Klutz242
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Joined 05-06-07, id: 1273026, Profile Updated: 07-11-12
Author has written 11 stories for Harry Potter, and Charmed.

Name: Mary

Age: 17

FLIRTING RULES:
Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him
you're cold.
Guys: Automatically move closer to her.(If you're
stupid, then you'll either say 'Me too.' or you'll
give her your jacket...don't)

Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around
you, tilt your head on his shoulder
Guys: Lift her chin up and kiss her.

Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep
into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell
her you love her too...and MEAN IT!!

Girls: When you're both laying under the stars, put
your head on his chest and close your eyes as you
listen to his steady heart beat.
Guys: Whisper in her ear; 'The stars are
beautiful...and so are you. Then link your hands
with hers.

CHILDREN SAY THE CUTEST THINGS

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?' Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 'Yes,' the class said.'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

When the world says give up, hope whispers try it one more time...

She looks into the mirror and as she wipes away her running mascara she whispers I'm so stupid...

WARNING: I will most likely offend you at some point...

I want to kill myself but I don't wanna die, does that make sense?

I'm the girl who hides her pain with a smile that brightens everyone else's day...

I have issues... (But that's ok, so do you!)

I love my crazy, goofy, stupid, georgus, weired, lame, socially challenged, friends.

Never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman!

If we really learned from our mistakes, I'd be a freakin genius by now!

Sick of crying, tired of trying, yeah I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying...

Unless life also hands you water and sugar, your lemonades gonna suck!

Things To Do Today:

Get up

Survive

Go back to bed

London Olympics 2012, will there be Quidditch?

SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!!

I'm not random you just can't think as fast as me!

My friends are the type of people that would spend hours trying to drown a fish...

When life gives you lemons make grape juice and laugh as the world tries to figure out how you did it...

Bad things happen when I get bored...

Some people are just like slinkies, good for nothing but always bring a smile to your face when you drop it down the stairs...

Friend: calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs.Best
Friend: calls your parents dad and mom.

Friend: has never seen you cry
Best Friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on

Friend: never asks for anything to eat or drink
Best Friend: opens the fridge and makes themselves at home

Friend: picks you up when you fall
Best Friend: laughs at you and trips you again

Friend: asks you to write down your number.
Best Friend: they ask you for their number (b’cuz they can’t remember it)

Friend: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff

Friend: only knows a few things about you
Best Friend: could write a biography on your life story

Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
Best Friend: will always go with you

Friend: Will ask why your crying. Best Friend: Will be carrying the shovel to bury the loser.

I'm sorry. It's my fault. I forgot you were an idiot.

Amnesia and deja vu at the same time: The feeling I have forgotten this before.

If you can't stand behind our troops, feel free to stand in front of them.

State Prison - Next Right, Lodging - Beside State Prison

Touch my chocolate and I will not hesitate to break your face.

Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it.

Girls are like phones: We love to be held and talked to, but if you push the wrong button you'll be disconnected.

Don't annoy me, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

She's my friend, break her heart, I break your face
I'm not random, i'm just... OMG A FISH!
I speak sarcasm as a second language
Forks, Population: 0. Jasper went a little nuts.
Don't annoy the crazy person.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

One In Four by Swing Girl At Heart reviews
When Blaine finds out that Kurt's not being entirely honest with him about who he is, things go to hell in a handbasket pretty damn quickly. Things in Kurt's head were never as simple as they seemed. TRIGGER HEAVY. NOW COMPLETE.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 96 - Words: 254,335 - Reviews: 2048 - Favs: 822 - Follows: 954 - Updated: 1/16 - Published: 1/26/2012 - Kurt H., Blaine A. - Complete
give your heart (a break) by Unwritten.25 reviews
Post-TBU AU. Life moves on after heartbreak: Kurt knows that more than most. As he tries to put his life back together after Blaine, he finds an unexpected ally in his new coworker and Isabelle's nephew: Sebastian Smythe. Complete.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 49,099 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 24 - Published: 7/1/2013 - Kurt H., Sebastian S. - Complete
A Ghostly Boy by lastcrazyhorn reviews
Severus rescues Harry from the Dursleys, but it is too late.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Horror/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,228 - Reviews: 121 - Favs: 457 - Follows: 99 - Published: 4/15/2013 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Stars May Collide by chocoholicannanymous reviews
With Blaine visiting New York in preparation for his NYADA application Kurt worries about him and Adam meeting. After all, he's much too used to loosing out to Blaine by now... Please note that the story is complete.
Glee - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,085 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 18 - Published: 3/27/2013 - [Kurt H., Adam] - Complete
Miscommunication by Winter Blake reviews
When Harry is unable to tell Teddy how much he loves him and considers him a son, a huge misunderstanding takes place. Will Harry be able to fix his relationship with Teddy? Or will Teddy continue believing that the man he considers his father does not love him?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,447 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 3/22/2013 - Published: 3/9/2013 - Teddy L., Harry P. - Complete
Handle Me by flipmeforward reviews
Blaine breaks up with Kurt because Kurt has a pussy. Kurt is ashamed over his anatomy, and finally settles for never finding someone who'll love him completely. Cue Sebastian. Written for a prompt on the GKM. Not Blaine-friendly.
Glee - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 32,360 - Reviews: 77 - Favs: 467 - Follows: 192 - Updated: 10/8/2012 - Published: 9/14/2012 - Kurt H., Sebastian S. - Complete
Golden by SweetDeamon reviews
The Wizengamot invite 5 year old Teddy Lupin, accompanied by his grandmother, to accept two posthumous Order of Merlin awards on behalf of his parents, and promptly bitterly regret their decision to do so... Oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,696 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 332 - Follows: 22 - Published: 1/21/2012 - Teddy L., Harry P. - Complete
A Question of Titles by AmiliaPadfoot reviews
Teddy has been putting off telling Harry something, something that he thinks will change things between them ever so slightly, but enough to make him miss the way the way it used to be. For he was sure that titles changed things cont.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,603 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 12/22/2011 - Published: 10/12/2011 - Teddy L., Harry P. - Complete
Traveling Back by BroodyCheery323 reviews
Chris gets hurt in the past. Wyatt feels it in the future. How can he save him? By going to the past! Chris;Wyatt Brother;Brother NOT INCEST.
Charmed - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 36 - Words: 51,371 - Reviews: 953 - Favs: 646 - Follows: 389 - Updated: 4/25/2011 - Published: 9/2/2009 - Chris H., Wyatt H. - Complete
Thicker than Blood by notevenhere reviews
Teddy's birth leaves Harry wondering if his godfather would prefer a proper family and, more importantly, a son of his own. Canon Pairings.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,444 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 361 - Follows: 41 - Published: 12/12/2010 - Sirius B., Harry P. - Complete
1000 Words by AmayaSora reviews
Teddy is writing an essay on werewolves, and Sirius unexpectedly decides to help him. "Not one of the hundreds of pages devoted to werewolves contains anything remotely of value."
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,715 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 18 - Published: 10/9/2010 - Teddy L., Sirius B. - Complete
Watch Your Words by Inoue Ayumi reviews
Watch your words, because someone else might be listening in. Sirius overhears a very disturbing conversation between James and Remus. sexualinnuendo!fic. embarrassing!Sirius. Rated T to be safe. No slash, but you can imagine it that way!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 438 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/30/2010 - Sirius B., James P. - Complete
I Know by capnnerefir reviews
In the dead of night, Tom confronts Jake...
Animorphs - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 766 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/7/2010 - Jake, Tom B. - Complete
Feather by Sara Winters reviews
There was more than a little bravery required in sharing this little bit of truth with his family, Albus discovered. He found comfort in an unexpected place. Rated for salty language.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,005 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/20/2010 - Albus S. P., Harry P. - Complete
Return of the Principal by bemj11 reviews
Sequel to The Principal's Office. The principal decides to pay the Cullen family a visit at home. One-shot. Complete.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,540 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 9 - Published: 1/3/2010 - Esme, Jasper - Complete
Never Bet on Saint Potter by YamiNoTomoyo reviews
Albus Severus Potter comes out to his father, fully expecting the worst. And loses to his boyfriend. Companion piece to "Family Makes the Best Blackmail." Implied Albus/Scorpius.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 354 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/20/2009 - Albus S. P., Harry P. - Complete
Sorted That One Out by Mouse and Stupid Productions reviews
Really short oneshot about when Scorpius gets sorted... No pairings...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 630 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/22/2009 - Draco M., Scorpius M. - Complete
Midnight Eclipse by pottersweetie reviews
Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella." There was more to Edward's anger than just what those men had been thinking about Bella that night in Port Angeles.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,950 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/7/2009 - Edward, Rosalie - Complete
The Principal's Office by bemj11 reviews
What had I done to deserve this? What could I have possibly done that was so horrible, so wicked, so vile, that as punishment I currently had all eight of the Cullens sitting in my office? The Cullens get sent to the principal's office. plete.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,618 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 24 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Carlisle, Jasper - Complete
Waking by EmilieHardie reviews
One-shot. Jordan is there when Rachel wakes from a nightmare and what she sees scares her.
Animorphs - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 676 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 10 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Rachel - Complete
Family by Your Undying Fan reviews
It was…more of a place to make people disappear than an actual healing facility. She was kind, sweet, loving, and she didn't have a home. How could I resist? AH AxJ
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,080 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 6 - Published: 2/1/2009 - Esme, Alice - Complete
A Family Meal by Asphalt Angel reviews
The best thing to do with adult wizards is tame them with kindness and gourmet cuisine.
Young Wizards - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,918 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Complete
That's The Way I Loved You by Unlegally Insane reviews
A L/J oneshot with epilogue. Lily is dating her perfect boyfriend, when she returns to Hogwarts as Head Girl and finds out James is her new DADA professor. AU/OC/cursing. I am not proud of it, but I am not taking it down. Read at your own risk.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,683 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/20/2008 - Lily Evans P., James P. - Complete
On Life's Terms by rare-fandom reviews
A week or so into Tom’s first year at NYU, he performs blatant wizardry in front of random stranger. Fortunately for him, there are no coincidences. Tom/Carl, rated M for detailed sexual content in the second chapter and a few curse words throughout.
Young Wizards - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,501 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Complete
Broccoli and the Art of Subterfuge by opalish reviews
Harry has some rather questionable parenting methods. And he may or may not be responsible for Draco Malfoy's receding hairline. NextGen crackfic oneshot!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,616 - Reviews: 267 - Favs: 1,217 - Follows: 108 - Published: 8/31/2008 - Harry P., Albus S. P. - Complete
You're Mine by supergirl3684 reviews
When Will's father abonden's him it's up to Uncle Phil to put him back together again...sorry it's so short!
Fresh Prince of Bel Air - Rated: K - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,641 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 8/30/2007 - Published: 7/6/2007 - Complete
Learning to Cope by Bluebird88 reviews
Summary: After Ginny is rescued from the Chamber of Secrets, no one realizes how much her experiences are still affecting her. No one, that is, except the one person at Hogwarts who knows what it means to be tormented by memories of the past.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,160 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/16/2007 - Ginny W., Severus S. - Complete
Quirks by YelloWitchGrl reviews
When Ginny married Harry she hadn't thought that her life would turn out the way it had. She's pregnant and her husband is barely speaking to her...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,264 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 160 - Follows: 17 - Published: 12/30/2006 - Ginny W., Harry P. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Trust Me reviews
Remus is having some self doubt, but Sirius is there to save the day. Please read the warning inside!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,096 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 14 - Published: 2/1/2013 - Remus L., Sirius B. - Complete
The Day The World Stood Still reviews
Carina Elizabeth Potter is the daughter of Harry and Ginny Potter, right? So why does she have blonde hair and blue eyes? And why can she do magic so out of the ordinary for normal witches? And what's this about reincarnation?
Crossover - Charmed & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,132 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 2/1/2013 - Published: 1/13/2012 - Wyatt H., OC
Savior Salazar? reviews
After accidental magic, Harry is beaten by a group of muggle teens. Just when Harry believe's it's the end, he's saved by a man with the name of Salazar Slytherin. Oh won't Dumbledore love this!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 502 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 16 - Published: 7/10/2012
Dinner With The Grandparents reviews
Scorpius is stuck at his grandparents for Christmas Eve. Will he survive this dinner unscarred? Not likely. Will his father get away with this madness? Not possible.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,374 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/11/2012 - Scorpius M., Draco M. - Complete
The Black Tree reviews
Tonks remembers her cousin and is reminded of his strenght.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,284 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/6/2011 - N. Tonks, Regulus B. - Complete
Immature reviews
This is for whispered touches SIX BILLION SECRETS CHALLENGE. Narcissa remembers her old teddy bear.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 983 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/3/2011 - Narcissa M. - Complete
His Angel reviews
Ron and Hermione talk about how life is up in Heaven. Has talk about God and angels. Don't like, don't read.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,165 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/21/2011 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
Sleeping reviews
Sirius remembers why he loves sleep.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,665 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/6/2011 - Sirius B. - Complete
Laughter Heals reviews
Sirius teaches James a lesson about laughter. NOT SLASH
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,493 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 5 - Published: 1/2/2011 - James P., Sirius B. - Complete
The Wish of Lily Evans reviews
Lily has finally had it. James took their friendship and ruined it, in front of the whole school. So Lily wishes James Potter was never born. And suddenly, nobody knows who James Potter is. James Potter is gone, and it's all Lily's fault.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 9,266 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 4/16/2010 - Published: 8/31/2009 - Lily Evans P., James P. - Complete
It's Not My Fault reviews
Harry, Remus, and Sirius are talking in #12 Grimmauld Place. When Remus asks how school's going, Harry tries to explain what Potion's like, but can't. Instead, he asks why Severus Snape hates him. Unknown to them, the potions master himself is listing.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,301 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/23/2009 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete