Poll: What story is in most desperate need of an update? Note that I will not necessarily listen to what you say. Vote Now!
Author has written 27 stories for Teen Titans, Avatar: Last Airbender, Kim Possible, Artemis Fowl, and Danny Phantom.
Eschew obfuscation. Excessive verbosity is not conducive to comprehension.
The cheek of every American must tingle with shame as he reads the silly, flat, and dishwatery utterances
of the man who has to be pointed out to intelligent foreigners as the President of the United States.
-The Chicago Tribune review of the Gettysburg Address
D.O.B: May 13, 1987
Fact About Myself (Interesting) I'm a Corporal in the United States Marine Corps, and oddly enough a better shot at five hundred yards than at two or three hundred.
Fact About Myself (Boring) I have double jointed thumbs, so I don't lose thumb wars. Ever.
Fandoms and My Preferred Pairings Within: Teen Titans (BB/Rae, Rob/Star, Cy/Jinx, Mae-Eye/Rancid) Avatar: The Last Airbender (Tokka, Kataang, Maiko, Moppa) Kim Possible (Kim/Ron, Barkin/World), Artemis Fowl (Undecided as of yet, probably A/H)
Pen Name: "Tabula rasa" is Latin for "blank page." If you've ever found yourself staring blankly at the paper/screen without a thing to write about, then you'll understand why I chose the name. Unfortunately, I wasn't the first guy to think of the name, hence the first letter switcharoo. Quit while you're ahead, I suppose.
Poll Results: Out of date
Religion: Jesus saves, everyone else loses what they were working on.
Status: CONTEMPLATING RESSURECTION
What's Your Sign?: No Passing Zone
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy- Douglas Adams
More as I remember...
"They were talking about the shock the conscience standard, all right? And they pointed out that if they took you and me, all right, people of our age, and put us, you and me, through what Marine Corps recruits go through at Parris Island and forced us to do that, that would probably shock the conscience. But it's not illegal to do it to Marine Corps recruits, all right?"
"I can't drink anything tomorrow, so I'll most likely stay dressed all day."
"You see now, sire, the fruits of victory. Next to a battle lost, the saddest thing is a battle won."-
"Familiarity breeds contempt--and children."
"Dear Dogbert; my parents told me that every time I ask Santa for a gift, an angel will lose its wings. That seems like a fair arrangement to me, but is there any risk the wingless angel would fall on my head and kill me? Sincerely, Brent. Dear Bent; wingless angels generally burn up on reentry. It’s nothing that a little shampoo can’t cure. Sincerely, Dogbert."
"I also thought I had a pretty good fix on the Sound of Music, indeed, the hills were alive with it, but they go right from singing about whiskers on kittens to a bunch of Goddamn Nazis kicking down the door."
Opinions and Rants
I possess exactly one artistic bone in my body (third rib from the top, port side), but fortunately there are those who can more than make up for my complete lack of talent in that arena. One of those awesome people decided to send a bit of that talent my way in the form of an animation depicting the closing scene of "With a Feather." I try to give appreciation where it's due (sixty percent of the time, every time), and so without further ado, I present Kryptocow's work of art.
If it's not too much trouble, check it out. Also, if the links aren't working, give me a holler. The site likes to mess with me from time to time and break things while I'm not looking.
It's becoming one of my pet peeves- the idea of "review blackmail." You and I both know what I'm talking about: "I won't post the next chapter until I have TEN, yes T-E-N reviews." People- don't write for reviews. You might say "but I don't want to write something that nobody's going to read!" Write for fun, not for reviews. The creative process is a fantastic adventure that shouldn't be squandered on worrying about a "payoff" in the form of reviews. Who knows? If you're a bad writer who enjoys writing, you will keep writing and eventually become a good writer, and the reviews will come on their own. If you're a bad writer who writes for reviews, then you won't get them and you'll get discouraged and quit.
And if you're a good writer, then chances are you have at some point been a bad writer who loved writing, and you won't put those silly blackmail statements at the end of your chapters.
Come on, people- do your research! When the facts don't fit the story, don't change the facts (obvious exception: AU)! Now, that isn't to say you can't create facts where they didn't exist before, but changing them is oh-so-not-cool.
An example of changing a fact: Robin is actually Jackie Chan, in disguise.While it would explain the mask, it's still not going to fly. Sorry, Mr. Chan.
An example of creating a fact: Beast Boy can turn into a unicorn. He can turn into dinosaurs, so he obviously doesn't have to have physically seen the animal to turn into it. For that matter, what's to stop him from turning into anything he can think of and label as an "animal" in his mind? Hmm...
