Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when no one is looking.
Sarcasm: just one of the services I offer.
I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
When I say LOL I'm not laughing out laud. I just have nothing better to say.
Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply, just being one.
I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms
Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
I can resist everything except temptation.
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
I’ve got nothing to say, don’t make me say it twice.
Just because I’m beautiful, doesn’t mean I’m not talented.
Lord, if you won’t make me skinny, please make my friends phat.
I’m too busy to be organized.
I’m magically delicious.
Fake is the latest trend, and everyone seems to be in style.
It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on.
I use to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.
I use to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose.
My Reality Check bounced.
When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. If daddy ain’t happy, don’t nobody care.
Perfect the art of looking innocent... then you can get away with anything.
When you’re right no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one ever forgets.
Laws were meant to be broken; Lawyers are for when you get caught.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other off.
Learn the rules so you can break them properly.
Rules, what rules?
Your only as strong as the table you dance on, the drinks you mix and the friends you roll with.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s, she changes it more often.
Don’t judge a boy by his boxers. It’s what’s inside that counts.
Behind every Bitch, there’s a man who made her that way.
Not all men are idiots, some are fools.
My door is always open, so feel free to leave.
Hate: a special kind of love given to people that suck.
Slinky’s are like People… basically useless bt its so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs
If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you.
If you have any questions, ask someone else.
Shock me, say something intelligent
I hear voices and they don’t like you.
Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have
It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
I ran with scissors, and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
The statistics on insanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re ok then it’s you.
I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.
Normal people worry me.
I’ve lost my mind. If you see it by the side of the road please pick it up.
Of all the things I’ve lost I miss my mind the most.
A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
A good friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying,” We screwed up, but we had fun.
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"
Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"
A good friend will take your drink away from you after you’ve had too much. A true friend will watch you spin in circles saying, “Drink up, you know we don’t waist this stuff.
Good friends will ask you if you have any food. True friends are the reason you have no food.
Love is like the wind... you can’t see it, but you can feel it.
Love is like war: easy to start, hard to end, and impossible to forget.
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
It takes a minute to like someone, an hour to know someone, a day to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.
The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.
Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.
Why are the Force and duct tape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.
Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
I think you're breaking my Gay-dar
Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.
Don't settle for the one person you can live with...wait for the one person you can't live without.
My head is saying "Who cares?" but my heart is saying "You do stupid!"
You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.
I'm one of those really bad things that happens to undeserving people.
Heaven doesn't want me there, and hell knows I'll take over.
I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in hell until I met you.
Best friend is ten letters. But then again, so is lying bitch.
Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap that moron up side the head!
Don't lie. The government hates competition.
I wear black because I'm mourning your existence.
I'd rather be crazy and know it. . . . than be sane and doubt it.
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