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Author has written 6 stories for Inuyasha, Charmed, Harry Potter, and Inheritance Cycle.
Ask me any 3 questions and I'll answer them truthfully. Put this in your profile and see what people ask.
AS OF JULY
Age: Not any of your business. My birthday is May 4, though.
Orientation: Lesbian: deal with it
Hair: Strawberry blonde, very curly. When you pull on a curl and let go, it boings.
Eyes: I have blue/ green/ grey eyes (they change colors) When my pupils dilate, they have red and yellow specks in them.
Nationality: Ashamed, but an American
Star Sign: Tauros
People/ Things I Hate: Nixon, Reagen, George H.W Bush, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Alberto Gonzales, Karl Rove, Condoleezza Rice, and anyone who likes/ admires them. I also hate homophobic people, and people who think being gay is a decision or choice. I hate people who bully and hurt others for fun, and I hate people who lie for their own benefit. I hate people who act snobbish and feel that they're perfect and everyone must listen to them. I hate people who are obsessed with themselves. I hate people who think being pro-choice is evil. I hate people who act like they know important things when they don't. I hate most christian rights activists because they do many of the above things. I hate people who participate in honor killings. I hate people who are intolerant and narrow minded.
People I Like/ Admire: J.K Rowling, Anne McCafferey, Terry Brooks, Margaret Weice, Anne Rice, Constance M. Burge, Brad Kern, George Carlin, Lewis Black, Stephen Colbert, John Stewart, Eoin Colfer, Stephenie Meyer, J.R.R Tolkien, Christopher Tolkien, Todd McCafferey, Randi Rhodes, Al Franken, Aesop, Brother's Grimm, Holly Black, Alyssa Milano, Dorian Gregory, Brian Krause, Julian MacMohan, Holly Marie Combs, Shanon Doherty, Rose McGowan, Amy Lee, Drew Fuller, Charisma Carpenter, David Spade, Wes Ramley, Emily Gee, Johnny Depp, Keira Knightly, Orlando Bloom, Crimson Pirates, Andy McNab, Gore Verbinsky, Peter Jackson, Ian McEllen, Sean Astin, Sean Bean, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, and Richard Feynman.
A Bit About Me: I'm a lesbian, feminist, atheist, equality-seeking, realistic, neurotic, pessimist. I pick at the edges of my fingernails too much, and wonder if they'll eventually be permanently scarred. I've read books almost constantly, and with great speed beginning at a very young age (I had practically memorized the Lord of the Rings series, including the Hobbit, by the time I was eight years old). I hold grudges for years, but would do anything for my friends. When/ if I grow up, I want to be an actor, but if that doesn't work out, I want to be a writer.
Charmed Quotes -- All Seasons
Melinda: How do you keep your legs warm?
Piper: The only Halliwell that likes earthquakes.
Phoebe: Go away horny tom cats.
Piper: Wait a sec. Last week we had no dad and now we have two?
Piper: Yeah. Sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out and we pretty much know who to invite.
Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
Piper: I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate.
Piper So why is Sir Lust-A-Lot after you?
Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.
Piper: You were at Cole's all night?
Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?
Prue: If he can kill thirteen unmarried witches before midnight, he'll be freed from the underworld to wreak his terror every single day.
confronting a demon
Phoebe: In response to a "lost and found" spell
Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out!
Paige: Power. Power's good. I like power. Why do I like power?
Cole: Phoebe, I love you. I don't know what's going on but maybe I can help. Would you like me to kill someone for you? Your boss, perhaps?
Barbas: How cute. The great big Elder's afraid of the teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy baby.
Piper: Phoebe, how many times have I told you not to play dress-up with the demons?
Prue: At least I got to meet a really cute guy.
Piper: Yeah, you've got us now so why don't you blow us up?
Phoebe: Where's Buffy when you need her?
Prue: I'm gonna win this fight and save your ass, that way I can kick it myself later.
Phoebe: We thought that the good guys were bad guys, in trying to vanquish them we helped the real bad guys, which were dead ringers for the good guys.
Demon: Just the thought of working with you turns my stomachs.
Prue: Stairs can be sobering.
Phoebe: If I had a dollar for every times an owl turned into a hot guy on our porch, I'd be rich...
Leo: I've thought this through...
Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower.
Phoebe: Can you do anything about this thunder? 'Cause it's making me nuts.
Piper: Vanquish demon first, kill husband later.
Piper: So let me get this straight. You summoned me to a cage where our powers don't work so, what, we could all die together?
Piper: I think my half whitelighter baby thought fireworks would be prettier than demon guts.
Cole: Did you get my flowers?
Paige: Do you think you could shift the gears? My boobs are in the way.
Phoebe: Good people do not turn other people into water coolers.
Piper: Oh, please, please, somebody help me. The mean demon is dipping me into the water and it's really cold.
Paige: So I basically come off as this big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser.
Inspector Rodriguez: Prue Halliwell... is a witch.
Phoebe: I don't get it. If our ancient compilation of spells, witchcraft and rituals can't help us, what makes you think Martha Stewart can?
Piper: I mean, why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams? They're harmless, erotic fun.
Phoebe: Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?
Prue: I came, I saw, I was perky.
Prue: stirring a potion
Phoebe: You're a monkey. Ooh, you're an angry monkey. Oh, you're pissed. You're a -- PMS monkey?
Paige: We kick evil's ass every day.
Phoebe: He's a Whitelighter. You know, kinda like Peter Pan and Tinkerbell without the wings and the tutu.
Paige: No offense, but aren't you supposed to be dead?
Phoebe: to Spencer Ricks
Piper: Oh, no! Am I dead again?
Piper: Paige! There will be no talk of testicle-orbing in front of the child!
Piper: Everything okay?
Paige: I can't believe how hard it is to get two people laid!
Seer: To Leo
Leo: Damn it, Paige. I would appreciate it if you didn't practice on me. I may be dead but it still hurts!
Adult Wyatt: about baby Chris
Chris: If we don't do something soon, I could end up half-fireman instead of
Angel of Destiny: We Angels of Destiny normally don't intervene except in extraordinary situations. Mozart at age seven, Michelangelo, Albert Einstein... Britney Spears.
Darryl: Okay, where is this baby that everybody keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it?
Cole: Inspector, you're in a room with three witches and a demon, do you really think that gun's gonna help?
Piper: Okay, look, we are going to get through this.
Paige: to Piper
Piper: Hey! No telepathy at the table!
Chris: I don't believe this. Banish a guy to an island filled with beautiful women, and he still complains. I can't win.
Piper: Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy!
Prue: Innocents and alleys, don't they ever learn?
Paige: You used to be a demon and a lawyer?
Leo: Hey, you want to freeze me in bed for your own personal pleasure, that is fine, but freezing Natalie is not gonna make her or the Elders happy.
Piper: Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the 'g' silent?
Paige: Oh, the Elders don't know anything. What a shock.
Piper: So your new-and-improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us we're screwed?
Leo: Witch doctors are kind of a wild card. That's why the elders don't want us working with them.
Phoebe: Cole, these boots may be made for walkin, but they're NEVER walkin' back to you buddy.
Paige: Besides, everyone is odd in San Francisco. That's why we fit in so well.
Piper: Be careful of the feet you step on, they may be connected to the boot that kicks your ass.
Piper: Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe.
Piper: Phoebe, you're overreacting. That's my department.
Piper: What, I'm supposed to throw out perfectly good flowers 'cause they came from a creep? If that was the rule, we'd never have flowers in this house.
Piper: Oh. You're assuming because I'm not tall, tattooed, or big-breasted that I'm not important. That's a bad assumption because I own this club, which makes me a V.V.V.I.P.
Piper: Yeah, but this demon didn't even seem to know who we were, which by the way I find insulting.
Phoebe: It's not everyday you find out the person you love isn't human, except in Piper's case.
Leo: What is that? Is that a time portal? Is that what that is? What are you using it for?
Chris: In the future, everyone tried to control the demon with no name, but it can't be done.
Phoebe: You finally found a real man, Prue.Too bad he lives in colonial Virginia!
Chris: Where is Paige?
Phoebe: Piper, just so you know, I may have to flee the country, but just for a little while. And I will call you, okay.
Phoebe: We're not demon hunting. We're going to lunch.
Prue: All right, wait, uh, who do you think we are?
Phoebe: Are you making spaghetti sauce?
Piper: What are we gonna do?
Piper: How can you be so evil?
after getting stuck on the wall by a spider-demon
Paige: He's actually right. Without the Wyatt force field thing...
Leo: Because only the Ultimate Power on Earth can handle Excalibur. That's why the Lady stayed in the lake, to insulate herself from the power of the sword.
Cole: Did you guys actually want something or did you just come to add to my misery?
Paige: So this is your office. You've got a desk, a chair, a lamp, what more do you need.
Cole: I am trying to be the perfect husband. The perfect brother-in-law. It would help if I didn't have demons waving at me from the dance floor.
Phoebe: Let's see... Leo lost his powers and then Piper died and it got really dicey when she turned into a ghost but everything worked out.
Darryl and Cole talking over each other:
Phoebe: All right, hold it. Wait just one minute. Are you telling me, that that girl, our innocent, is really… our sister?
Leo: Based on my experience, one's a premonition, two is a pattern.
Leo: Whitelighter. Is that my occupation or should I just put guardian angel?
Chris: We need Phoebe.
Chris: If we don't do something soon, I could end up half-fireman instead of
Chris: Ok, look. Before you get mad, you were the one who wanted me to have a charge in the first place. Remember?
Grams: That's okay. I don't stay dead long.
Darryl: Wait, hold on a second. I left four messages here, has anybody in this house learned the magic of a telephone?
"You need never unsay anything you did not say in the first place."
"There's always a light at the end of the tunnel ... just pray it isn't an oncoming train."
"I stopped fighting with my inner Demons. We're on the same side, now."
"If you can't laugh at yourself, I'd be happy to do it for you."
"Smile. It confuses people."
"You call me a Witch like it's a bad thing."
"My imaginary friend thinks you've got problems ..."
"It's better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you're not."
"The statement below is true.
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money!" (George Carlin)
Person #1: "Are you okay?"
"You can't succeed on Broadway if you don't have any Jews."
Peasant #1: "Who's that?" Looking at a man riding a horse
"You always want what you don't have."
"Flogging will continue until morale improves"
"One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords, and shot one another. A deaf policeman heard the noise; he came to rescue the two dead boys. If you don't believe my tale is true, go to the blind man; he saw it, too."
"I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing, than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance."
"Why is it that when I talk to God I'm praying, but when God talks to me I'm a schizophrenic?
"Kids know farts are okay. Kids know farts are fun! Farts are shit without the mess!" (George Carlin)
"We are semi-existent geniuses. We deserve a cookie!"(Gaara's Sweetheart)
"Gays own reflactive glass (rainbows)! We may not own marriage rights, and people may hate our guts, but we own reflactive glass!"
"I could give up chocolate; but I'm not a quitter."
If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmoratnt! fcuk you, Aphlaebt!
"I am a Yaoi fangirl, therefore I have the right to squee"- From Only slightly obsessed un
"I am a grown, responsible adult. NOW GIMMIE MY COOKIE!"- Gaara's Sweetheart
"Using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city and release her into the wild!" -Mike, Monsters Inc.
"Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy"
"Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music"
"We are all amateurs; it's just that some of us are more professional about it then others"
"The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it"
"Women belong in the House... and the Senate" -my dad
"He's such a douche-fart." -- Gaara's Sweetheart
"Life is but a dream for the Dead."
"If people make fun of you, you must be doing something right." -Amy Lee
"This calls for a subtle mix of psychology and extreme violence" -Gaara's Sweetheart
"If I could control my anger, I would destroy you with it."
"You can't spell 'Slaughter' without 'Laughter'."
"One by one, the penguins steal my sanity."
"Those who think happiness is a ray of sunlight shining through the clouds, have clearly never danced in the rain."
"You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're ugly."
"Imagine what I could do if I had all my brain cells."
"Heart Attacks: God's revenge for eating his little animal friends."
"Smoking: The coward's way to die."
"Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic and and say, 'Who do you think you are?'"
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it a hostage situation?"
"When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, and laugh as the fools try and figure out how you did it."
"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did in his sleep -- not screaming like the passengers in his car."
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life," -Terry Pratchett
"I believe in getting in hot water. I think it keeps you clean." - G.K Chesterton
"Death can not stop True Love; all it can do is delay it for a while." -Wesley, from the Princess Bride.
"Opportunity knocked; my doorman threw him out."
“Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art crunchy and taste good with ketchup.”
“You can't argue with all the fools in the world. It's better to let them have their way, then trick them when they're not paying attention.” --Brom
“Last night, I dreamt I was eating a ten-pound marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.”
Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." (Monty Python)
“Politics: "poli", a Latin word meaning "many", and "tics", meaning "bloodsucking creatures". --Robin Williams
Gaara's Sweetheart: I'm older.
“Just because I'm home alone, and know where the matches are kept, doesn't mean anything!” -- Me. I like fire. A lot!
"In Shakespearian times, Romeo and Juliet were played by two men, because women were not allowed to perform on stage. So, does that mean that Romeo and Juliet were gay?" --My dad. He's awesome with stuff like this.
"To fart upon thine enemies, press Shift Three."
Gaara's Sweetheart: You won't believe all the crap I have under my bed.
Artsfan: Oooh, you'd better watch out. The monsters under your bed are coming to get you!
Gaara's Sweetheart: Oh, no, I'm friends with those. But I think there's a ... politician down there.
Artsfan: A politician!? NOOOO! Don't even joke like that! You're scaring me!
"If a nation expects to be ignorant and free in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be."-- Thomas Jefferson.
From Varietygirl9143's profile:
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks, and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. On second thought, I'll shoot him, then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of a cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 1:17 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mindset.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, naked mole rat, or whatever sickeningly-cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say, "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?" I will reply, "This," and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say, "Oh well," and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However, before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment Room.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror, "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be, "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the twelve Stones of Power on the sacred altar, then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of, "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89. After I capture the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
Knowledge is power
Read a book
To all Eragon lovers: Read this. Warning! Eldest spoilers
A boy of foggy origins lives with his uncle in a remote place of a vast empire headed by an evil Emperor and his right hand man, who was once prominent in an ancient order of guardians with mystical powers. Through fate or luck, depending on your point of view, this boy comes into the possession of an object vital to a rebellion against the Empire; this object was inadvertently sent to him by a princess in the rebellion, who had attempted to send said object to an old man who once belonged to the same order of guardians as the Emperor’s right-hand man.
This boy seeks the old man to learn of the ways of this ancient order, but eventually has to return to his uncle’s farm, which, the boy finds, has been destroyed by fire, and his uncle killed. The boy then sets off with the old hermit, who also gives him a sword which belonged to his father. As they travel, they train. The boy meets up with a rogue who is full of surprises, but turns out to be fiercely loyal, for all his proclaimed selfishness. The boy also sees a beautiful woman imprisoned and in need of help.
The boy decides that he needs to rescue her, even though he doesn't know her; furthermore, he thinks of her only as beautiful. Long story short, the old hermit dies to protect the boy, the boy and the rogue help the beautiful damsel escape. They then set off to the rebellion to give important information and return the object which the princess had sent the boy. They were followed by the Empire, and prepare for a giant battle that will either save the rebellion or annihilate them. The boy proves his worth with heroics during the battle, but his crowning achievement is his destruction of a noun of much power that has the ability to destroy lots of things. The boy is aided in this by one of his friends, who arrives at precisely the right moment. The boy is lauded a hero.
The boy has a hallucination of a powerful master who can teach him more of the ancient order. The boy travels to the powerful master to learn the ways of the ancient order's mystical power. While there, he grows very powerful. While he is away, the Rebellion regroups in a new area.
Just when the boy is on a roll with his training, and has grown very powerful, he has a vision of his friends in great danger. He decides he must go to help them. His master warns him not to go. The boy promises that he will return. He leaves. He finds his friends just in time and is able to distract the enemy so that his friends will remain safe. He finds out that his father was the right-hand man of the Emperor--his father was the one who betrayed the ancient order and helped kill them.
The boy is shocked and ultimately defeated, but not killed. He finds out that someone dear to him has been taken by evil people, and promises to find this person.
Now, is that the plot of Inheritance, or Star Wars?
Important: please read
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Repost this if you think homophobia is wrong.
If someone has autism, this can mean:
Their brain works differently than others'. They don't understand facial expressions and emotions, and have a hard time showing their own emotions. Other people’s emotions confuse and upset them.
They have some trouble understanding language and instruction...sometimes we have to talk to them like they are younger than they are. They often seem not to be listening to us when we talk to them.
Everything stresses them out (trying to look at people’s eyes, changes in routine and schedule, doing unfamiliar activities) and so they try to stop the stress by trying to be in control of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE around them. Sometimes they might seem rude or bad, but they are really just struggling to understand things around them.
Even their own family can have trouble helping them sometimes, but you can help by:
--talking to them using a calm voice
--not making fun of them or teasing them
--realizing that people do their best to help him be calm and do well
--making sure you have their attention before you tell them something
Some of the symptoms or effects of autism can be:
--normal teaching methods don't work
--inappropriate laughing and giggling
--crying or tantrum
--acts as if s/he is deaf
--no fear of real dangers
--is upset by changes in routine or other things
--spins objects or own body
--extreme distress for no known reason
--sustained odd play
--has trouble playing with peers
--not cuddly; might resist touch
--little or no eye contact
--inappropriate attachment to objects
--may have trouble understanding language
--sometimes seems overactive, sometimes overly quiet
--may have a great fear of change
Copy this into your profile if you know someone with autism, or if you just want to spread the awareness.
I would like to honor those who died without cause and before their time. Sometimes, they sacrificed themselves to save another. Sometimes, it was a fatal disease. Sometimes, they had an accident, or were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes, it was murder. I post this for the dead who can not seek justice, or vengeance, or love, or to take back their vanquished lives. To those dead who are wrongly gone, both known and unknown; I honor them with this small tribute.
To most of you religious people out there: Isn't it said that God loves all of us equally? Isn't it said that you're supposed to love and accept everyone? It really doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or lean both ways! Hell, some of you people are complaining about the Jews being massacared. IT'S THE SAME THING! DESCRIMINATION! Whoever agrees with me, PLEASE copy+paste this thing onto your profile ANYWHERE on the web. I'll leave you with this. If God is perfect, why would he hate something he created? Why would he create something he hates? Did he create something solely for the purpose of hating it?Hate is a negative emotion, God is positively perfect. You can't believe both; So, is he imperfect and hates gays?
If you have actually read through all of that stuff, you are a very, very tolerant person (and maybe a little strange; but don't forget, strangeness is good). Good on you.
AS OF JULY
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