Author has written 3 stories for Teen Titans, and Wheel of Time.
Name: Zhanus Maximus, King of Kings and Overlord of all creation (inside joke)
Location: Manwatu, New Zealand
Favourite T.V show: Avatar: Legend of Aang
Favourite character in that show: DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE!!
Random facts about me: I can touch my nose with my tongue, i've eaten an entire raw onion in less than half a minute(Ain't doin that again), my record for fastest and most drastic change of sleep pattern was 24 hours in one night/day
BAD JOKES (Made by moi(Far as i know anyways):
A couple is out on the street walking their dog when they start feeling like a beer. So the run into the pub but the dog doesnt. Why not?
Because it saw the wall coming and stopped (Di-dun Fart)
One time i saw part of a (Gay) movie in which faries get set free and fly all over the place making the trees and grass grow. When the faries fly around the "Heroes" legs i blurt out "Theyre making their leg hairs grow" (I told you these jokes were bad)
Being called short
Being called an Emo
Being called a nerd. Just because someone is smart it dosn't make them a nerd. Being a know-it-all teachers pet who thinks fun is only a noun makes you a nerd
Having a sleep pattern polar opposite to everyone else in the house
Linkin Park, Fort Minor, Disturbed, Mettalica, Rammstein, Eminem, Godsmack, Nickelback, Dropkick Murpheys, Five Finger Death Punch, Three Day's Grace and Evanescence
Alien and Predator Movies
Saying potato salad
Saying Rectum and ass related things e.g son of flying monkeys ass, Rectal cubes etc
Stephen King books
Being smarter than my older sister. Just becasue its only by 2 iq it dosn't make it less of an acievement
Guitar (I can actually play now! 1 Year, 8 1/2 months and counting)
Wolves, Bats, Snakes, Panthers, Velociraptors and Spiders
Come to the dark side, we have cookies.
Why do kamikazes wear helmets?
Humans are like slinkys. Though they may not be useful, it will always put a smile on your face to see one tumble down the stairs.
Sex is good. Sex is fine. Doggy style or 69. Whether for fun or getting paid, everyone loves getting laid.
Smile and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think you're on drugs.
Whoever said 'Nothing is impossible' never tried slamming a revolving door
"Power outage at a department store in America yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."
"For a while I didn't have a car...I had a helicopter...no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running..."
"I have an answering machine in my car. It says, 'I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call next time I'm out.'"
When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
Roses are red. Lemons are sour. Spread your legs and i'll show you some power.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
My old uncle always used to say fight fire with fire... That's probably why he was kicked out of the fire brigade.
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers. So people don't blame everything on Satan.'" -- John Wing
"The Web brings people together because no matter what kind of a twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in 'Find people that have sex with goats that are on fire' and the computer will say, 'Specify type of goat.'" -- Rich Jeni
Sincerity is the most important thing in acting. Once you learn how to fake that, you have it made.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-btch.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
"Scientists now believe that they may be able to teach birds grammar. ... And if they succeed teaching grammar to the birds, they're going to try the same thing with President Bush." --David Letterman
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet
Im an Angel, I swear! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight
Dont steal, the government doesnt like competition
Make love not war. Condoms are cheaper than guns
Sex is Evil, Sex is Sin, Sins are forgiven, So lets begin!
If ur naughty go 2 ur room... If u wanna be naughty, go 2 mine
Heaven wont have me and hells afraid ill take over!
Its better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it
If u need space join NASA baby!!
Girls are like phones, they like to be held and talked to, but if u press the wrong button u'll be diconnected!
A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey!
Everyones entitled to be stupid but you are just abusing the priviledge
Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!
Theres a light at the end of the tunnel. Just hope it aint a train
4 out of 5 voices in my head tell me to go back to sleep
You say im insane. The voices in my head disagree
I'd say an eye for an eye but it's a pain in the ass to get hold of a glass eye, i'd say a tooth for a tooth but i don't want my dentist bitching for me to take to take better care of my teeth
I say potayto you say potahto. I say tomayto you say tomahto and then i knock you on your ass for not getting it right
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Of course the meek will inherit the earth, what, did you think they'd take it by force?
When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading."
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird.
You laugh because I'm different...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 3.feeding; and 4. mating.
A True Friend
When you are sad,
When you are scared,
When you are worried,
When you are confused,
When you are sick.
When you fall,
This is my oath.
Why you may ask?
You know you live in 2008 when...
1.) You accidentaly enter your password on a microwave.
2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years
3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space
4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV
6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.