On Characters (Teen Titans)
The Beast is one cool cat. He's a very territorial and aggressive Beast Boy with limited cognitive functions and very sharp claws- that is to say, what's most important to Beast Boy is what's most important to the Beast, and he'll defend it viciously. What he isn't, however, is a ruthless killing machine- if he was, why did he take Raven from Adonis instead of simply attacking his rival and ignoring her? Nor is Beast Boy in any conscious control- if he was, why would he have defended Raven from Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire?
Beast Boy isn't stupid, he's just not educated. He's not some simpering imbecile who can't understand or even pronounce any word with more than two syllables. His powers are most effective when used thoughtfully. Constant shifting into the appropriate animal for the constantly changing conditions of battle is not a task for an idiot. The idea of him having a tail is pretty cool. As long as I'm writing him, he will remain as short or shorter than Raven. Also, he's not permanently happy-go-lucky. In terms of depth, he's a pool- not a puddle.
Cyborg isn't in an incestuous relationship with the T-Car- that's just weird. I like him with Jinx better than Bumblebee (because Bee is boring and, as best I can tell, "paired" with him because they're both black). He isn't appreciated nearly as much as he should be. Write more Cyborg! Write better Cyborg! Resistance is futile (but capacitance has potential).
Raven is a half-demon, not a demi-goddess. She's smart, but she isn't going to beat Little Blue in a game of chess, nor is she going to outstrip a Cray. She's not innately suicidal just because she likes the dark and she isn't a Goth- I highly doubt she was even born when Rome was sacked. She's much more fun when she has flaws than when she's a canon-approved Mary Sue.
Robin can be a dick sometimes (no pun intended), but he really isn't such a bad guy. He isn't going to be loudly talking with the team about Beast Boy being worthless, Raven being satanic, Starfire being stupid, or something stupid like that. He's tougher on himself than he needs to be, and doesn't blame others for his own mistakes.
Starfire isn't stupid- just waytoo nice for her own good. She's funny when her cooking is terrible, but even funnier when it comes out edible. She's kind, innocent, and naïve, but sharp as a tack and is almost as much fun as Jinx when she's being devious. She's also reallyhard for me to write. Silkie makes a good trash compactor.
Terra... is a nonentity as far as I'm concerned, except as a point of historical reference. She has no memory of her time with the team (or is consciously pretending to have no memory), expresses no desire to have anything to do with the team (or any of its members), and would probably not be welcomed back as a member of the team even if the previous statements weren't true- but especially so because they are. She's excised from the story, and will not be re-entering voluntarily. Being forced back in, however, is another matter altogether.
On the Drinking Age
This is a friendly reminder to those authors not familiar with United States laws: the legal age to purchase and/or consume alcohol in any state in the US is 21, not 18. If you're writing a story that involves alcohol and takes place in the US (for example, something in the Teen Titans fandom), keep that in mind.
On Fan Constructions (Teen Titans)
A list of commonly found facts and habits about the Titans that were never actually in the show (or that I can't for the life of me remember where they were):
The 'Beast Boy's Messy Room' hyperbole (his room is messy and disorganized, but it hasn't yet achieved sentience)
I’m an unashamed Nevermore addict, but people really need to become more creative with how they use it. I mean, the place is crawling with possibilities, but I keep on seeing the same stale uses of Raven’s lovely little lookalikes. Do something you’ve never seen before- it’s fun!
On Original Characters (OC)
A poorly written original character is the kiss of death to even the best of stories. Writing them is a definite risk, and far too frequently do we fail to look before we leap. Compounding the problem is that they’re verydifficult to do well- especially “good guys.” I can think of maybe five or six authors on this site whose “good guys” are always well done (and one or two whose characters are always exceptional), and the odds of you being among their number is slim- God knows I’m not. On the other hand making up villains, however, is much safer territory. You’re much less likely to end up with a Mary Sue on your hands, for one thing. Not to mention that people can accept an annoying villain much more easily than an annoying ally- after all, the villain is much more likely to get punched repeatedly in the mouth. Also, self-inserts as the villain are acceptable. Self-inserts as “the new team member” are not. Except, of course, in satire.
CC/OC romantic relationships: for the love of God, don’t do it! Especiallyif the Canon Character is the primary focus of the story. That’s an almost instant Mary Sue, and your audience will likely see the OC as a self-insert as well.
One of those people who always gets her original characters right went ahead and made a little How-To on original characters. Check it out: CalliopeMused
On Points of View
I’ve noticed a particularly disturbing trend in fanfictions ever since I started reading them a few years ago, and that is some authors’ habit of creating abrupt changes in perspective and/or narration through simply slapping a
Billy Bob’s POV
into the middle of their story. You’ve got to be joking, right? How hard is it to either a) stick to one point of view throughout a story, or b) let the reader know that a change has occurred through the use of a scene divider and the proper use of context. Just lobbing a bolded eyesore into the middle of the page is... well, it’s just not right. The same can be said of flashbacks (it’s one word, people). A little context (“Billy Bob thought back to his cousin’s third wedding...”), some scene dividers, and italicizing the entire flashback is a much more appropriate than chucking out a (Flashback) and (End Flashback) before and after the back of flashing in question.
Everybody loves getting reviews, even though they’re not the objective (or, at least, they shouldn’t be) of writing. When people take the initiative to hit that little button and tell you what they thought, it’s only polite to reply to them- even if it’s nothing more than a simple “thanks for reading.” Spending a little time writing back won’t hurt you, and it makes the reviewer’s task just a little more satisfying to complete.
On the other hand, if you’re going to review, it’s generally a good idea to do more than say “I love it, update soon.” Pick out something you liked and/or something that needed work. Make your review helpful, and the author will appreciate it a great deal more.
Another fun little annoyance- people that say “summary sucks, but story is good” (or some variation thereof) in their summaries. If you can’t put forth the effort to make a decent summary, do me the kindness of not outright telling me. Besides, summaries are easy- you take the plot of your story, boil it down to one, two, or even three sentences, include whatever notation you choose to include (AU, CyxCar, etc.) and voila! You’ve got a passable summary!
On Super Smash Brothers: Brawl and Soul Caliber II
FACT: I will destroy you.
If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to eat out.
Didn't like the service? Speak to the manager, but tip anyways.
Protesting the fact that the customer is expected to pay the server's wages instead of the restaurant? Write your Congressman to get things changed, but tip generously until they do.
Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, use correct spelling. Use the proper forms of "hoping, "hopping," "quite," "quiet," "patients," "patience," "conscience," "conscious," "envelope," "envelop," "waste," "waist," "poll," "pole," "role," "roll," "apologies," "apologize," "straight," "strait," "threw," "through," "to," "two," "too," "their," "there," "they're," "effect," "affect," "lose," "loose," "conceited," "conceded," "past," "passed," "site," "sight," "breath," "breathe," "prophecy," "prophesy," "brake," "break," "presence," "presents," "you," "your," "you're," "bare," "bear," "aloud," and "allowed." Use apostrophes when (and only when) appropriate, put punctuation after the parentheses and inside the quotation marks, don't forget that capitalization is the difference between "I helped my Uncle Jack off the horse" and something completely different, create a new paragraph whenever the speaker changes, and avoid the plethora of other commonly made writing mistakes. Once or twice is understandable- nobody's perfect, especially myself. But there comes a point where typographical carelessness lapses into bad writing. Please, for your readers' sanity, proofread your papers. A good story requires good delivery as well as good content- one or the other alone is not enough. Spellcheck alone is insufficient.
Another thing to do is to vary your vocabulary. I read a story once (or more precisely, the first paragraph of a story) that used the same word to describe the same character five times in five consecutive sentences. On multiple occasions. If you're using it as a literary device, then good on you. In all other situations, mixing up your terminology helps. Personally, I cycle through about three or four names per character. More or less is up to you, but please- do something!
I don't never use me no double negatives.
Spelling, punctuation, and grammar are to writing as canaries are to coal mines. When they're hurtin', it's time to get the hell out of Dodge.
Some Things On the Drawing Board
The Code: When all reasonable means of resistance are exhausted and certain death is the only alternative…
Murphy: A collection of oneshots based on Murphy’s Laws.
The Rule of Four: He had spent years trying to get her attention. She had spent four seconds looking the other way. Now she's determined to undo what she unwittingly drove him to, and nothing is going to stand in her way.
Sapience: (AU) The natives spoke of it only in whispers- the menace that haunted the night, appearing without warning and leaving only destruction in its wake. When the Titans go looking for trouble, they find it in spades.
Second Sight: A traumatic encounter with Red X leaves Raven in the dark and out of commission. But Beast Boy has an idea, and it just might be stupid enough to work.
Snowballing: Based on Kryalla Orchid's E'ara continuity. One innocuous shift at just the right time and place can radically alter the course of history. Here, we examine What Could Have Been, had Raven had only kept her wits about her when her world came to a halt. RobRae BBRae RobStar CyBG
Titles Without Stories: Available
I like coming up with titles. Feel free to steal these, if you want. My only request is that you tell me when you post, so I can read them! Be aware, these titles will stay up as Available until you inform me of your posting.
Bang: There is no terror in a bang, only in the anticipation of it.
