Author has written 1 story for Storm Hawks.
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In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech
My name is Sarah
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot. (A lot meaning all the time...)
Im Just this kinda girl:
1. If my best friend asks me if its okay if she dates my ex, i say "good luck" and walk away...quickly...
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
The fact that you think I'm listening to you just shows me how stupid you really are
Me: Mirror Mirror on the wall who's the cruellest of them all?
When life gives you lemons squirt the juice in your enemies eyes
Break my Heart I break your neck
I know I seem mean but it's because I don't like you
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought
You're intoxicated by my very presence
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the titanic...
those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it
Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary.
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, the rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up
When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back
Love comes in many colours
Love your enemy's! It really pisses them off!
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth it!
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."
War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it.
If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie at least make one of them pretty
Yeah, I'm a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet
No I won't go to hell! it has a restraining order against me
When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
Oops! did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?
Smile; it makes people wonder what you're up to
Therapy is expensive. popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide
I used to see a shrink... until she said life isn't for everyone
Yell the truth and run
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?
Education is important. School however, is another matter.
I used to be normal... until I met those freaks i call my friends
You can talk to inanimate objects, but when they talk back, you know some things wrong
Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.
Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.
Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.
When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and beat the crap out of them.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" That's a really good question...I wonder...
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over
He gave her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake and said, "I will love you until the last rose dies."
Sometimes people run away just to see if anyone cares enough to follow.
Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realise I would probably kill myself trying to save you.
People say love is like magic, but isn't magic just an illusion?
You call me crazy like its the ultimate insult but I just stare at you blankly and say "So"
Don't make someone a priority when they make you an option.
If you live to be 100, I want to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you.
If he's dumb enough to walk away, then be smart enough to let him go.
Keep on talking maybe one day you'll say something intelligent
When I said "I wish you a life time of happiness" after you screwed me over I meant I was going to kill you
My boyfriend and I can't have a public relationship. He's afraid the town will either lock him up in the asylum and ask him what I did to make him delusional enough to like me or run him out for being involved with the devil.
“Got a problem with me? Solve it. Think I'm tripping’? Tie my shoes. Can’t stand me? Sit your ass down. Can’t face me? Then turn the fuck around!”
I'm a cold and heartless bitch, but I'm damn good at it
If you don't like me there is nothing i can do. newsflash bitch, I don't live to please you
Ten percent of people in Britain believe that their food has a party when they shut the fridge door.
Whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
How is it possible to have a civil war? Easy. Unfortunately Very easy.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...
When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!
I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
Money can't buy you friends or happiness, but friends can buy you stuff for happiness.
Chocolate is a woman's catnip
One day my ship will come in. I'm sure I'll be at the airport.
National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support.
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
It takes 43 muscles to frown, 13 to smile, but none to sit there with a dumb look on your face
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!
I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a best friend will sit next to u and say... DAMN, WAS THAT FUN OR WHAT?!
When life gives you lemons make orange juice, then kick back and laugh your ass off while the rest of the world wonders how the hell you did it.
''I love you'' is 8 letters. And so is ''bullshit''
PMS: the woman's right to be a BITCH.
Best friends always have your back, so when you decide to shoot up the place and you run out of bullets... they have more.
Every girl has to grow up and learn that fairytales are not real, and that there is no such thing as a ''prince charming''
Life is full of drama, we all have problems, so what you need to do is PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES and DEAL WITH IT!!
Your only a ''Bad Girl'' if you get caught, so that makes me a ''Good Girl'', right?
You can't break a girl that thinks nothing of you.
"I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, tell me to wait here"
"Thinking is when your mouth stays shut and your head keeps talking to itself."
“I'm bored. Run for your sanity.”
“I've always wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my enemy to go swimming.”
"Hold on...train of thought hit a cow..."
"Your father told me never to come through his door again...But technically I came through the window."
“Wanda: And now, here's Cosmo with the weather. Cosmo: (Cut to Cosmo who's holding a feather... silence) I thought you said feather.”
"There's only enough colour for one of us to slide down the pretty rainbow! Wow. There wasn't a manly word in that sentence!" –Cosmo
Boy: "Why do you cry and obsess over a TV program & the imaginary sadness of people you've never met?" Girl: "For the same reason you jump up and yell at the TV when a man you don't know makes a touchdown"
"There is a light at the end of every tunnel...just pray it's not a train!"
"The man might be the head, but the woman's the neck, and she can make the head turn any-way she wants..."
"Are you going to take a shower?" "No. I just got naked and turned on the water for my own personal pleasure..."
“Someday a guy will come and sweep me off my feet. Then I’ll trip him and make him fall for me.”
"He placed his head to her heart and whispered 'this is my new favourite song'"
"Before I met you I never knew what it was like to look at someone and smile for no reason"
"Life isn't about the breaths you take; it’s about the moments that take your breath away"
"I feel sorry for any man who ever broke my heart because one day they are gonna wake up and realize they had the world"
"Best friends are like bras: Hard to find the perfect one, but when you do, they're close to your heart and supportive."
"You laugh at me because I'm crazy, I laugh at you because there's an invisible leprechaun on your shoulder"
Let us be thankful for the fools, because without them the rest of us could not succeed.
"Without music, life would be a mistake."
If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.
He said, "I love you."
"If you don't know what to write in a story, kill someone off!"
"The light at the end of the tunnel is a freight train headed your way.
Why suffer from insanity when you can enjoy it?
"Doctors say I have multiple personalties. We disagree with that."
"I'm not afraid of Death.What's he gonna do,kill me?"
Words women use:
FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING: This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".
GO AHEAD: At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT: This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
She said that she wanted to get high- he took her to the tallest hill in town.
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
The world is cruel... get used to it!
Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.
If youre paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!
At last! My plans for world domination are complete! MAHAHAHAA? Oh look, something shiny?
EVER WONDER where we are heading...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
My Mother Taught Me…
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
Are children who act in 'R' rated moves allowed to see them?
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.
The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.
Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.
Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.
I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
Somebody needs a Happy Meal.
It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that's weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is finished and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under peaceful stars while Igor clocks up the overtime."
"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
"When all else fails blow stuff up."
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. Although, chainsaw beats scissors, paper, AND rock!
To put it nicely, I hope you choke.
Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.
I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.
True love isn't free, but I'd pay anything to have it.
If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.
The world is cruel... get used to it!
Not all scars fade, not all wounds heal.
If the world gives you lemons, you can make lemonade... or you can make a biologically engineered virulent air-born pathogenic virus that will wipe out the entire population of the planet,which would be a whole lot cooler.
Welcome to the world of very scary faeries!
For those who think faeries are innocent little creatures...
You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.
Well the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck.
Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.
Don't make me mad...I'm known to bite at random!!
I did what they say and chose the road less travelled... Now where the heck am I?
I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my handle, here is my...other handle? Crap. Now I'm a sugar bowl.
I'm knocking on heavens door.. voice in background: "Knocking? You very nearly broke the bloody thing down!!" me:" That wasn't my fault!! It was poor construction... I SWEAR!! Don't look at me like that..."
If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth.
Someday my prince will come he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask for directions.
yo-yos were invented as a weapon
1. If you're forced to choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before
2. In order to stand up for what you believe in, you have to be willing to stand-alone.
3. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more
4. Everything is funny as long as it's happening to somebody else
5. Someone is sitting in the shade because someone else planted that tree along time ago
6. It will be okay in the end if it's not okay it not the end
7. Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone
8. In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
9. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
10. Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.
11. Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
12. Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.
13. Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm
14. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
15. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
16. The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but 'That's funny...'
17. The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.
18. For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
19. Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.
20. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Things that I find funny/cool/awesome/you get the point
1. God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women
2. Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up
3. Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs
4. The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
5. We women have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
6. When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
7. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake
8. My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch.
9. I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
10. If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, on to a little seesaw, and then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
11. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
12. My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.
13. My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
14. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
15. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
16. I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
17. It's strange, isn't it? You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in.
18. And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
19. God heals and the doctor takes the fee.
20. Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
21. We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
22. Nature gave men two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most
23. A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.
24. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits
25. They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
26. I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
27. My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for 40 years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
28. If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks.
29. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
30. Football's not a matter of life and death ... it's more important than that.
31. 'Twas a woman who drove me to drink. I never had the courtesy to thank her.
32. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
33. Love- A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
34. I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
35. 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
36. I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?
37. The sun has set, the moon has risen, today's the day we get out of prison!!
38. Darth Vader- "Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!"
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused
Light travels faster than sound that might be why people appear bright until you hear them speak.
FANFICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews?