Hellish Gnome
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Joined 04-13-07, id: 1259420, Profile Updated: 04-04-08
Author has written 2 stories for Broken Sword, and Doctor Who.

Name: I'm known as the Hellish Gnome or just HG for short. My real name is impossible for humans to pronounce.

Race: Gnome

Gender: Male

Age: 341

Location: By the river of boiling blood in the 7th Circle of Hell. Scotand on weekends.

Likes: Making movies, reading, writing, retro point 'n' click adventure games, beards, torturing small animals, cartoons, the internet and hanging around gardens.

Dislikes: Gnome racists, spammers, Bovril, people without beards, Pixies, ornamental flamingos and that bloody goat fromthe first Broken Sword game.

Education: I received my first honorary Stomach in the summer of 1748 after passing my Degree in Ancient Greek Gnome History from the University of Gräfenroda and my second one in Human Behaviour Studies from the University of Phlegethon in 1899.

Pets: A fox named Brazil and a winged demon called Samantha (but she's not really a pet, she comes and goes when she pleases)

Favourite quotation: The Gnome poet Milraaker, in his epic Why are we Fishing? "GOD I am SO sick of standing here with a bloody fishing rod, with bloody birds pooping on me and bloody humans not paying me ANY attention...wait are there even any fish in this pond?!"

Favourite foods: Marmite, human flesh (well washed) and cookies dipped in Minotaur milk.

My answers to Gnome related FAQ: - No, I am not related to David the Gnome

- Most Gnomes don't have horns; I only do because I'm also an agent of Satan.

- Unlike Dwarfs, Gnome women are not bearded. However they do have thick, ginger back and chest hair

- All Gnomes have a sixth sense known as the "Garden Sense" because we sense trouble in the garden a mile away (kind of like rats abbandoning a sinking ship).

- As well as the countless forms of Impish there are also over 30 different dialects of Gnomish alone - all of them sound like gibberish to the human ear.

- No, I am not related to "Traveling Gnome" from those commercials, either.

- After extensive research I have concluded that the Pope is indeed a Catholic. He's not a Gnome though.

- Although Gnomes have ears we can't hear a thing with our hats covering them up. We're really good lip readers, though so we get by.

High Score: 1917 by Laszlo Korossy reviews
A Marxist critique of Tetris.
Tetris - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 402 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/15/2008 - Complete
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Carnage and Canapés reviews
The Doctor takes Martha to the 32nd century, and the most famous dinner party in galactic history. But as a conspiracy unwinds more than the guests' digestion is soon at stake. Chaos and flying forks ensue.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,099 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/4/2008
Hangover reviews
Directly after the events of "The Sleeping Dragon" George and Nico unfold their daring tale to the regulars at Glastonbury's local pub.
Broken Sword - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 480 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/4/2008 - Complete