Barefoot and Pregnant: As he reached the apex of his flight through the air, Sokka finally came to understand why Mai and Zuko had been referring to him in the past tense ever since Toph had announced her pregnancy.
Beast Boy Iscariot
Better Lucky Than Good
Cheese!: Cyborg's perfect memory comes in handy.
The Color of Death: But trust is the color of a dark seed growing; trust is the color of a heart’s blood flowing; trust is the color of a soul’s last breath; trust is the color of death. Apologies to Robert Jordan.
The Doom Song
From the Barrel of a Gun
From Bad to Worse: Evil Titans! Yay!
Gibraltar: No matter how hard you try, some things will never change. For some people, this is a consolation. For others, it is a source of neverending frustration.
Gleipnir: Things are not always what they seem...
The Green Mile: 'We each owe a death; there are no exceptions; but, oh God, sometimes the green mile seems so long.'
Iconoclasm: Raven and Valentine's Day
Impartial: The world breaks everyone, and those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. Apologies to Ernest Hemingway.
In Short: Don’t you hate it when authors claim to “suck at summaries” in their summaries? Well, that is certainly not the case with this author! I am completely and utterly awesometastic at writing summaries for my stories, and the proof of that is right here:
Judged: Too late and to their sorrow do those who misplace their trust in Gods learn their fate.
The King of Wishful Thinking
The Last Inspection: Step forward now, you soldier, you've borne your burdens well. Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets- you've done your time in Hell.
Less than Three: Greater than one.
Man Shall Not Live on Bread Alone
Melian: The strong do what they can, and the weak suffer what they must.
Moopstag: You wouldn't get it.
O Fortuna!: Because Fate lays low the brave, all join with me in lamentation:
Ode: She walks in beauty, like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies, and all that's best of dark and bright, meets in her aspect and her eyes. Apologies to Lord Byron.
One Bright Day: Back to back, they faced each other, drew their swords and shot the other...
Only A Fool's Hope
Over Her Shoulder: Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you.
Plan B is for Beast Boy: Always have a backup plan, because the first one won't work.
Predatory: They both had instincts that they wrestled with every day. He craved the taste and feel of another creature's warm, dead flesh as it slid down his hungry throat. She craved sacrifice of a different sort...
Requiescat in Piscis
Revelations: Fallen, fallen is Babylon the great! She has become a dwelling place of demons and a prison of every unclean spirit, and a prison of every unclean and hateful bird.
Rise Up Singing
Room 101: 'You asked me once what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world.' As Raven remembered Dr. Light, she couldn't help but think that she would have fit in quite nicely at the Ministry of Love.
S P A C E S: No man is an island, but even for five teenagers that just so happen to live on an island, man can certainly put a good deal of distance between himself and others when necessary.
On The Streets That Are Golden: And we will dance...
Though Heaven May Fall: Let justice be done.
A Time to Play: (Dystopian AU) Come all you young rebels and list while I sing, for love of one's land is a terrible thing. It banishes fear with the speed of a flame, and makes us all part of the Patriot Game.
Weird Questions That Will Probably Not Keep You Awake at Night (Teen Titans)
Beast Boy: If he turned into a chameleon, would he still stay green? And what prevents him from transforming into mythological creatures? What happened to all those BB amoebas- they're exact copies of him, so wouldn't they be able to transform themselves as well? Where does the food in his stomach go when he transforms? Where does his communicator go, how does he know it's going off when he's transformed, and how does it track him? Why is the only "animal" form that he speaks in (amoeba) the only one that can't actually make noise? In the opening credits for Trouble In Tokyo, how did he get inside Raven's compartment?
Cyborg: He has tools in his right hand. He has a sonic cannon in his right hand. His right hand is detachable and rocket launchable. His right hand can function as a grappling hook. How does it fit? And why doesn't he put a remote for the TV in there too?
Raven: What possible purpose do those extra two eyes serve? Are they always there, but shut? Or do they magically appear whenever Raven goes bananas?
Robin: How in the hell do you get a sword from two birdarangs? And how does his staff expand like it does and remain perfectly cylindrical?
Starfire: In Stranded, where the hell did she get that bow and arrow from? Does she have difficulty seeing Beast Boy through her green cornea and her powers' green glow? We know she breathes air (or how else would Mad Mod's knockout gas have worked on her?), so how does she breathe in space?
What's Left Over
I believe that to call an author's work original is to pay them the highest compliment.
If you come across ANY spelling/grammar/typographical errors, PLEASE tell me. I'm a little OCD about them being in my stories, but I don't catch them all every time.
Being the last man on earth ain't all it's cracked up to be.