Author has written 7 stories for Inheritance Cycle, Yu Yu Hakusho, Naruto, and Black Lagoon.
"Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different."- 'Angelito soldado' (Fanfic writer)
100 Rules of Anime
The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
#36- Law of QuintupularAgglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.
Created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources
From Red vs. Blue - One of the best shows you can find online
Caboose: "Hey Church, ever wonder why we're here?"
Church: "You know, Caboose, I used to not care. I just went along with orders and hoped that everything would work out for me. But after all that has happened, you know what I learned? It's not about hating the guy on the other side because someone told you to. I mean, you should hate someone because they're an asshole, or pervert, or snob, or they're lazy, or arrogant, or an idiot, or a know-it-all. Those are reasons to dislike somebody. You don't hate a person because someone told you to. You have to learn to despise them on a personal level. Not because they're Red, or Blue, but because you know them, and you see them every single day, and you can't stand them because they are a complete and total fucking douchebag."
Caboose: "...I meant why are we up here in the sun when we could be standing down there in the shade."
Church: "Oh. Yeah, okay. Let's go stand in the shade." - Red vs. Blue
Murphy's War Law
Friendly fire - isn't.
Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fires - won't.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
The easy way is always mined.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire... For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
If the enemy is within range, so are you.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
Things that must work together can't be carried to the field that way.
Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather (and especially during both).
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
Tracers work both ways.
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
Weather ain't neutral.
If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you.
Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.'
The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
Napalm is an area support weapon.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
The one item you need is always in short supply.
Interchangeable parts aren't.
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
When in doubt, empty your magazine.
The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.
Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism (in boot camp).
Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
To steal information from a person is called plagiarism, to steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that bill is filled by someone else.
When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack, when you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
Murphy was a grunt.
Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
The crucial round is a dud.
Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you, if your ambush is properly set the enemy won't walk into it, if your flank march is going well the enemy expects you to outflank him.
Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands right at your feet.
As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
Walking point = sniper bait.
Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you... and miss.
Don't be conspicuous; in the combat zone it draws fire, out of the combat zone it draws sergeants, if they can see you, so can the enemy... All or any of the above combined.
Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone.
Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life.
Never expect any rations; the only rations that will be on time and won't be short is the ration of shit.
Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed.
A half filled canteens a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon.
When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow.
It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo.
If you survive an ambush, something's wrong.
If you can see the flashes from the enemies' guns in battle, he can see yours too.
Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding area; they illuminate you too.
Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a hard-ass Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas.
There are few times when the enemy can't hear you: When he's dead, you're dead, or both.
Never cover a dead body with your own in hopes of looking like you're one of the casualties. Even using his cadaver is a stretch to avoid being shot "just in case."
You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first.
Never underestimate the ability of the brass to foul things up.
You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your own rear services.
You think the enemy has better artillery support and the enemy thinks yours is better; you're both right.
Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and an uninterrupted night's sleep.
"Live" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms.
Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.
NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition that the other guy.
Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.
Sometimes, being good and lucky still is not enough.
If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.
If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part.
Happiness is a belt fed weapon and a box of ammo.
Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.
If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.
Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn, are better than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls even if they do have little pieces of fish in them.
A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics.
Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.
Being shot hurts.
Thousands of Veterans earned medals for bravery every day, a few were even awarded.
There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules.
C-4 can make a dull day fun.
There is no such thing as a fair fight -- only ones where you win or lose.
If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils.
If you lose you don't care.
Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow, what is important is what you are doing -- NOW -- to solve our problem.
Always make sure someone has a can opener.
Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.
Flying is better than walking, walking is better than running, running is better than crawling. All of these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac even if it is, technically, a form of flying.
If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.
Carrying any weapon that you weren't issued (e.g, an AK) in combat is Not A Good Idea!
As has been noted, "Friendly fire isn't!"
A Collection of Quotes:
"If some people had wings and others didn't, and the government wanted to enforce 'fairness,' soon no one would have wings. Because wings cannot be redistributed, they can only be broken. Likewise, a government edict cannot make people smarter or more capable, but it can impede the growth of those with the potential. Wouldn't it be fair if, in the name of equality, we scar the beautiful, cripple the athletes, lobotomize the scientists, blind the artists, and sever the hands of the musicians? Why not?" Oleg Atbashian
If you open your mind too much your brain will fall out.
How could we have known?
"Mozart said 'There's nothing to composing,' and that's all we do, we just write and play and write and play and write and.." Meg and Dia-Here, Here, and Here
My mind has touched the farthest horizons of mortal imagination and reaches ever outward to embrace infinity. There is no knowledge beyond my comprehension, no art or skill upon this entire planet that lies beyond the mastery of my hand... But as long as I live, no woman will ever look on me in love. Susan Kay-Phantom-Delacorte Press, 1991.
Oh, the cleverness of me! Peter Pan
Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great. You have no power over me. Sarah Williams-Labyrinth
Anatidaephobia: The fear that somehow, somewhere, a duck is watching you.
Save a dragon. Kill a princess.
“Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.” Ira Glass
"The gods envy us because we are mortal, because any moment might be our last together. Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed. We will never be here again, in this time and place."
Achoo! Oh, sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Oh, it IS a gun!
Heroism comes not only in grand, sweeping gestures, but also in thankless work and in iron resolve.
The sexual position, more commonly known as 69, will now be known as 96. Due to the economy, it now costs more to eat out than it used to... ;)
I think, therefore, I am.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and Third by experience, which is the bitterest. Confucius
Beneath the light of a bright, starry night sang a lonely, little, Indian maid: "No lover's sweet serenade has ever won me."Ada Jones-Silver Bell
My goodness, there's so much time and so little to do! Wait, scratch that; reverse it!Willy Wonka
"So why care for these petty obsessions? Your desire heart still beats with common blood! And what if you could have genetic perfection? Would you change who you are if you could?" Graverobber-21st Century Cure-Repo! The Genetic Opera
If guns don't kill people, people kill people... then does toast toast... toast?
They say destiny is written in stone, but even the deepest grooves can be worn smooth given time and perseverance.
It's easy to be strong all the time; what's hard is allowing yourself to be weak.
The only thing better than a good boy gone bad is a bad boy gone good.
Music are the words for the things which there are no words for.
Every day I think people can't get any stupider, and every day they manage to prove me wrong.
(Quotes kidnapped from H o r i z o n s profile):
Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that, my dear children is called cannibalism, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. Willy Wonka
I’m not insensitive, I just don’t care.
If your heart was really broken...you'd be dead, so shut up.
God made men...then he had a better idea...
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.
When people say, "It's always in the last place you look." Say to them, "Well of course it is! Why the hell would I keep looking for it after I found it?!"
The newscaster is the person who says “Good evening” and then tells you why it’s not.
If you’re gonna be two faced, sweetie, at least make one of them pretty.
Dementors: Turning people emo since 370 B.C.
They say guns don’t kill people, people kill people. Well, I’m pretty sure the guns help because if you stood there and shouted ‘BANG’ I don’t think you’d kill a lot of people.
(Say to a boy :) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.
If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
I'm not crazy, you're just more sane than I am.
Adagio To A Wolf (8)
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