Author has written 6 stories for Bartimaeus Trilogy, Harry Potter, Greek Mythology, What I Saw and How I Lied, Gakuen Alice, and Paradise Kiss.
I suppose you're here because you were completely, utterly blown away by my scintillating writing, and wished to find out more about the master of language who was responsible for it. No? Well, perhaps it was one of my incisive reviews that left you gasping in amazement, wanting to see what other facets exist to my razor sharp, clear-cut mind. No? Then why the hell are you here? You really have no idea?
Ah, well, I suppose that as long as you're here, I can provide a mild diversion by telling you a few things that I find rather diverting myself.
For example, did you know that airplane black boxes are actually orange?
On with the list of useless factoids! (Please understand, I type from memory, not from one of those dum 101 facts about @# books. This might mean that many of you already know the things you find here. Read it anyway, though -- it's always nice to remind yourself just how smart you are. That's what I'm doing by writing it in the first place. Besides, the lame SMS jokes might actually make you laugh.)
Wait a second and read this before you continue. It is the only 'post this to your profile' notice that I will indulge - unless something as infuriating as Twilight pops up again to mar the face of literature in the future (highly unlikely).
Stephanie Meyer is not God. And her stupid series is not the Bible. You cannot claim "Twilight Fanatic" as your religion on a legal government document - so stop trying. Changing your name to Bella Swan and moving to Forks, Washington will not get Edward Cullen to marry you. He is a figment of your imagination. In fact, doing said motion above will get rotten food thrown at your head.You will be laughed at.
FACT: the actor who plays Edward Cullen is Robert Pattison... remember him from anywhere? No? I thought not. He played Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Didn't think you thought he was hot when he only had 32 lines and the biggest scene was when he died, eh? Oh no, he's so dreamy now. Omgz.
FACT: Saying Twilight "is better than Harry Potter" is really awful, JK Rowling can't help that she writes books with substance. Shame on you. I mean, she's gotten requests to write books with brained plots for 12 year old little girls before, but she can't please everyone. She thought Stephanie Meyer would be swell for that. Thumbs up. :D
Twilight is the wonder-child birthed by Myspace, which means it's a fad; it's also endorsed by MTV which makes it doubly a fad because we all know that MTV spends it's time taking fads and making bank on them (see: Fall Out Boy). Not all of us like Twilight and think it's "omgz tha bestest book evRR!!1" A lot us think it's a JOKE compared to real stimulating literature. Bram Stoker is rolling around in his grave right now.
Enjoy your time now little "Team Edward is the bestest" kiddies because in a years time Twilight will be dead. Just like it ought to be. Thank God. Realize that your precious little books are nothing special - then go slit your wrists.
P.S. if you agree with the above message copy and paste it to your profile and add your nickname. Twii, Willow, Icey,death2bella, Shadow's Life
During a total lunar eclipse, the moon doesn't disappear, it turns red.
Samuel Clemens, better known as Mark Twain, chose his nom de plume while on a Mississippi riverboat, when he saw sailors 'marking the twain', or measuring the water's depth with a rope.
If at first you don't succeed, blame your computer.
LM Montgomery once said in her book, Rainbow Valley, "can God make a rock so heavy he can't lift it himself?" Tell me the answer to that! (Please, no one take offence. I'm an agnostic, so this kind of thing is what appeals to me. But I'm not sure about my own position. Humanity is defined by its curiosity, so why should we leave one of the most important questions of time, and the most revealing key into our own collective psyche, unanswered?)
Scientists have, on their quest for biodegradable plastics, developed a kind of plastic with cornstarch as its base substance. Kind of wierd, really -- are the groceries thhe food, or the bag?
Antimatter really exists. A drop really can power NYC for a day.
Daniel Radcliffe once expressed that he is willing to date any decent girl, as long as she doesn't call him Harry. Poor kid... doesn't have much else of a life now, does he?
Dollar bills have more cotton in them than paper. As such, they are more likely to contain your recycled t-shirts than your recycled newspaper. Or your recycled underwear. Or your neighbour's.
About halfway through the movie Mrs. Doubtfire, Robin Williams shouts to the world, "What am I doing here?! This is beyond obsession!" I sympathize.
