Ivolane-Peverell
 OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a Band-Aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. A moment of silence. Copied off of Kuroyuki-Kokuyoku's profile. Life & Lemons When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! When life gives you mayonnaise...throw it back and say, "BITCH I ASKED FOR LEMONS!!" When life gives you lemons throw them back and demand vodka. When life gives you vodka, call all of your friends for a party. When life gives you lemons, it wants you to make lemonade. When life gives you apples, it’s trying to scare your doctor away. When life gives you lemons, call him a pervert and ask if he reads fanfiction. When life gives you oranges, ask what is with his obsession with citruses. When life gives you lemons, it wants you to make lemonade. When life gives you oranges, it wants you to make orange juice. When life gives you apples, it wants you to make apple juice. When life gives you grapes, it wants you to get drunk. When life throws you lemons and it hits you in the eye, tell everyone you know "life is a bitch". When life chucks lemons at you and hit hits you where it really hurts, squish the lemons and tell everyone, "life hurts you where it hurts you most". When life gives you Lemons, throw them at your brother(s). When life gives you grapes, make lemonade. Sit back, and let the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade just to please him...then throw it at life and say, "Screw you, I like grape juice, bitch!" OKAY!! Who is this LIFE and why is he throwing stuff at people? It probably HURTS!! Of course it does! Copied off of Kuroyuki-Kokuyoku's profile. 10 Commandments of a Teenager 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. |
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