Poll: When should Amy DIE? Vote Now!
Author has written 2 stories for Harry Potter, and Walking Dead.
Full Disclaimer for my The Walking Dead story - Til the World Stops Turning:
I do NOT own anything from the Walking Dead, nor do I make any profit from this story. Don't sueAnything you recognize isn't mine and belongs to AMC and Frank Darabont.This story is AU and will deviate from some plotlines. Some scenes were cut because they had no value to my plot and words added for the effect of my OC. All OC's are mine. Transcripts used from online foreverdreaming.org and Netflix, but changed to reflect on the speech of some of the people. Google and Wiki are my friend. Rated T because of Merle's potty mouth and his kin. Some scenes were cut because they had no value to my plot and words added for the effect of my OC.
Any questions can be sent to my email or PM
I enjoy reading anything about Walking Dead, BtVS, Harry Potter, Stargate SG1 and Atlantis, Transformers, and TMNT Buffy Crossovers and Harry Potter Crossovers are awesome! Slash Rules! AU's are a blast.
(order of pairings I read mostly):
Buffy with: Giles - Spike - Oz – Graham (NO Angel blah)
[Henti] Buffy with: Severus - Harry - Remus - Sirius - Bill - Charlie - George - Tom Riddle
Buffy with: Jack - Daniel - Teal'c – clone!O'Neill - Ronon - Rodney - John
Buffy with: Eric - Godfrey
Harry Potter Pairings:
[Slash] Harry with: Severus - Draco - George - Remus - Regulus
Jack/Daniel - Sam/Janet - Daniel/Janet - Teal'c/Sam
Rodney/Ronon - Rodney/Carson - Carson/Lorne - Carson/Ronon - John/Rodney - John/Teyla - John/Ronon
Soundwave, Barricade, Frenzy, Ravage, Jazz, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe
An Ode To My Mom
01. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
In Honor of Stupid People:
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
Ah America, the only place where a poor black man can become a rich white woman! Ode to Michael Jackson I don't suffer from insanity! I enjoy every minute of it. I'm perfectly sane, it's the world that's crazy. Here's a riddle, two guys destroyed your bike with a bat and a crow bar, one of them wasn't me.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and its gone. If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', whats the opposite of 'progress'? Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back an let the world wonder how you did it.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. Procrastinate NOW! The voices in my head tell me I need therapy. The newscaster is the person who says “Good evening” and then tells you why its not.
I used to have super powers, but my therapist took them away. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills? Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me in kick boxing.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you do succeed, try not to look to astonished. I am convinced that my superpowers are locked inside of me, and can't be released until my mom makes me a superhero costume. for some strange reason, that doesn't seem to be on the list of high priorities for her!
If Procrastinators formed a club, would they ever meet? We live in an age where the pizza delivery will reach your house before the police. I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I am not a humanitarian. I am a hell-raiser. Heck is the place for people who don't believe in Gosh. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every-time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room? Sarcasm is one more service I offer. Compassion costs extra.
Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive. I will temporarily rule the world, forever. Life is like robbing a bank; so worth the while!
You want to know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there- (A good one!!) Let's see. My first impression: I hate you - Kakashi (Naruto) Don't tell me the sky's the limit, when there's footprints on the moon- Don't look at me with that tone of voice!-
Silence is golden, duck-tape is silver- Too troublesome - Shikamaru (Naruto) It's a wonder they haven't locked you up yet- A good friend would come and bail you out of jail. A true friend would be sitting there beside you saying, "Man that was fun! Let's do it again!"
Question: if some one with multiple personalities threatens to commit to kill himself is it considered a hostage situation?? Who ever said that anything was possible has obviously never tried to ski through a revolving door... He shouldn't let his mind wander, it's too little to go out on its own He had a good idea once, but it died of loneliness
You've gotta die in creative ways. They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a truck. Then the truck backed up and ran them over again. If it's not nailed down, it's fair game. To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy
When in doubt, use brute force. When that doesn't work...RUN!! Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough. If you mess with anything long enough, it'll break. Push something hard enough and it will fall. You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Schizophrenia beats being alone. Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute? Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity (It's true I tell you!) If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view Never knock on Death's door... Ring the bell and run away... he hates that
Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force. There is darkness. There is chaos. There is evil. They are not now, nor have ever been the same thing.
Warning: trespassers will be shot. Warning: survivors will be shot again. Always forgive your enemies... Nothing annoys them so much. "Don't worry about the world ending today, it's already tomorrow in Australia. Unless you're in Australia, then start worrying. If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years. –Socrates
You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentothal. –Anonymous The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his. -George S. Patton Nunquam lamiae morde me dice. - Never say 'bite me' to a vampire. –Anonymous If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it. -Leo C. Rosten
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak." "lottery: a tax on people who don't understand statistics." "main reason Santa is so jolly: because he knows where all the bad girls live." "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize." "If a mute child swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?" "If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you." "If everything is coming your way, your in the wrong lane."
"Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them." "Straight is something crooked that was bent." "Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!" "I want revenge. Is that so wrong?"
"Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done." The problem with reality is a lack of background music. I laugh in the face of death...maybe not laugh more like a snicker...a quiet snicker, and I wouldn't do it directly in death's face so, it's more like a quiet snicker behind death's back. If I won't be myself, who will?
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police. Eat right, exercise, die anyway. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
In theory, everything works. Do unto others before they do unto to you. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Your chances of getting struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky, and yell, "Storms suck!"
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car. If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation. Your village called, they want their idiot back. Welcome to loserville. Population: you
"I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight" My mechanic told me,"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." "I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay." "I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down."
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed by rain).
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful Overnight Relationship So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute. I need someone real bad...Are you real bad? Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder.
All men are idiots...and I married their king. The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got what it takes to take what you got. Reality is a crutch for people that can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...be back in five minutes. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. Hang up and drive. God must love stupid people. He made SO many!
I said "NO" to drugs, but they don't listen! Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU are still an idiot. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...I want to be in it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink! Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Always remember that you are unique...just like everyone else. HONK if you want to see my Finger. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit. Keep honking while I reload. I wasn't born a bitch, men like you made me this way. Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot either!
Who were the testers for Preparations A through G? Madness takes a toll, please have exact change. EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes. Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings. My wife keeps complaining that I never listen to her...or something like that. Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive. If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy. Stop repeat offenders! Don't re-elect them! One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Never punch a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. (with me as the exception! no hitting me!) There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
I never argue with an idiot. They drag me down to their level, and then beat me with experience."--Hiei, commenting on Yusuke to Kurama "Nobody move! I dropped my brain." -- Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End "Sanity!? Sorry, but I don't remember having such a useless thing in the first place." -- Zaraki Kenpachi, Bleach, Japanese verion w/subtitles, episode 51
19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.
Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator:
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
Things to do to annoy people:
101 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
Answering Machine Messages:
100 rules of anime:
The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work just as well...
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
#22- Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying.
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa.
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.
#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff
#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.
#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")
52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are:
#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.
#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.
#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes:
#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)
#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them. (Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)
#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.
#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.
#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.
#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall. (The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)
#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)
#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.
#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.
#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.
#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)
#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.
#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.
#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either:
#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.
#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?
#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)
#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.
#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...
#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.
#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.
#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.
#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible.
#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!
#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)
#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they're Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.
#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.
#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...
#90- Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following characteristics:
#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.
#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.
#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.
#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur.
#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)
#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members:
#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character's interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...
#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.
The previous was created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. As well as various Internet sources in order to help others understand the things that happen in anime. So to help others understand anime after you have read this please copy and paste this to your profile thank-you.
-If you are Harry Potter obsessed, copy this into your profile and add your name: Ga Nat Nat, Evil other sister,Frozenfan, Emerald Bear, kyprioths Shadow, padfoot-an-prongs, World Peace, Dark Angel- lonely traveler,Kitsune-princess94, Vamprisslizy, AtrumMaximus, NyxxNoxx
-If you support werewolf rights, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you support vampire rights, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.
-If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.
-if you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.
-If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.
-If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have ever tried to make plans for world domination, copy and paste into your profile.
-If you have ever stared at a Juice container because it said 'Concentrate', copy and paste this into your profile.
-Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep had the same tune, and were all composed by Mozart.
-I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do.
-"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.
-If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
-If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.
-If you are insane, enjoying every second, and proud of it, copy this and paste it into your profile.
-If you have ever thrown something at your television when you saw a character you despised, whether it be a piece of popcorn, a fork, or a chair, copy and paste this to your signature.
-If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
-If you have WAY too much time on your hands and you're on fanfiction.net with that time, copy and paste this in your profile.
-If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.
-If you've ever laughed so hard tears streamed down your face, you banged your repeatedly on a table, and received weird looks from everyone in the immediate vicinity, copy and paste this in your profile.
-If you hear voices in your head, copy and paste this onto your profile!
-If you KNOW the voice in your head are real, copy and paste this onto your profile.
-There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.
-If you think that I think that you think that I think that you think that I am totally spazzing out right now with the 'If you thinks' copy this to your profile already!!
-If you think that I'm making you think too much, copy this to your profile.
-If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile.
-If you have ever run into a wall while being total sugar high copy this into your profile.
-If you think that if girls would rule the world and it would be a better place then copy this onto your profile.
-If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of it, copy this into your profile.
-If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.
-98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like chocolate chip cookies.
-If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
-93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
-If you ever drunk blood, copy this into your profile.
-If you're addicted to chocolate, copy this into your profile.
-If you're addicted to fire, copy this into your profile.
-If you tried eating your food with chopsticks, copy this into your profile.
-If you found out you can't eat with chopsticks normally, copy this into your profile.
-If you have a powerful killer intent and use it all the time, copy this into your profile.
-If you like to kill people in a very painful way, copy this into your profile.
-If you like songs that are as sick as you, copy this into your profile.
-If you read fanfictions at times you're supposed to do your homework, copy this into your profile.
-If you like dragons, copy this into your profile.
-If you think you should have world domination, copy this into your profile.
-If you think the bunny should have word domination, copy this into your profile.
-If you want word domination, but don't mind to share it with the bunny, copy this into your profile.
-If you're bored enough to read this, copy this into your profile.
-If you have multiple personalities, copy this into your profile.
-If you don't have a clue who you really are, copy this into your profile.
-If you know exactly who you are, copy this into your profile.
-If you just love to not agree with yourself, copy this into your profile.
-If you think normal people are so damn weird, copy this into your profile.
-If you read this whole thing to the end, be proud, and copy this into your profile.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else.
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine.
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
You have strange nicknames and can tell a detailed story about how you got them.
You tell stories in your head, as if you're writing it down.
When someone asks you something about a book or its characters, you go off on a half-hour tangent about a plot-bunny that came into your head about said character/book.
You already know who your first book is going to be dedicated to.
When someone asks you what you want to be when you get older, there's no hesitation when you automatically reply "A novelist."
You get sidetracked easily, and often break off mid-conversation to talk about something else, but can sit and read/write for hours on end, no matter how much chaos is happening around you.
You don't want kids because they would take away from your reading/writing time.
You put off homework/going to work so that you can finish reading/writing a story.
If you take the time to read my very long profile paste this on your profile!
I'm the product of a secret government project.
I am the English Teacher about whom your mother warned you.
That's irrelevant, and irrelevant never forgets.
Without sports, this bumper sticker would be about my honor student.
Faster than a speeding ticket.
Better half a slogan...
Just be happy I'm not a twin.
Cats make everything taste better.
My friend text me, she said "What does idk mean?" so I said "I don't know." she said, "oh no! no one knows!"
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park Elsewhere.
Girls are like phones. They love to be held, talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected.
My whole problem is that my lips move when I think.
I have survived your driving!
If you want an example of a bad driver, look how close that maniac in front of us is driving to us.
Pretty girl: thanks for the warning, officer; I collect these!
Faster then a speeding bullet...just got a season (speeding) ticket from a police officer.
Yes, I am the cutest thing that you'll ever see. so don't give me a ticket!
Comebacks to crappy pickup lines!-(Hilarious)
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.