Lily Turtle
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Joined 05-01-07, id: 1269505, Profile Updated: 12-20-08
Author has written 9 stories for Twilight, and Labyrinth.

UPDATED! THE SEQUEL

I like my subs toasted, my soda with a straw, and my iPod turned up as loud as it will go.

My Story, No Embellishment Whatsoever

For as long as I can remember, I have been alive, and most of the time, I have been me. There was one incident with Sean Connery, a blender, and a mad scientist named Frederick Zelch, but that’s a tale for another day. I was born in Nothingtodoville, a quaint little town in the country of Middle of Nowhere. Many say they come from the same place, which is exceedingly odd because I never see anyone, and it’s never very crowded.

When I was ten, just a wee little tike, I was sent to a boarding school at a remote seaside fishing village in southern France. There, I was taught arithmetic, Language Arts, and basic world Geography. But by night was when the real schooling took place, for you see, it was a Piracy Academy.

In the style of Men in Black, only with eye patches instead of suits, we were a secret organization, plundering greedy merchant ships and shaking… ahem, I mean stealing our booty.

It was there I received the name Territurtle, for while I was slow, I was fierce in battle. Or something to that effect.

But that’s Captain Territurtle to you.

Anyway, we set out in the dead of one night in June, to destroy the S.S. Melanoma. If we were successful, we could retire at fifteen, all twenty-five of us (and the flamingo), and take early retirement in Tahiti. I had already pre-ordered the hammock and tiny drink umbrellas.

As it were, the S.S. Melanoma was a powerful ship owned by the pigmy Secret service. After gutting my crew members before my eyes, they presented me with an offer I couldn’t refuse.

Join them or die.

I, not ready to surrender my life, solemnly agreed. Although I was much too tall, and I kept the pigmy tailor perpetually on his toes, they eventually accepted me as one of their own and changed my name to Lily Turtle, as to better charm enemies with my feminine wiles.

Eventually, after I had lived with them for about a month, their leader died of a horrible mad octopus incident. The details are too graphic for this biography, but let’s just say it would send even Sean Connery running for the hills.

The pigmies took a vote (they’re a democracy, you know) and named me Queen. You may have heard of Queen Lily of the Pigmies.

But then again you wouldn’t. hence the secret part of secret service.

One day, they decided to wage war with Middle of Nowhere. I put my foot down of course, hesitant to attack my own homeland. And so, the pigmies mutinied. I was left on a desert island with nothing but memories and the clothes on my back. Finally, after days of surviving on nothing but coconuts and palm tree bark, a Mexican air carrier picked me up. I took with me Bibble, my little sea gull friend.

They decided to put Bibble and I under protection of the witness protection program, to guard us from the pigmies.

Ever since that fateful day, I have lived in this undisclosed, remote location. My dreams smashed. My hopes ruined. My only company, a stupid frickin bird.

Writing under a penname is the only option left to me.

…True story.

Beta: thefuturemrs.edwardcullen

Interests, if you insist: Lipton tea, Shia Lebeauf, adjectives, similes, analogies, reading, writing (shocking, right?), dogs, cats named Tibbins, smirfs, leaving absurd reviewer shout outs (see rose thorns), chocolate (of any way/shape/form), Reece cups (but I suppose that falls under the chocolate category), CHUCK NORRIS jokes (Thrushflightedward'sstalker, i am forever in your debt), my man Willy Shakespeare, thunderstorms, mountains, hiking, running, befriending (word?), boys, Edward Cullen, Scrubs the TV show, romance novels, sarcasm (I only use it for good 0:D ), any many other countless and no doubt boring things...except Kerssica, my spazz/fan-tastic Dutch reviewer and penpal. Only penpal sounds dorky. Come to think of it, so does anything with the word 'pal'. Thanks for your patience, girly.

Favorite Quotes:

Life is a comedy to those who think and a tradgedy to those who feel." - Horace Walpole

"There must be something in books, things we can't imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don't stay for nothing." - Ray Bradburry's Farenheit 451

"You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events." - Juno!

Journalism is the art of filling up space.

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible. - George Burns

Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies. - Adrienne Gusoff

There is only one kind of love story. Somebody leaves, sooner or later. - Bella, the movie

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it. - Mark Twain

Books: The Red Lobster menu in its entirety, War and Peace, East of Eden, Emma, Wuthering Heights, Farenheit 451, Tale of Two Cities, Twilight, The Gemma Doyle Trilogy, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Harry Potter, A Wrinkle in Time, 'Salem's Lot, A Certain Slant of Light, Memory Keeper's Daughter, Tithe, Suite Francaise, Survivor

Movies: The Italian Job, Definitely Maybe, Chaos Theory, The Good Shepard, A Beautiful Mind, Lars and the Real Girl, Forrest Gump, Princess Bride, Labyrinth, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...again with the ellipses...

Why I write fanfiction? I want to write a book someday. And I really just wanted to see if I could hold a character and a plot for a while. Just an excercise to see IF I could.


Why I Write

Somebody asked me this question the other day. And it just got me thinking. It does seem like a silly thing to do doesn't it? Borderline insane even.

I sit here grinding over a keyboard for hours on end at times, not just fanfiction mind you. The original stuff, too.

Mostly the original stuff actually, if that says anything about the level of insomnia I have achieved.

And it's just, there are all of these people in my head, begging me to write out what they're doing.

And I can't... forget about them, because that would be nonsense. They wouldn't leave. Do you see yet what i mean when I say insanity?

Or inspiration? Maybe they're one in the same.

Honestly, I think I write not because I want to, but because I must.

Or I'm haunted.

And all I want in return is your soul.

Just a tiny piece.

I'll put it back when I'm done.

Is it really so much to ask?


Without further ado and poppycock, I present to you, my stories.

Down here.

Read them.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Persephone by Xaviere Jade reviews
Do you believe in soul mates? What if you met yours in the wrong lifetime? How could you possibly connect to each other without falling into sheer madness? 10/11/2014: Added a letter to the end, explaining why I haven't updated in several years and probably won't, how I broke my own story, and how I intended the story to end/lets-be-honest, continue.
Labyrinth - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 45 - Words: 137,275 - Reviews: 1145 - Favs: 535 - Follows: 476 - Updated: 10/11/2014 - Published: 8/30/2003 - Jareth, Sarah
Beautifully Broken by elleindie reviews
Can Bella reconcile the broken pieces of her heart before the wolves declare war? And when tragedy threatens to strike those Bella loves, she can't help but wonder: can the Cullens really prevent it? Post-Eclipse.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 36,134 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 7/25/2009 - Published: 7/18/2008 - Bella, Edward
Path Of the Empath by Ellen Dean reviews
And you thought YOU were affected when Edward left Bella. Or when Rosalie "accidentally" told Edward that Bella was dead. This is Jasper's side of the story...FYI-he felt it all.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 51,436 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 1/28/2009 - Published: 3/6/2008
Bella Gets the Flu by EmmyBoo reviews
Bella gets the flu, and Edward freaks. A really cute piece of fluff. Takes place the summer between T and NM.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 5,403 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 1/4/2009 - Published: 12/31/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
She crashed Life with a Broken Heart by LupsandTnks reviews
rated for a death. Charlie's death spins Bella out of control. She leaves everything behind.. but sometimes it's just not enough. "Sometimes a wolf runs and hides." R&R. The end will make you grip your seat in anticipation. Don't let the length scare you
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,728 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 9/4/2008 - Published: 3/22/2008 - Complete
Attack Of The Cliches! by NotToBeMessedWith reviews
Sick of overly cliched Twilight fics? Well, here's your chance to laugh at exactly how stupid they are! A new cliche whenever I can! Now featuring cliches written by our readers! I do love being cruel... T for some swearing. And remember to hate on Jake!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 24,727 - Reviews: 1067 - Favs: 317 - Follows: 203 - Updated: 8/20/2008 - Published: 10/21/2007 - Complete
Pregnant Vampire Bella Joins the Army! by LindaRoo reviews
The ultimate combination of horrific AU plotlines...but in character, reasonably plausible and actually written in proper English! Cowritten with the hilarious MarcyJ! We are writing this a breakneck speed, so look for updates often
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 19,423 - Reviews: 343 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 110 - Updated: 8/6/2008 - Published: 3/1/2008
Never Too Late by l'heure bleue reviews
—”My Miracle, My Angel” Sequel!— As Edward readies his baseball bat and Bella prepares ”the talk”, Arianna braves her first year of high school. Life isn't easy as a half-vampire teenager, though ... especially when you're in love with a Vampire Hunter.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 76,655 - Reviews: 3586 - Favs: 963 - Follows: 494 - Updated: 7/28/2008 - Published: 5/28/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
How Dirty Boys Get Clean by luvcali76 reviews
EB. It's two days before the wedding and Bella has a plan. A two-parter.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 15,886 - Reviews: 273 - Favs: 642 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 7/10/2008 - Published: 5/20/2008 - Complete
Palazzo dei Priori by elleindie reviews
New Moon: Bella's trek across Volterra to save Edward from himself and the Volturi, written in the style of Edgar Allan Poe. Please read & review!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Suspense/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 819 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/23/2008 - Complete
The Guardian by AmberGlow2 reviews
In the 1st chapter of Breaking Dawn Bella's truck dies and Edward gets her a Mercedes Guardian. But what happened to Bella's truck? I think it was subterfuge, and here is my one-shot version of how I think it happened. ;D
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 584 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/13/2008 - Alice, Rosalie - Complete
The Lady and the Knight by Jack Hawksmoor reviews
Sarah's made a great life for herself, but Jareth has a problem. Will Sarah help him? What will it cost her if she does? J/S *Tiny Shirtless Jareth included*
Labyrinth - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 66,312 - Reviews: 565 - Favs: 775 - Follows: 141 - Updated: 6/10/2008 - Published: 4/18/2008 - Complete
As Darkness is Falling by PirateExtraordinaire reviews
New Moon from Edward's Perspective. R&R. Eclipse EPOV now up.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 23 - Words: 45,674 - Reviews: 155 - Favs: 214 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 5/4/2008 - Published: 1/24/2008 - Complete
Healing Her Wounds by Raine Delmont reviews
Bella never jumped. She never found out about Jacob. In fact, she married Mike Newton. Four years later, she finds herself in a abusive relationship with no way out. What will happen when Edward comes back to her? Can he save her? Will she let him? R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 32 - Words: 68,184 - Reviews: 4245 - Favs: 1,747 - Follows: 697 - Updated: 5/1/2008 - Published: 10/23/2007
Invited by luvcali76 reviews
EB. Post Eclipse. Edward finally invites Bella into his world. One shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,429 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 14 - Published: 4/21/2008 - Complete
Vanity Not Quite Fair by WiccaRowan reviews
Sarah plays the voyeur but doesn't quite get what she expected. Exceedingly silly short fic.
Labyrinth - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,331 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/3/2008 - Complete
What are they talking about? by Logan Emery reviews
Edward thinks he is alone one day in the Cullen house. He finds Alice and Bella and he decides to hear there conversation, only, there watching something and he thinks it's porn. POOR EDWARD! One time thing, it's a funny story.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 311 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 18 - Published: 3/2/2008 - Complete
A Little More Time by Jess Pallas reviews
DH Spoilers Was it possible to save two lives without altering history? Was it possible to given them a future twenty years after they had supposedly died? Teddy Lupin thought so...
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 26 - Words: 123,353 - Reviews: 1524 - Favs: 1,268 - Follows: 347 - Updated: 1/20/2008 - Published: 7/29/2007 - Remus L., N. Tonks - Complete
Nightfall by Black Angel reviews
As Bella and Edward grow even more comfortable with one another, the world seems to conspire against them. But no matter how hard things might get, they will always have each other. COMPLETE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 118,969 - Reviews: 1701 - Favs: 1,513 - Follows: 673 - Updated: 10/30/2007 - Published: 3/4/2006 - Complete
In a Glass, Darkly by Subtilior reviews
Dr. Sarah Williams, psychiatrist, wants fiercely to succeed. A tormented patient, Aaron Cohen, wants only to sleep. But they have something in common ... and that something wants nothing less than Sarah herself ... Pika's Reverse Illustration Challenge.
Labyrinth - Rated: M - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 9 - Words: 72,544 - Reviews: 393 - Favs: 394 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 9/7/2007 - Published: 8/3/2007 - Complete
Fever by sillybella reviews
Bella is sick and Edward is worried.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,287 - Reviews: 399 - Favs: 815 - Follows: 195 - Published: 10/18/2006 - Complete
Something Has to Give by AKA Jay reviews
There are some things you can't walk away from. The Labyrinth is one, organized crime is another... also Jareth. And sentient predatory hand dryers too. Oh, and true love. But Sarah is going to give it her best shot.
Labyrinth - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 27,209 - Reviews: 635 - Favs: 357 - Follows: 159 - Updated: 2/1/2003 - Published: 10/15/2002
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Served Cold reviews
Revenge, betrayal, lust... Life doesn't end with Bella's change. It begins with it, but happily ever after is just an illusion. What if Bella had to fall in love with Edward? All. Over. Again - Rose Thorns sequel.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,348 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 3/25/2009 - Published: 10/11/2008 - Edward, Bella
Foresight reviews
What if Edward and Carlisle had gone ahead with their decision to try and remove the baby? Without Bella's permission... A oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,256 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 12 - Published: 1/1/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Domino reviews
Jareth just casually comes strutting into Sarah's life one night and whisks her away to the labyrinth. But why doesn't he seem very happy about it? And why does she have a funny feeling she's done this before? J/S, the J part being pretty evil at times.
Labyrinth - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 17,145 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 12/1/2008 - Published: 10/28/2008 - Sarah, Jareth
Rose Thorns reviews
Because sometimes, love hurts. Because it can challenge. Because it can turn on itself. Because love is a force and a superpower, and not an option. And because it will test Edward and Bella to their utmost limits. Even roses have thorns...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 50 - Words: 147,827 - Reviews: 1652 - Favs: 505 - Follows: 260 - Updated: 10/7/2008 - Published: 2/24/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Rio de Janeiro reviews
It was my third day in the ICU that I realized he was never coming back.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,511 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 9/28/2008 - Published: 7/1/2008 - Edward, Bella
Off The Job reviews
Ever wondered what our beloved characters do when we aren't brutally using them? Read to find out. Welcome to the Twilight fanfiction waiting room! Latest chapters - Breaking Dawn spoofs. Because I really just can't help myself... Chaos in its purest form
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,367 - Reviews: 189 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 8/9/2008 - Published: 3/14/2008
Listen to the Music reviews
I’d follow, and though she be in heaven, and I in hell, the distance could not thwart our love. For she was heaven.' Is Edward too late in rescuing his Juliet? ONESHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,977 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/28/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Till The World Stops Spinning reviews
ONESHOT. It's the end. And the beginning. It's the last day of the world. What do the Cullens do?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,025 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 6 - Published: 5/28/2008 - Complete
Possesion and Possesed reviews
Can evil be an acquired trait? Was James always so vile? No. He was a man once, an inventor, with feelings, and thoughts, and...the love of a maiden with auburn tresses. James was human, once upon a time. This is his story.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,047 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 5/26/2008 - Published: 4/11/2008