Author has written 3 stories for Jak and Daxter, Warcraft, and Kingdom Hearts.
About: I write to keep the voices at bay.
Disclaimer: For your safety and the safety of others please do not engage in Drunk Reviewing!
I'm dyslexic when I type, so if there are any misspelled words in this or a review just ignore them, Don't be a grammar Nazi. Oh, and I like to tack on an extra E to whatever it is I'm saying or typing.
Do you remember?
Do you remember when you were in first grade and you only had one boy that you let on the swing, because he was the only boy that didn’t have those pesky cooties?
Do you remember in third grade when you went on that field trip and you tripped, he helped you up while he was laughing at your klutziness; you still blame him for tripping you in the first place.
In fourth grade he started hanging out with other boys, how hurt you were? Why weren’t you a good enough friend?
Do you remember in fifth grade when you and your best friend got in that fight? How he hugged you and whispered comforting words as he wiped your eyes?
Do you remember how just a few months later you learned that the boy you like liked your best friend? How he told you “He isn’t good enough for you anyway! Stop being such a crybaby!” Then he hugged you close.
In sixth grade you only had a lightweight sweater; it started snowing…How he gave you his jacket and called you an Idiot for not knowing that is was gunna snow.
Don’t you remember how in seventh grade he started going out with the ‘popular’ girl? How hurt you were when you found them kissing in the hallway, how you pretended that it was okay?
Surely you must remember how that Valentine’s day you cornered him by his locker and kissed him? How he pushed you away and said that he didn’t want to ruin your friendship?
Not a few months after that your boyfriend broke up with you, how badly you wanted it all to end…because you knew, just knew, that you would never get the one that you truly wanted. You called him that night, your were hysterical, you couldn’t get the bleeding to stop. He came over and held you as you cried your heart out, about how you loved him, needed him! He just kissed the top of your head as you beat his chest, trying…no, PLEADING with him to understand how you felt.
You must have been surprised when he titled your head up gently, whispering your name softly. He moved closer to you than he had ever been before and kissed you. Needless to say you kissed him back, knowing that he would always be there for you, he had always been there.
Random quotes and the like.
"I brushed it against the wall of the stove, It really hurts."
"-laughing- Oh poor baby! Dumbass" -my mom
I believe that life is like a yaoi fan-fic: When something gets hard...screw it!
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
How can I stop crying when the only person that can make me stop is the one who made me start?
Before you make that first cut, remember--
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily--
They will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will take sometimes months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again.
It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live--
You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.
Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting--
Cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
And you are gasping...
And you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you cant tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
Praying it will be okay--
Swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further...
Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts,
The deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.
3 or 4 different kinds of dressings...
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and noone will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice--
Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies.
Someone who understands--
But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe--
Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots...
The list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way.
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.
Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it,
As your eyes scan their wrists arms.
Hoping, just hoping they will be like you.
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
You will always be cleaning up the blood.
Scrubbing your bathroom floor.
Wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate,
Anything will be a cutting tool...
Scissors...a car key...a needle...a paperclip...even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch.
So much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.
You will dream about cutting.
You will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting--
At the same time you love it and can not live without