Kes Cross
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 03-25-07, id: 1245196, Profile Updated: 09-30-12
Author has written 11 stories for Supernatural, Numb3rs, and Discworld.

Many years ago, when I was a student at art college, a friend of mine turned around to me and said, "Ya know Kes? Years from now, I can just picture you sitting in a cottage in the middle of nowhere, writing novels!" I laughed at her and slam-dunked yet another tequila.

Bugger me if she wasn't right, ya know...

(A voice off camera) "Whisper! Whisper, whisper!" What? Profile? Seriously? For the love of God, why? Waddya mean, my public expects it? What's all this 'my public' crap? Since when has the public belonged to me and since when have I have some kind of mythical commitment to inform them of every aspect of my less than interesting life? Also... Why are you holding that gun?

Oh, al-right then!

This bio is being written under duress and in an "Al Q'eda" YouTube video kinda way...

Kes Cross was born in the East End of London, England and is still not dead yet. How's that? Waddya mean, no? I hate agents...

I'm a professional writer and editor, a qualified Aromatherapist and masseuse, screenplay writer, Biker, um, artist and remarkably, quite a good welder. I ride a Kawasaki Z1100 chop and a British Army Armstrong MT500 psycho-bitch bike from Hell, am five foot 8 and, thanks to years of swimming, some very serious martial arts training in Aikido and Krav Maga (two black belts and one hell of a collection of bruises, dislocations and "Ooo! That's gonna hurt in the morning"'s) and regular free weights workouts, I'm built like a brick sh!thouse. Consequently, I look utterly ridiculous in a dress (a bit like a linebacker in drag) and spend most of my time in jeans and tee-shirts. I have green eyes, short red hair and a very healthy (Oh, al-right AJ, sheesh!) earthy sense of humour. I've spent some time as part of the legendary Dooby Gang on the IMDb Supernatural board (BIG UP, guys!) and am now lurking like a dark, lurky thing in the corridors of Fanfiction.Net which has become my spiritual and virtual home. I like what I've done with the place...

I'm a big fan of Supernatural, having watched it from the very beginning and a devoted (damn near obsessive) fan of Numb3rs. My writing partner is the legendary Ayjay, who is completely bonkers in a very "Australian" kinda way and probably one of the best horror writers to come out of Sydney in a very long time. If there's any justice in the world, this woman will be an international bestseller in the same league as Stephen King. However, she has an annoying habit of prank-calling agents pretending to actually be Stephen King and is currently the subject of a protracted investigation by the Australian authorities to see if she shouldn't have a little 'cooling off time' at one of their 'guest houses'. We're two halves of the same whole and share a love of all things silly-soddery.

My husband is a wonderful, brilliant and talanted green-eyed Adonis, complete with ZZ Top beard and a downright weird sense of humour. My much missed cat killed anything with a pulse and we're overrun with bloody rabbits since he decided to move on to a better place. I love Gummi Bears, Jack Daniel's, working out, writing and Iron Maiden and I loathe liquorice and aniseed. I think rabbits are inherently evil and are the creation of Lucifer, that most people don't have a bloody clue what's going on and that writers are underrated, underpaid and under-appreciated souls adrift in the choppy waters of commercialism and general hooey, but then I would say that, wouldn't I?

Most of my writing is commercial - or writing with a small 'w'. Ya know. Web content, ghost writing for authors, advertising copy, journalism, the usual run-of-the-mill hack stuff. Hey, don't knock it - it pays the bills... The high-brow stuff I leave to those who tend to wear chiffon scalves a lot, have far too many cats and not enough friends apart from their agent who is always "an absolute daaaaaarling!" and love delving into the psyche of heaving breasted women and dark, brooding heroes. You can tell I'm not a 'Bronte' kinda gal, can't you?

However, I do have a more creative side (or writing with a capital 'W', c'mon, keep up...) which manifests itself in scriptwriting, playing sick and twisted games with the regular characters in tv shows in the form of fanfiction and honing my skills to become the next Terry Pratchett. What? The man's a GOD! I don't think that's a lowly aspiration by any stretch of the imagination, do you? I'm not saying I am the next Terry Pratchett, merely that I aspire to be like him. You can take your heaving, Bronte bosoms and...(CENSORED). I'll stick to the comedy side of things, thankyouVERYmuch.

Currently now venturing forth into the world of Numb3rs fanfiction, I fully admit to having a complete and utter fangirl crush on Colby Granger. Don't worry. My husband's fine about it. He's got the hots for Seven of Nine from Star Trek Voyager so we're evens on that front. I'm planning to take over the world by next Tuesday at the latest. No, really. I've got the fluffy white cat with the diamond collar, the underground lair made from a hollowed out volcano and henchmen coming out of my ears. Oh, hang on...Tuesday's early closing day. Arse. Okay, make that Wednesday, would ya?

I do live in a cottage in the middle of nowhere.

I have written a novel.

It didn't get published.




Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Monty Python's 'The Hobbit' by Morthoron reviews
A perfectly punctuated Python parody of JRR Tolkien's beloved The Hobbit. Join Bilbo Baggins' quest to free Erebor from Smaug the dragon before a lethal strain of comedy kills him. 3RD PLACE, 2009 MEFA AWARDS, with the top two spots left purposely blank.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 28 - Words: 50,214 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 7/4/2009 - Published: 12/21/2008 - Bilbo B., Gandalf - Complete
The Enigma of Colby Granger by Cold Ember reviews
Several bodies turn up across LA and when the body of a Naval Commander is found in DC with the same MO, the FBI teams up with NCIS and a web of government secrets and lies are revealed, as well as some secrets of Colby's past. Complete.
Numb3rs - Rated: T - English - Crime/Adventure - Chapters: 28 - Words: 59,969 - Reviews: 127 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 5/25/2008 - Published: 1/26/2008 - Colby G., David S. - Complete
Come in from the Cold: Numb3rs by OughtaKnowBetter reviews
One thousand terrorist cells. Twenty soldiers. Two government agencies. One encrypted message. Plenty of paranoia. This story is as complete as it's going to get.
Numb3rs - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 63,545 - Reviews: 239 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 2/7/2008 - Published: 1/1/2008 - Complete
Forsaken by AyJay reviews
Dean and Sam head to Vermont to investigate a string of disappearances. But all is not what it seems in this secluded mountain town. And what will Sam discover about himself...about his brother that sends their lives into a tailspin.
Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Horror - Chapters: 20 - Words: 66,926 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 8/18/2007 - Published: 6/18/2007 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Minesweeper reviews
A simple computer game becomes far more deadly as Don, Colby and the team have just 24 hours to stop 20 bombs causing carnage on the streets of LA. But the bomber has a personal reason for picking Don, and the team have to stop him before it's too late...
Numb3rs - Rated: T - English - Crime/Suspense - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14,984 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 9/30/2012 - Published: 4/17/2011 - Colby G., Don E.
A Dangerous Game reviews
Colby's new team is the pride of the FBI, but repercussions from David's time in Washington puts everyone in danger. Facing violent mercenaries, arms dealers and a traitor inside the FBI, Colby and the team race to save David's life. Sequal to Enigma.
Numb3rs - Rated: T - English - Crime/Suspense - Chapters: 17 - Words: 106,276 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 8/26/2012 - Published: 10/8/2010 - Colby G., David S.
Enigma reviews
A terrorist threat to the heart of LA forces a new era in inter-agency co-operation, but a race against the clock leaves a trail of devastation and double-crosses. Sequal to OffGrid and The Past is a Distant Land. Reviews greatly appreciated. Ta.
Numb3rs - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Crime - Chapters: 29 - Words: 152,938 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 10/1/2010 - Published: 10/9/2009 - Colby G., Don E. - Complete
Conversations on the Night Beat reviews
What's said on the night beat, stays on the night beat - a conversation between Nobby and Fred takes unexpected metaphorical turns...One Shot, reviews very much appreciated. Ta.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,307 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Published: 5/26/2010 - Fred C., Nobby N.
OffGrid reviews
The murder of a bodyguard forces Colby and Ian into a manhunt against powerful and dangerous adversaries intent on revenge. Loyalties are tested and lives are put at risk...Sequal to The Past is a Distant Land - reviews very much appreciated.
Numb3rs - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 25 - Words: 93,883 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 10/8/2009 - Published: 2/7/2009 - Colby G., Ian E. - Complete
The Luggage reviews
Short, one-shot telling the heartbreaking tale of a sad, lonely and rather irate Luggage, its search for its identity and a new owner. Involves pokey sticks and much silliness. Reviews very much appreciated. That is all.
Discworld - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,840 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/5/2009 - Complete
The Board Meeting reviews
Death, the Death of Rats and the Three Other Horsemen of the Apocalypse find out just how bad that economic downturn's getting... Oneshot, much silly soddery ensues. Reviews very much appreciated. Ta.
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,899 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/29/2009 - Complete
Seemed like a good idea at the time reviews
A one-shot set in the dark, mysterious corner of Granny Weatherwax's garden that is "THE HERBS" and done out of sheer boredom one wet, Friday afternoon...
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,591 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/12/2009 - Complete
The Past is a Different Land reviews
Colby's past catches up with him, and the Agencies are fighting for his loyalty. An arms deal goes sour and players on both sides start dying...Reviews very much appreciated, first time Numb3rs writer
Numb3rs - Rated: M - English - Crime/Suspense - Chapters: 21 - Words: 61,293 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 10/16/2008 - Colby G., Don E. - Complete
When the Levees break A Supernatural Story reviews
The Brother's roadtrip takes them to New Orleans, where Michael's mother has met a strange end. And there's another Hunter in town. One Dean would prefer NOT to run into. One who knows a big secret about Dean...Reviews appreciated
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Fantasy - Chapters: 18 - Words: 71,054 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 8/11/2007 - Published: 4/7/2007 - Dean W., Sam W. - Complete
Hell To Pay reviews
So what DID happen to that demon when she got back to Hell? A one shot humorous look at the deal making demon's punishment. May contain spoilers. Sheer silliness. Reviews appreciated.
Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,678 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/4/2007 - Dean W. - Complete
AyJay (15)