Author has written 3 stories for Twilight.
Okay, so I suppose that I should say something about myself, even if it is brief. Well, here goes nothing.
Hey, my name is Emily. My current permanent residence happens to be in the utterly bipolar state of Texas, just north of the DFW metroplex, though I am a senior at a Baptist uni just east of OKC:) Yes, I said Baptist. It's not that bad, but I would like a few more parties and some of the people are incredibly narrow-minded. I'm studying Anthropology with a minor in Spanish and cannot wait for grad school so that I can be one step closer to achieving my career goal: becoming a Mesoamerican Archaeologist.
Never stick a pencil in a candle flame and then drop it. (Believe me I've done it)
Squirrels rock and will one day take over the world with acorns! (It is so possible!!!)
I trip over flat surfaces and my feet all of the time! (One day I hit a chair and got this huge bruise in the shape of a J on my arm!)
"A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done."
"Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers."
"I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar."
"Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases."
"An internist is someone who knows everything and does nothing.
"Never be afraid to tell the world who you are."
"Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver. Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDER AND SET IT ON "FAST FORWARD", THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH THE KNOBS, RIGHT? AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT?? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT?"
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
"Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."
"Someone did a study of the three most-often-heard phrases in New York City. One is "Hey, taxi." Two is, "What train do I take to get to Bloomingdale's?" And three is, "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound.""
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe."
"The telephone company is urging people to please not use the telephone unless it is absolutely necessary in order to keep the lines open for emergency personnel. We'll be right back after this break to give away a pair of Phil Collins tickets to caller number 95."
"I for one cannot protest the recent M.T.A. fare hike and the accompanying promises that this would in no way improve service. For the transit system, as it now operates, has hidden advantages that can't be measured in monetary terms.
"The main thing I like about New Yorkers is that they understand that their lives are a relentless circus of horrors, ending in death. As New Yorkers, we realize this, we resign ourselves to our fate, and we make sure that everyone else is as miserable as we are. Good town."
"I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time a woman got pregnant, someone left town."
"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana...The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."
"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together..."
"The nice thing about Windows is- It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first."
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies."
"Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks."
"Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had 600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too."
"Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people."
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, senseless brutality, deplorable loce-of-country stance, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."
"For all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been'."
-John Greenleaf Whittier
“The best of a book is not the thought which it contains, but the thought which it suggests; just as the charm of music dwells not in the tones but in the echoes of our hearts.”
-John Greenleaf Whittier
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