7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.
8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
9.) and you were too busy to notice number 5.
10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.
11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.
12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.
My BBRae Pledge: I, RisenGrave, hereby promise to write BBRae fics, and will save the fans of this pairing from the horror that is RobRae. I will write diligently and try to drown out the many RobRae fics that are being written everyday. I will be a BBRae warrior with my mighty pen as my weapon (because swords are hard to write with), and will fight for my pairing through hardships, RobRae warriors, and the dreaded writters block. Should I ever break this pledge, then may thousands of reviewers flame all my fics and never read them again. (Found on Hero07's page)
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh, I awlyas kenw slpeling
wsan't ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile
If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (i find that i am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever busted a move/ burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile
"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crispy and good with ketchup." If you are laughfing your guts out and completly agree copy and paste this into your profile.
93 percent of american teens would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" or "Your point being?" or "You just realized this now? Wow, you're even more stupid than you look." copy this to your profile and add your name to this list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the C.O.C.A, Invader Miley Phantom, Phantom Figure, deadzonedragon, Manyara, year-of-the-gnat, RisenGrave...
If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile
If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever fallen asleep in a class, paste this to your profile
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If somebody you know has died from cancer or has cancer, copy this into your profile
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, copy this into your profile
My mottos (I know the first three are from metallica songs)
Do unto others as they have done unto you
The higher you are the further you fall
The longer the walk the farther you crawl
The lower you set your expectations the less you'll be disappointed
Always expect the worst. That way all your surprises will be good ones (From Verin Mathwin, from the Wheel of Time series, iirc. R.I.P Robert Jordan)
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends - Martin Luther King jr
I am willing to die for my cause but there is no cause for which I am prepared to kill - Nelson Mandela
Favourite snippets from One Hundred Little Words by BeautifulPurpleFlame
“Come on, Rae. It’s not that bad.”
“Does it matter?”
“Garfield Logan, how long has it been since you last did your laundry?!”
“… six months.”
Raven sighed and covered her eyes with her hand. “Get me a shovel,” she said. “There’s no way in Hell I’m touching any of this with my bare hands.”
The two sat on the edge of the pool blushing and avoiding each other at every cost. Finally, Raven spoke up.
“I could’ve sworn you weren’t breathing,” she said tensely, mostly because she was embarrassed.
“No… just, you know, taking a rest,” said Beast Boy, scratching the back of his head.
“Well… who takes a rest while holding their breath?”
“Who uses tongue when doing CPR?”
“Hey, Raven, what’s that on your lower back?”
“It’s really big and it looks like uh… raven or something.”
“Well, you see…”
“Is it a… is it a birthmark?”
“Y-Yeah! That’s what it is.”
“Cool. Kinda looks like a tattoo.”
It all began with Raven swearing that she’d never be so scared or startled that she’d scream at a Starfire-like octave. But when a little black mouse ran between her legs she’d quickly been made into a liar as she screamed so high and loud everyone jumped a foot and was given a gray hair. She only regained her composure when she saw little mouse paw prints on the floor. And they’d been made with black paint.
“Garfield Logan, if you don’t think of a lower number I’m going to get my tubes tied tonight!”
“Beast Boy, when was the first time you realized you were a hero?” asked a news reporter.
“I’ll tell you when it happens,” said Beast Boy in an oddly serious tone.
“Are you happy?”
“Then why’s your cloak still blue?”
“Because if it were white I’d have to clean it far too often.”
“Oh… that makes sense.”
The fire extinguisher fizzled out and he tossed it aside. He coughed and waved the smoke away from his face so he wouldn’t inhale it. He looked around the room and sighed. “I try to be a little romantic and I end up destroying all of her earthly possessions,” he said, running his hand through his hair. “God, please let Starfire keep Raven at the mall as soon as possible. I need to make out my will.”
Raven opened the box and saw a brand new, very expensive looking, camera. She cocked an eyebrow and looked at the giver of this gift.
“So, do you like it?” he asked with one of his overly excited goofy grins.
“Uh, thanks, but what was your thinking behind getting me a camera?” she asked.
“Well, you don’t have any pictures in your room,” said Beast Boy. “So I thought it’d be cool to get you a camera so you can take pictures and hang them up. You know, so you remember that you’re never alone.”
“Alright, I understand all that,” said Raven. “But, again, why did you get me a camera? It’s not a holiday nor is it my birthday. It’s just… Tuesday.”
“Can you get it off or not?” said Beast Boy’s muffled voice through the mailbox.
“And why does the mailbox say Thompson 635 on the side?” asked Raven.
“Never mind, I’m losing air in here!” he said, waving his arms around.
“Whose mailbox is this?” asked Raven. “And why did you even think about sticking your head inside?”
“Raven, please!” yelled Beast Boy.
Beast Boy lay on the floor, curled up so tightly he looked like a green jumbo shrimp. Tears coursed down his eyes and he could barely breathe. Cyborg was laughing so hard his robotic joints were creaking and ready to pop, Starfire was deeply concerned about her hurt friend, and Robin was just shaking his head with his hand covering his eyes.
“What?” said Raven, her arms crossed. “He deserved it and you all know it.”
“Raven, rule number one is no hitting below the belt,” sighed Robin.
“Technically I kicked him,” said Raven. “And that ‘rule’ isn’t written down anywhere; therefore I don’t have to abide by it.”
“It’s an unwritten rule and you know it,” Robin scolded her.
“It’s also an unwritten rule not to grab and squeeze someone’s breasts during combat!” said Raven, giving Beast Boy a slight kick.
“Cyborg, where’d you get this?” asked Robin.
“What does it matter where I got it?” said Cyborg. “The point is I got it.”
“If Raven and Beast Boy find out they’re going to kill you,” said Robin. “This is obviously personal and private.”
“Wow, B sure is flexible, huh?” said Cyborg. “And look how patient Raven’s being. I bet this was his first time.”
“Cyborg, rewind this and put it back where you found it,” said Robin.
“I wonder how long Raven’s been doing it,” said Cyborg. “She sure is a great teacher, B’s already doing better.”
“I still don’t understand what’s so great about watching Beast Boy and Raven do yoga,” said Robin.
Beast Boy had been sitting looking at the envelope for a good thirty-nine minutes now. He was so nervous. What was it going to say? He’d always said he had a brain and that he just never used it; meaning he was actually intelligent but chose to ignore it. But now he was going to find out just how smart he was. He knew his IQ wasn’t going to be anywhere near Ravens; no one’s was. But he didn’t want to have the lowest score of the group.
Finally, he took in a deep breath, picked up the envelope and tore it open. At the same time Raven entered the kitchen to refill her teacup. She saw him opening an envelope, but thought nothing of it. She heard him take out a piece of paper and then silence.
“Hey, Raven?” he asked.
“Yes?” she answered.
“What’s your IQ again?” he asked.
“157,” said Raven.
“Oh,” said Beast Boy. “I got a 149. Is that good?”
Raven’s cup dropped and shattered upon the floor.
“Because I said so.”
“You’re not my mother! I’m gonna get one.”
“I’m your girlfriend and I said no.”
“But they’re so cool!”
“You’re such a hypocrite! How come you can have one and I can’t?”
“Because mine was well thought out and symbolizes who I am. You want a soy bean on your butt!”
She knew she’d never ever live this down. The day he was right and she was wrong. And it wouldn’t be so bad if not for what he was right and she was wrong about.
“I told you we’d have triplets this time!”
“Doctor, are you absolutely sure there’re three? Maybe one of them is my bladder! Please, can’t you check again?”
“No. Now let go of me before I make you.”
“Say it or I’ll lick your cheek!”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“Ew! That’s disgusting! Fine, I’ll say it.”
“Ha! I knew you’d see it my way. Now say it!”
sigh “You’re a mean green lovin machine.”
“And don’t you forget it.”
“Garfield Logan, we’re not going to a comic book convention for our honeymoon and that’s final!”
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.
Just Couldn't Resist
CHUCK NORRIS FACTS (Oh yeah. You Know it)
Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, hunting infers a chance of failure, Chuck Norris goes killing
Chuck Norris is the only man in history to beat a brick wall in a game of tennis
Chuck Norris can speak Braille
Chuck Norris wipes his ass with sandpaper
If Chuck Norris and Mr T. walked into a bar at the same time, the bar would explode; that level of awesome cannot be contained within one building.
Chuck Norris once built a time machine and went back in time to stop the J.F.K assassination, just as Oswald shot, Chuck Norris appeared, deflecting all three bullets with his beard, J.F.K's head exploded in amazement.
Chuck Norris can play Russian Roulette with a fully loade gun and win
M.C Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can, indeed, touch this
Chuck Norris once ate a wheelbarrow full of clay to prove to his friend that the term Shitting Bricks is not just a saying
Chuck Norris once shot down a German Fighter Plane by pointing at it with his finger and yelling bang
More as I remember them
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