Hercules was originally known as Heracles. Curse you, Disney, for making the name pale into obscurity! No one recognizes what I'm talking about, if I say Heracles. But if Hercules is mentioned ... you can imagine. Ah, the plight of the intellectual in today's commercially oriented world... at least Fanfiction lists the character as Heracles in Greek Mythology.
Disillusionment is common; Realization is rare. The thing is, you have a choice as to which one you get. Who would choose the negative over the positive? Unless you're emo, I suppose.
Great people don't do different things. They do things differently.
How you live your life is your choice entirely. No matter what situation you're in, you always have this choice.
Hell isn't crazy. It's the exact opposite of crazy -- it's perfectly sane; cold reason is found everywhere. That's what makes it so hellish. That's my motto, by the way. Life is crazy, but hell is sane.
Fun is relative. If you think that running, playing endless games of football and whatnot, and doing otherwise athletic activities is fun in any way (with a few key exceptions), you're not my kind of person. And if you don't think that reading all day, maniacally organizing every music file you own into thirty different playlists, and typing as if there's no tomorrow is fun, then I'm not your kind of person.
Think twice before you talk, not the other way round. And if you've got nothing important or relevant to say, then shut the bloody hell up! (You might have figured out that I don't like talkative people too much. Clarification: I don't like empty-headed talkative people too much. Not at all, in fact. I'm rather talkative myself when I have a ni dea I want to sound out. I've cured myself of it by typing. But I'm kind of reclusive now, for that exact reason.)
Nicknames don't necessarily portray what people think of you. But if you don't know how to laugh at them, then they probably do.
Monday Night Football is the single most popular TV show of all time in the imaginary country of Blechland. By extrapolation, Blechland has an average IQ of 42.
This is a little story that I got from a book called Games Indians Play (beautiful book! You'll be rolling on the floor -- unless you hate nonfiction. But I'm something of a math geek, so I'm in love with it.). I retell it to you here, in my own words:
Ram was a city student who had just moved into a village. On arrival, he met a man who lived on the other end of the village (not that this was far). The man had three goats. For some unfathomable reason, Ram took it into his head to buy one. "Here's a thousand rupees," he said, "and bring me that goat tomorrow, along with plenty of feed."
The next day, the farmer came up and told him, "the goat you chose just died. I'm sorry, but I cannot part with my other ones, I need them badly." (He was mum as to why he was so negligent as to allow one to die despite reasonable health merely a month ago, however.)
"Give me back my money, then," said Ram.
"I'm sorry, I've spent it all."
"Okay, then, give me the dead goat."
"What will you do with a dead goat?" (I don't blame him for asking. That's just a little too easy.)
"Sell it in a raffle."
The farmer, deciding the boy was crazy, gave him the dead goat and left, thinking he had a very good deal. (Obviously.)
A month later, he asked the boy: "Did you sell the goat?"
"Yes. Including the amount I paid you for it, my net profit is 3990 rupees."
Nonplussed, the farmer asked, "How? Didn't anyone complain?"
"I sold 500 tickets at 10 rupees each. Only one person complained, the guy who won. I gave him his 10 rupees back."
Ram went on to become a successful Indian businessman.
I love that story. Wondering how it came to be in a math book? It's actually something to do with game theory, a somewhat obscure branch of probability that can often predict outcomes of competitive situations.
Read the book.
Okay, then I suppose you've had enough, and can't stand the splendour of my personality and the dazzling beauty of my thought process for one more moment -- or maybe you're just beginning to get bored, which is more likely, actually -- so I'll let up now. Make what you will of my page, I'm far too lazy to actually think out and list my traits and favorites. (Also, being naturally humble and incurably modest, I would find examining all my wonderful characteristics rather uncomfortable. And if you believe that, then I have to say, go back and read it again.) KK, toodles! (I actually hate that expression. But in some ways, I can be a little masochistic.)
A clarification: French is annoying, but it's the only other language I know that uses the Latin-base alphabet, unless you count the tiniest bit of Spanish (chao, hola, gracias, me gusto, encantada and all that.) So mostly, that's what I use when I want to be cryptic. A little pointless, but if I broke into phonetically spelled-out Telugu, I think a few too many people would be thrown. Not to mention the spell checker. French is more comfortable.
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