/10/2010
Underwear the Cat by Lucillia reviews
Naruto meets the Kyuubi on his fourth birthday, and assumes that it is his present from the Hokage.
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 395 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 1,326 - Follows: 249 - Published: 4/5/2011 - Naruto U., Mizuki - Complete
The Warden's Retiring by JackOfBladesX reviews
Warden Commander Marahiel wishes to retire from his position, and return to his people. Sadly, it seems that everyone and their mother has an opinion on the matter. In the aftermath both he and Alistair have a chat. Post-Awakening. Rated for cursing.
Dragon Age - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,553 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/18/2011 - Mahariel, Alistair
Tales of Oops! by Smylingsnake reviews
Amusing ideas arise during the writing of "Oops!". Some of them grow into oneshot stories. Here you will find those stories. Updated whenever the Muse pops by.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,780 - Reviews: 155 - Favs: 297 - Follows: 267 - Updated: 1/22/2011 - Published: 12/28/2008
I don't need you anymore by JackOfBladesX reviews
After seventeen years, Naruto's parents return to Konoha, with his twin sister. HIs reaction to his parents being alive after so long? Complete Apathy. In Naruto's defense, he really had a lot going on that day. Naruto/Shion/OC/OC.OneShot. Humor Fic.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,626 - Reviews: 180 - Favs: 1,025 - Follows: 330 - Published: 6/4/2010 - Naruto U. - Complete
The Blonde Hyuuga by Dalxein reviews
After Naruto befriends Hinata at a young age, they soon find themselves to be the best of friends. Ten years later, and something other than friendship brings them closer still... NaruHina, Title makes sense later on. Rated M just in case.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 38,028 - Reviews: 385 - Favs: 433 - Follows: 549 - Updated: 1/31/2010 - Published: 5/3/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
NU: Dark Lord by 26-Lord-Pain reviews
AR, Overlord-Xover, Dark/EVIL Naruto, NaruX?. On a winter night Naruto is attacked by someone, and protected by strange creatures known as Minions, he discovers his family was destroyed by this same man. Now, he's decided he'll fight off Evil with Evil...
Crossover - Naruto & Overlord - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 35 - Words: 211,140 - Reviews: 678 - Favs: 863 - Follows: 701 - Updated: 11/18/2009 - Published: 12/25/2008 - Naruto U.
The Night The House of Cards Was Built by drakensis reviews
Every week the most prominent citizens of Konohagakure gather for a game of poker. This time there are three new players... two kunoichi and a six year old Naruto! cowritten with Rift120
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 25,143 - Reviews: 1337 - Favs: 5,220 - Follows: 3,339 - Updated: 12/29/2007 - Published: 4/7/2007 - Anko M., Kurenai Y. - Complete
The Happenings of Rock Lee by Silver Curiosity reviews
This is a story with Rock Lee as the main character. He challenged the sun to a duel and caused Neji lots of misery. R&R!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,430 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/9/2007 - Published: 2/27/2007 - Lee R., Gai M.
To be or not to be Perverted? by BraceForImpact reviews
After being abused by the villagers of Konoha, Naruto finds himself in the clutches of an ULTRA pervert! Could this be a good or bad thing for Naruto? Naru/Hina relationship will build. Other ships will be considered. Please read and ENJOY!
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,280 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 3/26/2007 - Published: 3/7/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
How I know by Shaded Shalar reviews
How does one know your love is true? This is how one man knows.
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 798 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/21/2006 - Hinata H., Naruto U. - Complete
Accounting no Jutsu by daniel-gudman reviews
Lots of people have postulated that Naruto's good at financial planning. Let's follow that thought a little farther into the future.
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,164 - Reviews: 534 - Favs: 3,784 - Follows: 604 - Published: 2/15/2006 - Naruto U. - Complete
Bought off reviews
Tsunade orders Naruto into her office to discuss something of great importance [implied NaruHina] [rated T for references] something for a quick giggle, enjoy! Note! Second chapter added since I was begged :P
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,195 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 9/3/2007 - Published: 6/13/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete