Author has written 2 stories for Naruto.
Seventeen things to do at shops
1. Get boxes of extra-small condoms and put them into people's carts when they aren't looking
2. Set all the alarms in House wares to go off at five-minute intervals
3. Make a trail of tomato juice leading to the rest rooms (preferably BEFORE the pissed janitor attempts to clean it up)
4. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a packet of M&M's on lay-by
5. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in House wares"... and see what happens
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' to a carpeted area
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding section
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?!"
9. Look right into the security camera and use as it as a mirror and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are
11. Dart around the store suspiciously humming the 'Mission Impossible' tune
12. In the Auto-Department, practice your 'Madonna' look with different sized funnels
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the 'foetal position' and scream,” NO! NO! It's those VOICES again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and wait awhile; and then yell -very loudly-, "There's no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting, "Go, Pikachu, GO!
17. Get on a crowded elevator, crack open your purse slightly and while looking down inside with just one eye, ask loudly, "Got enough air in there?" - iiiionly
How To Annoy People At An Amusement Park
Dress up like one of the photographers and follow people around asking them repeatedly if they would like their picture taken.
Leave large gaps in between you and the people in front of you while waiting in line.
Ask the person running the roller coaster if someone has recently thrown up on it.
Steal all of the pennies out of the water fountains.
Go up to the boy band wanna-be group and pretend to be really excited and ask for their autographs, reassuring them that they're gonna make it big soon.
Start talking loudly about the last time you got stuck upside-down on this ride, scaring everyone in line around you.
Ask someone that looks like they're in a hurry for directions.
Walk up to anyone in the park, and say "Hi, my name is your name" and offer a handshake.
Ask ANYONE for their autograph.
Advertise for a theme park...one you're not at.
Find someone to tell your life story to.
Comment how good you look in every picture of you on a ride.
Make fun of everyone else in every set of pictures taken during the rides.
Go up to every character walking around and give them a big hug and call them your "hero."
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
Fun Things To Do In A Lift
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag,
2) STAND silent and motionless in the
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look
12) TRY to make personal calls on the
13) DRAW a little square on the floor
14) WHEN there's only one other person
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they
16) ASK if you can push the button for
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.
People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews for one of your stories, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else,copy and paste this into your profile.
Everyone has a wild side--me and my friends just prefer to make them public
There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
If you've ever misspelled "the" on either your keyboard, or a paper, or both, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance you thought impossible to choke on), copy this in your profile.
Stupidest Things On Products
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
On a Myer hairdryer:"Do not use while sleeping."(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Wow. That's really helpful)
On a child's superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enableyou to fly". (Awh, that's the whole purpose of buying the costume!)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions:"Put on fork and eat."(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how??)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's just a suggestion)
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going
to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up,
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear,
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA"You'll sit there until all that
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like
15. My mother taught me about ENVY. " There are millions of less
16 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll
And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll
In order to find what needs to be found you must first loose it, which means you kneed to be lost in order to find want needs to be found that you actually lost which is now found...get it