technetium
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Joined 11-09-01, id: 124144
Author has written 11 stories for Dark Angel, Crocodile Hunter, Lord of the Rings, Misc. Plays/Musicals, Stargate: SG-1, and Pretender.

(font=Dr. Nick) Hello, everybody! (/font)

Boy, I haven't updated this in a long time. Well, I'm an electrical engineer (at least according to my shiny new degree), and everyone knows you can't spell geek without double E. In my free time, I read obsessively, partake in nerdy activities with my friends, quote Monty Python, and take pictures. I read a great deal more than I write. I like humor and action/adventure or general stories, but not romance. I do, however, have a weakness for sappy friendship stories. I love well-written crossovers.

Favorite Books: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the Discworld series, the Honor Harrington series, Lord of the Rings, Ender's Game, and many others.

Favorite Authors: Timothy Zahn, Michael Crichton, J.R.R. Tolkien, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, Robin Cook, Brian Jacques, etc.

Fav. Movies: Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Jurassic Park (the original), Chicken Run, Star Wars, etc.

Fav. TV shows: Stargate: SG-1 (I only got into this last year and it has quickly become my favorite show of all time), The Simpsons, 24 (yes, I know it's one step away from being a soap opera), CSI, NCIS (or CSI: Navy, as I like to call it), Due South, the Pretender, Quantum Leap, Early Edition, X-Files (pre 8th season), Dark Angel, Hogan's Heros.

Stories I will probably do sometime in the future:

Pretty Fly for an Uruk-hai (song parody)

There is No Cannibalism on the Black Pearl - Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount. (Pirates of the Caribbean fic, inspired by a Monty Python sketch)

Plotbunnies: Free to a good home
I may or may not ever work on these, so if you'd like to take one of the ideas, email me and I will probably let you have it and offer to beta. If you do want to see one of these written by me, feel free to email me a poke

My, my, This Here Number Pi (song parody)

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce - I have no idea what this would be about, but that title is screaming to have a story attached to it.

Girl-falls-into-Middle-Earth? Cliche. Acne-faced geek falls into Middle-Earth through a particle-accelerator accident that, by the way, kind of destroys Earth in the process? Not so much.

And how about Elf-falls-into-Semi-Modern Earth? We know how Tolkien found the Red Book and gave us LotR, but where did he learn the languages of Middle-Earth? How did he get the information in the Silmarillion? And what kinds of trouble did young Arwen get into?

Jurassic Park/LotR crossover - I know what you're thinking, but it works. What if Uruk-hai weren't the only creatures the dark forces were trying to breed during the War of the Ring? 10 or so years after RotK, a series of mysterious deaths in a small village lead Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli to an island that time forgot. Aided by the pre-incarnations of Grant, Sattler and Malcolm, they must stop this menace.

Jurassic Parker - The Pretender/Jurassic Park crossover. What if Jarod had been Pretending to be a paleontologist with Drs. Grant and Sattler during the timeframe of JP? What if the Centre was involved in funding the park and sent Miss Parker, Sydney and Broots as representatives to inspect the park?

We could always use more Discworld crossovers.

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From Here to Alternity I: Canon minus A Major by jennzabelle reviews
Sam goes missing on Earth in Season Six and the rest of the SGC struggles to find her. They're cooperating with the NID for now but who are the bad guys, really? Spoilers through Paradise Lost.
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: T - English - Mystery - Chapters: 16 - Words: 71,313 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 1/9/2007 - Published: 1/8/2005 - S. Carter
Growing Pains by iamdragonrider reviews
There are a lot of changes in store when Jack becomes a father again. To Teal'c, Daniel, and Sam. Epilogue posted, now complete!
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 68 - Words: 152,472 - Reviews: 1148 - Favs: 180 - Follows: 109 - Updated: 7/5/2006 - Published: 7/17/2005 - J. O'Neill - Complete
Under Fire by Strix varia25 reviews
On one of their first adventures through the gate, Sam has to prove to herself and her team that she can operate competently when things get rough.
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,522 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 12/22/2005 - Published: 10/12/2005 - S. Carter - Complete
What is that thing? by Aesop reviews
Complete. SG1 puzzles over a newly discovered alien.
TV X-overs - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,824 - Reviews: 94 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 10/15/2005 - Published: 9/12/2005 - Complete
One Giant Leap for Mankind by sophiedb reviews
(Stargate:SG1 - Quantum Leap) Dr Sam Beckett Leaps into a member of SG1, and a very disgruntled Leapee finds themself in the Waiting Room. Al can't find Sam without their help, but paranoia isn't making his job any easier.
TV X-overs - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 33 - Words: 136,470 - Reviews: 364 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 9/12/2005 - Published: 8/17/2004
Cloak and Wand by Mundungus42 reviews
Everyone has secrets, but few have more to lose than Lucius Malfoy when two paranormal specialists are hired to investigate a mysterious death at one of his research institutions. Intrigue ensues. Crossover with The X Files.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 18 - Words: 86,790 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 9/5/2005 - Published: 1/4/2002 - Percy W., Severus S.
The Blue JellO Metaphor by Slayne22 reviews
Sometimes she feels like she came from another planet. Sometimes she forgets that there are three men who love her despite her faults. Samlove.
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,624 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/2/2005 - S. Carter
The Harry Situation by Neuropsych reviews
Complete! Teal'c's been reading popular fiction. God help us all. A Harry Potter crossover...
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 46 - Words: 50,763 - Reviews: 884 - Favs: 336 - Follows: 83 - Updated: 6/20/2005 - Published: 4/15/2005 - Complete
Jake Carter, The Very Model of a Modern Major Gen by selmak reviews
Throw one cranky retired Air Force Major General by the name of Carter into a lifechanging event, put an alien in his head that can not only read his mind but also is female to boot and watch what happens. Completed 205
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 13 - Words: 152,078 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 2/6/2005 - Published: 11/3/2004 - Jacob C., Gen. Hammond - Complete
Siege Mentality by Insomniac Luddite reviews
Palantiri, modems, girls in Elrond’s bedroom, flash floods, feather dusters, Erestor fainting, catatonic Thranduil, whipped cream, cruelty to Mary Sues, silly names, four half-witted Halflings and one irritable Istar.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 40,357 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 4/4/2004 - Published: 2/22/2003 - Elrond, Legolas
They Got A Pepper Bar by Confushi Sushi reviews
SG-1 must make contact with a new race. Response to OS challenge.
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,138 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/7/2004
The Asgard Sequence by Gumnut reviews
They may seem alien to us, and us to them, but how much more alien are they to us than we are to ourselves? The first sequence in the Chronicles of the Alliance. SPOILERS up to 7.10
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Angst - Chapters: 24 - Words: 80,807 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 1/5/2004 - Published: 12/12/2003 - J. O'Neill - Complete
The Allegory of the Cave by Beguile reviews
COMPLETE! When she's shot in an alley, Trinity finds herself a captive of Agent Smith. While a prisoner, she learns a few things about the Matrix, sometimes you need help, and other times, Neo just has to let her live. Post Matrix, Pre Reloaded.
Matrix - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 20,860 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/24/2003 - Published: 11/8/2003 - Trinity, Smith, A. - Complete
The Trouble with Teal'c by custardpringle reviews
Teal'c gets a new pet. Now finished, R&R please
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,832 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 8 - Updated: 11/15/2003 - Published: 11/14/2003
The Detective and the Diplomat by Beth Einspanier reviews
Two mysteries. Two of the greatest minds in the multiverse. One variable. Oh bugger... Sherlock Holmes - Discworld crossover FINISHED!
Crossover - Discworld & Sherlock Holmes - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery - Chapters: 22 - Words: 34,796 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 11/14/2003 - Published: 2/13/2003
History Lessons by Nilmandra reviews
History Lessons for the First Age end with the destruction of the Silmarilli and the final destruction of Beleriand Elrond gains some new insights.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 174,359 - Reviews: 637 - Favs: 188 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 10/25/2003 - Published: 4/13/2003 - Elrond, Elrohir - Complete
Maedhros by Scribe reviews
Seq to Triumvirate- Frank Miller become involved in an archaelogical project called Maedhros & inadvertently stumbles into a strange new world. As Frank uncovers the secret behind Maedhros, his existence is revealed to enemies he cannot fathom. COMPLETE.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 162,733 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 9/30/2003 - Published: 6/5/2003 - Faramir, Eowyn - Complete
Unsatisfactory Report by Marcus Rowland reviews
100word SG1 LoTR crossover Drabble, VERY AU
Crossover - Stargate: SG-1 & Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/6/2003 - J. O'Neill - Complete
Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire by bryn bnw reviews
Prior to their journey, the Fellowship remained in Rivendell for two months. Let them not be accused of "lounging around." Botched scouting missions, misunderstandings, and enemies home and abroad. Proof that when in doubt, things can ALWAYS get worse.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 141,110 - Reviews: 917 - Favs: 329 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 8/3/2003 - Published: 4/16/2002
The Woeful Tale of Princess Dirtyfishydishiel by Caraid reviews
A modern girl falls into Middle-earth and is forced to be the pleasure-slave of Gimli! Aragorn has recurring bouts of the hiccups! Actually, it's a randomly generated plot from a random ficplot generator! Humor/Parody AU. Enjoy
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,083 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/31/2003 - Published: 3/28/2003 - Gimli, Aragorn
The Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy by Meir Brin reviews
**Complete!** Welcome to HFA, a school for fanfiction writers of the Harry Potter designation. Yet who would have the courage to teach such a motley bunch? Why the Harry Potter characters themselves, of course! (A Miss Cam-authorized OFU)
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 79,887 - Reviews: 861 - Favs: 464 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 7/17/2003 - Published: 9/26/2002 - Complete
Magnetic Force by Marnie reviews
Rivendell always was a hidden valley, so how can we know it doesn't still exist? A blend of Fortean Times and LotR, featuring Celeborn, Elladan and Elrohir
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,003 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 14 - Published: 6/20/2003 - Elrohir, Celeborn - Complete
Episode 888 The Warners at the Center by MissLindaLee reviews
What if the Animaniacs visited the Centre?
Pretender - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,409 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 6 - Updated: 5/26/2003 - Published: 1/20/2003 - Complete
A Tale of Wet Elves & Disgruntled Wizards by Alida-Fruit reviews
A Hobbit based vignette. Gandalf stated that two Rivendell elves warned him of the presence of the three trolls in The Hobbit. This is the tale of that meeting. An Elrohir and Elladan Fic. Complete.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,229 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Published: 5/15/2003 - Complete
Nobody Tosses a Dwarf by Honesty reviews
An ancient Dwarvish law explained. In verse.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 293 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/11/2003 - Gimli, Gimli
Leaper, Don't Be a Hero! by Holli reviews
Just your typical Hogan's Heroes and Quantum Leap Cross-Over. (Chapter 11 is now up)
Hogan's Heroes - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,819 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 3/7/2003 - Published: 9/21/2001
Connections by Nixa Jane reviews
Sam’s thoughts on being the ‘girl,’ and about her team. *COMPLETED*
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,229 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 9 - Published: 10/18/2002 - S. Carter, D. Jackson - Complete
A Mirkwood Elf in Dumbledore's Court by Sun Queen reviews
Welcome to Hogwarts. Please check your bow, your arrows and your knives at the gate, and try to refrain from drastically screwing up the universe. Enjoy your stay...lookie! New chapter!
Book X-overs - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 16 - Words: 27,753 - Reviews: 833 - Favs: 276 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 9/4/2002 - Published: 3/24/2002
PPC - Tales from Despatch by Meg Thornton reviews
Another PPC spinoff, this time in the Department of Transdimensional Snatching...
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,853 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/24/2002 - Published: 5/22/2002
End Game by Patti and Marg reviews
Here is the last two months of WWII and the end of Stalag 13. Enjoy!
Hogan's Heroes - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 140,568 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 4/28/2002 - Published: 9/30/2001 - Complete
Hogwarts In The Middle by HiBob reviews
Malcolm is eleven. He is an American. He is on vacation in London with his family. His brother has found two train tickets, and is now looking for Platform 9 3/4. Only Reese would be that stupid. a completed story
Crossover - Harry Potter & Malcolm in the Middle - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 45,092 - Reviews: 204 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 4/14/2002 - Published: 3/27/2002 - Complete
Have Yourself A Manic Little Christmas by Tiffany Park reviews
The SGC and a wayward Goa'uld cross paths on Christmas Eve...
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,918 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/26/1999 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Monty Python and the SGC reviews
We have found a Goa'uld. May we burn her?
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,092 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/28/2005 - Jacob C., Gen. Hammond
Chevron Guy reviews
Song parody of Billy Joel's Piano Man, dedicated to Walter.
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 541 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 3 - Published: 7/9/2005 - J. O'Neill
Daniel &the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day reviews
Daniel Jackson is having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,372 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/3/2005 - D. Jackson
Famous Last Words reviews
Drabble. Jarod shows off his pop culture knowledge to a captive audience.
Pretender - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 185 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 4/2/2005
Sexy? reviews
Jack learns the true meaning of "assume"
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,181 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/1/2005 - J. O'Neill, D. Jackson
Muhammed Saeed al Sahaf in Middle Earth reviews
Why has no one seen the Iraqi Information Minister lately? How is Monty Python involved? The answers may be stranger than you think. Chapter 9 - Rules and Regulations
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,799 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 3/1/2005 - Published: 5/17/2003 - Saruman, Grima W.
Make Me Breakfast reviews
A song parody of "Breathless" by the Corrs. See the world of dining hall breakfasts through the eyes of a student, and be afraid.
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 784 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/6/2004
Keep Away from the Bad Mary Sue reviews
Song parody to "Runaround Sue."
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 249 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/14/2003
Elvish Paradise reviews
Young Aragorn raps about growing up in Rivendell and the problems of fangirls to the tune of Weird Al’s “Amish Paradise”.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 774 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/24/2003 - Aragorn
Transgenic Hunter reviews
Crossover with Dark Angel. It's bad news for Max & Co. when Steve comes to Seattle on the trail of the elusive transgenic.
Crocodile Hunter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,089 - Reviews: 15 - Published: 1/23/2002
Super Max reviews
A short songfic/filk of Five for Fighting's "Superman"
Dark Angel - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,496 - Reviews: 9 - Published: 1/23/2002